Huh… So This Happened 8 Years Ago Today

I came across this tonight.


Just to be clear the original post was simply about setting Jerry Lee up on Facebook. I added the rest of that a few years later. 🙂

We were in Kentucky for Easter when I did this. Staying with Tammy Faye and Pastor Fake. He had resisted forever and I thought it would be funny to create a profile for him. In hindsight I don’t think funny was the correct word. Tragic. Life changing. Foolish. Let’s go with a moment in time that irrevocably changed the course of my life and the lives of my children. But that’s not all!

This was the same weekend that Jezebel took Jerry Lee to meet her future husband, #3. Completely excluded me. Gave me a bullshit story about how they never got to do anything just the two of them. I was stupid enough to believe that. He was already lying and I hadn’t a clue.

By April or May of the next year, 2013, Jerry Lee was cheating on me with Harley. In May, Mother’s Day weekend in fact, he admitted to texting her and swore he would end it. In June, Jezebel and #3 got married. Good ol’ Jerry Lee went by himself to the wedding. By himself I mean without his wife and children. I’m fairly certain that they met up that weekend. They certainly had plans to. They were even going to get tattoos together. And in August I found out he hadn’t ended it with Harley after all.

This time of year in 2014 we were replacing carpet and flooring in our Utah home as we prepared to move across the country to Virginia. Two months later we would buy a home in Harrisonburg and three months later we, the kids and I, would make the move and join Jerry Lee.

This time of year in 2015 I was suicidal. My gut was screaming at me but I continued to bury my head in the sand. Surely he wouldn’t move us across the country, invest all the money we had invested in this new life, and then turn around and take up with Harley again. Oh, but he would. Almost four months to the day I would find out about his affair with Harley.

Eight years ago today I ended my life as I knew it. I had no clue at that moment what I had just done.



March 2015

I’m getting ready to write this amazing post about healing and moving on and blah blah blah but first I want to get this other stuff out.  I’ve been thinking about Jezebel and her reaching out comment and why that pisses me off so much.

So, here is the background.  I’ve already written about how she asked Zack to keep secrets from me, went out to dinner with Zack and Husband #3 without me, encouraged Zack to leave me for Harley, criticized my spending habits, and then, 18 months later, sent me a FB friend request. After that request was declined she then ran to Zack, crying about how she had reached out to me for the last time and she was done!  Why does this bother me so much?

For starters it pisses me off because she has done so many shitty things to me and she turns around and portrays herself as the victim.  As MY victim.  How?  Did I get your husband to go out to dinner with me and my new boyfriend, Jezebel?  Did I convince him to ditch you and lie to you so that he could do so?  Did I convince your husband to keep secrets from you?  Did I criticize you to your husband?  NO!  In fact, I’ve never even met your husband. Further fact, I could have met your husband back in April of ’12 but you deliberately chose to exclude me! I’ve never had a single conversation with him- not in person, not over the phone, not via email, text, or FB.  Never said hi, bye, how are you, or fuck off. So, that’s the first thing.  She encourages my husband to leave me for another woman and then 18 months later, after I decline a friend request, she turns herself into the victim and me into the bad guy.  This is a theme that keeps recurring (not just with her) and it baffles and infuriates me.

Moving on… she tells Zack, “I’m done reaching out.”  As I’ve said before, “Really?  What exactly have you done to reach out?”  The answer is nothing. May, June, July, and half of August Zack is waxing poetic about his darling Harley.  She’s his world, the love of his life.  She makes him happy.  He wants to marry her.  I treat him like a handyman and a paycheck.  We’re just roommates.  Harley good.  Sam bad.  He gets caught, I give him an ultimatum, and he tells his sister he’s done with Harley and he’s choosing me.  Jezebel tells him she fully supports him.  I hear nothing from her.  No text, no email, no phone call… nothing.  She never says:  Gee, I’m really sorry I encouraged my brother to leave you for another woman.  Never even says:  Hey, how are you?  I’m thinking about you.  How are things between the 2 of you?  I’m rooting for you two.  I hope you are able to get back to where you used to be.  No matter what I want you to know you’re family and I love you. What can I do to make it up to you?  I want you to know I’m sorry that I hurt you.  I should have stayed out of it. I think of you as a sister.  You are very important to me.  Your kids are important to me.  I want to have a relationship with all of you.  What can I do to regain your trust?  What can I do to help rebuild this relationship I have so badly damaged? I don’t blame you if you hate me.  I tossed you away like a used kleenex in an effort to support my brother. Please give me another chance.  I’m sorry.  No, none of that.  Even if she were lying it would have been nice to have had her express just a sliver of remorse.

In October, when I found that FB conversation between him and his nephew I texted her and told her she should probably check up on her brother. That was October 23rd.  She replied the next day and wondered what was up.  I then told her he had been upset the night before because of the conversation I found. This is what I said: Honestly?  He was pretty upset last night because I refused to come home.  I found messages between him and his nephew where he was going to bring Harley with him to get his tattoo.  She was going to get one, too.  A sparrow on her foot to represent love.  And he told him he needed to keep everything under wraps to protect our children until the time was right.  Like they wouldn’t be able to figure out he had left their mom for this whore. And he let him know he was going to marry her.  He was upset and threatening to end his life if I’m going to leave him.  He’s sleeping now but I’d check up on him later because I’m still not sure what I’m going to do.

She wanted to know if it was a recent conversation with Harley.  I corrected her and told her it was a conversation with his nephew about Harley and about marrying her. After, I say: I told him last night to book a flight and go find her and fuck her.  He wants her so damn badly he can have her.  Why don’t you go ahead and let her know he’s back on the market so the whore can take up with him and they can get married and be happy?  She replies: I just know he told me he was done with her.  He doesn’t want to lose his family.  He made a mistake. At which point I’m all like:  Wow- if only it were that easy!  You don’t get to tell another woman you love her and want to marry her and your wife means absolutely nothing and then turn around and go, “Oh, my bad!”  She then says:  I know.  Not making excuses.  I just know he doesn’t want to lose his family.  I go on to tell her that’s one of those things you probably need to think about *before* you start the affair because once it begins and your wife finds out it’s no longer up to you.  She then replies:  I understand.  For my part in this I am sorry.  I love my brother unconditionally.  Ah, the long awaited for apology.  I know there are parts that are missing from the texts on my new phone, and I’ll go back over them later. (All texts have now been included.)  But, that was basically it as far as apologies go.  Gee, sorry you got hurt but my allegiance is to my brother and you were collateral damage.  Sorry.

I did give my spiel about how I love my brothers unconditionally, too, but I would never condone something like this. Actually, what I said was:  I love my brothers unconditionally, too.  But I’m very certain I would have told them to get their heads out of their asses and think about what they were doing.  I would have told them to go to marriage counseling and do everything in their power to make their marriage work first.  I would have told them you don’t start dating someone else when your wife doesn’t even know you want a divorce. Practically speaking, if they were carrying on an affair with a family member 1800 miles away I would have asked them how they see this playing out.  Are they willing to leave their kids behind to go be with this person?  Do they really think their wife is dumb enough to move 2000 miles across the country so they can be closer to the mistress? And hey, what if it doesn’t work out?  Since you’ve chosen a family member how do you think that’s going to work if you call it off?  You’ve picked someone that your wife is going to have to deal with until the day one of you dies.  But again, I’m practical and I’ve read enough to know that in 97 or 98% of these cases once the affair partner becomes the primary partner it ends, if one spouse even leaves the other to begin with.  And she tells me:  Whether you believe me or not I told him ALL those things.  To which I replied: So what did he say to those questions?  Was he so crazy in love that he thought everything was going to work out like some fairy tale?  And that’s when she begins to go into victim mode.  She replies:  Obviously you think I’m the enemy.  I’m sorry you feel that way.  My intentions were never to hurt anyone.

That’s Jezebel at her finest.  Dig yourself in deep and then play the victim when you realize you backed the wrong woman.  I replied (quite sensibly, I believe): What on earth did I just say to make you think that? I honestly never knew you had said anything to him beyond: you should do what makes you happy.  And I knew from conversations with him that he was telling you Harley made him happy and he thought he loved her. Hell, he was telling his nephew he was going to marry her so I imagine he would have told you a lot more than that.  In the end it’s not your fault.  He was the one who cheated.  He was the one who lied.  I never expected you to choose me over him.  As a close friend pointed out to me last night no one in his family would be able to hurt me if he hadn’t had an affair.  She later says:  I am worried about him.  I am sorry you were hurt.  I hate all of this for everyone.  Can you all go to counseling?  Do you want to try to fix this?  Does he?

I have to say I find this questioning kinda weird.  Didn’t he tell her he wanted his marriage?  Why would she wonder if he wanted to fix this if he had already told her he didn’t want to lose me, his marriage, his kids, any of that?

There were only a few more texts between us.  I told her we were going back to counseling, although now that I think about it, we never did.  Told her that he said he loved me and made a huge mistake and it has always been me.  Told her that he told me Harley was giving him the attention he was craving from me.  I admitted that I have a hard time believing that’s all it was, that he’s been begging me not to leave him, and that I’ve always been very honest with him about not wanting a divorce.  She replies back:  That’s all it was.  To which I said: He was telling people he was going to marry her.  He told people he loved her.  That doesn’t sound like nothing.  And then she says:  I understand.  Do you?  Do you really understand?  How?

The following day I texted: I realize in hindsight that it sounds like I didn’t return home at all the other night.  That’s not true and it wasn’t my intention to lead anyone on to believe I had stayed away all night.  I did come home after about two hours.  Your mom called last night thinking I had left him and I wanted to clear that up.  She just said ok, and asked how things were.  I told her they were ok and that we had talked a little bit but he had asked that we not talk about any of this for a few days because he had been such an anxious wreck for the last 36 hours.  She said:  Understand.  I then told her he was doing better that day and made a joke about how he was fortunate that he had an extremely understanding wife.  I followed that up with:  Of course, that may lead to my downfall.  And she says:  Well, let’s just hope this is the beginning of a better road.

That was the last conversation of any type I have had with her since.  October 25, 2013. Not one follow up.  Hell, maybe she’s following up with her brother.  But if you’re going to go crying to that brother about how you’re done reaching out you might want to have some proof you’ve actually reached out.  She never did.  *I* reached out to her, only because Zack had said when the shit first hit the fan and he thought I was going to make him sever his ties with her, that she was the only one who could talk him off the ledge.  He was on a ledge that night and I was pissed and I wasn’t going to come home. I texted her so she could help clean up the mess the two of them had created with all their lies and collusion.  She could help him through this since she was the one telling him all along that he should do whatever made him happy because he deserved it.  She had helped mire him further into this mess and she could help him now that it wasn’t all going his way. She gave me 2 half hearted apologies.  For my part in this I am sorry.  I love my brother unconditionally.  Yes, she’s sorry, but anyone else would have done the same if they loved their brother like she loves hers, right?  I’m sorry but…. you really can’t expect me to have your back.  I’m sorry but… my brother told me he was in love with someone else so what was I supposed to do?  I’m sorry but… Harley makes him happy and you don’t so obviously I’m going to take this chance to have my brother join me in the Leave Your Spouse For Another Person club.  Obviously you think I’m the enemy.  I’m sorry you feel that way.  My intentions were never to hurt anyone.  I am worried about him.  I am sorry you were hurt.  I hate all of this for everyone.  Who is everyone, Jezebel?  Because as far as I’m concerned the only victim here is me.  I would count my kids as well if he had actually left, but since they’ve never had a clue about what their dad was doing that summer I feel comfortable leaving them off the victim list. I mean, are you feeling sorry for Zack because he cheated and got caught and didn’t get to live out his happily ever after?  Are you feeling sorry for Zack because you think he gave up happiness for duty?  Why exactly are you feeling sorry for Zack, if he’s part of “everyone”?  Because he feels bad now that he got caught?  Because he found out it wasn’t as simple as saying, “Oops! Sorry!  I promise I won’t do it again.  Turns out I love YOU!”  I’m trying to wrap my mind around it.  Are you hating it for you because you got caught supporting your brother and his whore?  Sorry because it’s cost you a relationship with your niece and nephew?  I mean, seriously, how are you hating it for yourself?  You’ve lost almost nothing.  You never saw those kids.  If I brought them to you you’d carve out an hour or two, maybe an evening, to see them.  You didn’t stay in contact with them.  Are you hating it for your mom and Pastor Fake?  Why?  I was obviously disposable, so why the fuck is everyone so sad that they don’t have a relationship with me now that Zack has decided he wants to be back with me?

I think even more than just right after the discovery of their affair, the fact that she never reached out after this and then runs to whine to Zack baffles me.  She was given the perfect opening. In the end it’s not your fault.  He was the one who cheated.  He was the one who lied.  I never expected you to choose me over him. And let’s face it- with today’s technology there are so many ways to get your message across. You don’t have to talk face to face.  Never once after that day did she ask me how things were or even tell me she was “praying” for us. She never texted a Happy Thanksgiving or a Merry Christmas. To be fair, she did send Christmas gifts that year which I didn’t acknowledge.  I know that was a bitch move but I figure she’s Zack’s family and he can deal with her. Plus, I’m fairly certain that she never made a huge effort to let us know she got anything we sent, or how everyone liked everything. Never wished me a happy birthday. Never texted just to ask:  Hey, what are you up to these days? Or:  How’s it going? Or:  Hey, I heard you took the kids to Disneyland.  How was that?  Did they have fun?  Did you have fun? She could have asked the same about our trip to the Grand Canyon and Four Corners. I’m sure Zack told his mom about all of that. She must have known we were moving, where we were moving.  Undoubtedly he had told her of his and Harley’s master plan to get him closer so he was putting in a bid for the Whoreville plant.  So she knew I was being moved closer to his whore.  Knew I was moving to a town that he had plotted to move to to be closer to Harley.  But she never asked me how I felt about the move.  Never asked me if I was ok with it, how the kids were taking it.  She never said:  Wow- you’ve got a big move coming up.  How do you feel about that?  How are the kids taking the news?  This will be a fresh start for the two of you.  Are you excited?  Perfect opening. Could have texted or messaged or emailed after the move and asked how we were liking it here. Even made a comment like:  We’re so much closer now.  We’d love to come visit as soon as you get settled.  You’ve never met my husband and I think Rock Star and Picasso would really love my stepkids. Nope, again, nothing.  Didn’t ask if I was doing ok handling everything by myself with Zack living in our new state.  How’s it working out for the two of you with you and the kids still living in your former state and him in your new state? Are you doing ok?  Are you stressed?  How are the kids doing?  I know this one would be a stretch but in August she could have sent a message saying something like:  You’ve made it through the first year.  Hoping this will be the first of many great years for the two of you.  Yes, I giggle just typing that because I know she’s not nearly that aware of other people.  I’m just busy tossing bones out.  Once the kids started school she could have asked how they were adjusting, if they liked it.  Hell, she could have asked about them over the summer.  Hey, I heard Picasso is spending a month in Florida.  Wow- that’s great.  I know he’ll have a great time. (He didn’t.) Or, I heard Rock Star sprained her ankle.  How’s she doing? NOTHING!  She had many, many chances to ask how we were doing.  Not even in the context of how we were doing as a couple who was dealing with the aftermath of Zack’s affair.  Just how the fuck we were doing as a fucking family that she supposedly loves oh so much.  No, for over a year I had heard nothing from her, and then out of the blue I get a friend request from her.  And when I decline it she runs to her brother and declares:  I’m done reaching out to her. Again, I ask, when exactly has she reached out to me?  Was it when she gave her lame ass apologies, cloaked in excuses, after *I* reached out to *her*?  Was it when she sent her customary $5-$10 Christmas gifts that same year? I won’t apologize for not buying gifts for her and her family.  That is now Zack’s responsibility, same as thanking her for the gifts is his responsibility. If I’m disposable because I’m just the current female he’s fucking and he’s her BROTHER who she supports unconditionally no matter what, then why does she think gift buying/gifting falls under my domain anymore?  Oh no, honey, that’s your brother’s responsibility now.  Same with making sure the kids get down to his home state, although that’s off the table for you now.  You will NEVER be around my kids again. But up until February when you were telling my husband how crazy and wrong I am, and how he deserves better than me and he needs to leave me, it would have been Zack’s job to get them to His home state to see you. No, there had been no reaching out.  Jezebel has just been handed so few consequences for her shitty behavior that she can’t deal with it when someone isn’t blinded by her bullshit anymore. Consequences?  What consequences?  I’m Jezebel.  Everyone just tells me how pretty I am and giggles coz that’s Jezebel. No one holds anything against me.  And if they do then that must mean I’m the victim.  Nice try, honey, but it won’t work this time.  It takes a lot to really piss me off.  It takes a lot to push me over the edge.  But once you’ve managed to do that I do not back down and I do not forget.

I know I tend to ramble and go over and over things ad nauseam but I knew there was a reason that really ticked me off.  I think it was because she had so many chances to reach out, to reach out and not make it about her brother, his affair, or his part in it.  And she never did it.  But when I wasn’t ready to make nice it suddenly turns into, “Sam is a big ol’ meanie!  I’ve tried and tried but she won’t give me the time of day and I’m just done trying!”  I’ll be honest, I don’t know if her reaching out would have changed anything.  But at least she would have had a leg to stand on when she went whining to her brother.  If she had sent a couple of texts to check up on me, or, I know this one is entirely out in left field, but an email or a letter where she actually says:  This is crazy.  I’m sorry for what I did.  I know I was wrong.  I don’t have any excuse but I want to make things right.  Please tell me what I can do.  You are family.  I hate that my mom is never going to have all of her kids and grandkids together again.  I hate the thought of never seeing Picasso or Rock Star again.  I hate the idea of never spending another holiday together.  Can’t we please work through this?  Just tell me what I can do to help you move on, how I can make it up to you and prove myself.  At least THEN she could honestly say she had tried.  She had tried, she had reached out, and I rejected every advance.  But that’s not what happened.  She asked Zack to keep secrets from me, she lied to me, she ditched me while she and Zack went out to dinner with Husband #3, she encouraged Zack to leave me for someone else, and she criticized my spending habits.  Then when the jig was up she practically went into hiding.  Never reached out to me.  She reached out to Zack at least once when he wasn’t texting her much.  Hey, Jezebel, you didn’t fuck over your brother.  You fucked me over.  And 16 months later she sends me a friend request. Let’s just pretend this never happened and nothing is wrong. Yes, Jezebel, I want to see you change your cover photo and your profile picture every 2 weeks so everyone can tell you what a great picture it is. I want to hear you gush over your new husband and tell the world how crazy you are about him and how he’s your soul mate and very best friend.  I want to watch you post about all the sweet things your step kids do for you, knowing that in another 10 years, give or take a year or 2, that you’re going to break their hearts because you’re done playing Rambo Barbie and you want to move back to the city.  I want to watch as you post picture after picture of you going on vacation to Florida and Gatlinburg, while you continue to tell us how you’ll try to get to our house one of these days.  I want to look at pictures of you dressed in hunting gear and pictures of dead deer.  That just makes my day.  Oh, and I’d love to hear about all the expensive gifts you’ve been given for Christmas, your birthday, Mother’s Day, and your anniversary.  If anyone deserves it, it’s you.  I’d also love to hear about all the elaborate plans you’ve got going on for your big whopping 2nd year anniversary.  That would just be awesome.  Oh, and how can I forget all your shout outs to your newest “sister” and reading all about that fantastic relationship.  It means so much, especially when I’ve been tossed aside, despite having been your “sister” for 20 years.  I love watching your FB page and seeing how frequently you can run down to Florida and how often your in-laws can do something fantastic for you. That never gets old. Yes, nothing says our relationship has been repaired like becoming shallow FB friends. Especially when you’re so busy showing off everything that everyone does for you that you can never comment, like, or support what anyone else is doing. I’m sure that if we had become FB friends again then I would be running the kids to your home state once again, we’d just be best buds, and we’d spend all of our holidays together.  Hmmmm… somehow I don’t see that happening.

He Makes Me Sick

I was all set to write about interrogatories and taxes on Monday. That day has come and gone. Interrogatories suck! It has been a test of patience to not just let loose with every nasty thought that plagues my mind.

Fast forward to today. I’m sending some more documentation to my lawyer’s assistant. I had found the message from The Saint where he stated that Cousinfucker was paying for their divorce. I decide I may as well send along the lovely pictures they’ve been plastering on Facebook. You know, pictures of the two of them posing together happily, despite his grueling battle with PTSD which rendered him unable to work. Pictures of him and her youngest child posing for Show and Tell, an activity in which he never indulged his actual children. What do I come across?

Oh yes! It’s the profile picture of the two of them which I had seen before. This time though I read the comments. Harley tells people to keep in mind that they had just been at her daughter’s cheer competition. People make comments about the t-shirt he’s wearing because it appears he is wearing a t-shirt in support of his favorite team’s arch rival. No, no, no! It’s her daughter’s school mascot. It was sooooo painful to put that shirt on but he wanted to support his “step-daughter”. The whore chimes in, “You know he must really love her to put that shirt on!”

You two are so adorable! Do I even need to point out that that cousin fucking piece of shit never once attended a single cheer competition for his own daughter?

Hey! Maybe that’s the reason his kids have nothing to do with him. He was a piss poor excuse of a father and now he’s strutting around like Daddy of the Year for four kids that have a father. An involved father at that. Nah, I’m sure it’s because I have poisoned their minds. As he’s whining to Rock Star that he hopes she will talk to him once again he forgets that actions speak louder than words. His words say his children are very important to him. His actions say, “You kids don’t mean shit to me. I couldn’t be bothered to go to your competitions or participate in your lives. Now excuse me while I show up at my ‘step-daughter’s’ competitions and take my fake son to show and tell. I love them and need to support them.”  Wouldn’t surprise me to find out he’s coaching one of their teams as well.

Even better are all the comments about how happy they look! Oh, and Jezebel loves them both! Someone told her she deserved to finally be happy.

Really? She’s just entitled to take whatever the hell she wants? Because it makes her happy? Fuck the two families they destroyed! Fuck the betrayed husband who has to watch as his whore of an ex and her mentally unstable lover/cousin play house with his kids! Fuck the betrayed wife who has lost her home, who moved her kids once again, who has lost everything, who works two jobs just trying to feed her kids. They are happy and that trumps everything! You don’t even want to know what would make me happy and I’m 100% sure none of her friends and relatives would tell me I was entitled to make myself happy at her expense.

Then again that seems to be the common refrain. As long as the two cheating lovebirds are happy then all is well. No one wants to look around and see the damage caused by the cheating and the lies. Being unhappy is a perfect justification for being a cheating asshole. Who can say it’s wrong when they’re so happy? Life is short! Too short to do the right thing apparently. I hope they all burn in hell.

Chump Lady is so correct when she says no contact is the only way to go. Having to dredge all this crap up in order to prove what an absolute asshole he is only makes my blood boil. I already know he’s an asshole! Why do I have to prove it to everybody else?

Welcome to the Jungle, Part 2

Note:  This is the second part of the story.  To see the first part, click here.  And once again all these stories have been told to me by Zack, or members of Zack’s family.  If they are not true accounts that is because lying liars who lie lied to me.

Incidentally, that is not his real name but I also know he hates the name.  Always said it reminded him of the kid on Saved By the Bell and he hated him for some reason.  I really wanted to name my son Zachary but he wouldn’t hear of it.  All because of that kid on Saved By the Bell.  Well guess what, asshole?  Now YOUR name is Zack!  Doesn’t Harley and Zack have a nice ring to it?  I’m trying to take the potty mouth down a notch so I may start referring to him as Zack on occasion instead of Cousinfucker all the time.

Now let’s get a little freakier!  I’ve made mention of my STBX-SIL, aka Jezebel.  Where do we start?  Again, something simple and easy to digest.  The first time I ever met Jezebel the entire family had plans to go to a Mexican restaurant.  Jezebel brought Chinese food with her into this Mexican restaurant.  She didn’t really want Mexican so she called to see if she could bring her own food.  I had never heard of such a thing.  That should have been my first clue that good ol’ Jezzy didn’t play by ordinary people’s rules.  She, like Cousinfucker, was very, very special.

This is the sister who loves to talk about how much she just loves her brother.  Pictures are worth a thousand words and she lives her life in pictures.  I think the happiest day of her life was when Facebook allowed you to have a profile picture AND a cover picture.  Now she could switch out 2 pictures all the time, instead of just one!  Seriously, I had to stop following her even when I did like her because I couldn’t stand the constant changing of her profile and cover pictures.  We get it!  You’re pretty.  Everyone tells you exactly how pretty.  We also get that you are madly in love with Husband #3 and have a new found love of all things outdoors.  Hey- could I see yet another picture of you hanging onto the “love of your life” or you dressed up in camouflage?  If you judged her by her Facebook and Instagram photos you would think she has a picture perfect life.  Reality is she couldn’t be bothered to actually visit her brother once in the last ten plus years (I’ll give her a break and stop counting once he began his incestuous affair with the whore).  In 21 years of us being together she visited 6 times- 4 of those times were for something other than just coming to see us.  She made a huge deal about CF being at her wedding and then spent probably less than 30 minutes with him the entire weekend; in fact, he’s not in a single wedding picture and if he’s to be believed (which is debatable) he wasn’t in any of the pictures because she sent him on a liquor run before the wedding and he almost missed her getting married. $500 for a plane ticket.  $500 for one stupid weekend and she sends him out to get more liquor and he almost misses the ceremony.  Nice.

Similarly, she’ll tell you how much she loves and misses her niece and nephew and it just tears her up inside to think she’ll never get to see them again but does she do anything to foster a relationship with them?  That would be a big fat no.  Aside from telling my daughter how pretty she is (before my daughter blocked her on all social media) and how she takes after Aunt Jezebel she does nothing.  They both have cell phones and email addresses.  Does she reach out to them?  No, not even a text and definitely not a phone call.  Has she ever offered to fly them out to her for a visit?  No.  Even offered to come and drive them back with her?  Again, no.  We already know that visiting them is not something she does because she hadn’t visited our home since my son was a baby and he’s now 13. No, she expected ME to bring them to HER and then after stabbing me in the back repeatedly she whines that I’m somehow keeping the kids from her.  Her relationship with her dear niece and nephew was always about convenience.   To be fair, she would always make the time to see them once or twice whenever I would bring the kids to them; however, she never went out of her way to have a relationship with either one of them.

She’s also the one who begged him to leave me.  Yet, despite my apparent mistreatment of him, when he voluntarily committed himself, due in part to her talking him into it, she did not once come visit him.  No, she left that up to me- the evil wife.  Then again, she had just spent two weeks with her new father-in-law who was hospitalized.  Of course, he lives in a state she likes to visit and they always have lots of fun things planned for her.  Lots of Facebook and Instagram picture opportunities to show off her wonderful new life!  Plus, her new husband’s family hasn’t caught on to her yet so they still think she’s fabulous.

If you look closely enough you’ll soon realize that everything she puts out for the world to see is about how much she is loved, what wonderful things other people are doing for her, what delightful goodies have been purchased for her.  My mom pointed this out to me once.  She said:  I see an awful lot about what her new husband is doing for her, but I never see anything about what she’s done for him.  ’Tis true.  There is an awful lot about how this person did this for her and this person did that. To be fair though she did post about surprising her new fiancé with a helicopter tour for his birthday.  That this came right after the delivery of our $5 Christmas gifts, along with the explanation that she’s a poor, struggling single mom, was simple misfortune.

Oh, but this is all about what a freak show they are, right?  How’s this- Jezebel loves to sing.  She is a Christian singer.  Of course.  Years ago she didn’t just sing in church. She used to sing at weddings, at other churches, and in a group; she even recorded several albums/CDs.  At one point, probably when she was starting out, she had a high school student who would play piano for her when she went off to sing.  This kid had a crush on her.  He ended up asking her to prom and she accepted.  What’s so strange about that?  Well, for starters she was married.  There was also the fact that she was in her 20s.  I’m surprised she didn’t try to get her name put in for Prom Queen.  I know when I was 22 and freshly graduated from college my biggest wish in life was to go to prom with a high school senior.  Wasn’t it yours?  The only thing that could possibly make it any dreamier would be if my husband helped me to pick out my prom dress and then sat alone at home, lovingly waiting for my return.  From my date.  To the prom.  With a teenage boy.  Who is not my husband.  Just an FYI in case anyone wants to get all technical and legal here:  I do not know if her husband did indeed help her pick out her prom dress.  I don’t even know if he was sitting at home waiting for her to return.  Hell, come to think of it I’m not even sure why he allowed it!  I’m not one for asking permission to do things, even from my husband; however, I think putting your foot down and sternly telling your wife that you do not approve of her going out on a date, even if it is to prom and is undoubtedly the teenage boy’s biggest night of his life what with scoring a date with another man’s wife and all, is acceptable in this case.  I can definitely get behind someone drawing a line in the sand for that one.  The funny thing is when this story was recounted by my MIL to my mom she was the one to say, “WTF?”  She asked my MIL point blank, “Wasn’t she embarrassed to be going to prom with a teenager at her age?”  My MIL looked at her and was suddenly all, “Yes.  Yes, she was.”  No, no she wasn’t.  She was in her glory.  I’m sure all attention was on her, just the way she likes it.

Later in life when she was the lead Praise & Worship singer she ended up beginning an affair with the pastor.  Once upon a time she swore it was only an emotional affair.  Who knows if that is true.  What I do know, according to STBX-MIL, is that they opened a freaking bank account together!  He took up a collection *at church* to help pay for her divorce.  He bought her a washing machine and dryer.  He went to a couple that had left the church when this came to light and he denied the affair, told them it was wrong to judge her, and ultimately ended up guilting them into coming back to the church.  They felt so guilty they apologized for believing the rumors and judging her, and actually gave her money for her vacation!  She, of course, took it and then spent her vacation communicating with the good pastor.  They didn’t have Facebook or Skype back then and texting wasn’t common, but they communicated through whatever means were popular at the time.   She herself preferred bringing up the rumor and then denying it.  It was a sweet little gig.  She would say:  I know you’ve probably heard I’m boning our pastor but I want you to know it’s not true!  She was also very offended at the idea that she should step down as one of the youth group leaders- something she did with her betrayed husband.

Here’s something interesting.  Jezebel believed people who gossiped about this were jealous of her because she had the courage to leave her husband and find someone who made her happy.  As she told me once, “I’d rather have 20 great years with Husband #2, than 50 so so years with Original Husband.”  Oh, did I mention he was 20 years older than her?  That’s why she was only giving their marriage 20 years.  He was the same age as her mother.  I remember hearing her friends gush about how they had never seen her happier, and at the wedding they talked about their champagne flutes that were engraved “MVBF”- My Very Best Friend.  Isn’t that so romantic?  True love, folks.  Who cares if you have to step over a few people to achieve your bliss?  She broke the heart of her husband of 13 years.  She also had two young children at the time and wasn’t afraid to throw their lives into turmoil.  He threw away a 20 or 25 year marriage and a rather large church.  Membership was somewhere between 800 and 1000 people.  It was thriving.  The church membership paid all of his bills- mortgage, cell phone, utilities, car, insurance. In addition to all that he received an actual salary.  They sent him and his wife away on vacation every year.  They were building an addition on to their church.  I’m sure Jezebel thought she was going to waltz right in and simply take over where the former wife left off.  Didn’t work out that way, though.  People are funny like that sometimes.  They don’t appreciate their pastor getting it on with the praise and worship leader while telling them trick-or-treating on Halloween and watching Disney movies with magic in them is a sin.   He ended up losing it all, which meant Jezebel didn’t walk into the life of luxury she thought this man could provide for her.  Their bills were not all paid by the church; they weren’t being sent away on vacation every year.  They didn’t receive gifts and accolades from all the adoring members of the congregation.  For years they struggled financially, even losing their house.  Finally, a few years before the end, he got a great paying job.  Unfortunately, it took him on the road a lot and that meant he could no longer iron her clothes or cut up her food for her or spend hours a day gazing at her and telling her how beautiful and wonderful she was.  He didn’t feel like running around all weekend long after being gone all week, and he was no longer entertaining her and making life fun every moment.  In short, she just wasn’t happy.

Approximately ten years after the wedding Jezebel begins an affair with another man.  Hey- at least this time her affair partner wasn’t married!  Give her a little credit.  She carries on this affair for almost a year before asking for a divorce.  I got to sit and listen to her talk for hours about how she wasn’t cheating on her husband but he was so jealous and had accused her of infidelity and would check up on her, how she didn’t think she’d ever get married again; she was so excited to be living on her own because she’d never done that before.  Turns out the night before when she and my husband went out to dinner alone (yes, I was excluded so they could have their precious brother/sister time) they met up with her new husband-to-be so she could introduce them.  Yes, she was offended because her husband was jealous and suspicious.  It’s kind of like the cashier who’s stealing from the register being butt hurt because you installed surveillance cameras above the register.  How dare you accuse me of stealing?!?!

What’s that you say, Sam?  You were left at home with the mother-in-law and kids while your husband and his sister went out to dinner together for some special “brother/sister bonding”?  Why, yes, I was!  Seems that approximately a year prior to this Jezebel was telling her brother all about her affair, swearing him to secrecy.  After all, if your brother is telling you what a disaster his marriage is the best thing you can do is ask him to keep secrets from his wife while you tell him all about your affair with this new man. The affair and new man that are both making you so happy and gosh darn it, you deserve some happiness.  They went out to dinner, supposedly just the two of them, to talk about all sorts of things that were on poor Jezebel’s mind.  Turns out she wanted his opinion on Farmer John.  Somehow this was supposed to make me feel better.  “Oh, she wasn’t excluding you; she just wanted my opinion on what type of guy he was and if he was playing her,” he explained later when this finally came to light.  What type of guy he is?  He’s the type of guy that will fuck another man’s wife!  That’s what kind of guy he is!  But, you know, since Jezebel is perfectly willing to fuck another guy while she’s married to her first affair partner, that probably isn’t something she cares about!  That probably should have been a big clue for me- when your husband says the guy that is cheating with his sister seems like a decent guy.  No, he’s really not.  If you’re willing to fuck another man’s wife you have a serious character flaw.  I also loved how he couldn’t possibly give an honest opinion on what this guy was like if *I* was around.  Seriously?  Are you going to be so distracted by my fabulous rack that you can’t possibly assess his character deficiencies?  Is my beauty so stunning that it will block any telepathic messages you might receive about this guy?  Am I simply so mesmerizing that you can’t have a simple conversation with the guy and give an honest assessment of him to your cheating sister if I’m there?  Or, do you know this is all wrong and I’m the only person in your life with a moral compass?  Oh, I think we’ve got a winner!

But the best part was hearing how she was crazy about this man.  He was everything she wanted and she loved her new life- the hunting, the farm life, the four wheeling, the two new kids.  He was her best friend and the love of her life; he was spectacular and did everything he could to make her happy.  Look- he built me a fire pit!  Look- he bought me a car!  Look at my stupid wedding in a fucking barn because I’m just a simple country girl!  Her friends once again gushed about how happy she looked and how they had never seen her happier.  Eerie, isn’t it?  Almost the exact same story word for word as when she was leaving the original husband for Husband #2.  Including the part where she told Husband #2:  I know you think I’m having an affair but I’m not!

In a sad twist of irony The Original Husband died.  Personally, from the things Jezebel said when she was lying to me about her impending divorce from Husband #2, I believe she was already involved with Husband #3 and The Original Husband’s death allowed her to get out of her marriage to Husband #2. I think she didn’t want him to know she had made a mistake and didn’t want him to witness her second divorce. That might be humiliating.  It also gave her a great excuse to distance herself from Husband #2 because he didn’t understand her grieving.  Yes, if you weren’t aware of what had happened you would think Jezebel was the grieving widow. She was at the funeral home, in the receiving line even, I believe, the entire time. Someone told me she insisted on sitting up front with the family during his funeral. And I know for a fact that she had the audacity to yell at his actual widow because Jezebel didn’t think she was showing enough emotion. How’s that for lady balls? You cheat on your husband, leave him for your pastor  (who acted as a marriage counselor for the two of you!), and when he dies you take over the role of the widow and reprimand his wife for not loving him enough! Oy. And vey!

And in case you’re wondering about the pastor he was wise to his cheating wife’s ways.  I think he could see the writing on the wall. Afterall, he had been the other man when she was cheating on her first husband. He was remarried within a month or two after their divorce.  Jezebel was pissed.  Come to think of it, her first husband also remarried before she did.  Of course, since she was marrying her married lover that divorce took a little longer so they weren’t able to get married as quickly as they had hoped.

The good news is I think this guy actually has money, or at least his family does.  She’s married for money twice before and the joke ended up being on her both times- she didn’t live the life of luxury she thought she was going to lead.  I think this time she actually got it right.  If not, she’ll be changing from Rambo Barbie into someone else in about 6-8 years.  Her marriages usually last somewhere between 10-13 years.  Good luck, Farmer John!