Mike Heck Strikes Again

I’ve written here before about the show, The Middle. Love it. I was catching up on some episodes when Mike Heck, the father in the show, struck again.

Sue is roommates with Lexi and they share an apartment. In this particular episode Lexi was off with her parents so Sue had the whole apartment to herself. The first thing she decides to do is watch some movies she’s put off watching, including a fun farm flick called “Silence of the Lambs”. As we all know that is not a fun farm flick filled with sweet frolicking animals. Too bad Sue did not.

She watches the movie and then can’t sleep. For almost 72 hours she can’t get to sleep no matter what she tries. Finally, her dad shows up.

She wonders why he is there and he tells her her mom had told him she couldn’t sleep. He tells her about how, even when she was a baby, she was so energetic she found it difficult to sleep and no one could get her to fall asleep except him. He goes on to explain that only he could figure out the right way to swaddle her, and once she was bundled up he would place her on his forearm and carry her around while telling her all about what happened during his day, putting her to sleep.

With that he puts the blanket around her and swaddles her up, then adjusts her on the couch so she’s laying against him (obviously he can’t carry her around on his forearm any longer). Once she is comfortable he begins talking about his day at the quarry, every last boring detail, and with that, Sue finally falls asleep.

I know it’s a fictitious family but it’s about as real a depiction as you’re going to get on TV. And you probably have to be familiar with the show to really appreciate the little nuances. Mike is a pretty no nonsense type of dad so seeing these sweet moments with Sue melts my heart. Truthfully I teared up a bit while watching this.

Once again I am reminded of the stark difference between Mike Heck and CF. My children should have a father like that. I know they exist. I watch on weekends as the mobster makes egg sandwiches for his daughter and her friends. I watch on weekdays as he makes hot chocolate and toast and brings it up to her. I hear him as he tells her goodnight and that he loves her every night when she goes to bed. So I know that even though Mike Heck is a fictitious character, men like him exist. Dads like him exist.

The saddest part of all of this is that I truly believe CF had the capability of being such a dad. I remember him crying the day she was born. “We have a daughter,” he said through his tears. I remember him taking naps with her. I think back to the story my friend told of him doting on Rock Star while I visited with her and my other friend during dinner; he rocked her and talked to her and held her. I remember how Picasso would crawl as fast as he could when CF got home from work, so eager to see his dad. There are pictures of him holding one or both of them, playing the role of beloved daddy.

Then, of course, we have what all has been reported in his new family. Showing up for show and tell with his “stepson”. Showing up for cheer competitions for his “stepdaughter”. Who knows what all he does, what all he has done? Maybe he’s finally living that happy family life he reportedly wanted so badly but couldn’t have with me for whatever reason.

All I know is my kids deserve a hell of a lot better.

Meet Your Second Wife

SNL has this hilarious skit called, “Meet Your Second Wife”. It takes aim at the middle aged man who dumps his wife of 15-20+ years for the little schmoopie half his age. I saw it linked over on Chump Lady probably a good year ago and I laughed hysterically while I watched it. I later showed it to the mobster who also laughed hysterically right in the middle of the restaurant where we were eating.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Bitch Be Crazy (But Still Snares a Married Man!)

There are times in my life I think I am undateable. Seriously! I didn’t have a serious boyfriend for five years between the time I broke up with my last one and met the shit eating chimp. For some reason I never think about my dating track record before the last serious boyfriend. I actually did okay then. I didn’t pick the best guys but I generally had a boyfriend. Then I hit 21, broke up with D and never had another serious boyfriend until I met Zack five years later. It was the same month even. Oh, I went out with guys but it usually lasted about a month and was never an exclusive type of thing.

Then I watch ID TV and I see something like I did the other night. Meet Tracie Andrews. She was featured on a segment called, “Deadly Women”. That bitch be crazy! This show has an FBI profiler that talks about the various murderers. Tracie was classified as a narcissist who would fly into a rage whenever her boyfriend du jour didn’t have his attention focused 100% on her. I’m talking trying-to-stab-him-with-whatever-object-she-could-find rage.

She gets engaged despite these rages! It wasn’t like her fiancé didn’t know she was crazy and violent. Oh no! He knew. She had slashed his face with a beer bottle. She was restrained from stabbing him another time. STILL the man continues to date her. One day they get into a fight, he exits the car, and as his back is turned she stabs him over forty times! She goes to prison for a mere fourteen years (this was in Australia).

Now, because I’m nosy I wanted to know what this crazy bitch was up to. Turns out she’s engaged. To the married man she worked with at a bar. Who left his SANE wife to be with crazy bitch.

WTF? I haven’t even had another man flirt with me in years. The future is not looking any brighter, and I haven’t killed anyone! Not only does she kill her fiancé, go to prison, and then get engaged after she gets out, she has an affair with a married man and he leaves his wife for her!

I would say, “Oh, that poor sap,” but the reality is I don’t feel sorry for him at all. According to the articles I could find (and true, they were very gossipy) he was intrigued by this murderess. He knows what she’s done and he doesn’t care. He left a wife and four kids to hook up with this crazy bitch. Narcissists don’t change. She has, in the past, demanded all attention be on her. He’ll be lucky if he makes it to their five year anniversary. She’ll probably fly into a jealous rage way before then and stab him. After all, he has an ex-wife and four kids. At some point he’s going to have to deal with one or more of those five people and it’s going to set dear Tracie off. She’ll smash a beer bottle and go after him, or take a knife and plunge it into his back when his back is turned.

Then she’ll go to prison a second time and once she gets out I’m sure she’ll find yet another idiot willing to take a chance on her, convinced that he’s “the one”, her “soul mate”, and that only he understands her and can love her the way she needs to be loved.

And here I sit, writing a blog and playing Candy Crush. I have convinced myself I am not dating material because I’m middle aged, living with my mom, soon to be divorced with 2 teens and no decent job. The bitch KILLED A MAN and it didn’t stop her from finding someone new! I’m not sure if I need to re-evaluate my own desirability or if I just need to go out and stab someone! Bitch might be crazy but men seem to like crazy bitches!

If I Had a Time Machine

I haven’t forgotten about the rest of the fall TV lineup. When I wrote my original review there were still a handful of shows I wanted to see that were premiering later. I think almost all of them have premiered but I haven’t written a review yet.

One of the shows that premiered later and which I’ve been watching (obviously!) is Timeless over on NBC. It is about a stolen time machine and the crew who is trying to get the bad guys back into present time. Naturally, they have a backup time machine. They have two jobs- #1 find the bad guys who hijacked the first time machine and bring them back, #2 make sure they don’t change history because if that happens who knows what the ramifications might be!

Here’s my quick review: I find the plot line intriguing. The actual execution is not as well done. One person came back and her life has been completely changed, but no one else seems to have experienced that. I’m also a bit confused as to how it is that history can change but the people work at the time machine lab are fully aware of the changes. I’m not sure how they are immune to this. However, I love history so I really enjoy the way they go back in time and how they explore that. I love the costumes and the customs of the times. It’s also fascinating to imagine yourself going back in time and having the knowledge that you have now. But the larger storyline involving some arch villain (or organization that is the arch villain) is somewhat tedious.

I keep watching for the historical aspects of it. I’d give it a 6 out of 10. It’s not one of those shows that I look forward to watching every week, but it’s a good way to kill some time. Ha ha ha.

This got me to thinking: What if I had a time machine? Where would I go? What would I do? Obviously I’d go back and play the winning lottery numbers, right? Or bet on the Kentucky Derby or some sporting event. Hell, invest in Google or Apple!

For some reason this is always frowned upon in these situations. I don’t get it. Even if time machines were real it’s not like there are a plethora of them sitting around waiting for people to hijack them and go back in time to bet on games!

So, all money aside, where would I go to alter my own life? My first choice was to go back to the day in May when I met Cousinfucker. I thought maybe my re-do would involve never meeting him. I have no idea how my life would be different now. I suppose it could have ended up worse. Doubtful, but possible. Hey- I was doing the old-fashioned version of online dating at that time in my life. I had 2 or 3 other guys interested in me and I had to pick that shit eating chimp. I’m not saying I would have ended up marrying any of the other 3 guys but surely it wouldn’t have ended as badly as this did!

Of course, then I had the thought that most people think when they’re thinking about this. What about the children???? If I never met Cousinfucker then I wouldn’t have Rock Star and Picasso. Practically speaking, if I had never met him I would never have had them and I wouldn’t even know they were a possibility. In my alternate universe maybe I have little Emily and Zachary and I can’t imagine life without them. But, in reality that moment has passed. I did meet Cousinfucker. I did marry him and I did have two children with him. I know them. I like them. I don’t want replacement children. So….

Where do we go in time next, if we can’t prevent myself from meeting Cousinfucker? So many choices.

I could go back to 2002, soon after Picasso’s birth. I’ve got both kids. I’ve been out of the workforce for 2 years, basically. Cousinfucker was making good money. About half of what he currently makes. But, the kids and I wouldn’t have been used to having a lot of money. They would be young; they would have no idea what it was like to have married parents. They wouldn’t be experiencing the upheaval they’re experiencing now. I would be 33, still young enough that I could jump back in to working and possibly even find love again. Bonus, at this point I was only approximately 2 hours away from my mom so even moving back to the area wouldn’t have been as difficult.

I would be the one at fault for leaving in this situation. Looking back though, when your mother-in-law asks you if your second child was wanted or if you tricked your husband into having another one, things probably aren’t that good. CF was acting like a shit most of the time. It wouldn’t have been adultery level reasons for leaving, but I think it would have been just.

Honestly, I was still very invested in my children having a two parent home. Despite any problems I wasn’t willing to leave him. I was going to stick it out. By golly, it was going to get better!

I suppose my most obvious time to change history would have been back in 2013 after I found out he had been carrying on with Harley all summer despite telling me he had ended it with her. Do I use my time machine to go back to that day and end things with him?

Instead of telling him to get his head out of his ass and decide what he wanted I could go back in time and tell him that I knew they were still involved. I could tell him I wanted his pathetic ass out of the house and not to return. That when the kids and I left to go to my stepfather’s memorial service he could retrieve all of his items then and get the hell out. No second chance. No reconciliation. No trying to make things work.

Now, at this point in time I am 44 years old. I’ve been out of the workforce for 13 years. That’s still a huge gap. BUT, I have friends. I have a support network. I could possibly have been offered a job at the school. Several people I knew and volunteered with through PTA ended up working at the school. That could have been an option. I had a friend who was a supervisor at her job. She might have been able to put in a good word for me and I might have been able to get on there. Her daughter also works at a company who is frequently hiring and her daughter seems to like this company a lot. Again, with a good word from her I might be working a 40 hour a week job that pays decently, instead of what I’m looking at now. Or, I have a few friends who work from home for an airline. They were often posting on Facebook about hiring opportunities. Unfortunately for me now, you have to live in that city so it’s not a possibility for me. Regardless, I knew a lot of people so I had a lot of networking possibilities. The job situation would have definitely been better. My kids could have remained in their sports more than likely. I’m almost certain the gym would have worked with me, and I’m pretty sure the hockey team had scholarships available. 2013 would have been a good time. I would have had a lot of support and much better job prospects. Downside? Getting divorced with my family 1500 miles away.

Or, my final destination could have been to the year 2014. Technically, I would have still needed to have gone back to 2013 because that’s when he began talking about moving to Whoreville. Once he was caught and we “reconciled” and things were “better than ever” he offered to give up on his dream job. I could go back to that day and say, “Thanks, sweetie! I’m so glad to hear that because the kids and I don’t want to move.” I could have vetoed the move and also taken steps to protect myself and my kids in case he did it again.

Of all the options that one seems the least invasive. Go back to that day and stand your ground. Tell him you don’t want to move and you won’t move your kids. Tell him to let The Powers That Be (TPTB) know Whoreville is no longer on the table because his wife refuses to go, the first time in his career that she has ever done so. Rock Star gets to continue on with gymnastics. Picasso gets to continue to play hockey and the cello. Hell, maybe once TPTB know that relocating him is out of the question Cousinfucker would actually get a real promotion and not a lateral transfer! Maybe he would have been an area VP instead of what he was offered. At the very least maybe he would have become the GM when they convinced his GM to relocate.

And then go a step further! Insist that he pay for me to go back to school so that I can get a good job. Or, start working again. Use those contacts and get a job. Best case scenario might even be work part-time and go to school full-time. All while insisting he support me in doing so. Not just monetarily, but physically by helping with the housework, the laundry, the shopping, getting the kids where they need to be.

Maybe if all that had happened we would still be married and I would still be happy. My kids would still be happy. The last two years would not have existed.

Would not moving have helped? If we go with CF’s logic that I hated him and his whole impetus to seek out Harley was because I hated him and was so miserable, then perhaps. When I’m bored I have time to think. I had lots of time to think in Whoreville. I had nothing to do. Back in 2013 I had plenty to do. And at that particular moment I was happy with him. Things were going well. Maybe if that had remained the status quo I wouldn’t have written so much on the other FB page. I would have been too busy. There would have been nothing to report back to him. He wouldn’t have spiraled out of control. He wouldn’t have cheated again. He wouldn’t have left me.

But is that true? That’s quite the gamble. I might be throwing away my ticket to change history if that’s where I choose to stop. He lied to me. First it was multiple women. Then it was only her. I later find out there was at least one other person besides Harley. I have no idea if he continued to cheat while I thought we were happy. I’d like to believe he didn’t, but I don’t know that for certain. The only thing I know is that he lies. We were happy as long as I never brought up his affair with Harley. We were happy as long as I focused on the future. We were happy as long as I danced and danced for him. We were happy as long as I was ticking boxes off of that list he gave me. How long could I dance?

No, if I were given the chance to go back and change my history I would go back to 2002, possibly 2003, shortly after my son was born. I would leave him then. I would have my kids, and yes, I might have had to have shared them more than I do now, but it would have been worth it. Honestly, I don’t think he would have taken them. A 2 year old and an infant? Way too much work! He whined when he was left with only one of them for a few hours! An entire weekend with both of them? Don’t make me laugh!

I could have jumped back into the workforce and be making a decent living right now. I might possibly have met someone new and could be happily married now. Hell, it’s a long shot but I might have actually had another child.

My kids would have no idea what was going on. They wouldn’t feel the pinch because the oldest would have only been 2 or possibly 3. They would know nothing else but parents who were divorced.

The way that it has transpired in the year 2015 they were and are keenly aware of everything that is going on. They know what they are losing, and they have lost a lot. They are cognizant of every change. I’m sure that at 2 or 3 they realize something is going on; they just don’t know what. And typically, as long as the sane parent keeps it together and keeps providing a safe, comfortable environment they adjust; they don’t really have a frame of reference. At 15 or 16, they know and they can see each and every upheaval headed their way.They do have a frame of reference and they probably can’t help but compare their two different lives.

Going back to 2013 would be comfortable. It would provide most of the creature comforts that we have known. Our lives wouldn’t change at all. Until he did it again. I could excuse that though and cling to this idea that I had friends out there and job opportunities. Hell, if I actually took steps back then to protect myself instead of believing him when he professed his great love for me, I would have had a job or a better education when he cheated again. But going back to 2013 means I’m still relying on him. I’m staking my future on being able to control his behavior.

That’s why going back to 2002 is the better option. I’m betting on myself in that instance.

Sue Heck’s Dad Rocks

Do any of you watch The Middle?  I do and I find it hilarious. Interesting fact… way back when it first premiered (the same year as Modern Family) I wasn’t going to watch it. For whatever reason it didn’t appeal to me in the beginning. I don’t know why, but I gave it a chance. It truly is a funny show.

Anyway, if you’ve never seen it it’s a family sitcom about the Hecks, a working class family living in Orson, IN. Mike works at the quarry and Frankie is a dental assistant. They have three children- Axl, Sue, and Brick. Unlike most sitcoms where the families are always upper middle class with fabulous lives the Hecks are always struggling. In the last year or so Mike and his brother started a college logo diaper business together. Say what? Yes, the diapers have the name of a college team on the outside and then their rival’s name is on the inside of the diaper. You know, so you can shit or piss all over your opponent. It’s actually becoming a profitable business and for the first time ever the Hecks have a little wiggle room. I give you all of this background information because it’s important to this past week’s storyline and how Mike rocks.

Sue is the middle child. Often forgotten by others she remains an eternal optimist. In high school she tried out for everything (although she rarely made the team) and in general she is just a cheerful, good natured, see the best in every situation type of girl. She’s now beginning her second year of college. She applied for and received financial aid for all four years of college. Unfortunately for her she needed to fill out her financial aid forms each year and she forgot. She gets to school and finds out she’s been dropped due to non-payment and she’s told there’s no way to reinstate the financial aid for this year; if she wants to attend classes she will have to pay the entire balance.

Naturally, Sue is freaking out. She runs home and tells her parents what is going on and Mike, who is generally very stoic and hands off, volunteers to talk to the bursar, probably in no small part because Frankie threatens to burn the place down.

Before they go in he warns Sue that she’s going to see him do things he’s not very proud of. He puts on the charm and does his best to convince her to give Sue a chance to fill out the paperwork so her aid can be reinstated. For Mike, this is huge. He’s sucking up. He’s handing out compliments. He’s acting all folksy and charming; however, it doesn’t work.

Sue is devastated. As she’s packing up her room her roommate asks her what she’s going to do. Sue replies that she’ll move back in with her parents and go back to work at Spudsies for the year. As Sue and Lexie are talking about how much they’re going to miss each other and Sue is listing all of the things she’s going to miss about college life she gets a notification on her computer. She’s back in! She’s been reinstated and is now registered for classes. She and Lexie jump around and shriek with joy. Hooray! The bursar must have taken pity on her and all the sucking up her dad did must have paid off.

Later, we see Mike and Frankie talking. She tells him that he must have been persuasive because Sue is once again enrolled at East Indiana State. He confesses that he didn’t convince the bursar; she wouldn’t budge. There was no financial aid. He paid the entire balance by selling his half of the diaper business. Frankie questions him about selling his half, knowing he loved it and it was going to be their nest egg. “Why?” she asks him, and he replies simply, “It’s Sue.”

Maybe you need to be a regular viewer to fully understand it, but when he spoke that one simple line it brought tears to my eyes.

Here is this man who has spent years struggling to provide for his family. His daughter messes up and forgets to fill out her financial aid forms again and will have to spend the year at home instead of being at school. So he does the only thing he can do if he wants her to continue on- he sells his half of the diaper business, the only thing of value he has.

He was willing to give up his nest egg to make his daughter’s dreams come true. Why? Because she’s Sue, the always happy, perpetually optimistic middle child.

I know this is a fictional character and yet I can’t help comparing him to CF. CF would never make such a sacrifice for either of his kids. He moved out of state and didn’t bother to inform his kids. He has visited those children exactly zero times since moving yet could make the drive every weekend when he had to drive down to see Harley. Sell off a valued business venture, or anything of value to help them out? Oh please! He’s far too busy trying to impress Harley and her kids to bother with his own. The entire time he pocketed almost $5000/month and had no bills he never once gave his kids anything extra aside from their allowances. Harley was quite busy spending his money on her own kids and making sure they got every advantage of his money but he didn’t bother with doing anything extra for his two. He couldn’t afford $80 for his own daughter’s Homecoming dress. He was so eager to get closer to Harley that he walked away from tens of thousands in unvested stock. He quit not one but two jobs in a four month span. He left his kids without health insurance. He forced them out of their home. He forced them to relocate once again, a mere two years after uprooting them and systematically dismantling their lives. He stood by and let his daughter transfer high schools her junior year. She got screwed out of her driver’s license because of his selfish behavior. That’s the father I gave my own children.

Mike Heck may not be real but he’s a better father than CF will ever be. Mike, when asked why he would sell something important to him, shrugs his shoulders and replies simply, “It’s Sue.” CF, if asked why he would do all that he has done to his children, would undoubtedly reply, “It’s all about me! I deserve to be happy.”

Fall 2016 Review

I thought I’d shake things up a bit and review the new TV shows I’ve seen so far. I took a review writing class in college and I’m pretty sure I got an A in it so I kinda know what I’m doing. I do remember the instructor telling me I needed to “prune” because I was very wordy. Guess what, lady? This is my blog and I’ll be as wordy as I wanna be! Be prepared; I watch almost all of the first episodes and decide whether or not to continue from there.

First up is Bull on CBS. It stars Michael Weatherly and is loosely based on Dr. Phil’s earlier career as a jury consultant. Now, I’ve only seen one episode so far but I liked it. If you’re not a fan of the procedural it probably won’t be your cup of tea. It’s always hard to tell with first episodes though because you see the previews so many times and they always seem to contain the best lines. I’m going to continue to give it a try. Should I rate these? Oh why not? I’ll give it an 8/10.

I’ve watched 2 1/2 episodes of NBC’s The Good Place, starring Kristen Bell. For those of you who don’t know it’s about a woman who dies and ends up in “the good place” by mistake. I’m a fan of comedies and I really liked this one. For some reason the DVR didn’t record the pilot episode, which was actually 2 back to back episodes. I watched the second half of the second episode, caught the pilot on a later showing, and saw the third episode this week. All in all I think it’s pretty funny. I like Kristen Bell’s character and the supporting cast and I’ve been liking the twists. I especially like her version of cussing since apparently you’re not able to do so in Heaven. What a bench! I’ll give it a 9/10.

One of the most talked about series this fall is This Is Us also over on NBC. I wasn’t all that impressed with the previews but watched it anyway due to all the hype. I heard other people raving about it, saying they cried even. I thought it was an okay show. It didn’t make me cry. Mostly I thought it was blah. Not so horrible you wanted to tune out but also not so spectacular that you’re thinking, “Wow! I can hardly wait until next week!” Neat twist at the end; I’ll give them that. I’m not sure how they’re going to sustain the story though. It did have a few moments that made me laugh so I’ll watch again but I have a feeling this one isn’t going to be on my DVR much longer. I’ll give it a 5/10. There’s nothing wrong with it but I wasn’t enamored by it.

I really liked the new comedy Speechless over on ABC. It stars Minnie Driver as a mom fighting for her son with special needs. I didn’t think I was going to watch it but it got good reviews so I decided to give it a shot. I’m already watching the other three comedies on that night so what the hell? I thought the first episode was really funny; Minnie Driver’s character is a trip and I loved the older cop counseling the younger cop: Nope! Not worth it. I was impressed by all three of the kids. I’m glad I gave it a chance. I will give it a 9/10 as well.

Also on ABC on Wednesday night is Designated Survivor starring Kiefer Sutherland. I was looking forward to this one probably more than any of the others for some reason. I think it’s a fascinating concept. It took off straight out of the gate with plenty of action. I’m looking forward to seeing more. There were a few parts that dragged (the First Son comes to mind) so I’m going to give it an 8/10. Update: I just watched the second episode and I’m going to up that score to a 9/10. I always love the underdog that ends up surprising everyone. The second episode was also fairly fast paced and didn’t give us too much of the First Kids which was nice. Is anyone else wondering why there’s like a 10-year age gap between the kids? I know it happens in real life sometimes but it almost seems like they crafted the little girl to showcase her cuteness and then gave us the teen boy to gin up some teen angst controversy (like selling drugs). I could do without the whole FBI angle, or at least speed that storyline up!

I decided to give MacGyver over on CBS a shot. I don’t know why. I didn’t watch the original. Was that the 90s when it was on? I easily figured out the original plot twist. How? Easy. There are just certain things you don’t do on MacGyver and that was one of them; therefore, I was easily able to foresee the twist. I will say the ending was a nice little surprise. Ah, the student becomes the master. Interesting. I did find parts funny. I’m not sure if I’ll keep watching it or not. I’ll award it a 5/10. If nothing else is on I might watch it. I’ll give it one more shot but if it doesn’t impress it’s off the DVR.

I LOVED Lethal Weapon over on Fox. I think Clayne Crawford is a total hottie and I love the accent. Then again I’m a sucker for a southern accent. I wasn’t going to watch this. Why bother watching a ripoff of a popular yet very old movie franchise? What could they possibly do? They did everything! I thought it was funny and heartbreaking at the same time. Riggs’s grief over losing his wife is palpable. I loved the chemistry between him and Damon Wayans. I’m glad I gave it a chance because I will definitely be watching again. I’ll give this one a 10/10 just because I went in expecting nothing and I ended up loving it.

On the other end of the spectrum is The Exorcist, also on Fox. I (sort of) like a scary show. Granted, I have to watch during the day because I’m a big ol’ baby but nonetheless… I was really disappointed with this one. I thought it moved very slowly. It did pick up towards the end and, here’s that word again, I was pleasantly surprised by the twist at the end. I hope I’m not giving anything away (SPOILER ALERT) by saying you think one person is possessed and it ends up being someone else. Nicely done! I will give it another try but for now I’m giving it a 2/10.

And thus concludes my Fall Tv Review, at least for now. There are still several shows yet to premiere. Maybe I’ll come back and let you know how I liked those.

Too Close To Home

I’ve been watching Tyler Perry’s Too Close to Home on TLC. Anyone else watching? For those not in the know it’s all about a small town girl from a trailer park in Alabama who ends up working as an intern and having an affair with the president. He has an apparent heart attack during one of their trysts; she’s outed and humiliated and is forced to return to Alabama.

I was just watching the scene where Heather Locklear as the First Lady confronts Anna, the mistress. First, I want to say she did a brilliant job and one should be so lucky as to be able to confront the AP and wreck the havoc on their life the way she was able to. She called her names, picked at her insecurities, forced her to take the morning after pill so she wouldn’t get pregnant, and threatened to have her charged with the attempted assassination of the president.

Anna, of course, keeps repeating that she’s sorry, oh so sorry. Is she? Again, I have my doubts. She wasn’t the least bit sorry when she was in the middle of her affair with the man. As long as their affair remained hidden and her apartment was paid for she didn’t have a care, or regret, in the world. It was only when she realized she had been outed and that she was in some serious deep doo-doo that she began to confess how sorry she was. Something tells me she’s not really sorry for doing what she was doing but she’s very sorry she got caught.

At the end of the scene, Katelyn lets her know she is going to tell the world that Anna has been having an affair with her husband.

First Lady: …Tomorrow the world will know and I assure you it will know about you and him.

Anna: I won’t say anything. I promise.

First Lady: You won’t have to. I will.

Anna: What?

First Lady: I will.

Anna: You will?

First Lady: Yes.

Anna: I- I don’t understand.

First Lady: Sure you do.

Anna: No, I mean-

First Lady: Why all the surprise? You think I’m just going to let you do this and you’ll walk away freely?

Of course Anna cries pitifully, “Why would you do that?”

The First Lady’s response: Why wouldn’t I?

Anna: Because you’re the first lady.

First Lady: And tell me what exactly does that mean?

Anna: Your job- is to protect him.

First Lady: My job?

Anna: Yes.

First Lady: I’m an Ivy League educated attorney.

Anna keeps repeating that she thinks the First Lady should protect him; she’s shocked that she wouldn’t do everything she could to protect him. Isn’t that what they all count on? To have us protect their secrets? In this instance the betrayed spouse is an Ivy League educated lawyer and yet somehow her first duty is to protect her husband from the fallout of his affair with an intern. As if! It’s unfortunate that so many of us do take up that particular sword.

Anna even tries to appeal to the First Lady’s sense of survival. Unfortunately for her, this First Lady already knows how to survive. Anna tells her to think of how this will look for her and the president, asking her why she would want to put herself, her husband, and her kids through all of this. The First Lady asks her: So are we your concern or is it yourself?

Ah, I think you’ve got her there, Mrs. First Lady! Anna is definitely looking out for herself. She couches it in terms that seem favorable to you and your children but the person she’s really looking out for is herself.

I love how Katelyn asks Anna, after she has pleaded once again to think about all they (meaning the President and the First Lady) have built together and how he’s the president, “So you think this scandal will affect me?” She later goes on to tell her she’s going to destroy her because she made the fatal mistake of coming after what was hers. I’ve gotta say, I like the First Lady’s moxie. Don’t we all wish we had the power to absolutely crush the offender? She tells her she’ll end up like all the whores that fuck the powerful politician, that she’ll never get a job, and that she’ll be a joke. Finally, she tells her she will be forever known as the dumb hick who sucked off the president. And with that she orders the Secret Service agents to strip Anna’s apartment bare (the President was paying for it) and lets Anna know she will be locked out once the First Lady leaves.

In the end Katelyn tells Anna that if she thought the President was bad she has no idea what kind of monster stands before her and vows to destroy her. I tend to believe her.