Fast Food Foibles, Part 2

It happened again. I went to Subway this time. I had been cleaning my room and packing away all of my summer clothes and puling out my winter clothes. I was hot and sweaty. I had taken off my bra because it was gross. My hair was up in a ponytail/messy bun. I was probably wearing no makeup. Oversized, inappropriate t-shirt to wear in public. It was actually my t-shirt from the Fully Loaded Comedy Festival with Bert Kreischer. It wasn’t my first choice but it was the only thing they had in an oversized t-shirt. It has a little smiley face with a beer in one hand and a blunt in the other. I’m not a fan of wearing things that glorify drug use. And yet here I am, wearing the shirt, smelling gross, looking gross as well. To add to the fun I was tired and grumpy, too. I had been cleaning and dragging bins up and down the stairs all afternoon.

So now I’m hungry. I decide Subway sounds good. I offer to buy one for my mom and my son, as well. Picasso asked for 2 foot long sandwiches which I was willing to do.

I get into my car and drive to Subway. Now this particular Subway has a drive thru because they are in the former Burger King building. I happen to love this feature because when I’m smelly and gross and not wearing a bra the drive thru is a wonderful invention. Do you see where I’m going with this?

I pull up, ready to be told they are making sandwiches for their online clients. That didn’t happen. So far, so good.

“How many sandwiches can I make for you?” the sandwich artist asks.

“I am going to need four.”

And this is where we derail.

“Oh, can you come inside? We aren’t supposed to do more than 2 sandwiches in the drive thru.”

What the ever living fuck? They can make me wait for 20 fucking minutes while they make sandwiches for people who aren’t even present but if I need four sandwiches I need to park my car and walk my smelly ass into the restaurant?

Had it not been for the fact that I was buying sandwiches for everyone I would have simply driven off. Instead, I had to pull back out onto the four lane highway, get into the turn lane, and turn back into the parking lot so I could park my car, and walk inside with my smelly armpits and my inappropriate t-shirt and my boobs hanging free. You want me inside? You got me! Enjoy!

I was able to hide my irritability but it did get worse. Picasso likes the Italian Herb & Cheese bread. They had only Italian or wheat. It’s not the end of the world but if you’re going to make me come inside sans bra the least you can do is have the bread my son likes. I’m still not sure if that is a temporary or permanent issue. I’m not really sure I’ll ever find out either because I think I’ve crossed Subway off my list as well. At least the one close by me.

I think this may be Fate’s way of telling me to knock it off with the fast food and get back on low carb. I’m going to go eat a Reese’s peanut butter cup while I think about that.

Women Suffer No Consequences

TikTok sucks me in like nothing else.

In one of today’s videos a young woman was explaining how if you want to lower the divorce rate you need to get rid of birth control. Apparently if you take a look at divorce graphs you can see a giant increase in divorce once women were allowed to access birth control. Giving women birth control has led to women being able to escape all consequences. Excuse me while I laugh hysterically.

If you could see me right now you would see me rolling my eyes. There is so much to unpack in this internalized misogyny.

Does dumb bunny not realize how many men leave their wives after 10, 20, 30 years together? Is she unaware of the number of men that keep trading in their current wife for a younger and younger version? Is she also unaware of the number of men that essentially abandon their children in order to have an unencumbered new life with the new woman? It’s almost like she believes that the only time a woman gets divorced is when she’s bored or something. You know, kinda like deciding to try out a new haircut. “Let’s try bangs!”

I’m simply stunned that she thinks removing birth control and saddling women with 6, 8, 10 kids is somehow going to prevent divorce. I think she has left out a very important variable- the man.

Does she believe every man wants unlimited children as well? Does she believe that every man is eager to father a child- period? And are we supposed to ban male contraceptives as well, or only women’s? Like, if a man says, “No babies for me. I’m wearing a condom,” that’s perfectly okay, but if a woman says, “No babies for me. I’m on the Pill,” we should take those pills away and force her into motherhood. Honestly, it’s not like men have that many options. It primarily falls on us anyway. Men have condoms. We have everything else. And apparently that’s a bad thing.

What if a married couple doesn’t want anymore than 2 or 3 kids? Are they supposed to have a sexless marriage from that point on?

The ignorance astounds me.

Hell, we’re still combating the notion that men only want to be involved with his children if he’s fucking the mother. We are still fighting to get men to take on equal responsibility when it comes to his children when he’s actually married to the mother of his children. Now we’re going to throw birth control out the window and these men who can’t be bothered to show up at a parent teacher conferences or give a kid a bath or who don’t know what grade the child is in or what size clothing they wear are now suddenly going to have double or triple the number of children to ignore? Excellent! I’m sure that will work out great.

Birth control does not lead to divorce. Birth control gives women more control over their own lives. That’s a good thing. Unless you’re a controlling asshole. I can understand why that might upset you.

The spike in divorce rates are due to the fact that women are not as dependent upon men as they were. Oh, I realize we have a long way to go. The stories I see every day are proof of that. Primarily because we as women still buy into this idea of being wives and mothers first. People her age probably aren’t aware of the fact that even in the early 70s many women couldn’t get credit on their own. They couldn’t buy a house or get a credit card (need credit for that). Many times they couldn’t even get a job because it was seen as women taking away a job from a man that needed to support his family. Hell, my mom was not allowed to wear pants to school as a child. Maybe even as a high school student. That was not a house rule. That was the school’s policy.

Of course, with all that wonderful birth control we can now sleep around indiscriminately and even if we do get pregnant and decide to keep the baby now we get child support! Dumb bunny speaks as though women are rolling in the dough with all this child support. Excuse me again while I go off and laugh hysterically.

Again I will cite the latest statistics I could find which stated that less than 50% of men pay their full child support. I believe the stat was 46.5%. And 30% pay nothing. There are billions in unpaid child support every year. Do you know why we have child support laws? Because men wouldn’t support their children voluntarily! Consequences needed to be imposed for men to support their children. Looking at the statistics of how many pay in full and how much unpaid child support there still is I would say that even imposing consequences doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Alimony? Oh honey, most states don’t even award alimony anymore. The courts often don’t give a shit if you’ve been a stay at home mom raising your 10 children like a good, obedient wife. Hubby wants to trade you in for a girl 20 years younger he is free to do that, and chances are real good he won’t be paying a dime in alimony. You’re told to go back to work and support yourself. You better hope child support is sufficient to cover what your income after 15 years out of the workforce doesn’t.

If my life was supposed to be so easy once I got divorced and suffered no consequences then why am I living with my mom still while he lives in another four bedroom 3 bathroom house with his whore and replacement child? Why was I working 2 jobs for quite some time? Why did my lifestyle go down approximately 75% even with the alimony I was awarded, while his stayed the same, even after paying alimony and child support?

Denying a woman birth control and forcing her to have unlimited numbers of children is not suddenly going to turn the world back to the 1950s (where women had even fewer rights). I find it ironic that there is no accountability for men who walk away from wives and abandon their children but there’s a whole lotta hand wringing over the thought of a woman using birth control so that she can have sex without worrying about a pregnancy. I find it equally ironic that people think women being able to have sex without the fear of pregnancy is somehow worse than over 54% of men walking away from these children they made and not paying the child support they owe. Maybe before we worry about the children that haven’t even been born yet, because the woman prevented the pregnancy with birth control, we worry a little bit more about the children that are already here.

Fast Food Foibles

The mobster is always telling me I should start a new blog, one that is dedicated to my fast food foibles. I’m not going to but I can tell you about some of the things that have pissed me off lately. And by lately I mean over the last few months, probably dating back to July.

First up we have the whole McDonald’s debacle. I swear I am boycotting this damn chain in my city. I did stop for McDonald’s when I was on the road over Labor Day weekend. The people in Nitro, West Virginia have got their shit together. The people were friendly. The food was hot. They actually gave me what I asked for. It was amazing.Let’s go back in time to one of the McDonald’s here in my city. It was probably July but I know for certain it was Community Day for Pokemon Go because I decided to grab an egg McMuffin from McDonald’s on my way. I pull into the drive-thru about 10:50. There was a car ahead of me. I finally get my chance to order. It’s still not 11. I say very politely, “I’d like a #1 with an extra hash brown and a large diet Coke.”

#1 is an egg McMuffin meal. for those of you who might not know. It’s my standard breakfast order although I will say Mickey D’s does have amazing pancakes. No time for pancakes that day though.

The girl repeats my order, goes to ask me a question about something and then says, “Oh, we can’t do that.”

So I ask if they’re already serving lunch.

“No, but we don’t have anymore of those.” She then proceeds to list about 3 different items, none of which I was interested in, that they still have available.

It is NOT 11:00 yet. They are still serving breakfast. Why are they not making me a goddamn egg McMuffin?

I worked at Hardee’s when I was in college. I remember two guys coming in maybe 10 minutes before closing time. Closing time! Not merely switching from breakfast to lunch. I forgot what they wanted but it was something we didn’t sell a whole lot of. Maybe a ham and cheese or a chili dog. The one they received probably should have been thrown away already. They were very understanding and were like, “It’s late. We get it.” The manager who knew them told them, “No, it’s not okay. You should get whatever you ordered and it should be fresh and good.” She was absolutely correct. Those guys got whatever it was they wanted and it was made fresh for them. Ten minutes before we closed.

I, however, can’t get an egg McMuffin around here unless I go in around 6 a.m. because once they run out of them they no longer make anymore- even if it’s still fucking breakfast time! Even if they’re still serving breakfast.

As always I was exceedingly polite despite the fact I thought it was total bullshit. I simply said something along the lines of either “Never mind,” or “No thank you,” and I drove to Burger King where I ordered an original chicken sandwich.

This came after my previous 3 or 4 month long boycott of the same McDonald’s. Again, Pokemon Go Community Day. We leave early so we can grab some breakfast and eat in the park. We sat in the drive-thru for over 20 minutes before finally leaving.

If I’m going to wait 20 minutes to even give them my order then I may as well go to a sit down restaurant. My philosophy on this is quite simple: As a fast food restaurant no one is coming to your establishment because they are looking for the most amazing meal they’ve ever eaten. They are there because they want something fast. That is their only job. Food fast. Yet so many of them cannot handle this anymore.

I know I sound like a cranky old woman but I don’t care. As I said I’m always nice. I never cuss or yell at anyone. Never tell them they’re incompetent or otherwise insult them or their establishment. The most that happens is that I leave in disgust and vow to never return.

Then back in August I had the situation with Subway where I waited for 20 minutes in the drive-thru while they made sandwiches for online orders because apparently their new business model is to tell the customers that actually come to their restaurant to fuck right off. I can see why they are losing out to Jimmy John’s, Firehouse Subs, and Jersey Mike’s.

Don’t even get me started on Chick-Fil-A. I love their chicken sandwiches. I hate the lines.

It is crazy around here and for the life of me I don’t understand why. We are a town of approximately 100,000 people. We have 3 stand alone Chick-Fil-A restaurants and one inside a mall. They all have insanely long lines At the one on the south side of town they have people directing traffic. There is a Texas Roadhouse right next to it but no one going to Texas Roadhouse can use the city street to drive into the Texas Roadhouse parking lot. You have to detour and go through the Lowe’s parking lot to get to the steakhouse because you will be waiting in a line forever.

I went to the newest one which is in the northwest part of town, thinking that maybe they wouldn’t be as busy. Oh, how silly was I? I was in line forever. Again. I timed it. I want to say it ended up being 40 minutes by the time I finally got to order and then got my food. And on top of that they didn’t have regular lids for the drinks so I had shake lids which meant I drove with the drink holder on my lap so soda didn’t spill all over my car.

Maybe you’re thinking the one at the mall would be a little better. You have to go in. No one is going through a drive-thru. That’s adorable. You would be wrong. The lines continue to be insane and you will wait for eternity to get your delicious chicken sandwich.

The one I go to is a little better now if you choose to go inside. I don’t know if that’s because people don’t realize the dining room is open or we just have a lot of people too lazy to get out of their cars. The inside lines used to be insane, too. The drive-thru will still take you anywhere from 20-40 minutes depending on the traffic, and the traffic is usually pretty heavy.

Here’s the crazy part. Aside from the fact that we have 4 Chick-Fil-A restaurants and God only knows how many other restaurants that aren’t Chick-Fil-A this restaurant has been around for years! I could understand if this was a new restaurant and we had heard lots of exciting things about Chick-Fil-A. I mean, I remember being in line at In-N-Out Burger back in Utah for over an hour. But within a month or so those lines were manageable.

In fact, we do have 2 new restaurants in the area. We have a Raising Canes and a Mission BBQ that just opened within the last year. Neither of them are as busy as any of the Chick-Fil-A restaurants.

We moved here in 1979. I’m not going to say we definitely had a Chick-Fil-A in 1979 but I know by the early 80s both malls had one and I had eaten at both of them. I remember my mother introducing me to Chick-Fil-A at the Scottsdale Mall that no longer even exists. I would be willing to bet it was no later than 1982 but more than likely it was even earlier than that. The stand alone restaurants came later but still!- we were well acquainted with Chick-Fil-A by that time. Sweet J was taking me to Chick-Fil-A to cheer me up after one of my many breakups with Dave, probably during my junior year of high school. What was that? 1985? 1986? I had multiple friends who worked there in high school and we graduated 35 years ago!

People, you’ve had more than 35 years to acclimate to the yummy deliciousness of Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwiches. Yes, the peppermint chip milkshake may be a newer menu item but that is a seasonal item and does not explain your long lines.

Aren’t people supposed to be boycotting them because they don’t like their Christina principles? How can I organize a boycott here? I personally won’t partake but it would be awesome (for me) if a lot more people decided they wouldn’t frequent their business.

Monday

I was feeling a little better when I went into work on Monday because I had worked about five hours on Saturday and another 2 or 3 on Sunday, catching up and trying to get ahead.

My grand plan to get ahead hit a bit of a snag on Friday when my boss me and two of my co-workers to let us know we were getting a part time admin person. This person was going to be taking over a report that I switch off on doing with one of my co-workers. This is a great thing actually because it frees up my time and I don’t have to stop what I’m doing to upload this report, go back to doing what I’m doing for an hour, and then stop and download the report when the hour or so is up. My plan hit a snag because my boss decided I would be the person who trained this new person. Which means my mornings are pretty much tied up. Today I did do some other things while we waited on the report but the first two days it was a beast. Mainly because we had so many people we had to pair up due to not having a Social Security number.

Anyway, I’m getting off track here. I’m in charge of training her. I’m coming into the office every day because of this. I did not know about this training when I made my dog’s grooming appointment the week prior. My plan at that time was I would work from home on Monday so that I could leave on my lunch hour and take Mr. Milo in. Instead, I’m going to stay at the office until around 12:45, pick up Milo, take him to the groomer’s, and then work from home the rest of the day.

I don’t know if I’ve shared this before or not but Milo has seizures. They last maybe 1-3 minutes. He stiffens up and drools a little bit. I’m used to them by now. I’ve talked to his vet, at least 2 different ones, and both said as long as they weren’t happening every day then he didn’t need to be medicated. His vary. He might have 2 in a week and then go 6 weeks before he has another one.

The reason I share this information is because due to these seizures Milo has to do the speed service when he gets groomed. Basically I drop him off, they immediately bath him and start grooming him, and about 15 minutes before they finish they call me so I can be there pretty much when he’s done.

Monday I drop him off. I decide that I will stop at Target and order my contacts because I got a $150 coupon in the mail. It says take an additional $150 off of your contacts. So I’m planning on doing so. I’ve had this for about 2 or 3 weeks and I need to get my butt in there because I’m down to about the last 2 weeks of last year’s supply. I also plan to buy a hot oil treatment because my stylist was not lying about me needing to condition the heck out of my hair!

I stop in. Order the contacts. Show them my coupon. That’s when I find out the coupon is the exact same in store offer they have already made. No additional $150 off. I did not need to stop in. I could have called.

I take one look at the horde of people standing in line with all of their dorm supplies and say to myself, “I do not need anything that badly,” and I walk out the door.

Now I had not had lunch at this point and I hadn’t eaten breakfast either. I was getting very hungry before I even left work. In fact, I was thinking I was going to grab some lunch after we sent off the email with the report when I realized I had to go home and take my dog to the groomer’s. So my next stop is to get something to eat.

Chick-Fil-A was my first choice but it was further away from my house and it’s always a zoo there. So I went with Arby’s. As I’m driving home my phone rings. I ignore it, thinking it’s a branch calling me and I’m on lunch so I wouldn’t be any help anyway.

I get home, take out my food and the phone rings again. It turns out it was PetSmart. Milo had a seizure while she was grooming him. As per company policy she rushed him over to the vet’s. They’re over at the vet’s waiting for me. It is now 2:00. My lunch hour has lasted an hour and 15 minutes. I still have not eaten. I am still hungry.

I head over to the vet’s office and I am there for over an hour. For a 30 second seizure.

The good news is this vet said he does need to be medicated. She asked how many seizures he has in a year and I replied, “35? Maybe?” And she said, “Oh my! Yes, he definitely needs to be on medication.”

I calculated that 35 seizures a year is almost 3 a month which isn’t even 1 a week. She said 35 in a year was too many. I said maybe it was only 24. She said, “Still too many. Anything over 10 in a year should be treated.”

I’m glad the other two vets didn’t take it seriously for years. Holding my poor puppy while his body is completely stiff and he’s trying to gain his footing and he’s drooling all over has been such a wonderful experience these last few years.

By the time we get home it is after 3:30. I’ve taken a 3 hour lunch and I have not eaten yet. My Arby’s bag has sat there for close to 2 hours. I eat it anyway.

I finally logged back on to the computer around 4, and while I stopped for dinner (my mom cooked and I ate even though I was no longer hungry) I worked until around 8:30.

Oh, in case anyone was wondering I didn’t get charged for the grooming. The vet visit, on the other hand, cost me over $400. Between blood work and the emergency visit it was quite the pricey adventure. Plus, I still have to take him back to the groomer’s (have to wait 7 days though) because she was only able to clean around his eyes and do his nails before the seizure.

We’ll end this on a good note though. When my trainee came over to the office in the morning I was joking with her, telling her that I wasn’t sure why they were having me train her because I was the newest person in the department. She already knew I was the newest person in the department. She told me that my boss’s boss had told her that I was new but not to worry because I was also really good.

Ha! My boss’s boss thinks I’m really good at what I do.

Kids, Dating, and Introductions

This will be a short rant. It’s not even really a rant when I think about it. I’m simply curious.

I see so many people talk about not introducing their kids to the people they’re dating. That’s fine, I suppose. No one says you have to introduce your kids to everyone you go out with. But these are the same people who insist to everyone else you shouldn’t introduce anyone you’re dating until you’ve been together at least six months; some even say twelve months.

Why?

I understand not introducing everyone you date as your kids’ new mommy or daddy. Definitely a bad thing to do. But simply introducing them? I don’t get it.

I knew of a single mom who said she didn’t introduce any of the people she dated to her two kids because she thought of dating as something she did for herself. She wasn’t planning on getting married or adding someone to the family so there was no need for anyone to meet them. She was completely upfront about the fact that she was selfish (her words) when it came to her dating life; she wanted something that was just for her and that she didn’t need to share with her daughters. If she was out on a date she wanted to forget about being a mom; she had no desire to blend her dating life with her life as a mom.

I understand that. It wasn’t that she had some moral objection to introducing her children to the men she sometimes dated; she felt it was unnecessary because she didn’t ever intend to merge any of these men into her life with her girls. But the people I’m talking about? They’re not objecting because they feel there’s no reason to introduce them. Instead they argue that introducing your dates to your children is confusing to them. More specifically, it’s confusing to them when Mommy (it’s almost always Mommy) introduces them to someone and she ends up not marrying him. He’s only around for a few weeks or a few months. You must wait until you know this relationship is serious.

Ok. Why?

Children have numerous people enter and exit their lives. Coaches that coach only a single season. Teachers that transfer schools after one school year. Neighbors and friends that move. They switch teams or move up in sports. They stop participating in activities because they’re no longer interested. They switch schools. They move and leave behind everything. They have different teachers, coaches, music teachers, etc. It’s not as though every child has a life that never involves any sort of change. I’m not sure any child has a life that involves no change. People are entering and exiting their lives all the time.

To be clear I don’t think it’s a good idea to move in your boyfriend (or girlfriend) of one week right after a breakup or divorce. I don’t agree with introducing them as “New Mommy” or “New Daddy”. Or even “Your other Mommy/Daddy”. But I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with simply saying, “Hey, kids! This is my friend, Joe. We’re going out for dinner tonight. I’ll be home in a few hours. Have fun with Aunt Ruby.”

I was going to follow in that woman’s footsteps- the one who was going to keep her dating life and her mom life separate. The mobster was going to be my little secret. He was going to belong to me and me alone. I wasn’t going to introduce the kids; I would simply spend a weekend away once in a while. I was going to keep my life with Picasso and Rock Star separate from my life with the mobster.

Do you know why I changed my mind? Because I didn’t want my kids to think that there was anything wrong with me dating. I didn’t want to have to hide the mobster. I didn’t want them to think dating after divorce meant you had to sneak around and that somehow I was doing something I should be ashamed of. I wanted to normalize the idea of me dating.

My kids have never met Harley. Almost 7 years after they found out their parents were divorcing due to Jerry Lee’s infidelity and they still have not met the woman that helped to destroy their lives as they knew them. They don’t want to meet her either, but the fact is their father has never once even tried to introduce them. He has never spoken to them about her, aside from admitting to Picasso that he had a girlfriend. He’s never spoken about her except to defend her when his daughter let him know she was posting all over social media about missing him being in her bed. He’s never attempted to broker a meeting despite running off to her house every single weekend for six months, and despite his kids knowing she existed. Harley is a dirty little open secret.

When I started dating, and realized this might get serious, I didn’t want them to think that there was anything wrong with me dating. And as stated above, I I didn’t want them to think I was ashamed of the mobster or that we were doing anything wrong.

We began texting towards the end of May, met for the first time June 9th. After we met up for the second time, later that month, I asked him if he’d like to meet my kids. When he came up again in July I asked Picasso if he wanted to meet him. I told him he didn’t have to if he wasn’t ready or didn’t want to, but if he did want to the mobster would love to meet him. Picasso told me he was interested in meeting him so we ended up going to breakfast together, I believe. Ironically, Rock Star was in Virginia that weekend so she didn’t get to meet him that weekend. Her introduction to him happened at the end of the summer when the mobster and his daughter came up over Labor Day weekend. And that was my first time meeting his daughter in person, although I’m pretty sure we had said hello over video chat.

Yes, my kids were older. His kids were older. Plus, we had many weekends away with just the two of us. I guess if our relationship had ended it wouldn’t really affect our kids because most of our time was spent together, without our kids.

Maybe if they had been younger and a bit more gullible I would have delayed making introductions. Maybe.

As it played out though I decided I wanted to teach my kids that me dating wasn’t some dirty little secret I needed to be ashamed of and hide. And I didn’t want them thinking the mobster was a dirty little secret either.

End of rant.

The Name Game

As y’all may remember I changed my name back to my maiden name when I divorced Jerry Lee. I didn’t want his name anymore. Or rather, I no longer wished to be associated with him anymore because let’s face it, once we got married and I changed my last name to match his it became my goddamn name.

There always seems to be discussion on changing your name back on the various boards I read. My stance is pretty simple. The last name is yours. Do with it what you wish. You want to get rid of it and go back to your maiden name? Get rid of it and go back to your maiden name; I did. You want to keep it? Then keep it. No one else gets to have an opinion. That includes the replacement, the cheating STBX, or even, sadly, the betrayed male spouse. Yes, my stance remains the same even then.

You think your new boyfriend’s/husband’s ex should change her last name back to her maiden name? You don’t like that she still has “his” name? It’s not your decision to make. It’s her last name now, not solely his.

You want your ex-wife to go back to her maiden name because you want to “bestow” that name upon a new woman? No one’s stopping you, Romeo. But you don’t get a say in whether or not your ex changes her name. Your choice was to be faithful or cheat. Now she gets to make choices.

Your ex-wife cheated on you and you think she should stop using your name? Again, I’m sorry. I really am. I know it must suck to have someone you despise share a name with you, but when you married her you gave her that name. It’s now hers. It was never a loaner.

Someone asked, “Why would she want to keep it when she cheated on me?” I can think of several reasons.

Practically speaking it can be a pain in the ass to change your name, especially now in the time of Covid-19. I just went through helping my son change his last name a year ago and let me tell you it was quite the process, and this was without having to change diplomas, credit cards, etc. I realize we probably had to take a few extra steps, like advertising in the paper, but it was still a lengthy, time-consuming process. Just getting the change at the Social Security office was a nightmare. Their offices are still closed so everything had to be sent in the mail- birth certificates, social security cards, high school transcripts, IDs. No one was answering phones so you had no idea if what you were sending in was correct (and in our case it wasn’t so we had to send in all new things). You needed to get everything changed at the Social Security office before you could do anything else- like getting a new State ID or driver’s license, or changing your medical records or updating your information at your bank. Hell, I still have credit cards in my old last name. My email address still has my old last name as well.

Many women also want to share a last name with their children. Most children are given the last name of their father. They frequently point out how travel and other issues can be more difficult when you don’t have the same last name as your child. It’s yet another slap in the face to think that your child’s stepmom can get information about your child or travel with your child with no one questioning them because they share a last name, while you, the legal parent, has to jump through hoops and prove your relationship to them if your name is different.

Also, as some people point out, they’ve had their married name longer than they had their maiden name. That wasn’t my situation but I’d still been Sam Jackass for 20+ years. Most of my adult friends knew me by that name instead of Sam Awesome.

Even with those three reasons listed above it still comes down to this: When you get married and legally take someone else’s name that name becomes your name. No one else gets to tell you to get rid of it. It’s yours to change if you choose. This isn’t semantics. It is your legal name.

In my situation I asked Jerry Lee how he would feel if I hyphenated my name when we got married. I know you will all be shocked to find out he was not happy with that idea at all. Oh no! I was to take his last name when we married.

Little Miss Harley hyphenated her name when she was married to The Saint. Now, I don’t know if she chose not to hyphenate it this time around because she just loved Jerry Lee so much she wanted to be all Jackass instead of Skank-Jackass, or if he pouted again and asked, “How could you not want to be all Jackass?”

So here’s my solution, fellas. Stop giving your name away! Seriously. When you’re getting engaged let it be known that you realize she’s her own person and you don’t expect her to take on a different name. She’s been Jane Smith for 20+ years and just because she’s marrying you doesn’t mean she has to suddenly become Jane Jones. If you’re insisting that she take your name then realize it’s now her legal name. She’s free to do with it what she wishes. She doesn’t have to give it back if things go south.

Personally, I think we should stop taking the man’s last name and we should start giving our children our last name instead of the man’s. As one person pointed out, “You have to do a DNA test to prove the children belong to the father. Not so with the mother.” And as another made note, ”So many times these men abandon their children and the woman is left either keeping a last name she no longer wants, or her name is different from that of her children, even though she’s the one raising them and he’s off doing God only knows what.”

Tag!

Did you know they have professional tag now? Professional tag! I swear, they will make anything a competitive sport.

My mom, Sweet J, and I were out to eat and ESPN was on. TVs all around us. We couldn’t get away from it. I’m watching these men run around and it really looked like one was trying to catch the other. I said to my dining companions, “It looks like they’re playing tag.”

Well, wouldn’t you know it, ESPN had the tag at the bottom of the screen and it said something about the WCT Championships. I was curious so I googled it.

World Chase Tag. I’ll be damned. To be fair it is an international championship for competitive parkour involving the game of tag. So, they’re not simply running around trying to catch one another. Sometimes they do stunts, too.

This has been going on for 11 years. Who knew?

If you go to their webpage (yes, they have a webpage) you will see that they bill themselves as the “world’ first and only global competitive Tag organization.”

You know why it’s the only global competitive Tag organization? Because most people beyond the age of 10 don’t play tag anymore! Hell, do kids even know how to play it anymore?

I thought it was crazy when I found out they have professional corn hole tournaments. This beats that.

Child-Free Weddings

You gotta love Google. You click on one article or do one internet search and all of sudden you get tons of similar stories. Currently, I am getting a lot of stories from Reddit’s Am I the Asshole threads. Why these are Newsweek featured stories is beyond me but it is what it is.

Today’s story was about a bride who wanted a child-free wedding. Her sister, who has two children, wanted to know if she was the asshole for not planning on attending. Her reasoning was she had two children; attending the child-free wedding of her sister would entail finding and paying for a babysitter. She also felt that weddings were family events and if her two kids weren’t invited she didn’t care to attend.

Apparently everyone on Reddit ripped her to shreds and believed she was definitely the asshole.

I have to admit I was puzzled at this outrage. She didn’t complain and whine or try to change her sister’s mind. She simply told her she wouldn’t be attending the wedding. “I congratulated her, but I told her as it’s child free and I have two sons, I wouldn’t be able to make it. I would send a gift with our parents though.” When her sister got upset and pointed out that it was unfair that she had attended their cousin’s wedding the author of the post reminded her that the cousin didn’t exclude children from her wedding.

My point of view is it’s your wedding and you can make whatever crazy or not-so-crazy demands you want. If you want no children at your wedding you are within your rights to say, “No children, please.” You are not, however, within your rights to demand that your guests attend your child-free wedding. You do not have the right to demand that your guests all pony up for a babysitter so that they may witness you getting married.

You don’t want kids at your wedding? Then you may need to accept the fact that some people won’t be able to join you. Others will choose not to. And that is perfectly within their rights.

I think I mentioned before that when I got married eons ago we asked that all children under three go to the nursery, which we staffed with a Girl Scout troop and their leader. We had a lot of people coming from out of town and we had a lot of people with small children. In hindsight I probably should have just let them all come and cry it out at the wedding but I didn’t. I did, however, take responsibility for finding someone who could watch the child (or children) for the 30 minutes or so it took for us to get married. They were in the same building as their parents. And after the wedding they were all welcome at the reception. Bring your baby; I don’t care.

Had someone said, “I won’t be attending because I don’t want to leave my child in the church nursery for 30 minutes,” I would have accepted that. I would not have whined and cried and carried on and demanded that they dump off their child and come see me get married.

I’m not against child-free weddings. In fact, I think it’s extremely rude to disregard the host’s wishes when they let you know it is a child-free event. I certainly wouldn’t defend someone who brought their children to a child-free event. 

On the other hand, if you are adamant that your wedding must be child-free you need to be prepared for some people to say, “No, thanks.” And it doesn’t really matter who they are- co-worker, friend, sibling, best friend of 25 years, some other relative. No thanks, is an acceptable response.

I’ve attended child-free weddings before. In fact, both times that I was told children were not welcome I had to travel quite a distance to attend the wedding.

The first wedding was my cousin’s. It was probably a 6 or 7 hour drive. Tammy Faye and Pastor Fake lived only an hour from them so I drove to their house and spent the night, left the kids with them and attended the wedding the next day.

My brother and his wife said, “Fuck the rules!” and brought their kids, but I did respect their wishes regardless of how I had to contort myself to get this done. No kids! And then I drove back to my in-laws that evening, and I’m sure the following day we headed back home. I think Picasso and Rock Star were 4 and 6 at the time, maybe 3 and 5.

The second time I was informed no children were allowed was for my best friend’s wedding in 2012. My kids were 12 and 10 at the time. I lived in Utah. She was in Indiana. I had mentioned bringing Rock Star with me as Jerry Lee wasn’t planning on coming along and that’s when she nonchalantly told me the only kids allowed were the groom’s kids and the immediate family’s children. So I hopped on a plane by myself, left my kids behind with their dad, and attended this wedding. Even if Jerry Lee had been willing to go with me I don’t know how that was supposed to work.

Either we find someone to take the kids for 2 or 3 days and pay hundreds of dollars for the both of us to take a flight from Salt Lake City to Chicago or Indiana for a long weekend, or all four of us fly out here and then I try to figure out who might be able to babysit for me while we’re at this wedding. And if I can’t find anyone then all four of us flew out for nothing.

My mother had been invited so it’s not like I could have asked her. I suppose I could have asked my brother but seriously…. I was not going to pay close to $1000, if not more, for the four of us to fly out for a wedding that only two would be attending. And it’s not like Jerry Lee really wanted to go. So, I went by myself.

And did I mention I was matron of honor at the wedding? It was a little too late to pull out at that point even if I had wanted to.

So I’ve done the whole, “No kids at the wedding” thing. A lot of times it’s a pain in the ass. You’re either shelling out huge amounts of money for someone to watch your kids (not to mention, in my case doing a lot of extra driving) or you get the honor of going to the wedding by yourself while your spouse watches the children for you.

My point is I don’t have a problem with people asking you to leave your children at home. I truly don’t. But I have a huge problem with them asking you to leave your children at home and then throwing a tantrum because you decline the invitation.

I was honestly amazed at the comments some people made. 

“Your children don’t have to go everywhere you do.” No, they don’t. But if someone doesn’t want to go anywhere without them there’s nothing wrong with that. either.

“You’re showing your sister how little you care for her!” Isn’t her sister showing how little she cares for her nephews? In this specific situation it’s not like she can ask her parents to watch them while she attends the wedding. And while I never had a problem with not-a-family-member watching my kids, some people refuse to leave their children with anyone that isn’t family.

“This is why people complain about no one ever asking them to go anywhere.” Yes, because an hour and  a half at a restaurant eating a meal is exactly the same as leaving your husband and children behind to attend a three or four hour event.

“The ‘If my children can’t go, I won’t go,’ attitude rarely works out in the long run. This is how mothers end up losing their identity and being completely lost as their children grow up and become independent.” Again, if she doesn’t want to get a babysitter and would rather not attend events without her kids that is her prerogative. I don’t think she needs to attend child-free weddings in order to keep her identity intact.

“She’s the sister of the bride. She should make more of an effort to go than a regular guest.” If it was important to the bride that her sister attend I think she would be cognizant of the fact that her sister has two children.

“Her children won’t remember one afternoon they were with a babysitter for a few hours, but her sister will ALWAYS remember that she willingly chose not to attend her wedding.” Jesus people! This is a wedding invitation. It’s not a freaking summons. No one is obligated to attend your special day. 

It’s this whole piling on that she should move heaven and earth to attend her sister’s wedding and whatever her sister wants she should rejoice and be willing to do it. No.Questions.Asked. Ever!

“When you love someone, you are willing to do at least the bare minimum to attend their special events. In the case of the OP, that would be asking the children to stay home with their father for a single day.” Really? She’s expected to attend her sister’s wedding without her own husband? 

Obviously I did a lot of shit without Jerry Lee but for someone to actually say that I should leave my kids with my husband and attend a wedding by myself… Wow! I have no words. And yes, I realize her parents will be there as well so it’s not like she won’t know anyone. Nonetheless, I can’t imagine being expected to attend a wedding without my spouse because the bride (my own sister!) doesn’t want my kids around that day.

The poster did say her sister was getting married in the park. No mention of the reception so maybe it would be a short, simple ceremony followed by cake and punch, or a lunch at the park. I might be willing to do that without my partner. But if it’s a full on dinner with dancing event? No, I’m not leaving my spouse at home unless I want to leave my spouse at home. 

“Weddings seem to bring out the absolute worst behavior in people. I could not fathom missing my sister’s wedding even if I hated the dude she was marrying… I’d have had to be on my death bed.”  What bad behavior is she exhibiting? She declined a fucking wedding invitation. She’s allowed to do that. Yes, even when it’s your sibling.

Everyone keeps going on and on about how it’s her sister and it’s her wedding day and she should be there and she should be supportive. No one ever stops and says, “Hey, you know what? Her sister is aware she has nephews. She’s putting her sister in a tough spot.” I mean, you either want the person to attend or not.

When I was getting married I asked my uncle which weekend he had off. He was a pharmacist that worked nights at Walgreens. His schedule was seven days on, seven days off. It was important to me that he be there so I worked around his schedule. I didn’t say, “It’s very important to me that you and your family are able to come to my wedding. Now please take vacation time so that you can attend.”

“…YTA and one of the reasons weddings have become toxic and shitty.” Really? I think the reason weddings have become so toxic and shitty is because there are lot of very entitled people out there getting married. There are lot of people who have never been told, “No!” getting married. There are a lot of people who take the whole, “It’s my day and it’s all about me!” attitude and run with it. It’s not toxic because someone doesn’t attend your wedding.

“This is her sister and the wedding is not a destination wedding. I’d be pissed and hurt if my sister didn’t come to my wedding. No excuse. She has plenty of time to find a sitter.” I think we’ve found the asshole…

And hey, just curious. Let’s say the sister reconsiders. She says, “Sure, Sis, I’ll show up at the park and watch you get married. But because the rest of my entire family is sitting at home I’m leaving after the ceremony.” Is that acceptable, or is she expected to ditch not only her kids, but her husband as well, the entire day?

Something tells me that once sister dearest has children of her own she won’t react well to someone telling her to leave them and her husband behind while she does something for someone else.

In my opinion, that poster was NOT the asshole. The commenters were. Her sister is just a whiny, entitled brat.

Random Rant Number Who the Hell Knows

This is a series of rants and wonderments about totally nothing. For instance….

What do those people who use u for you, ur for you’re/your, and b4 for before do with all of their extra time? Honestly, it’s the single u that gets me. Spell it out, people! 

And what in the hell is going on with “Sis”?

Sis, he’s not the man for you. Move on.

Listen to me, Sis; dry those tears and get on with your life.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but, Sis….

WTF? Now, that’s not me taking a short cut. That’s me being polite and not spelling out fuck. 😉  Back to my outrage…

It’s not just memes either. You see people calling others “Sis” on message boards, too.

Hey, Sis, I gotta tell it to you straight, he’s never going to change,.

Come on, Sis, you’re fooling yourself.

He’s never going to change, Sis.

How did this come to be a thing? I’m not your sis. My own brothers don’t walk around saying, “Sis, he screwed up,” or whatever platitude they’re supposed to be spewing.

Maybe if I could pull it off I wouldn’t hate it so much but walking around saying, “Hey, Sis, let me tell you something,” feels as unnatural to me as referring to everyone I encounter as “Sweetie” or “Darlin’”. Those are typical names I reserve for those that are close to me. I must have used it a lot on Rock Star when she was young because I remember her asking a friend of mine about her “little darlin’”.

I can also solidly get behind the whole, “Oh, honey!” when someone is believing some bullshit but that’s as far as I go. Sis is a no go for me.

Hey, Sis, I know you don’t want to hear this but this whole “Sis” thing is stupid. Knock it off.

Wait! Are they referring to being sisters in solidarity? That might make sense but I still don’t like it. I’m going to stick with, “Oh, honey! Wake up and smell the coffee,” or some other wise advice.

I’m mad at my optometrist. It’s not his fault really but I’m still mad. For the last two years I have amazed the eye doctors with my lack of need for reading glasses. Apparently that placed me in like 2% of the population that didn’t need reading glasses at my age.

The trade off was that my near-sighted prescription wasn’t as strong as it could be. If I could still see okay he wouldn’t increase the prescription.

Well, it happened. This last visit about six months ago or so I had my first increase in probably 10-15 years. I cannot remember the last time my prescription increased. 

He warned me that increasing my ability to see things far away might jeopardize my ability to see things close up. And boy, he was not kidding. It is a struggle all the time.

I’ve got the mobster telling me I look like a sexy librarian while I struggle to see *anything* after around 7 pm at night.

That’s right. My contacts are starting to wear on me. I can’t see far away. I can’t see close up. I actually take my contacts out so I can read. Then I can’t do anything else. With a -5.5 prescription I’m pretty much blind without my contacts.

Last night we came home and decided to do a 3D puzzle. It was a small, 39 piece crystal 3D puzzle of Olaf that the mobster bought me for Christmas.

We cracked open a bottle of wine (also a Christmas gift- from my son) and I joked that this should take about 5 minutes to put together. It took over an hour! And this was after Picasso stepped in and helped us.

Turns out they have step-by-step directions. I know what you’re thinking- excellent! This should be a piece of cake.

It is not a piece of cake. They’re written on this tiny piece of paper. Very tiny. Maybe the size of a cell phone. And keep in mind, there were 39 steps so that’s a lot of information on a very small piece of paper. Turns out the parts are labeled with a number as well. Also, teeny tiny. Practically invisible when you consider it’s a clear number etched on a clear piece of plastic. Try reading that after 7 pm while you’re drinking and you can’t see a damn thing. I actually had a damn magnifying glass out trying to read the numbers.

Good news. The mobster enjoyed it so much he wants to do a Level 3 3D puzzle. The one we did last night, that took over an hour, was a Level 1.

Also, does anyone ever wonder how much of the lotion and shower gel from Bath & Body Works actually gets used? I was thinking about that today in the shower. I’m still using the big bottle of Body Sugar shower gel I bought probably close to a year ago. I know I have bottles and bottles of shower gel in a bin somewhere. I remember stocking up on it when Bath & Body Works had their semi-annual clearance sale. I’m sure I still have some of it; I hope it doesn’t go bad.

Same with lotion. It tends to be a popular gift. Here- here’s some lotion. Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday! I’m not a big lotion user (I should, but I’m not) so a bottle will last me a very long time. In fact, I could probably channel my mother and say I have enough to last me the rest of my life.

That’s all I’ve got. Rant over.

Why Karen?

I keep seeing the Karen memes and tweets. Everywhere you turn it’s, “Way to go, Karen,” or “Do you want to talk to the manager, Karen?” Why Karen? What age demographic are people trying to hit with this insult? I always thought they were going for the 40 year olds, maybe early 50s. I’m 51 and I don’t know very many Karens. I can think of two off the top of my head. I had to check my Facebook friends list and it turns out I have three of them on my list, so bump that number up to five! I know a lot of Jennifers though. Also, a lot of Angies and Stacys. And quite a few Julies and/or Julias, now that I think about it. Amy is another popular one.

Rarely known fact: I was this close to being named Heather. It was between my actual name and Heather. My mom said at the last minute she decided she was going to go with Heather but then my dad showed up with a gift that read: To Baby Sam. So Sam it was. I was so damn close to having a normal name.

The meme makes me think they’re going a little younger than the 60s generation, and while it does have a point I think if you’re going to generalize an entire generation the smarter bet would have been on Jennifer. It was the top baby girl name from 1970-1984. Fourteen years, folks! So far no other name has matched the popularity or staying power of Jennifer. Like I asked in the beginning, how old is this Karen? 30s? 40s? 50s? If she’s anywhere from 36-50 she really should be called Jennifer. Maybe even Jen.

Perhaps they’re reaching even further back- 1969 and earlier. That may very well be, but the number one baby name in 1969 was Lisa. Followed by Michelle, Jennifer, Kimberly, and Melissa. Surprisingly Amy came in at #6. I thought it would be higher. Rounding out the top ten were Angela, Mary, Tammy, and Laura. To be fair Karen did come in at #13. 

After doing some research (aka Googling the top baby names for 1960-1969) it turns out the insult may have some teeth behind it, depending upon how old this Karen is. As it turns out Karen was actually a fairly popular name in the early part of the 60s. Early, being the operative word. It wasn’t Jennifer popular but it was the 4th most popular name of the 1960s.

It peaked at #3 in 1965 and held onto the #4 spot in 1960, ’62, ’63, and ’64. It was #5 in popularity in 1961 and 1966, and then slid to #6 in 1967 and down to #9 in 1968. As I said previously, it came in at #13 in 1969. Like I said, it was no Jennifer.

I’m back to asking: How old is Karen? if she was born in the 60s Lisa was the overall #1 girl name, followed by Mary and Susan. Wouldn’t it make more sense to use one of those names instead of the #4 name? Maybe Karen is always in such a pissy mood because her name came in at #4 instead of #1. But we don’t hear anything about bad attitudes from Kimberly, Patricia, Linda, Donna, Michelle, or Cynthia, do we? Those were #5-10 in case you were wondering.

And if she is younger, born sometime in the 1970s, you would be better off calling her Jennifer (of course!), Amy, Melissa, Michelle, or Kimberly. Lisa dropped to #6 in the 70s. Heather, btw, was #8.

I think Karen is more popular now than it was in its heyday beck in the 60s! Way to go, Karen.