Christmas Always Finds Me

This is a new one. It’s new for me and it’s new for everyone. It was released in October of this year.

There is something so simple and yet so sweet about this song. I tend to really enjoy the upbeat, fast tempo songs like Kelly Clarkson’s “Underneath the Tree” or Mariah Carey’s, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” but I love this one by Ingrid Andress.

Maybe it’s the message. No matter the age, no matter the circumstances, Christmas always finds her. She may no longer view Christmas with childlike wonder, asking for rollerskates and pixie sticks, and she may no longer be eyeing all the presents stacked underneath the Christmas tree, but the spirit of Christmas remains. 

I think this song touches me so much because it captures what I’m so desperately searching for- that feeling of Christmas.

Another year older

A little harder to believe

But somehow 

Christmas always finds me

You Make It Feel Like Christmas

I *love* this Christmas song, although I’m not quite sure it’s really a Christmas song. Gwen and Blake sing, “You make it feel like Christmas.” They don’t say it actually is Christmas. Nonetheless, it gets a lot of play time during the holiday season and it’s a special song for me and the mobster.

A couple of Christmases ago we spent a weekend at an AirBnB. We always refer to it as The Orient. It was one of our weekends where we decided we weren’t going to run around trying to do as much as possible. I think we actually went out Christmas shopping and exchanged our gifts with each other and put together stockings for our kids.

Later in the evening we listened to hours of Bill Burr’s standup specials, and we did a Christmas puzzle. We also listened to Christmas songs and this was one of those songs the mobster fell in love with. We played it over and over again.

It’s a catchy little tune. It doesn’t hurt that I can completely relate to the lyrics.

Thought I was done for, thought that love had died

But you came along, I swear you saved my life

I wanna thank you, baby

‘Cause you make it feel like Christmas

Yep, that was me. I wasn’t looking for love. I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. My life was pretty much an empty, gray, depressing void. Then the mobster came along, fell out of a tree, landed on my head, and helped me begin a new life. He really does make every day feel like Christmas.

Sweet gingerbread made with molasses

My heart skipped and I reacted

Can’t believe that this is happening

Like a present sent from God

Sleigh bells singing hallelujah

Stars are shining on us, too

I wanna thank you, baby

You make it feel like Christmas

Christmas Carols

It’s almost Christmas. I don’t feel like taking on cheaters or their minions. I would like to retain some Christmas cheer and concentrate on this most wonderful time of the year.

I’ve been listening to Christmas music a lot at work. It usually puts me in a pretty good mood. I thought I would share some of my favorites with you over the next couple of days.

The first one I’m going to suggest is one of the most recent songs I’ve downloaded. It’s “The Little Drummer Boy” by Carrie Underwood and her son Isaiah Fisher.

Ordinarily this song makes me cry a lot of times. There’s something so sweet about this little drummer boy who is meeting the baby Jesus and wants to give Him a gift. Alas, he is a poor boy, too, and he has nothing to give the baby aside from the gift of music. I don’t know why but this always touches my heart.

Carrie’s version with her son is adorable. She already has a voice like an angel. She begins the song and sings the chorus. Her son sings the parts where the little drummer boy would be talking. He has a sweet little singing voice and he can’t say his R’s correctly which makes it even more adorable.

It puts the biggest smile on my face. I don’t know how she got through that song because as a mother I would have been bawling if I did a duet like that with my cute little kid.

I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do.

The Chipmunk Song

What is it with that guy on that Christmas song? Is his name Dave? I know it’s Dave in the movies; not sure it’s ever mentioned in the song.

First thing you hear as the song begins is him asking each adorable chipmunk if he’s ready. 

Okay, Simon? 


Okay, Theodore? 


Okay, Alvin? Alvin? ALVIN!!!  

What is this guy’s fucking problem? He’s screaming at a poor little chipmunk. What has Alvin really done? It’s not like he’s goofing off. He’s simply not responding as quickly as his two suck up brothers. Dave calls him twice and then he loses his damn mind. Why is he yelling at him and what is with his short fuse? He seems like a horrible manager.

Has he ever thought that maybe if he talked to Alvin in a nicer tone of voice Alvin might be a bit more responsive? Alvin might be more inclined to pay attention and give his best efforts towards this Christmas song. I don’t blame him for not wanting to work with that jerk or for not paying attention.

Then he does it again- after insulting him! He compliments Simon and Theodore (That was very good, Simon; that was very good, Theodore!) but tells Alvin he was a little flat, and when Alvin doesn’t immediately tell him he’s so sorry about his failings as a singing chipmunk he yells at him AGAIN! Alvin. Alvin! ALVIN!!!

Whenever I listen to this at work I get irritated with him every single time. Stop yelling at him! Maybe if he treated him with a little bit of respect and kindness he wouldn’t have these issues with Alvin. I think we all respond better to constructive criticism instead of screaming and yelling.

At the end of the song, when he’s telling them they’ve sang enough and need to rest, it sounds like the chipmunks are getting ready to attack him. They are chattering up a storm. Now, maybe it’s just Alvin. Or maybe Alvin has finally galvanized his brothers to rally around him. I don’t know. What I do know is I wouldn’t want to be that guy that spent the day yelling at poor little Alvin. Because it sounds like they’re really pissed. And we all know the last thing you want is a pissed off chipmunk. I’m solidly rooting for Alvin if it comes to that.

To Hell and Back

The mobster and I have a whole playlist of “our songs”. This song by Maren Morris made the list recently.

So much of what she sings on this song fits us perfectly.

You didn’t save me. You didn’t think I needed saving.

You didn’t change me. You didn’t think I needed changing.

He’s never treated me like I was broken or less than. When I wondered, “Why would you want someone like me?” his response would be, “Why wouldn’t I? You’re amazing.”

“But I’m poor. I work two jobs just to make ends meet. I live with my mom. I’m going on year two of a horrible divorce from a horrible person. I don’t have a bedroom to call my own. I’m fat, no longer some slinky, sexy little size 6 and I have two teenage kids- hardly the kind of attributes that make you highly desirable.”

He didn’t care. He saw all my flaws and thought they were pretty awesome. He didn’t think they were flaws. He didn’t think I needed saving. He’s always believed I was capable of great things. There were so many things I did in my old life that I never received credit for and he would tell me how amazing I was for doing what I did. He’s always propped me up and told me how great I am.

He didn’t try to change me either. He didn’t try to fix everything. He didn’t give me a list of things I could do to improve myself. He doesn’t go over all of my faults and I never feel like I’m a constant disappointment to him.

Instead, we are two people who both suffered through pretty miserable marriages for years. We weren’t appreciated. We weren’t valued. We sloughed along and did our best, despite the little encouragement we received from our spouses. We found each other. We appreciate each other and lift the other up. Our wings are frayed and what’s left of our halos are black but lucky for us our kind of heaven has been to hell and back.

All Of Me

I’ve written before about the song “All Of Me”. That was the song I deemed “our” song back in 2014. The summer of 2013 was the summer of Pink’s “Just Give Me A Reason”. It was a silent plea to restore our marriage and to give us another chance as a couple. We’re not broken; we’re just bent. Yeah, about that…

The following summer came John Legend’s ode to his bride, “All Of Me”. That was our new song. We were better. We were fixed. We were stronger than ever. Loving. Affectionate. Running errands together. He loved all of me, all my curves and all my edges, all my perfect imperfections. I loved that song. It was haunting and beautiful. Who wouldn’t want to be someone’s muse? The love he feels for his wife pours out of that song. I thought that was us.

The summer after that had no theme song. Just a cold, cruel discovery that I had been completely duped. Duped into moving across the country. Duped into ripping my kids’ lives apart. Duped into believing him.

Those days are two years in the past but I can still remember them like they were yesterday. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I could barely function. I had enough brain power to play Candy Crush, write, and watch TV.

The day came that I was laying on the couch, watching Baby Daddy, when Brad proposed to Bonnie by singing “All Of Me” in a flash mob. I couldn’t do it. I had to fast forward through it because it was just too painful to listen to that song. It was like a knife in the gut, torturing me. Here was this song I loved and I couldn’t bear to hear it anymore.

Until only recently I couldn’t listen to that song. I would cringe when it came on at work and there was no way to change the station. If I was in the car I would change the station. I skipped by it on my iPod. Then I decided I wasn’t going to let that jackass take one more thing from me. And then the mobster sent a YouTube link to me. He likes to send me song lyrics that remind him of me and of us. It was that song.

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in and you kicking me out

Got my head spinning,

no kidding, I can’t pin you down

What’s going on in that beautiful mind

I’m on your magical mystery ride

And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me,

but I’ll be alright

My head’s under water

but I’m breathing fine

You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

‘Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I’ll give my all to you

You’re my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I’m winning

‘Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

How many times do I have to tell you

Even when you’re crying

you’re beautiful too?

The world is beating you down,

I’m around through every mood

You’re my downfall,

you’re my muse

My worst distraction

My rhythm and blues

I can’t stop singing, it’s

ringing, in my head for you

My head’s under water

but I’m breathing fine

You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

‘Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I’ll give my all to you

You’re my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I’m winning

‘Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

Oh, Give me all of you

Cards on the table, we’re

both showing hearts

Risking it all,

though it’s hard

‘Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I’ll give my all to you

You’re my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I’m winning

‘Cause I give you all, all of me

And you give me all, all of you

I give you all, all of me

And you give me all,

all of you, oh

So now that’s one of our songs. It no longer reminds me of CF and our relationship. It reminds me of my mobster.

When we were at the beach he turned on his playlist and that song began playing. We danced in the hotel room and smiled as we gazed into each other’s eyes. I know; I know. We’re sickeningly sweet. People have been known to barf around us. Nonetheless, I got a bit teary eyed listening to that song with him. I told him in a choked up voice, “Thank you for giving me that song back. I really loved it.”

When I vowed to not let that asshole who stole 20+ years of my life from me take one more thing from me I thought I’d be able to listen to some of my favorite songs again. That was it; that was the main goal. The mobster, on the other hand, had different plans for me. He actually gave me that song back. He made it mean something again. No longer does that song make me think of CF and our shitty marriage that I thought was all shiny and new and repaired after infidelity. It makes me think about my mobster. It makes me think about our relationship- one that is new and shiny, one where the future is bright because it hasn’t been marred by cheating and lies. It’s not a song trying to convince me we’ll be okay after a horrible betrayal. It’s a song from a man who is telling me he loves all of me; he’ll give his all to me. I inspire him. And that is what that song should have meant all along.

P.S. In case anyone was left wondering, I feel the exact same way about the mobster.


Have you ever listened to a song and had it take your breath away?  I’ve been listening to a lot of music lately. The why is neither here nor there. Most of the music is old- 80s and 90s.

I was listening to Patty Loveless and her song “How Can I Help You Say Good-bye?”  I knew there was the verse in there about the husband and wife divorcing but I didn’t think anything about it because the final verse where she’s saying goodbye to her mom is the one that always guts me. And then I heard it…

I sat on our bed, he packed his suitcase

I held a picture of our wedding day

His hands were trembling, we both were crying

He kissed me gently and then he quickly turned away

Normally, I don’t think about this too much but for some reason that day it suddenly struck me: I wasn’t even worth that much. There were no tender moments (I realize I would have attempted homicide had he tried). There was no crying between two people who had been married for years. There was no reminiscing, no fake displays of sentimentality. I was simply discarded. He got in his car, drove to work, and then after work drove 7 hours to his new home and his life. Out with the old; in with the new and whore-ish.

Even more recently I was listening to Patty again. I was in a very good mood. And then I listened to “Hurt Me Bad”. It’s supposed to be a positive song.

Would have never found you

If he had wanted to stay

Oh he hurt me bad in a real good way

See?  A positive song about the good that can come out of a broken relationship. Finding a new, better relationship. Or not. But then came the line…

When I look back on my life before

How my heart got shattered

with a slammin’ door….

The words literally took my breath away and I gasped for air. Because again, there was no slamming door. He slunk out like a yellow-bellied coward. I was nothing. Not a single thought. No fights. No yelling. No slamming doors. Just gradually pack up your shit and drive away while I’m out of the house. No confrontation. No explanation. I wasn’t worth an explanation or a goodbye.

Most days I have made my peace with it. Most days I truly don’t care and I’m thankful he’s out of my life. As one of my dear, dear friends put it: CF was a bottomless pit who needed you to fill that and it wasn’t your job to make him happy.

But on these two occasions it struck me how I was completely and totally discarded without a single backwards glance. I spent twenty years with this person. I followed him around the country. I gave up life after life. I did whatever he wanted. I tried to be whatever it was he wanted. In the end it was never enough and he callously tossed me aside for his whore of a cousin.

As if that’s not enough he callously discarded me and now wants to continue to ruin me. He’s cost us our house, our new life, and pretty much everything I’ve ever owned. He’s left us destitute and still refuses to pay support even though he’s working once again. He’s trying to get out of this marriage with everything, leaving me with nothing.

Someone said to me recently: He really broke your heart when he walked out, didn’t he? No, he really didn’t, was my response. He pissed me off. And that is how I usually think of it. He pissed me off. He fucked with my life. He made a fool of me. He played me. He lied to me.

However, there are times it does hurt. It’s those times when I allow myself to feel the extent of  what he did. It’s those times that I wonder how people ever learn to trust in new relationships. I mean I realize that they do. You can’t swing a cat without hitting someone who has been dumped and is now in a new relationship. But then I’m left to wonder if that new person will wake up one day and see what CF saw. I wonder if that new person will see the shortcomings and the faults the way that CF did and decide I’m not worth it. And once again someone will slink out the door without saying a word. Of course that would be quite the feat seeing as how I won’t live with anyone again.

I should probably listen to better, more upbeat music, huh? The good news is I don’t often feel this way. Usually I’ve got my shit together. I know he’s the problem, not me. I know it’s not normal to discard people. I know that what he did was wrong and no reflection on me. But some days… well, some days the sheer cruelty of what he did manages to take my breath away.

Advice From the Mistress, Part 2

Get those vomit buckets ready, ladies. We’ve got more advice from the lovely Sarah.

4. Communicating and the art of communication – Flirt with him throughout the day either via text, email, phone etc (*Note: that’s what all Mistresses do with your husbands*). Be fun and fun loving. Don’t nag! Ultimately make him WANT to come home to you, not HAVE to come home to you.

I detest this one with the fire of a thousand suns. Probably because it reminds me of what CF wanted me to do. Because the whore did it. I will say again, so that I am very clear, I think it’s wonderful when couples communicate throughout the day. I think the random sexy message and flirty text is a great thing. You know what’s not great? Being pressured into doing this. Having the expectation that you will do this every day, all the time. Your partner not respecting your time and the fact that you may be busy doing other things. Someone acting like a fucking high school student with their phone connected to their hand at all times so they can constantly text one another.

I’ve got a job! I can’t be on my phone all day long. I guess if I ever venture back into the dating pool I am doomed to be cheated on again and again because I can’t sit around texting my boyfriend constantly. What in the hell did people do before cell phones? Before this idea that two people in a relationship need to be in constant contact all day long, every damn day? I don’t think wives were calling their husbands at work at

9 am: Thanks for that morning quickie. I can hardly wait until you get home.

10:15: I miss you.

10:45: It’s been so long since I’ve heard your voice. I want you! I’m going to do all sorts of naughty things to you when you walk in that door.

11:30: Whatchya doing?

12:15: I’m lifting up my shirt and showing my boobs to you. Can you see it now? Close your eyes and imagine it!

1:30: I’m so hot and horny for you! I don’t know if I can wait until you get home.

2:00: How’s your day been?

2:45: I just called to say I missed you.

How would they have managed to get any work done?

OF COURSE the mistresses all do this. It’s a hook. See? I’m sooooo much better than your wife. It’s also one of the only ways they can be with this married man throughout the day.

Furthermore, I’m not taking advice from a whore, especially not my husband’s whore. How dare he try to turn me into her? He should be worried about what he needs to do to keep me! (Too bad I didn’t have that attitude when I was still married and “reconciling” with CF.)

My shit eating chimp decided that a mistress that lived hours away was a good idea. Sexting and flirty messages were all they had for day to day communication. And my guess would be that if you’re going to have an affair sex is going to figure prominently in that situation. She’s not going to be texting him to tell him the toilet is backed up or one of the kids is in trouble at school. She’s going to be texting him to tell him how much she wants him, how handsome and sexy he is, and to tempt him with promises of more once they can finally be together. It’s all fantasies and no responsibilities.

The wife, on the other hand, has an actual life with him. The sink gets clogged and a plumber needs to be called. A child is doing poorly in school. The in-laws want to come out for Spring Break. She doesn’t have the luxury of pretending that there is nothing else in this world going on except the crotch tingles she feels for her husband. Fuck the kids! Fuck your parents! Fuck me NOW!

You might be able to get away with that occasionally but if you think that’s what’s going to happen all the time in a marriage then you’re going to find there are a lot of things that don’t get taken care of and your life is going to crumble all around you.

5. Be Intimate with your husband everyday – Preferably sex YES! But even if you don’t always feel like it, there are other things you can do. If you’re not sleeping with your husband, I guarantee someone else is! Even a hug and a kiss will be welcomed if you can’t go the whole way, but some form of intimacy is essential.

Basically, what you’re saying, Sarah, is that you need to put out because if you don’t your husband has such lack of control he will be compelled to go out and fuck some random stranger. Yeah, no. We don’t control anyone’s behavior except our own. (Okay, I will acknowledge there are some extremely co-dependent personalities that are undoubtedly at the mercy of their partner but I would like to think those people are few in number.)

I already talked about the woman who wrote a book on relationships, advising women to never refuse their husband sex because if you weren’t giving it up he’d find someone who would. Even with that mindset her husband still cheated on her. She now has an elementary aged stepchild.

I’ve already talked about the women who were stunned to find out their husbands were cheating because they had sex with them every day or every other day (I guess that one day on, one day off was just too much for the sex starved husband).

Really, what kind of a relationship is that? I know I’m sick, baby, but maybe we could do it doggy style in the bathroom. If you just let me lean over the toilet I can throw up while you’re riding me hard and you’ll never have to miss a beat.

What happens if I get cancer and I’m exhausted and nauseous from chemotherapy? I know several females who either are going through, or have gone through cancer treatment. Are the husbands justified in getting it elsewhere now? After all if the premise is you need to be intimate every day you can’t let a little thing like cancer and fighting for your life stop you from fucking your husband or being intimate in some other way. Those husbands can’t be expected to be faithful now that their wives are unable to perform, can they?

What if I’m in pain? Maybe I broke an arm or a leg, or I’m having back spasms. Just fuck through the pain? What if I have a stroke? Are you still going to love me then or will you cheat on me because I can’t have sex every day?

When you’re a mistress sex is always new and exciting. It’s not something you necessarily have an opportunity to do every day. After all he has to concoct a lie to tell his wife so that he can get away and be with the mistress. So obviously when the two of those nitwits get together they’re going to be having sex. It’s what their relationship is built on typically. Some may argue that the mistress is their very best friend and they have such a stimulating meeting of the minds. They might argue that she understands him, she “gets” him in a way that no one else does. But if you ask him if he would want to be with her if they could never have sex again I think we know what the answer would be. No, seriously. You trade in your wife for this woman who is the Great Understander. You can talk to her about anything and everything but you can never have sex with her. I don’t think most of these men would still say, “Sign me up! She stimulates my mind and that’s enough for me!”

And once again we’re back to the premise of this delightful school which is that women are nothing more than penis receptacles. Do things you don’t feel like doing, even when you have a very valid reason for not wanting to do it, because your husband demands it of you and if you don’t then you can’t expect him to be faithful.

I will also state again, just to be clear, that I’m not talking about someone who withholds sex forever. I don’t think that’s an excuse to cheat but I want to be clear I’m not trying to justify the wife who has just suddenly decided she never wants to have sex again. That’s one extreme. Dear Sarah is on the complete opposite extreme. Give it up all the time, every day, or you’re a bad wife.

6. Put more friendship in your romance – Lighten up on the romantic side of your marriage. See your man as your best friend as well as your lover. That way you can really be yourself and be relaxed around him, just as you are with good friends.

Excuse me, Sarah. I’m a little confused here. You’ve just given me a list of 5 things that I’m supposed to do that don’t acknowledge I’m an actual person. If I’m counting correctly I can expect 6 more tidbits of awesome advice that completely discount me as a real live person. Your advice up to this point has been all about NOT being myself. Your advice has been hyper focused on how I look and what I do to make “my man” feel like he’s just the greatest thing in the universe. I feel like you’re moving the goal posts here.

This one really made me laugh, though, because with all the emphasis on sex and looking hot and sexy up until this point and then switching gears into being best buds I was imaging actual friendships I have. I can only imagine the side glance J would give me if I sidled up behind her and grabbed her ass. Or if I texted my other friend to tell her how sexy she looked. She didn’t like me grinding up against her, dancing drunk back when we were in college. I can’t imagine she’d appreciate a little touchy feely now.

Let me make sure I have this right. Be at his beck and call, text him nonstop with messages about how handsome and sexy he is and how I’d like to blow him, fuck him every day, make sure I don’t get fat, but lighten up and have some fun! Be his buddy! And then fuck him again. No matter how tired you might be.

Oh Sarah, I can hardly wait to see what other nuggets of gold are awaiting us.

My Anti-Song List (Or Songs I Can’t Listen To)

A while back I wrote about the songs on my Freedom song list.  There were many and I have added a few more.  There are a few songs, though, that I can’t listen to.  Perhaps “can’t” listen to them is a bit dramatic.  I no longer like to hear them is probably more apt.

First up on that list is “Just Give Me a Reason” by Pink.  I loved this song back in 2013.  After CF’s confession about “texting” with other women and him later telling me he didn’t know if he loved me anymore I truly believed this song represented us. I listened to it all summer while he was sexting and texting Harley and I was doing a pick me dance I didn’t even know I was doing. Just listen to Pink!  Hear her wise words! We’re not completely broken.  We’re bent.  We can recover.  We are the Six Million Dollar Man- we will rebuild, we will be faster, stronger, better than before!  This song spoke to me and gave me hope.  Now I hear it and it just makes me sad.  We weren’t bent; we were broken, never to be healed.

Even worse for me is John Legend’s “All of Me”.  Shortly after I found out about his second affair with Harley, when all I could do was watch TV in a stupor, I was catching up on “Baby Daddy”.  Towards the end of the episode Bonnie’s boyfriend, Brad, proposes to her by singing this song.  It was a lovely little group song and dance number and I had to fast forward through it.  “Just Give Me a Reason” was the song of the summer of 2013.  It was the song that was supposed to give us hope.  “All of Me” was the song of redemption, a song of love.  That was how he supposedly felt about me now.  What would he do without me?  He loved all of me, my curves and my edges, every perfect imperfection, every inch of me, everything about me.  Until he didn’t.

I also have no desire to listen to “Amazed” by Lone Star or “I Swear” by John Michael Montgomery.  The former is the song we danced to, holding our year old daughter, at Jezebel’s second wedding.  That’s all I think of now when I hear the song.  I used to love it.  The latter is the song Jezebel sang at our wedding.

The jury is still out on Elvis.  We danced our first dance to “Love Me Tender” and CF was a huge Elvis fan.  I didn’t care much about him one way or the other.  I guess because you don’t hear a lot of Elvis music on regular music stations I don’t have as an averse reaction to him and that song.  It could also be because when we picked that song it was solely because CF was an Elvis fan.  The song itself didn’t mean anything to either of us.

I can listen to “Fooled Around and Fell In Love” by Elvin Bishop but it always reminds me of our wedding.  We have a lot of Polish style weddings where we got married and one of the things they traditionally do is the Dollar Dance.  That was the last song that played. We danced with the last of the people who had paid to dance with us and then, in a moment of silliness, Cousinfucker and Blockhead embraced and began slow dancing with one another and I danced with my maid of honor.  Then he took me into his arms and we danced the last bit of that song with each other.  I probably wouldn’t have even remembered it that vividly but my uncle recorded most of my reception for me and that moment was captured.  I remember other songs from my wedding but none of them seem to affect me that way.

Just on principle I can’t stand to listen to anything by LeeAnn Rimes or Jason Aldean.  I only have one or two songs by Cheater Aldean but I used to love LeeAnn Rimes.  CF and I even went to see her at the county fair almost 20 years ago.  I’m sure there are other cheaters out there putting out music but those two always spring to mind, especially because of all the paparazzi coverage they received.

Finally, on a slightly funny note, every time I listen to Hozier’s “Take Me to Church” I envision CF and his drama queen antics.  He had laid his head on my lap, or he was draped over the couch, or anywhere that someone might see him, singing along and bawling his eyes out.  Oh, the tortured song that flowed from his lips.  I’m sure he thought the lyrics:

Take me to church

I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

Offer me that deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life

were prophetic.  I, on the other hand, do not think they mean what he thought they meant!  This was when he was heavily into this idea that he was suffering from PTSD and “American Sniper” had brought up so many horrible memories for him.  It takes a special kind of evil to use war and dead people to gain sympathy for your “tortured” soul.  I’m sure he thought Hozier was pouring out his heart about all of his sins and begging for absolution and good ol’ Cousinfucker was right there with him.  I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.  Ah, yes; that’s the line that had him hooked, I would guess.  Such a drama queen.  He had to do it in front of an audience.  Couldn’t stay upstairs and cry by himself.  Oh no, people needed to see this!  They needed to be included in the agony he was enduring.

Excuse me while I go vomit.

Freedom- The Final List

Here it is- the final songs from my Freedom song list.  Enjoy!

  1. Fight Song by Rachel Platten  This is a perfect empowerment song.  It could be about anything and any obstacle.  I think the chorus is perfect:  This is my fight song. Take back my life song.  Prove I’m alright song.  My power’s turned on Starting Right now I’ll be strong.  I’ll play my fight song And I don’t really care if nobody else believes ‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.  Take that, CF!  You can’t break me.  You won’t destroy me.  I’ve got lots of fight left and lots of life left!
  2. Take It Back by Reba McEntire  Oh, good ol’ fiery Reba!  If this is how you act when you give your heart away then take it back!  Tell him, Reba!
  3. Brave by Sara Bareilles  She sings, “I wanna see you be brave.”  I reply, “I am doing my best.”
  4. I’ve Done Everything For You by Rick Springfield I had such a huge crush on this man back when I was in grade school.  But Rick knows what’s up.  He knows you can’t have a one-sided relationship!  I’ve done everything for you.  You’ve doing nothing for me!  Rick, I hear ya.  I’ve lived it.  I’m solidly in your corner.  I did everything shy of wiping his ass for him. He fucked his cousin for me.  Thanks!
  5. Slut by Scotty Vanity  Another one I enjoyed playing while CF is home.  I just wanted him to know what he’s got.  I think this sums it up:  Everywhere she goes she’s in skanky ass clothes.  Everybody knows she’s a slut.  That hoe ain’t got no class.  All the guys just want some ass.  They don’t even have to ask ‘cause she’s a slut.  Look at how she moves her body so promiscuous and naughty.  She’s a slut. She’s a slut.  She keeps acting like a tramp.  I guess she doesn’t give a damn ‘cause she’s a slut. She’s a slut. S.L.U.T.  S.L.U.T.  Why does she have to be such an S.L.U.T.  S.L.U.T.  She’s a slut.  She’s acting like she all but she’s just a booty call.
  6. You’re a Lie by Slash featuring Myles Kennedy & the Conspirators  You may have guessed this already with the first song on this list being by Alice Cooper but in my high school and college days I loved me a good head banging song.  I was a huge Guns -N-Roses fan.  This one has Slash playing guitar.  I think the title pretty much sums up my ex:  You’re a Lie.  You bled me out, you tore me down  Your time has come, you can go  ‘Cause you’re a lie (lie) lie (lie)  All my faith has been wasted (wasted) ‘Cause you’re a lie (lie), lie (lie).  Mmm hmmm.  Seems about right.

Reaching way back, Tanya Tucker sings the next two songs.  Country music seems to be full of cheating and empowering songs.  Perhaps that’s because it’s been said that country music always involves drinking, women, and cheating.  Hmmm…

7. Walking Shoes   These are probably two of the first country songs I heard where the woman wasn’t begging her man to stay.  They definitely made an impression!  As she sings:  I’m gonna put on my walkin’ shoes tonight.  Well I’m a-leavin’ here ‘cause you don’t treat me right.  All you do is make me cry So now I’m a-gonna say goodbye.  I’m gonna put on my walkin’ shoes tonight… I’m the best thing, baby, that you ever had.  When you find that out you’re gonna feel so bad.  You’ll beg me, please, come back home to you But it’s too late I’m puttin’ on my walkin’ shoes.  She also has an old travelin’ hat and an all over coat.  It’s a full wardrobe of “I’m outta here!”                                                                             8. Down to My Last Teardrop  Baby this ain’t the first time you’ve done it to me. Honey it’s gonna be the last time.  And I know you think that I’ll be goin’ out of my mind Crying you a river that winds and winds and winds Oh but baby I’m down to my last teardrop this time.  I don’t care who or what you’re doin’.  Ain’t gonna be no more boohooin’.  Baby this time I swear it’s the truth I ain’t gonna cry no more for you.  Uh-uh…. And you might want to talk to me, you might want to call.  But you won’t hear nothin’ out of me at all Cause baby I ain’t got nothin’ left to say Honey I’ll just be on my way.  My sentiments exactly, Tanya!

9. 50 Ways to Say Goodbye by Train  This is a fun, quirky little song.  He’s not actually plotting her death; he just has a lot of bizarre explanations for where she is, and all of those explanations involve untimely deaths instead of simply saying she broke up with him.  I do, however, like to imagine all of those things happening to CF.  Let’s see we’ve got: went down in an airplane (this is a possibility; he does travel occasionally- fingers crossed!), fried getting suntanned (I don’t see that happening with him), fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand, met a shark under water, fell and no one caught him, caught in a mudslide, eaten by a lion (oh please, please, please!!!!), got run over by a crappy purple Scion, dried up in the desert, drowned in a hot tub, and danced to death at an east side night club (not in a million years).  We could add drank himself to death.  Drove off a mountain returning from the whore’s house.  Trampled by Louisville fans.  Oh, the list is endless.  Honestly, I don’t pray for his death.  It’s not that I’m nice when it comes to him.  I’m practical.  Dead men don’t pay spousal or child support.                                                                                                                                         10. One More Minute by Weird Al Yankovic  Hey, we all need a little comedy in our life.  Al’s humor is a little dark on this one; I’m not going to lie.  These are just a few of the things he says he would rather do than spend one more minute with you:  eat shards of broken glass, get a hundred thousand paper cuts on his face, rip out his intestines with a fork, have his blood sucked out by leeches, shove an ice pick under a toenail or two, clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with his tongue, and finally… rip his heart out of his ribcage with his bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it ’til he dies.