Yes, this is a Blast From the Past but it’s a fun, snarky one, very similar to something I would write today.
I’m finding Elle’s blog amazing and insightful. It’s strange going back years and seeing all that’s been written. Plus, I feel a kinship with her because her D-Day is my actual wedding anniversary. Anyway, I copied a letter that an OW wrote in response to one of her posts. It was about a letter Elle had written to the OW in her situation but never sent, and in fact, never planned to send. I’m pasting the OW’s letter and my response in bold italics next to it.
A letter from an OW.
You all want to paint the “Other Woman” with a tar brush. It’s all so much misplaced anger. If you want to be angry, look to the man who betrayed you. Ask him what lies and deceit he used to trap some woman into loving him and believing his lies and his bullshit. Chances are he is the one who conned both women. While the women bash it out, he’s probably off prepping his next victim with honeyed words and false promises. Hey dumbass, did you ever think that if you had simply refused to entertain his “lies and bullshit” that you wouldn’t be in this mess? You knew he was married. Whatever he said, whatever he promised, whatever lies you chose to believe, none of that would have mattered if only you made it a rule to never screw married men.
For me it doesn’t matter what a married man tells me. It didn’t matter when I was all of 21 and it doesn’t matter now. I don’t care how unhappy he is. I don’t care what a bitch his wife is. I don’t care if they rarely or never have sex. I don’t need to know if she’s frigid, unloving, cold-hearted, considers him only a handyman and a paycheck. I don’t care if she’s psychotic, depressed, angry, hateful, or any other adjective. I don’t care if she only focuses on the children and neglects him terribly. I don’t care if she’s gained weight or spends all of her time in the gym. I don’t care if she’s let herself go or if she’s so into herself that she doesn’t notice him anymore. The only thing I care about is the fact that HE IS MARRIED! I don’t even care if they supposedly have an “arrangement” or if they’re no longer in love or if their marriage is “dead”. I don’t care if she’s screwing someone else. I don’t care if she doesn’t love him or “see” him as he really is. I don’t care if they live like roommates. I don’t care if he made a mistake all those years ago and never really loved her. I don’t care if he is only staying for the children. Again the only thing I care about is the fact that he is married.
Here’s a little bit of advice that might help you next time: Instead of justifying why it’s ok to sleep with another woman’s husband, just concentrate on the fact that he’s married. Repeat this mantra: You’re married, therefore, I’m not interested. That way you don’t have to worry about whether or not this man who is cheating on and lying to his wife is lying to you.
And you don’t need to worry about where my anger is directed. I’m free to be pissed at him for being a cheating liar and I can be pissed at you for being a manipulative whore. You’re both culpable. Yes, he lied and betrayed me. You fucked my husband; you’re not innocent.
My affair partner devastated me and robbed me of at least a year of my life. He didn’t rob you of anything. You were always aware of the fact that he was married and therefore unavailable. You fucked him anyway, thinking he would leave his wife for you. Have you thought about how much of his wife’s life he would have robbed her of if he had left? I had 19 years in with my husband, 18 1/2 of those married; his whore had 3 1/2 months. If anyone was losing out it would have been me! He used me, although I begged him to tell me the truth time and again. Funny how that works with a cheater. You really expected him to tell you the truth while he lied to his wife? Did you honestly think you were special? More special than the woman he actually took the time and effort to marry? And once again here’s a thought. The only truth you needed was HE WAS MARRIED! Then he left me alone to pick through the ruins without a second look back in my direction. Yes, sweetie, that’s how it often happens in affairs. The mistresses are fun for a while but when you have to look at them in the harsh daylight most men figure they’re not worth losing their wives over He discarded me like a piece of trash by the wayside. You are a piece of trash. You’re willing to hurt anyone in order to get what you want, even when you know from the very beginning it’s not yours to begin with.
Him and his wife get to stay in their $200,000 home, with their “nice” kids in a leafy, middle class suburb. Change that to my $365,000 house and my nice kids, no quotes necessary, in an upper middle class neighborhood and you’ve got it just about right. You might also want to add: with her brand new car and her houseful of new furniture and her new $42,000 pool. And why wouldn’t I get to stay there? I’m the wife. I’m entitled to it; you were not. I’ve been with him since the beginning, when our combined incomes was a fifth of what he alone made last year. He was just slumming it with me for a while. The two of them get to go to PTO picnics and trivia nights together and come home to sleep in their “separate” beds (yeah right). Again, why wouldn’t I get to do that? I’M THE FUCKING WIFE! Do you not understand that you were the dirty whore that he had to keep a secret? He couldn’t very well trot your slutty ass out to a PTA function for his kids, or take you to a company function. Whores are to be hidden and fucked. Not taken outside and introduced to anyone. You have one function. That’s to suck dick. They must look like such a great, sweet couple together. His life goes on … business as usual. He doesn’t suffer or hurt in any way because he is a narcissist with no concern for the suffering of any one or anything. Sounds like you’re better off without him then, huh?
The wives don’t suffer because ignorance is bliss. You would rather ignore all the warning signs instead of losing your safe, comfy lifestyle with your contented, chubby children. Listen, dumb ass, not all of us are living in ignorant bliss. Some of us know and we’re living in Hell and trying hard to rebuild. Yes, we’re actually trying to make our marriage work and thrive instead of just handing over our hard earned lives to you, the woman who came along and decided she was entitled to someone else’s husband. You weren’t there in the beginning. You weren’t there when the money wasn’t plentiful and we were both working. You weren’t the one moving across the country all the time so he could advance in his career. You didn’t go through one single trial with this man, and yet you act like you’re entitled to him.
And here’s a funny little thing about being married that you probably don’t know since you’re a whore that likes to fuck married men. We’re not stupid because we trust our husbands. We’re supposed to trust them. Some of us suspected. Some of us confronted. Some of us truly had no idea. But for the love of God you stupid, ignorant slut, would you stop acting like WE have somehow victimized YOU? YOU always knew the situation. YOU always knew he was married and that you were the other woman. The wife doesn’t have that luxury. She doesn’t get to vote on whether or not her husband has an affair.
P.S. It takes a really low woman to take a swipe at someone’s kids. Mine are fabulous, by the way. And the best part is they don’t have a whore for a mother!
I hope they will both be very happy together and live a long life of bubbly marital bliss. Me too! They deserve each other. I’m glad all of you get to feel so smug and superior about it. It has nothing to do with feeling smug and superior. But I’d rather feel smug and superior than be a whore. What it comes down to, you poor pathetic person, is that our husbands made a giant mistake. When they were confronted with that mistake and it was go time in almost all of these situations they chose the wife. So, yes, when someone crawls into your marriage and tries to destroy it and they are thwarted, there is a sense of satisfaction. You tried as hard as you could but you just couldn’t seal the deal. Whether any of the wives want their husbands or not, they can bask in the satisfaction of knowing that when push came to shove the husbands didn’t want YOU! You can now go and crow to all your pals about how awesome it is to be married to your douchey, cheating husbands. And yet, for some reason you’re angry and upset that my douchey, cheating husband chose me instead of you… Hmmmm, that’s curious. I wonder what you would think of him if he had left me for you…
That’s what I was thinking…
The OW (AKA the dumb whore that thought sleeping with a married man was a good idea and that he of course would leave his wife for me because I’m so awesome!)
I know, it’s bitchy, but I had fun.
It got me thinking that I have never really had the urge to contact Harley. I’ve never felt the urge to even write a letter I knew I wouldn’t send. I mean, I’ve thought about what would happen if we ever came face to face, because let’s face, since she’s “family” that is a possibility. But I’ve never had a desire to write a letter to her. I guess because like many have pointed out, what good would it do? She’s not remorseful. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t care about me. She doesn’t care about my kids. The only person she cares about is herself. I mean, if Zack is to be believed then she was telling him she could envision a future with him days into their fling, and that’s probably being generous. You reach out to a cousin on Facebook and a day or two after he’s telling you how fantastic you look you’re telling him you can envision a future with him? That’s not a person who was swayed by romance, and it’s not a person who just fell deeper and deeper into it. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. She didn’t give a damn that he was married. Didn’t even give a shit that he had told her he would never leave his kids. She had a plan to work around that! No, she set her sights on my husband and that was that.
Nothing I say will ever make her feel bad and there is absolutely nothing I can do that will make her hurt as badly as she made me hurt. I could out her to everyone, but again, as many wise people have pointed out, those that love her, like her, are still going to love her and like her. Not many, if any, will end their friendship because she’s a whore. Hey, as long as it doesn’t touch them they’re all ok with her fucking other women’s husbands. Sad fact is, folks, just because it’s a friend’s husband or a relative’s husband doesn’t seem to mean much to Miss Whore. Yours could be next!
And in other news, my dear husband is off to Kentucky. Staying in a hotel about 30 minutes from his whore. I seriously considered hiring a PI to trail him and make sure nothing went on. I’m also thinking about buying a voice activated recorder to put in his car. I figure I may not be able to get pictures of him screwing the bitch if he is indeed meeting up with her this weekend, but if he is, he most certainly will be calling her and talking to her on his way to work once again.
I’m feeling a huge need to somehow sync his phone with an iPod or something so that I can read his text messages. I know it’s wrong but it’s just bubbling up in me like crazy, especially since he was so opposed to taking Picasso with him. I guess I could blow his mind and tell him that since Rock Star won’t be competing this weekend and she’d like to see her grandparents that we’re just going to head down there after the kids get out of school and see what he says. If he tried to keep me from going down there then more than likely he’s meeting up with her. Or someone else.
Oh well, I’m off to sell After Prom tickets. I’m not looking forward to this.
Present Day Sam Says: Here’s a little tip- when you’re at the point in your relationship that you are considering hiring a PI, buying a voice activated recorder and putting it in your spouse’s car, or synching iPods so that you can keep watch on text messages, your relationship is not worth saving. I read once somewhere that if you’re ready to hire a PI you already know the truth; you just want verification. That PI said he had never once been hired to check up on a suspected cheating spouse and found the spouse to be innocent.