More Signs From the Universe That I Conveniently Ignored

May 2015

The whore’s newest picture (picture removed for now). Longer and darker.  Looks like I’ll continue to go short and blonde. I have to say I have been very surprised that my in-laws have not commented on or liked the picture.  Perhaps letting my MIL know she was sending naked pictures to Zack had something to do with that.

In other news it appears she’s now friends with Zack’s niece.  Oh, I just love seeing her gush over the new baby.  So, so glad we’re so entwined.  Even better I love the fact that Zack and I are sending money to pay her rent for 2 months while the whore does nothing.  If you love them so much why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and actually do something, Harley?

I am never going to get away from her, am I?  She’s everywhere.  My MIL thinks she can sympathize with what I’m going through because of what she went through, but the OW in her case didn’t hang around her family.  That’s the huge difference.  I’ve got everyone that we see when we go to Kentucky thinking she’s just the greatest thing ever.  People come into my home and then turn around and compliment that bitch.  And here’s the thing.  If they really think she’s that great and that what she did wasn’t that bad, then how can any of them say they’re rooting for me and Zack?  If she’s that wonderful, if they love her and think she’s fantastic, isn’t that just basically saying, “You know, Sam, we wouldn’t really be all that upset if Zack dumped you for Harley because we just love her so much.  She’s fantastic.  So losing you wouldn’t be a problem because we would gain our beloved Harley.”

Yes, I know I could bury my head in the sand and pretend she doesn’t exist. But you know my policy on that.  Just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.  I mean, if someone let a snake loose in my house even if I couldn’t see it I still wouldn’t feel comfortable until it was caught and removed.  I would never feel comfortable.  I’d always be wondering if I opened a cabinet or stepped down onto the floor if the snake would be there.  That’s just a fact.  I’d be a nervous wreck.  Blocking her on FB is like having an unseen snake roaming my house.  I’d rather know.  I’d rather see what was going on and be prepared.

In my defense, I do not stalk her page often.  I do sometimes wonder if it were someone different, someone everyone on Zack’s side of the family didn’t communicate with, if I wouldn’t stalk her page at all.  I kinda think I wouldn’t. I would have no need to.

The way I see it, Zack and I as a couple are fine.  I don’t think about her much in terms of what she almost did to our marriage.  Yes, I am still haunted a bit by the whole:  I know I don’t want to lose my kids and him telling Jezebel that Harley made him happy.  It bothers me because he does seem so miserable now and didn’t back then. Oh, logically I know it all has to do with the whole fantasy vs. reality thing.  She was new and exciting and promising to fulfill his every need.  It was all fantasy and no reality so she was the perfect woman, doing everything that needed to be done.  I get that.  It still bugs me at times.  Probably because he never sees the need to point that out to his sister when he talks to her and she talks to him and tells him how miserable he is.

And I can sometimes rationalize the FB thing by telling myself it’s no big deal; it doesn’t mean anything.  I’ve got “friends” that I rarely communicate with on FB. I have also been known to accept a friend request from someone I don’t know all that well. So, perhaps that is what has happened here with his niece.  It still bugs me, though.  I’m tired of seeing her wherever I look.  Funny how this becomes my cross to bear when I’m not the one who cheated!

Present Day Sam Says: Oh yeah, I think they were definitely fooling around at this point. He always said he loved my hair when it was longer and darker. I remember this picture of the whore. Someone commented on her weight loss, too. Another sign of an affair. Sign #3? Friending CF’s niece on Facebook. This was Pastor Fake’s granddaughter. Absolutely no reason for Harley to have any contact with her. In fact, she hadn’t up until this point.

I truly believe Harley is one of the most manipulative, fake phony people out there. She and Jezebel will get along wonderfully.

Oh, and this part?  <<<… here’s the thing.  If they really think she’s that great and that what she did wasn’t that bad, then how can any of them say they’re rooting for me and Zack?  If she’s that wonderful, if they love her and think she’s fantastic, isn’t that just basically saying, “You know, Sam, we wouldn’t really be all that upset if Zack dumped you for Harley because we just love her so much.  She’s fantastic.  So losing you wouldn’t be a problem because we would gain our beloved Harley.”>>> That was absolutely dead on accurate.

You cannot continue to interact with the whore and honestly say you are rooting for reconciliation between the married couple. They obviously didn’t think that what she, or he, had done was that bad and they obviously were rooting for the two of them to get together.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere There’s Signs

I was reading over on Chump Lady about signs the universe was trying to give you that your relationship with the cheater was doomed.  Some people had actual signs and then others were talking about dreams.  I did have some dreams during the marriage, but only one small sign to think of, and I chalked that up to the fact that it’s said everyone has something go wrong on their wedding day.  Although, looking back I could take our whole trip out to our new state as a sign.

The day of our wedding I was running late.  The wedding was supposed to begin at 4:30 and the bridesmaids had been told to be there an hour beforehand.  My maid of honor, my STBX-SIL, Jezebel, and I were at the salon and they were soooooo slow.  He kept telling me, “Honey, you’re the bride.  They’re not going to start without you!”  OK, that is true, but there is the possibility that they may think I just stood him up at the alter.  In hindsight, that would have been the way to go.  Anyway, I’ve told the story many times before.  We had Jezebel go first because she was singing and needed to warm up.  Maid of Honor and I were there until 3:30 or so, maybe almost 4.  Then we sped off to the church, doing upwards of 75 mph in the city trying to get to the church on time.  I ended up being on time but one of my friends who was a groomsman went to the wrong church.  Hey, maybe he was trying to tell me something!  Then he got the right church but as he was getting dressed he discovered he didn’t have his shirt; fortunately (?) it had fallen off the hanger in the parking lot so that was an easy fix. Someone went to retrieve it for him, he finished dressing, and we were finally able to begin the wedding.  I know we did not begin the wedding on time.  Like I said, I chalked it up to being our crazy wedding day story.

Our final trip out here was one hell of a ride.  First, I was driving across the country with two kids, 3 dogs, 2 cats, and a fish.  And a van filled with things the moving company wouldn’t transport, including about 8 12-packs of pop.  Who knew they couldn’t take carbonated beverages?  Not me!  It was a three day trip.  I had to find a hotel that would take pets, for starters.  Then, because one of the kids I was transporting was my niece, and because I could stay at my mom’s house for free instead of paying for a hotel room I ended up taking a slightly longer (by about 3 hours) route to our new house.  Then on our final day as we get ready to leave on the last leg of the trip my engine light came on and the bell that would ding if my doors didn’t close properly was chiming incessantly; this meant that we weren’t going to get on the road until much later and we wouldn’t arrive at our destination until late at night.  I took it into the shop but they didn’t have the part that was needed.  They told me it was going to take at least one day for the part to come in.  I was in full panic mode.  I HAD to get to my new home!  How would my poor, helpless husband ever manage to direct the move by himself?  He would be a sobbing mess. Since they knew I needed to get on the road they repaired it enough for me to get to my destination.  They did not, however, remove the fuse that would stop the incessant dinging; apparently, that is a trick that only ONE dealership in the entire country knows about.  How do I know this?  Because every time I mentioned it the service techs would look at me like I was crazy.  I had it done by service techs at a dealership.  It was THEIR solution to my problem; it’s not like I came up with this on my own! As you might imagine I got to drive for ten hours listening to this:  ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding..

Seriously- ten hours of that!  I couldn’t play the radio loud enough to cover up the sound.  To make the trip even more delightful my phone died about four hours from our destination.  My daughter plugged it into the brand new charger I had bought and announced, “It isn’t charging!”  I was freaking out!  I had no other directions to our new house.  Technology!  It always works, right?  I wasn’t even sure how to get to the hotel where CF was staying, nor did I know what his room number was.  Freaking out doesn’t describe it.  It was more like blind panic.  I was crying and trying to hide it from my daughter, who thought I was going to drive off a mountain.  Remember, I’ve listened to an incessant dinging for about 7 or 8 hours now and I’m traveling with 3 dogs, 2 cats and a fish, in addition to my daughter.  And my engine could start giving me problems at any minute.  We did finally make it, of course, and I was there in time to help supervise the unloading of our furniture and household goods so that CF didn’t have to do it all by himself.  Ah yes, the trip from Hell straight into our lives from Hell.  A fitting foreshadowing.

Then there were the dreams.  One was a recurring dream; it didn’t occur often but I probably had it four to six times. In the dream he was leaving me and I would always say, “It finally happened.  He really left me.”  It never got much further than that.  Just me realizing he had tossed me aside and me wondering what the hell I was going to do now. And it would always be one of those dreams where you tell yourself that you are not dreaming; this is real.  Have you ever had one of those?  For me, I’ll be dreaming and it’s something unpleasant.  Then in the dream I wake up.  But then I go on to have another dream, and this time when I’m dreaming I tell myself, “No, you were dreaming last time but you woke up.  This is real.  It’s actually happening.” I hate those dreams!  I never really gave it much thought, though; I probably thought it happened because I was a stay at home mom.  That, or maybe I always expected him to leave me one day.

Right before I found out he was fucking Harley the second time I had a dream where I knew he was cheating on me and I asked him why he was doing this.  He sneered at me, “Because it’s fun.”  I’m pretty sure I had that dream the weekend he was gone for the funeral (and fucking his whore).

Of course, we have the gut check and how it was screaming at me for a few weeks- first the charge to the Whore Town Walmart, and then him refusing to take to our daughter to the funeral.  Come to think of it, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that the weekend in May he was going to his mom’s he was actually going to see Harley.  Again, he wouldn’t take either of the kids.  The coup de grace though had to be the changing date of the funeral and how a one night stay turned into 4 nights.  And the motherfucker didn’t even bother leaving until late morning.

Hey, maybe this is his sign that what he’s doing is not such a good thing.  Keep in mind that for years now Cousinfucker has been talking about his anxiety driving to work.  He even commented only months earlier that he could barely make it to work anymore, and his current commute was 10 minutes.  He’s now making a 12 hour round trip. Every weekend (of course, at the time I didn’t know this was going to be an every weekend thing).  Driving during the day.  Driving at night.  He’s amazing!  His recovery is amazing.  Let’s all praise Jesus for the miracle He has worked on this man!  As he’s getting off the exit to our town, after spending 5 days with the whore where he took her to a damn funeral to show off to his family, he ends up rear ending a tractor trailer.  Yep, here’s yer sign!