Exercise and Education In One Fell Swoop

I’ve been working from home this week. I did something to my shoulder while on vacation last week. According to the chiropractors and physical therapists on YouTube it is probably a pinched nerve. However, this post is not about my ailments. It’s about my cute mom.

As I said, I’ve been working from home this week since Monday afternoon. Each day my mom announces to me, “I’m going to the library.”

We live outside the city limits so I’m not completely sure how far away the library is. I’m not dealing with city blocks. I’d say maybe a quarter of a mile away. Or somewhere between a quarter and a half mile. She walks there. She likes walking.

Today when she comes into the room I’ve set up as my office to let me know she’s walking to the library I finally ask her, “Do you go to the library every day?”

“Every day Monday through Friday,” she tells me. Yep, my mom, the person who always has stamps, gets the package in the mail right away, irons clothes, and is a big fan of three square meals a day, is also a daily visitor to our local library.

I’ve lived with the woman for 6 years now and I’m just now discovering this.

I look at her, curiosity getting the better of me. “What on earth do you do at the library every day?”

Serious as a heart attack the woman begins to list the many things she does at the library. Her routine, if you will.

“I read the paper and then I make a copy of the crossword puzzle and then, if there’s a new People magazine I read that.”

By the time she gets to “copying the crossword puzzle” the corners of my mouth have curved upwards into a bemused smile. My mom loves her crossword puzzle.

“And don’t you dare put that in your fucking blog!” she tells me.

Oh no! This is too good not to share.

“What’s wrong with going to the library every day? I’m getting my steps in and I’m reading. I’m getting my exercise and education in one fell swoop!”

“I’m sorry. Can you repeat that? That’s going to be the title.”

My mom is so cute. I told her that, too. She’s trotting off to the library every day, getting her steps in and reading her newspaper she refuses to pay for anymore because they’ve pissed her off one too many times.

She Said What?

My mom is back at it again. We were walking through Lowe’s or Menard’s or some other home improvement store when she starts talking about these uber expensive toilets- like almost a thousand dollars for a toilet.

I asked aloud, “What in the hell does that toilet do for $1000?”

“Probably gives you orgasms,” my mother replies.

My son happened to be walking with us at that moment. I’m sure he probably knows what an orgasm is even if he hasn’t experienced one but I don’t think he needs his grandmother going around loudly proclaiming that the thousand dollar toilet gives you orgasms.

If that wasn’t bad enough we were out all day on Saturday. She complains about being bored if we’re not running around all weekend so I kept her busy. At one point she wanted to go check out a park and see what was going on there because she had heard there was some event going on.

Clearly there was some kind of race happening. She was insistent upon walking down the trail close to where the race station was set up.

“We can’t go down there! That’s where they’re racing.”

“Says who? They can’t stop me!” she declares.

Yep, she’s going to crash a race in order to get her leisurely walk in down by the river.