Who Is Mariella and Why Is She So Stupid?

Have I got a gem for you today! This comes from an advice column. I wish I knew which paper ran this tripe. Is there a newspaper called The Observer in England? Horrible advice! Horrible.

Here’s the story:

The dilemma: I’ve been in a relationship for four years. It started as a workplace affair, but we fell madly in love and knew we wanted to be together forever, which meant leaving our spouses. She went first, informing her husband their marriage was over. But she did not tell him about our affair. They agreed to separate and all was amicable. When I confessed, I was able to end my marriage, but not without difficulty and revenge acts. Neither of my children has spoken to me since, despite my efforts to reconcile. Three years later, my partner and I are still together. It’s mostly very good. My problem is that she retains a strong relationship with her ex. I understand this is good for co-parenting, but it makes me uncomfortable. She hasn’t divorced him or made any effort to- even though I made a point of getting a divorce to ensure a clean start. In contrast, my ex-wife and I have never been able to have a polite conversation. She is spiteful, vengeful and constantly asks for money. I appreciate my actions have had consequences. However, I struggle to manage my jealousy and fear my partner will return to her husband. It feels as if she is keeping her options open. Am I being irrational?

Let’s hit the pause button because there is so much to digest here, and we haven’t even gotten to the juicy “advice” yet.

From what I’ve managed to put together they began as a workplace affair but fell madly in love- in the span of a year. That was enough time to decide it was worth it to destroy two marriages (or perhaps only one…) and abandon at least one set of kids (although I’m guessing two sets since he mentions his love co-parenting with her husband/ex-husband). That sounds about right. It’s all about the happiness.

Second thing I’ve noticed is not only is she a cheater and a liar, but she’s also a liar. No, that wasn’t a mistake. Obviously, the majority of the cheaters out there have to tell lies in order to carry on their affairs. She continues with the lies. She has gaslighted her husband into believing that their marriage just magically went poof! It’s over. No real reason why. No, I’m not fucking my co-worker. We just grew apart.

Next I’m hit over the head with the news that she is not divorced yet! The bitch went first in letting her husband know their marriage was over and she’s still married? It’s been three fucking years!

This guy is a cheater so I’m not terribly sympathetic but those feelings he’s having? That wondering, “Am I being irrational in feeling jealous? Am I irrational for wondering if she’ll return to her husband that she hasn’t managed to divorce in the three years since telling him their marriage is over?” is a gigantic red flag waving furiously in the breeze, signaling the fact that this is not a good person he’s with. She is a liar and a cheater who will say or do whatever is needed to put herself in the top position. She has not changed for him. She conned her husband and she’ll con her co-worker/affair partner. He feels like she’s keeping her options open because she is. If things don’t work out with the shiny affair partner then maybe she’ll give her poor sap of a husband another shot.

I get it. I really do. He left his wife. His kids won’t speak to him. His wife won’t play nice and refuses to help him out with image management. Meanwhile, his partner in crime is skating along, consequence free. No one knows she’s a lying, cheating whore. She kept that shit to herself. “I’m not going to tell him I cheated on him. There might be consequences. What if I need him later?” It’s almost like the two of them decided to rob a bank together and only one of them got caught. He’s doing hard time while she’s out spending all the money they stole together. That’s a bitch, huh, dude?

Fear not, though, because Mariella is on the job. Her response to his question: Am I being irrational?

Just a touch. You do seem to be ignoring the obvious, which is that your partner’s approach is netting positive results while yours has created only adversity. She’s engineered a departure low in acrimony while yours is marred in misery.

Of course it has! She’s been lying and gas lighting her husband! The only reason her “approach” (correct terminology: lies of omission) is netting positive results is because the spouse in her situation does not know the truth!

She’s engineered a departure low in acrimony while yours is marred in misery.

Oh, she’s engineered something all right! Her departure is low in acrimony because her spouse has not been given the full information. He was never told, “I’m leaving you for someone else.”  He can go blithely about his life believing they just grew apart when the reality is she was fucking her co-worker and making a fool of him.

I’d put money on your being one of those impetuous lovers who doesn’t like to let detail get in the way of an increased pulse rate. There’s certainly romance in the notion that the right two hearts would forever beat in unison and previous commitments were merely training for this, the real thing. It’s also a pretty naive stance to take.

What are you babbling about?

Rushing from one relationship to the next, swearing undying love and tying yourself up in hard to untangle commitments is beset with obvious flaws. It may play to your sense of insecurity to believe that your new partner is hedging her bets, but a better way to regard it would be with a degree of admiration for her superior wisdom.

Are you fucking kidding me? It’s not wisdom. It’s lying. It’s omitting pertinent details. Details like, “Oh, by the way, I’m fucking my co-worker and have been for the last year. I’m leaving you for him.”

She’s managed to elegantly detach herself from her marriage without causing undue emotional misery and excess pain.

No, she’s lying. She’s keeping pertinent details to herself so that she does not experience any unpleasant consequences.

Now she’s embarked on this relationship with you, but without the same determined disregard for past experience. Instead, she would appear to be carrying with her the lessons from her first foray that include the possibly, hard-earned, that wanting a relationship to last forever and achieving that are two separate and sometimes unreconcilable ambitions.

Wait just one minute. This advice might be great for two divorced people who are getting together and trying to create a life with one another. It’s bullshit advice for a couple who were having an affair. She didn’t learn shit. She’s an opportunistic whore who will work the situation to her advantage. That’s what she did in her marriage, by not being honest, and that’s what she’s doing now.

What exactly is it that she is supposed to be learning? Not to get involved with a dishonest person? Not to date a cheater? I’m pretty sure those lessons are lost on her. She’s dating one and she is one.

She’s not a heartbroken, dumped spouse with trust issues because she was betrayed. She was the one doing the betraying. Stop writing as though she was wounded by the demise of her marriage, as though her relationship failed despite her best attempts. She cheated. She left him. The only reason the marriage didn’t last was because she was fucking her co-worker and decided that the grass was greener with him. At least partially. She’s not completely sure.

For many, their first wide-eyed love affair will struggle to last the elongated journey that our increased lifespans now provide. Sticking together for up to 80 years is a tall order and we could all do with lowering our expectations.

Wow- I don’t even know where to begin with that one. I guess the most obvious is to point out you don’t see a lot of 80 year marriages. Most people die before that can happen. Even reaching 50 years together is rare.

Secondly, what do longer life spans have to do with any of it? The median age of marriage for males from 1890-1940 varied from 24.3 to 26.1. It dipped down to 22.8 in the 50s and 60s and slowly began going up again. The average age of marriage for a man in the year 2010 was 28.2 and in 2018 it was 29.8. So yes, they’re living longer but they’re also getting married later. Both men and women have many more chances to date a variety of people and sow their wild oats before getting married. Premarital sex and living together are not the grievous sins that they once were. Women are not always as financially dependent upon men as they were in the past, when they were basically considering property.

This whole “people live longer and it’s not realistic to expect fidelity for that long” is a crock of shit. It’s an excuse. But sure, let’s lower our expectations instead of raising our standards.

The mistake you’re making, and it’s a common one, is to plough on without a moment to digest the experience you’ve just emerged from- which makes you the proverbial old dog!

Again, you speak as though the letter writer has emerged from a long term relationship through no fault of his own. It’s as though you believe the person who cheated and the person who was cheated on go through the exact same thing when the relationship dissolves.

They don’t. One of those people forges on by themselves. One of those people has to deal with being betrayed and replaced. One of those people must deal with feelings of shame and regret and anger. One of those people is left feeling like maybe they weren’t good enough or left wondering, “Why wasn’t I enough?” I’ll give you a hint. It’s not the person who was fucking another person and has another partner already lined up.

Your partner, on the other hand, seems to be proceeding far less impetuously, at the revised pace of one set on her path but mindful of the pitfalls.

Of course she is. She’s mindful of all the consequences that could befall her if her husband knew the truth.

That does say something about her expectation of your relationship- not least that it’s imbued with the wisdom of past experience.

Tying another individual up in public statements of intent and transforming irrational impulses into set expectations doesn’t make it any easier to keep them on board- as both your exes have discovered to their emotional cost. The fact that you see your current partner making a similar commitment as the only way to feel secure about your hold over her deserves further scrutiny on your part. It suggests that what you are in pursuit of this time around is no more achievable than it was last time.

Um… he’s not trying to convince her to marry him. He does, however, want to know why she still isn’t divorced. Supposedly, they are madly in love, remember? Why would she want to remain married to her husband, the one she was cheating on with him?

I think you are correct though that this is no more achievable than it was last time. At least the last time he married a woman who wasn’t cheating on her husband. He also didn’t marry a woman who, despite being madly in love in with him, refused to divorce her first husband. He didn’t marry a liar.

I’ve no doubt your wife was furious you were breaking promises that she felt were non-negotiable.

Yes, it’s amazing how furious some spouses can be when they find out they’ve been lied to and cheated on. It’s amazing how angry it can make you to realize your whole entire life as you’ve known it is over and you’re forced to start all over- by yourself- while your spouse traipses along with your replacement. It’s downright puzzling to think that just because someone went to the trouble of asking you to marry them and then made vows to you, that you might believe those promises and believe, too, that they were non-negotiable.

You’ve proved her wrong by leaving her and now you want your next partner to make those same unrequited promises all over again. Think about it- it really doesn’t make sense. Embarking on a relationship preoccupied with how swiftly you can create an inescapable institution doesn’t bode well for the success of the enterprise.

Many of us will move on from relationships that aren’t perfect or have lost their allure over time, but life is supposed to be a learning process. I appreciate that the world today may not encourage belief in that concept- and your determination to declare your current pairing a “together forever” situation when you’ve already broken that promise once is just another indication that as a species, we still have a lot to learn.

That’s adorable. What it boils down to is this: So many people are simply too provincial to understand that marriage is temporary. It means nothing. It’s just two people who have decided this sounds like a good time- for now. When it’s no longer fun- dump them and move on. Make sure you have the next one lined up, though, before you move on. You wouldn’t want to be lonely.

I suggest you enjoy what you’ve got- and when you are content enough not to care whether she commits publicly or not is the perfect moment to get remarried.

I had to go back and re-read because Mariella keeps mentioning remarriage. Unless she omitted that from the letter she published, there is nothing in this letter that indicates he’s freaking out because she won’t marry him. He’s freaking out because his affair partner hasn’t left her husband, despite telling the poor sap their marriage was over three years prior. He’s freaking out because she never did ‘fess up about their affair.

What Mariella is suggesting is for the letter writer to feed his mistress lots and lots of cake. Do the pick me dance, Cheater Boy. Don’t make demands. Don’t enforce boundaries. Whatever you do, do not impose consequences. Wait silently and show her that you, too, can be a useful sap.

Lest anyone fears I’m going soft, or feels like I’m defending the original cheater, I’m not. I just happen to think all of this advice stinks to high heaven. If Mariella is willing to gaslight a cheater the way that she has throughout this advice column I don’t even want to see the kind of damage she could do to a deceived and hurting spouse.

More Crazy Talk

We are almost done. This is Part 4. Playing catch up? Here are parts 1, 2, and 3.

I think the thing that kills me more than anything is the stupid memes I find on her page. I’ve said before, for a whore she’s very philosophical. I’ve never seen a person post as much drivel as she does. I try to roll my eyes and move along but I’m afraid my eyes are going to get stuck in the back of my head because of the unending bullshit that she posts in her quest to be enlightened and tolerant.

She is a huge fan of a group on Facebook that offers up all sorts of inspirational memes and concentrates very much on being a better person and finding your soul mate. That’s kind of funny actually. She’s a horrible person. She fucked a married man. She was sending “inappropriate” pictures to a neighbor while she fucked my husband. She continued to sleep with her estranged husband while sharing a bank account and my fucking marital funds with my husband. She’s so focused on finding true love, her other half, and her soul mate and being connected by the universe and threads of time and waiting patiently for her win and yada yada yada that she never stops to ask herself, “Hey, do you really think you should be poaching someone else’s spouse? Is that really the path to enlightenment? Is that helping you to be your best self?” You want some inspiration and philosophy, Harley? Here ya go:

Screenshot_2015-11-09-13-27-30

Naturally she doesn’t think like that. No, instead she goes with something like this:

26195683_1672087156188765_7543700834828234041_n

Interesting. This has me curious. Maybe that’s the point. Is she trying to insinuate that they never talk about me because I mean nothing to them? I find that hard to believe when I’m taking over half of his paycheck and they both seem so eager to hack into my Facebook page. I’m not the one hacking into their social media! I’m also not tracking down her ex-husband to get dirt on her. Nor am I sending nasty text messages or constantly fucking with them.

Isn’t that also a fantastic way to get your detractors to shut up? By spreading the narrative that talking about them and their antics means you care about them they force you to be quiet lest people think they matter a great deal.

I have a different philosophy. I think evil should be named. I think it should be brought out into the light so everyone can see the ugliness. It festers and oozes when it hides in the warm, damp darkness.

I think we can all safely conclude that she certainly doesn’t take the approach of not talking about her relationship with her cousin. Although it may “mean everything” she is not taking the quiet approach. Oh no! She is shouting it from the rooftops. “I stole my cousin away from his wife of twenty years and both his kids! He left them all for me and moved six hours away just to be close to me and my heathens!” Bravo, whore!

What’s next in Whore Philosophy 101?

quote-you-can-t-go-back-and-change-the-beginning-but-you-can-start-where-you-are-and-change-c-s-lewis-133-40-84

Nicely done, cunt face! Yes, please do encourage everyone not to look too closely at what happened. You can’t change the past or the fact you’re a whore who fucks other women’s husbands; so let’s just change the narrative from this point on. You’re not the cousin/mistress. You’re the cousin/wife. Forget the lies and the money and the cheating. This is your big chance to convince everyone that this is the epic love story that would not be thwarted. It was a love that could not be denied. It wasn’t some tawdry affair. It had meaning. We can all choose to concentrate on the wrongs that were done, or we can focus on the future. You might have been a cheating whore but that was ten minutes ago. Now you can start all over; you can change the ending and no one will call you a whore again. Even if you are one ‘cause leopards don’t change their spots. Whore.

Cute little side note? Tammy Faye commented on this one: Amen! It’s almost like she was saying, “Yeah, you are a whore who fucked a married man and destroyed his kids’ lives but you make him happy. We’ll just pretend all that nasty stuff never happened and take it from here. I call mulligan!

My favorite one, though, was this:

rise-640x640

What the hell kind of mind fuck is that shit? What do cheaters have to be angry, enraged or insulted about? Are they pouting because their duped spouses aren’t buying the lies anymore? Has that sent them into a rage? Are they enraged because people aren’t thinking highly of them anymore? Are they insulted because people call them what they are? Doubtful. They don’t typically have shame or remorse.

Rise above the bullshit? What bullshit is she rising above? She’s got me calling her a whore although never to her face. She’s got a son she’s disowned basically. I’m not sure how The Saint views her nowadays. At one point he said she was just plain mean. Maybe it hurts her to not have his adoring support and she considers that bullshit.

You want to rise above the bullshit? Try losing just about everything, bitch. Try being forced out of your home. Try starting all over… By. Yourself. And with no money because you trusted your spouse and you stayed home with the kids while he climbed the career ladder. Oh wait, that’s what you did to your husband, too. Both of you using us so that you could get further and then deciding years later that we no longer served your purposes so we were discarded.

I’ve been doing nothing except rising for the last three years. I’ve pulled up roots yet again, moved hundreds of miles yet again, kept it together for the sake of my kids, worked two jobs to support those kids when the love of your life was declining to pay support, put one foot in front of the other, and kept going.

What kind of bullshit did you need to rise against? Did you lose your home? Were you forced to move out of the state? Did your kids lose their father to another woman and her kids? Did you have to suddenly go back to work after a fifteen plus year absence and try to support your kids with no help from The Saint? Were you left wondering what was so wrong with you that your husband chose another woman over you? Did you listen in stunned bemusement at all the lies your ex told about you in his efforts to turn himself, the cheater, into a victim? No, no you didn’t, you fucking cunt. That’s what you helped do to me. You decimated my life and then want to turn around and act like you’re magnanimous. And philosophical. And so much bigger than the rest of us.

Flick your light back on and shine it brighter than ever? Seriously? Why don’t I shove a flashlight up your ass and that way when you open your pie hole to spit out this drivel you can shine a light on your nonsense? Once again, whores are so philosophical and so misunderstood. Let’s help them shine a light onto their greatness. God knows we wouldn’t want them to shrink back into the darkness.

I think the last line is my favorite though: Fall so deeply in love with your own life that anyone who tried to wrong you becomes a laughable, ridiculous, distant memory.

Brilliant! She will not be kept down. No one will shame her.  Does anyone have any doubt that the whore loves her life? She’s got everything she’s ever wanted and has suffered no consequences. Why would she not love her life? She does not need that advice. She needs advice that centers on being humble and kind!

And who has tried to wrong her? She is the one going out and wronging others. She wronged me. She wronged my children. She’s wronged her own son. She wronged her husband.

This idea that any of us should somehow become a distant, laughable, ridiculous memory is insane. She is the one who needs to fade into the darkness.

She likes to turn it around so that she’s the enlightened victim, refusing to let the haters get her down. The reality is she’s the one doing all the victimizing.

This advice isn’t actually bad. Believe me, I am doing my best to fall deeply in love with my new life, the one foisted upon me by the whore and my philandering husband. I would love nothing more than for her and her ilk to disappear and be nothing more than a laughable, distant memory. The problem lies in the fact that cheaters like her take this crap and use it for their own nefarious purposes. The people who really need this advice are people like me, the mobster, and any of you who have been duped by your partner.

With that in mind I’m going to offer this piece of advice to Harley: Take your insipid, not-needed-self-esteem boosting memes and shove ‘em the same place I’d like to shove that flashlight!

 

The Highlight Reel

This is the second part in my five part series on the stupidity of pain shopping. You can read the first part here. Let me serve as a lesson to you! Don’t do it!

images-19

I embarked on some “research”. First up was a new picture of her kids on vacation. It might have been Tennessee but it could have easily been somewhere else as well.

They looked like they were having fun. I don’t know if CF came along or if good ol’ Harley is finally learning the joys of life with him. In my mind he came along, because this is Life 2.0. He’s new and improved. He’s the doting husband and the beloved daddy, always ready for adventures with this new version of his family. Naturally, in my narrative he’s telling Harley how much he loves going on vacation and how I would never let him accompany us, how he missed out on so many of these adventures with his own children because of me.

Of course, I also notice the missing fourth child. I guess he wouldn’t play happy family or accept CF as his brand new daddy so he needed to be eradicated. Not even a mention of missing him.

I go back and forth between hoping he has a damn anxiety attack on the way back (or while there) that she needs to deal with and wondering if there was some magic formula I didn’t know existed that would have made him enjoy vacationing with his kids and me. Why does he do this with her and her kids when he would never do it with his own kids?

I see the pictures once again of the happy couple on their wedding day and honeymoon, I suppose. Everyone congratulating them and telling them how happy they are for them. I roll my eyes at the stupidity. It’s laughable. Two cheaters promising to love, honor and forsake all others. Yes, they’ve both got a real good grasp on how marriage is supposed to work.

I so badly want to comment and ask those people if they’re aware of the price her husband, her one son, my kids, and I all had to pay for their happiness. Do you think she’s entitled to happiness at my expense? At my kids’ expense?

I sleep on a couch. My daughter has spent two years basically with her head down just doing her damnedest to graduate and get the hell out of here, to start all over in college. My son, instead of hanging out with friends, stays locked in his room playing video games. We live on a busy street, not a neighborhood. There are no kids around he could hang out with.

But they’re happy and they deserve it because apparently I was a horrible, evil, mean person who tried to shit all over their happiness. No one cares what their happiness did to anybody else’s life.

She wants everyone to know that lazy days spent on the couch in front of the fire with her beloved are her favorite kind of Sunday. He’s got the remote in his hand so he hasn’t changed that much.

I see her incessantly calling him out, mentioning him, tagging him. “I love my veteran!”, “Waiting to watch the fight!” (from their home, on the couch, with him), and letting everyone know how they’re “getting their Halloween on”. Wow- you managed to get him to watch something other than Ice Road Truckers or Mountain Men? Congratulations! You didn’t get him out from under the television altogether but at least you’re watching together.

Again I wonder: Why not with me? Why can he suddenly do all these family and couple oriented things with her that he never could with me? Their life seems to be like a cozy, warm sweater. They carve pumpkins, sip hot apple cider, and watch Halloween movies together. I’m sure Christmas is now magical as well for him.

I see all their happy couple pictures and people cooing all over them. “Beautiful!” “Such a happy couple!” “So nice to finally see you happy!” My former in-laws are the worst offenders. And so incredibly stupid.

My late former mother-in-law shouts out to all on Facebook that, “That’s my baby boy and he’s going to make them my family, too!” Really? Aren’t they already your family? I could have sworn you told me that day you sat in my kitchen that you couldn’t cut her off because she was family. She might be a whore, but gosh darn it, Sam, she’s family, too! I see my evil ex sister-in-law gush that she loves them.

Funny side note: Maybe it’s a woman thing but I definitely noticed how Harley was always commenting on their pages once CF broke things off with her. She didn’t comment much at all before her affair with him but she was all over it once she got dumped. Imagine my surprise when I saw that she’s not falling all over herself to comment on every insipid post and each picture. Curious.

Always there are the obligatory compliments: You are so beautiful. Pretty. Great picture of you, whore.

I freely admit it has always been a sore spot that my former in-laws never missed a chance to tell her how wonderful she looked, while ignoring me.

I posted a new profile picture (obviously this was back when we were still married). Keep in mind I am not the type of person who changes profile pictures every week. That would be Harley. I think this was the first change in two years. Two years! On top of that I had just got my hair cut. I had kept my hair styled basically the same way for years! This was a major change and the most I got from any of them was, “That hairstyle looks nice on you.”

Maybe the former in-laws always thought I was very ugly and wondered what on earth their beloved prince was doing with such an unsuitable specimen. Maybe they like the Hillbilly Whore look. Who knows?

I do my best to shake my head and continue on.

I see all of the pictures of her adorable animals. Most of them purchased by my then-husband. Couldn’t give me money for a homecoming dress for his daughter but he could buy them new animals.

To inject just a brief moment of sanity in this I will note that I don’t see the pets she used to pose with. I wonder if she discarded them like she discarded her son and husband. Much like her new husband discarded his family and pets. Oh well, everything is replaceable, right?

I see her update on moving into their new home. That’s nice, bitch. I live with my mom. My kids don’t have a home of their own. It’s nice that thanks to my husband’s money (and he was my husband at this point in time) your kids are able to move into the nicest home they’ve ever lived in. It’s fantastic that things are going so swell for your kids. Well, except the one you abandoned.

Guess what? She later reveals she loves their new home. There’s so much for her kids to do! I’m so happy for them.

There’s the post about her youngest banging his head in the pool and needing stitches. Don’t worry, though, because New Daddy was on the job keeping him calm, happy, and stuffed with candy!

Awww… that’s so sweet. I’m glad he can act like a father for your kids. Too bad he’s done nothing for his own. To be fair he did manage to make a few ER trips with us (hey- my kid was a gymnast; she got hurt a lot!) but that pales in comparison to what he’s done to them the last 2 years. Maybe we should start calling her youngest, “Mulligan” since he seems to be CF’s do-over.

There were the pictures of the family outing to the zoo- two whole hours away to boot! I guess that PTSD must be in remission, huh? I suppose since he’s no longer trying to con me out of sufficient child and spousal support he can fully enjoy life as the asshole he is.

Oh, there it is! Yet another new profile picture of the whore so that everyone can compliment her and tell her how pretty she is. There’s CF chiming in, “Gorgeous!”  Really? I was married to that sonofabitch for twenty fucking years. Granted, he was not on Facebook long while we were married and most of the time I imagine he spent trying to fuck other women, but not once did he bother to compliment me.

It bothered me when I was married to him. It bothered me when we were wreck-onciling. He knew it bothered me. I told him it bothered me. His excuse? “I see you everyday! Why would I bother to comment on Facebook when I can tell you in person?”

That’s a good question. Why is he bothering to comment on Facebook when he could just go home and tell her?  Better question: If he really wants to let everyone know how special she is why doesn’t he tell her that she’s worth the thousands of dollars he has to pay out every month? I would think that would be a huge compliment! “Your pussy is so fantastic I don’t mind paying out thousands of dollars a month for it!” or maybe, “You were worth abandoning my children!” Hmmm… perhaps that does not convey the message they want to convey…

I see more pictures of the happy couple posing in front of scenery that does not resemble Kentucky. Maybe they travel a lot now. How convenient. It’s nice to know he spent twenty years wasting my life and making me do everything solo because he got such anxiety anytime he ventured outside of his house. I think the mobster is right and Harley very much is his seeing eye dog. With her by his side as his faithful companion he can go places he once only dreamed of.

One last new snapshot- one of her daughter and her two smiling sons. They’re all going out to celebrate her birthday. I think it’s wonderful that he can finally go out for birthday dinners once again. The last year he lived in the house, the last birthday each of my kids had before finding out that their family was going to be shattered and their lives torn apart, he was simply too upset and anxious to go out and celebrate. He stayed behind, probably texting the whore, while I took the two of them out. Who cares if he fucked over his own kids, right? The important part is that he’s doing right by her kids.

Once again I see the picture of CF with Mulligan at Show and Tell. It was Veteran’s Day. This year she improved upon the picture with a cutesy frame that told everyone who cared to listen that she loved her veteran. The year before though it was simply about how pleased Mulligan was that New Daddy/Cousin Daddy (Caddy?) could be there.

You know what I thought about? I thought about the time he snapped at Picasso because he wanted his dad to drop him off at school. Good ol’ Daddy was anxious and didn’t know how to navigate the carpool lane. The man can fight a fucking war and blow shit up, but a line of cars whipping through the horseshoe drive in front of the school just wipes him out.

I thought about the time he got pissy with me because I needed him to run to Target and grab a gift out of the dollar bin and bring it back up to the school for Rock Star so she could participate in her classroom Christmas party. As always, shooting people and blowing shit up is easy; a quick trip to Target is life threatening. He will probably need psychological counseling for the rest of his life because of it.

Once again I see them posing the day of her daughter’s cheerleading competition- him posing in a t-shirt with her high school name and mascot on it. Both of them gushing about how important it was to be there for her. “He must love her so much to wear that t-shirt!” “Oh, it was painful to put that Cardinals t-shirt on but I wanted to support her.”

He never saw his daughter cheer or compete as a cheerleader one single time. He never went to a single high school gymnastics meet. At the time he was saying this he had moved out of the state without saying a word to either of his kids and he hadn’t seen them in over eighteen months. Yes, it was so important that he support the daughter of the whore he’s fucking.

And always there are the comments. Comments from people I used to call family. Comments from people who still try to act like they care about me and my kids while they support that fucking whore and her kids. Comments from people who used to be family shouting out how happy they are with the jolly new couple, how much they love them, how much they love Everything. About. Them. They are so proud and this is their family. Tammy Faye cooing over the newest grandchildren. She loves them so much! Doesn’t seem to give a shit about her actual grandchildren but the whore’s kids? She was on that shit quick!

As tempting as it may be, don’t do it! Don’t pain shop. Maintain no contact (and that includes social media). You may think you can handle it, that it will be no big deal, but feelings will come. I promise you this. Even if the majority of those feelings are rage and anger it is still a lot to deal with. It can still mess with your head. Even knowing they are masters at image management, even knowing that truly happy people don’t have to make a huge show of their relationship every day and every hour on social media, even knowing he is the problem and she is a whore, it can still make you doubt yourself.

Should Have

September 2015

I know this is a fruitless endeavor but I wanted to psychoanalyze my lying, cheating douchebag of an ex.

Here’s what I think.  He always sees himself as a victim. He doesn’t want to do anything difficult.  He is a coward of epic proportions.  That completely explains his behavior with his kids.  He gets to run off every weekend and hang out with kids that think he’s so wonderful because he’s putting on this big act and throwing money at them.  His own kids are pissed off and hate his guts right now.  Talk to Picasso or Rock Star?  They might say something mean to me!  That’s why he leaves shit in the mailbox for Rock Star instead of putting it on the island where he might encounter me and Picasso.  That’s why he didn’t call her back.  That’s why he only communicates with her through texting.  Hell, that’s why he couldn’t grow a pair and tell his fucking mother to stop communicating with his fucking whore when he was supposedly reconciling with me!  Wah- if I talk to her about this then that means I have to face the fact that I did a bad thing.  That makes me feel bad.  I don’t like feeling bad.  Let’s just move on and pretend this never happened.  Dammit, why can’t you just act like nothing happened?  Be friends with my mom and sister!  That makes life so much easier for ME!  That’s why he could never stand up for me and constantly threw me under the bus.  It was so much easier than taking a stand.  Fucking chicken shit!

He looks down on everyone else which is why the only people that really get along with him and think he’s fabulous are those who work under him.  With them he feels superior so he doesn’t have to be a know it all dickhead. He’s never had a boss that he likes; he only likes them once they are no longer his boss.  He thinks he’s always the smartest guy in the room and resents anyone being able to tell him what to do or thinking that they are actually, gasp, his boss!  He is surrounding himself with sycophants who tell him exactly what he wants to hear.  Oh, don’t you worry, honey, you deserve to fuck your cousin.  Your happiness is the only thing that matters.  Your wife was so mean to you.  She didn’t appreciate you.  Leave her!  You deserve so much more.

His whore is a complete downgrade.  She’s a manipulative, deceitful, gold digging whore.  She obviously doesn’t give a shit that she’s tearing apart a family, or that his kids hate him now and he may end up with absolutely no relationship with either of them.  I don’t believe she’s ever actually owned a home and she’s living in a dump right now. She’s been arrested at least 3 times.  She lies. She told Zack her husband had put her into bankruptcy three times because of his spending.  Turns out they declared once, when their business closed, and it’s her and her daughter who spend money like water. I suppose that explains her arrest for writing bad checks.  Seriously?  How many fucking bad checks do you need to write before they send your ass to jail?  She sends naked pictures to her neighbor.  She has cheated on her husband numerous times.  Zack is not her first rodeo.  And probably won’t be her last once she realizes he is not the money tree he is projecting himself to be.   She’s giving him all the ego stroking he desires.  He felt like he could never make me happy and we all know that he just can’t cope when things aren’t going his way.  But here is this gold digging whore and she tells him all the time how wonderful he is and how she loves him.  No, sweetie, she loves your money.  And once that’s gone, she will be, too. In the end I think he is able to feel superior to her.  He’s a knight in shining armor for her.  He comes in and saves the day and the poor little piece of white trash is oh so thankful for her sugar daddy who buys whatever she and her kids wants.  He was never my superior.  Ever.  He may have thought he was a time or two, but in the end he knew he wasn’t.  I was there when he lost his job and witnessed his humiliation.  I was there every time he lost his shit over some minor random crap.  He couldn’t be the big strong man because I already knew who and what he was.  With her he gets a redo.  And if he ends up living in a city three hours from her and only seeing her on the weekends, well that will be perfect because he can probably keep his act up a lot longer.

And what is with this bullshit of instantly falling in love with every fucking female you fuck?  I can understand falling in love with me. I’m awesome.  🙂  He was also single.  I was single.  There were no children involved.  No marriages to destroy.  Nobody got hurt when we got together and threw caution to the wind and married 7 months after meeting.  But this?  I already know that 2 years ago he had decided to leave me, was in love with her, and plotting to move all of us 2000 miles across the country for the dumb bitch after less than 2 weeks of her simply *telling* him how much she wanted to suck his dick.  I guess her trumped up sob stories gave him a stiffie. Now this time he’s gone even further.

I seriously believe he’s lost his damn mind.  Seriously.  How do you go from loving your wife of 20 years to fucking your cousin?  How do you decide almost overnight to start sending her thousands of dollars, sell off the rest of your stock, open up a checking account in her town, and start this new life with her and her kids when you’re still fucking married with 2 kids?  How do you do this when you’re still messing around with your wife twice a day?  I sometimes feel like he just made a preemptive strike.  Well, she’s not happy; I can never make her happy.  I know she’s going to leave me so I’m going to fuck my whore of a cousin and leave her first.

But you know what?  I’m going to be ok.  I’m going to be better than ok.  I should have left the first damn time.  I should have thrown all his damn clothes out the door and told the kids and divorced his lying, cheating ass the first time I discovered his lies.  I should have left when I discovered he was throwing me under the bus to everyone who would listen.  I should have left when I realized that he and the truth had stopped existing on the same plane.  I should have left when he resumed drinking.  I should have left when he refused to continue therapy.  So many bread crumbs that were showing me what was up but I hung in there.  I’m not a quitter!  I’m not going to be a statistic; I don’t want my kids growing up in a broken home.  I will never divorce if it’s up to me!  That’s me.  Loyal until the end.  Persevering even when I should have kicked his ass to the curb.

He won’t be able to keep this up.  His natural setting is misery and unhappiness.  He can keep up the act for a while, 6 months, maybe a year.  But eventually his true personality will come out.  Something will happen that will throw him off balance and once again he’ll be a simpering, whimpering mess.  She’ll find out he’s not much for helping out around the house, or watching kids, or having to help shoulder the load.  As my brother said about his potential move: That works out perfect for him.  He gets to be by himself all week, watching tv and talking to no one and then on the weekends he goes to see her and play the part of happy involved family man.

I think once we go to court and he realizes what he’s going to be paying in spousal support and child support and marital debt division he’s going to have a real awakening.  She might get a taste of the real Zack that very day.  Holy shit!  How am I going to do this?  I have to pay my future ex-wife anywhere between a large amount and an even larger amount per month.  I owe her money for her share of the stock I liquidated without her knowledge and I owe her even more for all the money I either gave to or spent on my whore and her kids.  She’s taking half of my 401k, and at the balance it was before I took out my loan, plus she gets half of my pension.  She’s putting me in charge of paying for the kids’ cell phones and their allowances.  I’ve got my whore’s cell phone and her daughter’s cell phone at $231.  I have a monthly payment for the loan I took out.  I have rent because she won’t let me live there anymore.  I need cable and I have to pay for utilities.

The second lawyer I talked to believes he will be assigned more than half of the marital debt.  He may be looking at a second job.  Good luck!  You still need to buy food, gas, Kodiak and wine. Just getting down to his home state each weekend runs him about $70 at least so $280 conservatively for the month.  He goes through 3-4 cans of Kodiak.  I think it might even be more than that.  …he goes through probably 3 boxes of wine at a minimum; those are $20 a pop so $60 easily on wine.  Per week.  If I am able to get the remainder of the amount of money we still need to pay for the pool and my car loan included in the marital debt he’s fucked! ….

He also doesn’t like being embarrassed.  Watch him go ballistic when his card is declined.  Oh, if that threw him off wait until he realizes everyone he works with knows he’s fucking his cousin.  I’ve been invited several times by his boss to attend church with them.  It would be a shame if I somehow let it slip that we were divorcing because of his affair with his cousin.  Oh, I thought you knew that with all of that time he was taking off.  Yeah, he’s been leaving every weekend to go play house with his cousin and her kids.  He has essentially abandoned his own kids.  He lives here in the house still because he refuses to move out but he hasn’t spoken face to face with his daughter since August and he’s had one conversation with his son where he was basically trying to defend his affair with his cousin.  Not to mention I have a friend who is very close to one of his co-workers and his wife.  She’s responsible for getting them together.  I wouldn’t be surprised if one day it just slips out inadvertently.  Ooops, sorry, I figured you knew!  Our pool contractor works with Zack’s boss’s best friend.  Oops, sorry, I thought you knew.  It’s a small town.  Zack may be popular with the people on the floor but I’m pretty sure that most everyone in the office thinks he’s a pompous ass.  Once they realize he’s fucking his cousin… or rather, once he realizes they know he’s cheating on his wife after moving his entire family across the country and fucking his cousin he will be mortified.  He whined and cried and begged me not to tell the kids the last time?  Oh, that’s nothing compared to when everyone realizes the great Zack X is fucking his whore of a cousin.

My Letter to Tammy Faye

Note:  This is a letter I wrote to Tammy Faye but never sent.  In hindsight I’m glad I didn’t because they had probably already started messing around again.

April 2015

Dear Tammy Faye,

You said you maintain contact with my husband’s whore because she’s family.  You also tried to reassure me that you didn’t think they had ever met up in person and actually had sex.  As I said to you, some days I wish they had simply met up and fucked each other’s brains out and that was the end of it.  It would hurt.  It would be disgusting.  But it would have been simply about sex, and nothing more.  Unfortunately, what I have to deal with is their emotional affair and those types of affairs can be even more dangerous.  This is how one website put it:  Some argue that an emotional affair is harmless because it is more of a casual relationship than traditional cheating; however, the intimate nature of the communication, plus the emotional investment made by the people involved, places an emotional affair on the same level or worse as traditional cheating.

It is much more dangerous for a marriage should your spouse connect with someone emotionally than physically. Anyone who finds himself or herself drawn to another person on an emotional level should consider the possible consequences of such an affair. Emotional affairs are just as likely to lead to divorce and physical affairs.

I have heard it said that an emotional affair is just an affair that has yet to become physical.  I am sure that if they hadn’t been caught it would have only been a matter of time before they found a way to meet up and take it to the next level.  I have no doubt that if they hadn’t been caught that he would have continued flying out to see you every 2-3 months and eventually they would have met up and began a physical affair as well.

Even without sex there was a lot that went on between the two of them.  I don’t even know the full extent of it because he deleted all of his texts and FB messages between the two of them as soon as I found out. From talking to him this is what I do know:  I know they told each other they loved one another.  I know they talked about a future together.  I know she asked if he thought my kids would get along with her kids. I know she asked him if my kids would like her. I know when Zack was going to get his tattoo and he was going to bring her along that she was going to get a tattoo of a sparrow on her foot to represent their true love.  I know they talked all the way to work every single day.  I know he texted her on the weekends when he went to the coffee shop by himself.  I know they talked an awful lot about sex and did a lot of sexting.  I know that she cried when he ended it, and when I asked him if she really thought he would leave me for her he told me that yes, he really thought she did.  I also know that The Saint found out they were messing around again and when Zack asked what she was going to do about it she told him that she wasn’t going to do anything because she didn’t care if her husband knew or not.

You seemed shocked when I mentioned Harley sending naked pictures to Zack all summer long so I’m not sure how much Zack went into detail when he confessed to you what he had done.  My guess would be that he tried to make it seem as innocent as possible, maybe like it was just the two of them texting completely innocent stuff back and forth and maybe enjoying one another’s company too much.  But that’s not what happened.  If you’re going to continue to interact with her “because she’s family” then I think it’s only fair that I get to tell you everything that happened between them, at least as far as I can get out of Zack.  He hasn’t exactly been forthcoming on the details and his story changes quite often.  But so far, this is what I have.  And again, all of this (or at least most of it) is according to Zack.

In May of 2013, the day before Mother’s Day, he was sitting in the bathtub looking like he was having an anxiety attack.  I asked him if he was ok and he said he wasn’t.  I asked him what was wrong and he told me he couldn’t tell me because I would hate him, so I told him to tell me what he had done.  At that point he “confessed” that he had been texting other women.  He didn’t say what they were texting to one another.  Again, no details.  But I did ask him who they were, to which he replied, “I don’t really know two of them; I know them from online.  I only know one of them.”  So I asked who the one was that he did know and that’s when he told me it was Harley.  “Harley Buttwipe?  Your cousin?” I asked him.  He said yes.  I was absolutely shell shocked and had no idea what to say or do.  I remember crying and him asking what he could do, promising he would end all contact.  I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he assured me that he didn’t.

At that point I had no idea what they were texting about.  I had my suspicions, but also knowing Zack it could have been something as simple as him confiding in her about his marriage and him feeling guilty.  And believe me, there were many times I tried to convince myself of that.  I had no idea who the other women were but I suspected they were people that played Words With Friends or Pop Song with him.

Turns out I was wrong.  I wouldn’t find out until October that there were no “women”.  It was one woman.  Harley.  The other two he mentioned were simply women who had posted to an internet forum.  They posted innocent questions about their problems and he, along with many other people, had replied to them.  But in order to make the situation with Harley sound less ominous he decided it would be better to make it sound like she was one of many women he was texting. I was wrong about this. He let me believe there had been no one else but Harley; however, I ended up finding one of his other sluts- Anne. There had been multiple women he was sexting. Also turns out that only a few days prior to confessing what he had been doing he was messaging his nephew on Facebook to see if he could bring a guest with him when he got his tattoo.  He was telling him he was going to marry her.  I know this for a fact because I copied and saved his messages to him.  He told him he couldn’t say much because he had to protect the young and innocent but that one day he (his nephew) would be related to her, this mystery guest. And finally, I would later find out that the only reason he “confessed” was because The Saint and Harley had gotten into a fight.  I’m assuming because he had found the text messages between the two of them.  The Saint sent me a FB message to tell me they were having an affair and told Harley about it when they fought.  Harley then turned around and told Zack what The Saint had done.  Zack got onto my computer and deleted the message from my email and my FB and then blocked The Saint so he couldn’t contact me, and then supposedly broke things off with her for a short time.

Backing things up a bit, he told me later in August when The Saint clued me in to the fact that Zack had been lying to me and cheating on me all summer long, that it had started in late April/early May.  He says that when she posted her profile picture, the one where he told her she looked fantastic, that they weren’t messing around then but that it was the beginning of it.  He says that he asked her how her life was and she told him it wasn’t that rosy.  When he inquired why she told him her marriage wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be, that her husband had put her into bankruptcy several times.  He commiserated with her and shared his own unhappiness.  At some point she told him that she could envision a future with him.  Apparently, the fact that her knight in shining armor was married with two kids wasn’t a deterrent. He “confessed” to me on May 11th and had already been telling his nephew he was going to marry her by the 9th. Not only did I learn from those messages between the two of them (the nephew and Zack) that she was going to go with him to get his tattoo and she was going to get one as well, I got to see the picture of the tattoo she wanted.  As I said earlier, she wanted a sparrow on her foot to represent the true love that the two of them had found with one another.  No more than 2 weeks and she was planning on tattooing a permanent symbol of her love and devotion to him on her body.  That’s not something I would call nothing.

He would later admit in August that he had broken things off for about 2 weeks and then he reached out to her again, telling her he missed her.  And according to him she told him that she missed him, too, and she thought she would never hear from him again.

I was completely clueless.  I didn’t want to dwell on what had happened and I didn’t want to make it out to be a bigger deal than it was.  At that time I wasn’t even completely sure of what had happened.  I didn’t know if they had been sexting, if they were simply talking, if he was feeling guilty because he enjoyed talking to her or had been confiding in her about his marriage.  I had no clue. I certainly didn’t think she was sending him naked pictures or that he was in love with her, or that they had been talking about getting married.  Things seemed to get a little better, but then, of course, once he started up with her again they began to deteriorate.

Zack was going to go to Jezebel’s wedding by himself and I noticed that Harley would like things on his wall.  She was always posting inspirational quotes on her page.  Jezebel had posted a picture of Zack in his East Dull uniform and thanked him for his service over Memorial Day weekend and was bragging about how wonderful he was and Harley had liked that which I thought was very strange.  I couldn’t figure out why she would be liking anything having to do with my husband after he had dumped her.  Stupid me.  It turns out it was because they were once again madly in love and back together.

I remember him telling me shortly after he confessed to texting her in May that he wanted the Whoreville plant.  He said he could visit you more often.  I remember telling him that he could always stay in our former state and fly out to see you every few months but to stay away from Harley.  He never said a word.  As the day he was to fly out came closer I felt more and more anxious.  There was a knot in my stomach and I wondered if she was going to be at the wedding, if they would be there together. I kept envisioning the two them using the wedding as their debut as a couple, only no one would know the truth except Jezebel and Husband #3. Everyone else would just think it was two cousins catching up.  No one would question them dancing together, eating together, laughing together, even going off someplace together.  I told him I would miss him and to be good and he just kinda blew me off. He didn’t keep in close contact while he was gone; I got maybe one text a day. He texted Harley just as much, if not more, than me, and while I have no proof of this, I’m sure he sent her the same pictures of the wedding that he sent to me.  Afterall, she was supposed to be the one there with him.  I barely ate the entire time he was gone.  I had no appetite.  I cleaned the house and made sure everything was perfect when he came home.  And then I printed off copies of her profile picture from FB (the one where he thought she looked “fantastic”) and hung them in different parts of the house.

He came home and the very next day she blocked me on FB.  I definitely thought something was up at that point.  Realistically, the only way she would have known I was even looking on her FB page was if Zack told her.  And when I went to try to block her I found her husband’s name in my list of blocked contacts, which I also found to be strange.  Now, obviously I should have figured it out at that point but my mind was making up all kinds of scenarios in which they were no longer fooling around.  Maybe they had still been in contact but when he came home and saw the pictures he called it off and she got mad and blocked me.  Maybe he had called it off when he was there.  Maybe she was mad because he didn’t get together with her when he was back home for the wedding.  I tried to tell myself anything but the truth.  But here’s what I believe to be the truth now.  I think she was tired of waiting for Zack to leave me.  He was telling her he loved her and wanted to be with her, that they had a future together and our marriage was dead. But, according to him, he had also told her he would never leave his kids.  When he told her I had put her pictures up in the house I think she figured that was her chance to tell me about the two of them without actually telling me.  She knew that if she blocked me it was as good as waving a banner with the words:  I’m still screwing around with your husband, in front of my face.  I honestly believe she expected me to confront him and that either I would throw him out, or I would demand he choose between the two of us and she thought he would choose to leave me and go be with her, his true love, his soul mate. He may have told her that he would never leave his kids but I wouldn’t be surprised if she figured that if I left him it wouldn’t matter whether or not he was willing to leave his kids.  His kids would already be as good as gone if I left him and then he would have no reason to not be with her.

I told my friend J what had happened and she told me that it wasn’t good and urged me to set up my own bank account and transfer money into it.  Instead, I made an appointment with a marriage counselor.  It took me a week to work up my courage to tell him and once I did he refused to go, as I predicted.  We had a huge fight that night.  I confronted him and asked him why she had blocked me.  He played dumb and said that was between the two of us and he had no idea.  When asked if he was in contact with her he lied and said no.  When I asked if she had been at the wedding he said no.  When I asked if they had made plans to meet up he lied and said no.  I asked him what all they had talked about when they had texted and he refused to tell me, saying he didn’t want to get into that. I don’t remember everything that was said but I do remember going into the house, crying.  Later I talked to him in our room and told him I thought we could happier than before.  He told me it had been too long and it would just be weird to be happy with me now.  I remember telling him that he had told me he loved me and said he had always loved me only six weeks earlier, and then asked if he still loved me and that’s when he told me he didn’t know.  He told me he cared about me and that I was a good mother but he didn’t know if he loved me.  He also told me that he wanted things to go back to the way things had been, with me doing my thing and him doing his.  Well, I know I was pretty involved with PTA, Bunko, and the kids, but the only thing I can think he was involved with was Harley, so apparently I was going to keep doing PTA and Bunko and he was going to keep doing Harley.  And if I couldn’t do that then he didn’t know what he was going to do, tacitly threatening me with divorce.  I told him I wasn’t giving up on us and he just kinda shrugged.

I think it’s apparent why I believe Harley blocked me in hopes of egging on a confrontation.  I sincerely believe if I had confronted him and accused him of being involved with her and then made him choose, he would have chosen her at that point in time.

Interestingly enough, he would later tell me that that was the day he knew he still loved me.  He said it made him realize that I cared.  Interesting still because I have asked him if the problem was I didn’t get hysterical enough in May when he first confessed to being involved with Harley and he always says no.  Editor’s Note:  No, he was finally getting his fucking Ego Kibbles!

It also turns out that the weekend I was taking Rock Star to Regionals for gymnastics and he was telling me he loved me and always had (only six weeks prior to our confrontation), he was busy sexting with Harley.  Telling me he loved me and then turning around and telling her all he wanted to do to her. I also realized that during Teacher Appreciation Week when he was gushing over all that I do and how incredible I was he was involved with her.

So, after our ugly confrontation where my husband tells me he doesn’t know if he still loves me or not I set out to win him over and show him that our relationship can be better than ever.  I was incredibly stupid and did not realize he was still screwing around with his whore. I spent the entire summer in a hot garage listening to rap music with him.  We would fool around or even have sex and then he’d turn around a few hours later, walk out our front door, text Harley good morning and then he would call her and they would talk all the way to work. Every day he would tell her he loved her.  He never once said those words to me.  I went 3 1/2 months without ever hearing him tell me he loved me because he was too busy telling her that he loved her.

Despite the fact that he refused to say the words, and I wouldn’t say it because I didn’t want to pressure him, things did seem to be improving.  When he flew home in July while he was out east for a business trip I didn’t feel anxious.  When Jezebel posted that picture of her and Zack together I waited to see if Harley would like it.  When she never did I figured that she was finally out of our lives.  Oh, how stupid and naive I was.

Then came August 14th, the day of Rock Star’s birthday party and the day I read the message from The Saint, asking me if I had a good lawyer yet.

I called Zack on my way home from the store and told him I had received a message from Harley’s husband.  He asked me what he had said and I told him.  Then I asked him why I was receiving messages from him.  That’s when he finally admitted that they were still “talking”. I asked him why he would do such a thing when he knew how I felt.  His answer was that they really really liked each other and they had a lot in common.  I told him she was just a fantasy and asked if she was worth losing his wife and kids over to which he replied he knew he didn’t want to lose his kids.  I asked him what they talked about and he asked me what I thought they talked about, to which I replied, “I think you talk about sex, and how much you love each other, and how much you want to be together.”  When he didn’t say anything I asked him if he wanted to tell me that I was wrong, and he told me I wasn’t wrong.  So right there he’s admitting they love each other and they’re planning a life together.  At that point the fact that they talk about all the sexual things they want to do to one another doesn’t really matter.  And it was pretty much at that point that I figured he was going to leave me for her.  I remember him telling me that I had known he hadn’t been happy in years and me replying that that wasn’t all my fault- I had begged him to go to counseling. I had begged him to do stuff with us. I had even suggested we start doing a date night since the kids were older and could stay at home by themselves for a while.  I also asked him if he thought having an affair was going to make things better for us. At one point I pointed out to him that he was going to have four step kids and asked him if he was ready for that and if he was willing to give up being a full time father to his own kids to raise hers.  Reminded him that those kids might not welcome him with open arms since he was responsible for breaking up their parents’ marriage. I told him several times to end it with her, to send her a text ending it and to show me that he had sent it.  He kept saying he didn’t know what I wanted him to do.  Finally I said, “I’ve told you 3 times.  End it!  Send her a text message ending it and then show it to me.  That’s what I want!”  I asked him what he wanted and he didn’t know (so much for knowing he was in love with me since June!) Finally, towards the end I told him that he wasn’t the only one that deserved to be happy.  I deserved to be happy, too, and I deserved more than being with someone who was just killing time with me until he could divorce me once Picasso was out of high school or college.  So either send her the text message and show it to me as proof, or I’m done.  I can’t keep going like this.

I hung up the phone and called J.  She asked me if I thought he would do it (send the text and end the relationship).  I told her no, I didn’t.  I honestly thought I was headed towards divorce.  She told me that I needed to call my mom at this point and I needed to let her know what was going on.  As I told you back at the house I tried two or three times to get ahold of her but I never did.  I’m assuming it’s because she was busy making funeral arrangements for my stepdad.  An hour or so later he texted me that he didn’t want to lose any of us and then eventually he texted and said he would send her a text message ending it.

According to him he called her as soon as he got off the phone with me and told her The Saint had contacted me.  She asked him what they were going to do.  He told her he couldn’t do this anymore and that’s when she began to cry.  He waited a few seconds and then told her he could never leave me, said goodbye and hung up the phone.  She later sent him a text message telling him that they could not be.  It wasn’t right to break up two families.  She was dying because she had hurt her children so much and had hurt the man who had stood by her through thick and thin and kept the vows that she couldn’t.  She told him she was deactivating her FB account and begged him to never phone, text, or email her again.  She told him, “Let’s just walk away. Go home and repair the damage.  Make it work.”  That was the text message he sent me to prove that they had ended it, or more specifically, that he ended it.  His message to her was along the lines of:  At first I was mad at The Saint but what he said is true and what you say is true, too.  I’m going to go home and try to repair the damage and try to be the man I’m supposed to be, the father I’m supposed to be, the husband I’m supposed to be.  Don’t call or contact me either.  And this was also the text exchange I had asked him about and wondered why, if he had already ended it, she felt the need to send him that sort of text.  She didn’t need to tell him they couldn’t be if he had already ended it.  She didn’t need to tell him to leave her alone, practically begging him to not contact her, if he had already made it clear that it was over and he was done with her.  But he insists he had indeed ended it and he said he believed she sent this to save face, or to make it more real to herself.  When questioned why he played along with it instead of reminding her that he had already chosen his wife he said it was because he felt bad for hurting her.  Yes, the whore of 3 1/2 months who got involved with him knowing full well he was married with kids was owed more compassion than the wife of 18 1/2 years.  Instead of concentrating on the fact that he lied and humiliated me all summer long he was concentrating on the fact that she was hurting, supposedly because he had ended things with the woman who was not his wife.

There were many questions I had while I was back home with my family and I asked most of them, I believe.  But it’s hard to get a clear answer.  Or, was.  We don’t ever talk about it now.  He would say on one hand that they had talked about a future together and he thought she really believed he would leave me for her, and then on the other hand, when asked when he was planning on leaving me he would tell me he never planned on it.  I don’t know if he was going to have me killed or he was hoping I’d die of a heart attack or something, but when pressed he will swear he never had any plans to divorce me.  Then again, I’ve asked him if they talked on the phone much and he had said no.  Then he says they talked on the phone all the way to work every day.  Oh, well, I mean in comparison to how much we texted we didn’t talk on the phone a lot, he would explain.  Did you have plans to meet up with her any of the times you went home?  No.  Oh, except for the time she was going to go with me when I got my tattoo and she was going to tattoo a sparrow on her foot to symbolize our true love.  Except for that time.  She worked all the time.  It was hard to get away.  He’ll tell me their plan was for him to move everyone closer together and then he turns around and says he didn’t want the Whoreville plant for her; he wanted it for him.  The fact that he started planting seeds to be sent to Whoreville only a week or so after he started screwing around with Harley is just an odd coincidence. Were you two declaring your love for one another by the time you went to Jezebel’s wedding.  No.  Oops, looks like he was already talking about marrying her in early May.

I didn’t find out about the messages between him and his nephew until October 23rd.  And as I told him, I couldn’t figure out why that threw me for such a loop when I knew they had talked about a future together, knew they had told each other they loved one another.  But I finally realized it was because he had spent so much time making me think it was nothing, no big deal, or that it was something small that just snowballed into something bigger, a gradual deepening of feelings. In fact, he had told me once when I asked when they first said they loved one another that he couldn’t remember because it didn’t happen all at once; it was a gradual thing. The reality, the TRUTH, was it was extremely serious from the first moment they decided to fool around.  It was never a situation where they talked dirty to one another and thought of it as nothing more than a little harmless flirting, or attention from someone other than their spouse who wasn’t giving them what they wanted or needed.  No, pretty much from the moment he told her she looked fantastic and she admitted to him that her marriage wasn’t doing so well they were setting a course that would end with them dumping their spouses and being together.  When asked who started it Zack has said it was him, that he’s the one that told her she looked fantastic and it took off from there.  But I have no idea who made the first move to make things sexual. I do know that she was the one who first said she could envision a future with him.  I don’t know if they talked about it (sexting) first or if one of them just shot off a naughty message to the other one and it went from there. In fairness, I also know that he was the one that asked her for pictures and she obliged.  What I also know is that there was never a moment where it was simply “fun” or a distraction.  It was always about them being soul mates, about them being in love, about them having a future together.  She was asking him how our kids would get along, for crying out loud!  Asking him if my kids would like her! That’s not a person who is thinking this is some harmless fling.  This is a person who has decided her life is with this other man, a man already married to someone else.

So perhaps you understand better now why it’s so difficult to watch as you and everyone else interacts with her as though she’s done nothing wrong.  She almost destroyed my marriage. I say she almost destroyed my marriage and not that the two of them did it together because I firmly believe that the gloves came off when she blocked me; I will always believe she took that step to coerce a confrontation between me and Zack because she thought either I’d toss him to the curb once I found out about them or he’d leave if pressured by me to make a choice. I also don’t think it was an accident that her husband found her phone TWICE.  One time I could chalk up to being careless.  But the second time?  You’ve either got to be stupid or want to get caught, and despite my dislike for her I don’t believe she’s stupid. I think that once again she was planning on having other people do her dirty work for her. If Zack wasn’t willing to leave his kids for her then maybe she could get me to leave him, thereby taking his kids, and his excuse for not being with her, away. Zack doesn’t think she knew The Saint had contacted me again but I’m not so sure.  I definitely don’t think she would have told Zack if she had found out.  The last time she did that it ended with him breaking it off, and Zack said the reason The Saint contacted me was because he wanted it to stop and Harley refused to end things with Zack. I guess he figured if I knew about it then maybe I could make it stop. I just look at what she said when Zack told her I knew:  What are we going to do? Not, what are you going to do, Zack?  It was what are WE going to do now?  Remember, her husband already knew and she had made it clear to Zack, and probably to The Saint as well, that she didn’t care if he knew.  She had no intentions of stopping. Her future, as far as she was concerned, was with my husband.  Now that I knew, her question wasn’t what Zack was going to do but what were the two of them together going to do. My guess is she was waiting for him to tell her he was going to file for divorce immediately so they could be together.  She was probably thinking they needed to figure out the logistics of who would move where.  Would she move to our state, or would he move back to his home state? I believe that if Zack had left me she would absolutely have left her husband and jumped in to take my place; I think that was her plan all along.  They may never have met up and had sex, or so Zack would like me to believe, but it was always a very serious relationship.  It was not two lonely people who were seeking comfort with each other.  It was two people who were absolutely convinced they were soul mates and meant to be.  He told Jezebel that Harley made him happy.  And her husband, from the very beginning, was treating this not like some random affair but an affair where they were planning on leaving their spouses to be with each other.  Both times he contacted me it wasn’t to tell me, “Hey, they’re fooling around!”  It was always, “Get a lawyer.” I asked Zack once why The Saint thought I’d need a lawyer and he said he didn’t know, but I think it’s because The Saint actually saw the text messages and saw how serious it was between the two of them.

It is difficult for me to completely put it out of my mind and concentrate on our future together because she’s always there.  He chose the one person that would never go away and that I would have to deal with for the rest of my life.  I can’t completely concentrate on the future because I don’t feel like I have all the answers about the past.  I’m always waiting for someone to call me up or email me and tell me things I don’t know.  Waiting for someone who does know what all went on to slip up and say something he or she shouldn’t, and then once again, I’ll go through all of this again.  It makes me nauseous to see my daughter’s name right beside hers when they both like something you or Pastor Fake have posted on Facebook.  Back in the summer, before I knew how serious things were and when I was still so stupid I didn’t realize they were still carrying on, it would make me want to vomit when I saw both of our names beside something you or Pastor Fake had posted.  It was like, “Oh look, Zack’s whore and his wife both like the same thing.  Isn’t that cute?”  And that was before I knew they were still in contact and telling each other they loved one another!  It is difficult every time I see her commenting on your FB page, telling you and/or Pastor Fake how much she loves you and that you are two of her favorite people in the world. It’s difficult watching as everyone fawns all over her, telling her how pretty she is, especially when they also know she was fooling around with Zack all summer. And it was downright enraging to see her agree to pray for my husband while he was in the hospital. We don’t need her prayers and she needs to stay the hell away from my husband. She has a window into my life every day. Every time you mention something about Zack or my kids she is aware of it and what’s going on.  According to Zack she never told either of her sisters about the two of them, so any time you share family news with them I’m sure they’ll mention it to her in passing, never having a clue that they were an item not long ago.  It is difficult because I never know where she might turn up.  I didn’t go to Zack’s niece’s baby shower because I figured Harley had been invited and I didn’t want to chance running into her. I never know if she will turn up at a graduation, a birthday party, a holiday dinner. Quite honestly, there have been many times I figured everyone would just as soon Zack left me for her because everyone preferred her.  I figured everyone was cheering for her and letting her know how sorry they were that Zack had dumped her and gotten back together with me.  I have stayed away out of self preservation.

And I’ll admit one other thing to you.  It’s not just that every time she would post a new picture that either you or Pastor Fake or both of you would either like it or tell her how amazing she looked that upsets me.  It’s the fact that neither of you did that for me.  I may not have changed profile pictures every other week like she did when she was carrying on with my husband, but I did post pictures.  Some of me.  Some of me with the kids. Shoot, I posted a picture of my new haircut, which not only was a huge change for me, but was also the first new profile picture I’d posted in probably 2 years.  I got nothing.  Once, Pastor Fake asked if we had been in a mud bath.  And another time you told me that my hairstyle looked flattering on me.  Honestly?  That felt like one step up from, “Wow- you don’t look nearly as hideous as you usually do!”  That was probably not the way you meant it, but that’s the way it felt in light of all the “Beautiful!” “Gorgeous!”  “You’re so pretty!” comments that my husband’s mistress received from you.  I get asked if I’ve been in a mud bath and Harley is told how incredibly beautiful she is. Over and over again.  I figured after you had told her that in September that you were probably hoping Zack would dump me, his ugly, fat, hideous wife and marry Harley, the beautiful, thinner mistress.  Why would he want me?  And there came a time shortly after that where I took every single picture of myself down off of Facebook because I didn’t want anyone to look at me.  I felt ugly and inferior.

I’m getting off topic here.  My main purpose in writing this was to tell you what went on between the two of them.  You appeared very shocked to hear that it was anything other than some innocent (or maybe not so innocent) texting.  I don’t have complete knowledge of everything that went on but I do know enough to know it wasn’t innocent and it wasn’t just texting.

I want you to know that I do love you.  I’ve always loved you, pretty much from the moment you asked to talk to me on the phone that first time. And I would love for our relationship to go back to the way it was before, but I’m not sure how that’s possible.  I have been struggling with accepting the fact that everyone loves her and thinks she’s fantastic despite what she and Zack did, for almost 2 years now. Unfortunately, I don’t care how wonderful she might be.  I don’t care if she donates half of her salary to the poor, if she reads to illiterate children, saves the whales, and recycles. She will never be anything more to me than the person who sent my husband naked pictures all summer long, who told him she loved him and could envision a future with him, and who talked about all the things she’d like to do to him and all the things she’d like him to do to her.

They Don’t Care About Our Pain

March 2015

I’ve spent the weekend reading a blog by a woman who’s husband was murdered by his mistress’s husband. Heartbreaking and fascinating.  There are 3 things I want to touch upon but I have a feeling I will only get 1, maybe 2 of them down in print before I retire for the rest of the evening.  I fell asleep on the couch but it is now 3:55 in the morning and I’m supposed to get up and go to #### tomorrow.

Anyway, here are the 3 things I contemplated: 1. She talked about wanting to confront the woman when she finally ran into her.  She went to the bathroom to steady herself and while she was in there she heard the Lord tell her to be still, that this woman didn’t care about her pain and suffering.  She didn’t care then, when she was doing it.  And she wouldn’t care now.  Powerful.  2. This woman met her new husband within about 2 months after her first husband’s murder.  Being LDS I’m sure they married quickly and by the sounds of it she was married before Thanksgiving that year.  This made me think of E as well.  I think that within 6 months of her husband’s death she had gotten involved with his friend. Before the 2 year mark had arrived she had moved to #### to be with him and she is now engaged.  Looking at Ashlee’s progress E actually took it slow! But it makes me think of what would have happened to me, to my children, if CF had left us for Harley.

Yes, I had a third topic but I’ve already forgotten it.  Maybe it will come to me later.

She doesn’t care about my pain.  Reading that on Ashlee’s blog resonated with me for some reason.  I suppose it’s the first time I really thought about it like that.

Got it!  The concept that the OW owes us nothing and is blameless in the affair.  That’s been a heated topic on a debate board I read and this blog has solidified my thought that no, she’s not an innocent bystander.  She’s a party to everything that is happening.

OK, back to me and good ol’ Harley.  I doubt she ever thought about me when she decided to fuck around with my husband.  Her only thought was about herself, her own crappy marriage, having someone around that could make her feel good. If she ever was forced to realize I was a real live person I’m sure she justified what she was doing by telling herself I was a horrible person and I didn’t deserve to have CF.  No doubt he was telling her how awful I was as well. So, why would she have any sympathy for me?  No, she was driven by what she wanted.  I was nothing to her.  And I’m sure that even today she doesn’t think about how she hurt me.  That’s not for her to worry about. She only needs to worry about herself and making sure she gets whatever she wants. That was such a powerful moment for me.  I realize that I have undoubtedly given her much, much more thought than she has ever given to me. I’m sure that once her little affair with my husband was disrupted she never gave me a second thought (not that she was thinking about me when she was fooling around with him anyway!). It’s been almost 19 months since I found out they were still messing around, almost 2 years since I first found out he was texting her.  I know that in that time I have thought about her and her impact on me many more times than she ever thought about me.  Writing that down sounds so sad.  But isn’t that the way it usually works? She is selfish and thinks only of herself and what she wants.  She’s not going to think about the wife of the man she’s screwing around with; I’ve had very little to no effect on her.  I, on the other hand, have been affected by her actions. My marriage was affected by her actions. I have a vested interest in her because she almost destroyed my life.  I have done nothing to hers. But at the heart of it all is the fact that she just doesn’t care. She doesn’t care about my pain and she never will.  And quite honestly, my husband should be caring about my pain, not her.

As for all these people getting married AGAIN right after the death of a spouse… Well, let’s just say that I’m sure if CF and I had divorced I would still be single today.  I mean, if I was single for 5 years between my last serious boyfriend and meeting CF I can’t imagine I would immediately meet and fall in love with someone else.  I met CF when I was young, relatively thin, and had no children.  Now I’m fat, old, and have 2 kids.  Oh yes, I’m a catch. No, I’m fully aware that if anything happens to CF I will be alone the rest of my life.  No one wanted me when I was young and cute so I can’t imagine there will be a line for me when I’m old and ugly and bringing baggage. Hell, even Jezebel is smart enough to realize that when she’s done with one husband she needs to lose weight before she finds the next one. I’ve come to realize that a fat Jezebel is happy in her marriage.  When she starts losing weight watch out! She’s on the prowl and another one will bite the dust.

As for the third topic, well, I think it is bullshit.  Yes, your husband made the vows to you.  But the OW is fully participating.  Affairs are just plain ass wrong.  You may have not made vows to the wife but you know damn well you shouldn’t be fucking her husband.  It takes 2 to tango.  My husband couldn’t have cheated on me if he didn’t have a willing partner.  Is he ultimately responsible?  Sure.  But that doesn’t excuse her behavior. I look at it like this:  Charles Manson is sitting in prison in California; he will probably never see the light of day.  And yet, to the best of anyone’s knowledge, he himself has not actually killed a single person.  He sits in prison because of what he was able to talk a group of people into doing.  If I hire a person to kill someone am I not responsible?  Can I say, “Well, sure I gave him money and I mentioned how nice it would be if this person ceased to exist.  But come on, you can’t hold me responsible for what he did! I didn’t force him to shoot that person!”  Or does the guy who pulled the trigger get to plead innocence?  “It was all her idea!  I was sitting there, minding my own business, when she lured me in with promises of money if I would just do this one little thing.”  No, both of us would be held responsible.  Me for offering him the money to do the deed, and him for doing the deed.  Similarly, if I were to say, “I really hate that person!  I want to burn his/her house down!  If I had a match I would.  I’ve got plenty of gasoline I just don’t have a match and I’m too lazy to go buy one,” and someone says, “I’ve got a match.  I’ll give it to you,” that person is now culpable. They knew what I was planning on doing was wrong and they helped me.  They participated.

I sat there reading Ashlee’s blog and learned how this affair affected her poor little kids.  Even at their young ages they were so traumatized by the death of their father.  It was heartbreaking.  And that woman had something to do with it.  Her husband killed him because she was sleeping with him. For anyone to say she had nothing to do with it and she shouldn’t be blamed is ludicrous.  She slept with a married man!  She was married herself!  Their affair led to her husband’s murderous rampage. She helped betray that young wife and mother.  She was part of the disaster that led to five children being left without a father. I shake my head at the number of women who are ready and eager to excuse that behavior. Even women who themselves have been cheated on.

Generally these same people will say that a successful person can’t take credit for his/her success.  Countless people helped to make that person a success.  The parents who paid for the education, fed and clothed them during the early years, nurtured them… the people all around them that gave them chances… even the government that made the roads and bridges that people use to get to the building where this person works.  I find it so interesting that a person can’t claim success on their own, but if a person has an affair they’ve suddenly done that in a vacuum.  No one else participated.  No one else is complicit.  No one helped them have an affair.  It was all on that one person.

I continue to shake my head at the people who use the excuse of: He made vows to you.  She didn’t.  She didn’t owe you anything.  I’ve heard people say, “I wouldn’t sleep with a married man, but it’s not because I owe it to his wife.  I owe it to myself to not be with someone who would put me second.”  OK, if that makes you feel better.  Is that really why you’re not sleeping with a married man?  If he put you first, ditched his wife on all holidays, made sure you were provided for before his wife and kids, would you seriously be ok with it?  I’d like to think that the majority of people have an inner moral compass.  I’d like to think that the majority of people would say, “It’s WRONG to sleep with someone else’s spouse.”  Hell, do you not molest children because it’s not fair to yourself because they’re too young to fully participate in a relationship with you, or do you not molest children because it is WRONG?  Do you stay the fuck away from your son’s and daughter’s 17, 18 and 19 year old friends because they just can’t help pay the bills, or do you stay away from them because that is WRONG?  Do you not steal or embezzle because it is WRONG or is there another more practical reason?  I can think of many things that I don’t OWE to other people but I don’t do them because it would be wrong and my inner compass doesn’t allow me to do that: kidnap someone’s child because I want him/her, steal from people, embezzle, scam them out of money, take things from their home, take their car for a joyride, spread rumors to get them fired so I can take their job… I could go on and on.

Everyone thinks they know everything about affairs- why people have them, what their marriages must have been like. They don’t.  Some people fool around because they’re broken.  Some do it because they think they deserve it.  Some do it because it’s a thrill.  Some people are unhappy in their marriages.  Some people aren’t. For some it’s just a perfect storm.  The right circumstances with a willing partner.  Some do it to get out of a marriage. Some are sex addicts and others are having a midlife crisis.  The reasons vary. But, I think one of the biggest complications is that everyone believes a person only cheats if he or she is unhappy in their marriage or the spouse isn’t fulfilling all their needs.  They never stop to think that maybe the cheating spouse has had a setback in life.  Or even that the attention from this new person makes them feel giddy and young again; they can pretend they don’t have all of these responsibilities.  If that other person wasn’t there, feeding their fantasies, maybe the spouse would move on and go back home.  I’m sure that’s not true in every situation.  But I’m equally sure that it’s true in some.  Look at CF.

I don’t think he was out looking for an affair.  He just happened to touch base with someone he knew on FB.  They messaged back and forth.  He complimented her.  She was supposedly lonely and her marriage not so rosy.  She tells him about her miserable life.  He tells her about his.  And from there they decide they’re in love and have a future together.  If she hadn’t been there, willing and eager, would he have still cheated?  I don’t think so.  Not then.  Maybe later, if things hadn’t changed between us.

No, the OP is never an innocent bystander.  They are fully complicit in what they are doing.  They are wrong and they know it.

The Dysfunctional Baby Shower

November 2014

Tomorrow is the baby shower. I’m still debating driving down there, just picking up my daughter early from gymnastics and showing up. I figure even if the whore is there I have no reason to feel bad. I’m not a whore. I don’t send naked pictures to other women’s husbands. She’s the one that should feel bad, but let’s face it. She’s an immoral, selfish, manipulative little bitch and feeling embarrassed is the last thing she would feel. I’m sure she’d be quite satisfied with herself for being invited and attending, especially with everyone in the family fawning over her while I sat away from everyone.

I figure I could go, look fabulous and focus on the fact I’m going to support Zack’s niece, ignore the in-laws or give basic, no frills answers if they ask questions, eat cake, ooh and aaah over the gifts, and then head back to my hotel for the rest of the evening and take off Sunday afternoon. I can be cool but civil.

I doubt I’ll go. I’m not looking forward to seeing any of them and answering their fake questions of concern. I’m not looking forward to them acting like they give even a little bit of a shit about me, like I’m some important part of the family. Oh, how have you been? I’m so glad you could come. How’s life? Blah, blah, blah. I’m not looking forward to explaining to my daughter why I’m staying at a hotel instead of with her grandparents. I have no desire to interact with any of my in-laws and I’m not sure how that will go. Then I think about who I would sit with. It’s not like I’ll know anyone outside of the family. And my daughter will want to sit with her grandmother and then she’ll be asking why I’m not over there with her. It will end up being a total clusterfuck. I think it’s just better if I stay at home.

Present Day Sam Says: In the end, we didn’t go. When we went there for Christmas I brought along the baby gift. It was actually quite nice and quite expensive.

He Makes Me Sick

I was all set to write about interrogatories and taxes on Monday. That day has come and gone. Interrogatories suck! It has been a test of patience to not just let loose with every nasty thought that plagues my mind.

Fast forward to today. I’m sending some more documentation to my lawyer’s assistant. I had found the message from The Saint where he stated that Cousinfucker was paying for their divorce. I decide I may as well send along the lovely pictures they’ve been plastering on Facebook. You know, pictures of the two of them posing together happily, despite his grueling battle with PTSD which rendered him unable to work. Pictures of him and her youngest child posing for Show and Tell, an activity in which he never indulged his actual children. What do I come across?

Oh yes! It’s the profile picture of the two of them which I had seen before. This time though I read the comments. Harley tells people to keep in mind that they had just been at her daughter’s cheer competition. People make comments about the t-shirt he’s wearing because it appears he is wearing a t-shirt in support of his favorite team’s arch rival. No, no, no! It’s her daughter’s school mascot. It was sooooo painful to put that shirt on but he wanted to support his “step-daughter”. The whore chimes in, “You know he must really love her to put that shirt on!”

You two are so adorable! Do I even need to point out that that cousin fucking piece of shit never once attended a single cheer competition for his own daughter?

Hey! Maybe that’s the reason his kids have nothing to do with him. He was a piss poor excuse of a father and now he’s strutting around like Daddy of the Year for four kids that have a father. An involved father at that. Nah, I’m sure it’s because I have poisoned their minds. As he’s whining to Rock Star that he hopes she will talk to him once again he forgets that actions speak louder than words. His words say his children are very important to him. His actions say, “You kids don’t mean shit to me. I couldn’t be bothered to go to your competitions or participate in your lives. Now excuse me while I show up at my ‘step-daughter’s’ competitions and take my fake son to show and tell. I love them and need to support them.”  Wouldn’t surprise me to find out he’s coaching one of their teams as well.

Even better are all the comments about how happy they look! Oh, and Jezebel loves them both! Someone told her she deserved to finally be happy.

Really? She’s just entitled to take whatever the hell she wants? Because it makes her happy? Fuck the two families they destroyed! Fuck the betrayed husband who has to watch as his whore of an ex and her mentally unstable lover/cousin play house with his kids! Fuck the betrayed wife who has lost her home, who moved her kids once again, who has lost everything, who works two jobs just trying to feed her kids. They are happy and that trumps everything! You don’t even want to know what would make me happy and I’m 100% sure none of her friends and relatives would tell me I was entitled to make myself happy at her expense.

Then again that seems to be the common refrain. As long as the two cheating lovebirds are happy then all is well. No one wants to look around and see the damage caused by the cheating and the lies. Being unhappy is a perfect justification for being a cheating asshole. Who can say it’s wrong when they’re so happy? Life is short! Too short to do the right thing apparently. I hope they all burn in hell.

Chump Lady is so correct when she says no contact is the only way to go. Having to dredge all this crap up in order to prove what an absolute asshole he is only makes my blood boil. I already know he’s an asshole! Why do I have to prove it to everybody else?

The Saint, Part 1

September 2014

I’ve always thought it would be interesting to hear how her husband felt about mine. I wonder what kind of movie runs through his mind when/if he thinks of their affair. I mean even with my limited knowledge I know how I feel about his wife. I think she’s a manipulative, conniving homewrecking whore with no morals, no conscience, and no sense of right or wrong beyond what she wants. But I wonder if the Saint sees Zack the same way. Does he think of him as the callous sonofabitch that swooped in and seduced his naive wife? I figure the Saint has a hell of a lot more information than I do. He was married to an idiot, a self absorbed idiot, who left her phone out. So I’m sure he saw plenty of texts between the two of them. Saw their conversations and their plans for a happy future together. I wasn’t privy to that. Was that because my husband actually cared, while she didn’t? She wanted out and onto the next one while he was hedging his bets? That makes it so much better. So I wonder. How does he view my husband? Is he the great love of her life or just one in a long string of her affairs? Does he understand why it happened or does he blame it all on Zack? Does he blame her? Is he mad at her still? Does he hold my husband more responsible than his wife? I’m not sure who I blame more. Yes, he’s the one that made vows to me. He shouldn’t have cheated. She’s the one who rushed in to play footsie with a married man. She should have walked away. I think I hold them equally responsible. They both knew what they were doing. And if my husband is to be believed they weren’t fooling around when he complimented her picture, which was the end of April. I think the 24th or 26th. It rapidly went from “You look fantastic!” from him to “My marriage isn’t all that great,” from her to “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.” No more than 2 weeks. So they both knew exactly what they were doing. And her telling him her life wasn’t all that great and her marriage wasn’t so rosy was a blatant come on. He had complimented her, probably more vigorously than a married man should have, and she was laying the bait trap. I know that makes it sound like I hold her more responsible. I don’t; I simply happen to think she’s extremely conniving and manipulative. He shouldn’t have been sniffing around but she knew exactly what was happening and never even tried to stop it. She ran full speed ahead. He was her out. He was going to ride in on the white horse and rescue her from her not so rosy marriage. I don’t know if that’s how The Saint sees things. Probably not. I wouldn’t be surprised if he feels Zack is every bit as conniving and manipulative as I see his wife. One thing I do know though is when the Saint discovered their affair a second time she told Zack she wasn’t going to do anything about it because she didn’t care if he knew. I think that speaks volumes.

It’s Veterans Day

November 11th. Veterans Day. I have to keep reminding self that just because Cousinfucker is a lying, cheating sonofabitch, that doesn’t mean every veteran is. I have to keep that in mind so that I don’t paint every service member with the same broad brush. I have plenty of people in my family who have served and they are not all assholes.

Regardless, this day has always been filled with lots of drama. I’ll never forget the year that he came home, pouting, because I had not wished him a Happy Veterans Day. From that point forward I always made it a priority to recognize this day and reminded the kids to thank him as well. So hey, if you or one of your minions is reading this: Happy Veterans Day to all those who have honorably served! To those veterans who are cheating on their spouses, abandoning their kids, refusing to pay child and/or spousal support, abusing their spouses, or plotting their murders, you are a disgrace to the military. I don’t wish you a happy anything. I fart in your general direction. It is truly sad that so many good men and women have given their lives while you continue to walk this earth. May God have mercy on your souls because I sure as hell won’t. You make me sick.

1dza9o

In other news, I took the advice of those of you who said to screenshot his photos on Facebook. Actually, I made my mother do it because I can’t stand to look at him. I found out some interesting stuff, though.

  1. He lists his status as “in a relationship” with Harley the Whore.
  2. He’s got pictures of him posing with her youngest son. Nice!
  3. Harley the Whore has changed her name! And she’s going by her maiden name now so I guess her divorce is final.
  4. There are 2 dogs in the picture now. Good to know he can’t afford to pay child support, any of the marital debt, or to keep up the lawn but he can buy two fucking dogs. Not to mention the dogs he simply abandoned.
  5. This was the most interesting. He put up some meme about 100 days. We were trying to figure out what on earth that might mean. 100 days since he had paid child support? 100 days since he had abandoned his kids? 100 days since he began living with a whore? Hmmmm…. so my mom read the comments and we are both thinking that it is 100 days since he has stopped drinking. Interesting. Especially because the point at which he quit drinking (if that’s what it is) corresponds to roughly the time he resigned from his job.

 

121ojp

That’s all I’ve got for you today. Keep your chins up and “soldier” on!