How Long Will I Be Married?

O.M.G.! I am still freaking married! The divorce trial was a month ago. The judge’s opinion came in almost 2 weeks ago. I’m still married! My attorney has to prepare the order, then have CF’s attorney sign it and then the judge signs it. She told me it will be a few more weeks. I don’t think she’s prepared the document yet. CF’s got a full year after the final divorce decree is issued to pay me my $25,000. I’m also assuming that he’s not going to get into his damn 401k to pay me my back support until the divorce is final.

Speaking of money… I just got another bill from my attorney the other day. I owe her over $9800. The trial itself cost $2200. Of that $9800 I think $6000 of it is new charges, meaning crap that wasn’t figured into my final attorney expense fees. So while he’s paying $25,000 I’m still paying right around $10,000 myself. And now I have a good $5000 less than what I thought I was going to have after I paid my final legal fees.

Today I got another bill! This one was from the court reporting system. WTF? I never knew you got charged for the stenographer they use! I definitely want a damn copy of the court proceedings.

Finally, I’m sure this is going to come as a huge shocker to most of you but I have NOT received a support check from CF yet. It was due on the 1st and I got nothing. In fact, I’ve received nothing from him since I got the check that bounced on the 18th of October. The last time I actually received money from him was on October 8th, almost a full two months ago.

Yet another reason to get this damn divorce finalized! I don’t think I can start garnishing his pay check until I have the actual divorce decree and I can pretty much bet that he won’t pay me until he has no choice.

Should I Feel More?

October 2015

Is it wrong that I’m not more torn up about this divorce?  I feel like I should be shattered into a million pieces but I’m not.  I don’t know if it’s because of everything I went through before the first time, or everything I’ve dealt with since late December, or simply because once I found out I was pretty much done with him.  I just feel like I should FEEL something more.  But I don’t.  I’m relieved.  I’m sad my kids aren’t going to grow up in an intact home.  I’m sorry I’m losing a bunch of my income.  I’m sorry I may have to sell this house after only living here a short time.  I’m sorry I’m getting a divorce in the sense that I failed; I feel like used goods sometimes.  I look around and see all these people where the couples have been together forever and here I am, staring divorce in the face.  But other than that I’m good.  I’m belting out songs by Kelly Clarkson and Miranda Lambert, to name a few.  I regret the life I’m losing but I don’t regret losing the man.  I’m pissed when I think about everything he’s buying the whore and her kids and how he’s treating his own kids, but I don’t want him.  Unlike a lot of people, especially those who divorce when the kids are young, I don’t think I’m going to have to co-parent with him.  He’s trying to move out of state.  The kids are old enough to say they don’t want to go with him.  They are old enough to be told the truth about what’s happening.  They know their father had an affair. They know who the other woman is.  They have no desire to meet her and can articulate that to their dumbass dad if he tries to push the issue.  They have chosen to cut off all ties to their grandparents.  I know I should think long term but I’m happy about that.  I’m happy I don’t have to worry about having her whore cooties on my kids.  I don’t have to worry that his relatives will bad mouth me to my kids.  I don’t have to miss out on holidays with my kids.  I’m good.  All around good.

What Does the Judge Say?

I’ve kept you in suspense long enough, my faithful readers. You got the bare bones of the judgement almost a week ago so now I’ll fill in the good parts. And they’re really good!

First, the judge considered his resignation letter to be a key piece of evidence in this trial. CF had said in his letter that he loved his job and that location was the only reason he was resigning. This was in stark contrast to the story his attorney tried to paint, which was that he couldn’t handle the new social responsibilities of his position. The judge also noted that while he made mention of needing to be closer to his mother, brother, and sister, he didn’t mention his girlfriend and yet he moved directly into her home. Additionally, he pointed out that CF had been driving 6 hours each way to see her each weekend.

When looking at each of our expenses he noted CF’s share of his rent and utilities, which he classified as “expensive”. His opinion was that CF had the ability to pay and he could have paid me more than he has been. He also outright stated that considering what he has been paying to me it appears that his major efforts and monies have been expended helping his girlfriend and her children. Yes! Vindicated, baby; vindicated!

He labeled my expenses as reasonable, especially considering our standard of living before the divorce. Additionally, he deemed the expenses for Rock Star’s cheerleading as reasonable as well, noting that this was the type of activity that would have been allowed prior to our separation.

I don’t know if I ever mentioned it but his lawyer was big on trying to make my expenses seem extravagant. $90/month on nails! $500/month for cheerleading! $100/month for hair! She’s outrageous, Your Honor! Well, Your Honor didn’t think so!

I was told my expenses seemed reasonable, while his seemed quite expensive and focused on his girlfriend and her kids.

There was some discussion over our opposing expert witnesses. It was brought up that his expert had to throw out one of his tests because it was so obviously fake. He had some of the highest “bad” scores possible when it came to PTSD. The test was deemed invalid. Nonetheless, his expert opined that his job loss came about because of his untreated mental issues and drinking was simply his way of coping with them.

My expert, on the other hand, suggested that he had been able to function perfectly well for 24-25 years after this self-reported trauma. He married, had children, and worked his way up the corporate ladder. His conclusion was that he lost his job due to alcoholism, not PTSD. He had many chances to get help and he chose to refuse them at every turn.

In the end, this is what the judge said: This Court determines that the Husband’s mental health issues were something that he and the family were able to cope with, and that he was able to perform well at work. His exit interview documents are noteworthy in this regard. However, what changed, and what suddenly seemed to necessitate quitting his great job and heading to Kentucky, was his affair with Harley Buttface. When Husband left Whoreville for Kentucky, he immediately moved in with his girlfriend and her children. Adding the stressor of an affair to his personal situation, effectively causing the breakup of his marriage, was a self-inflicted wound that has to be factored in here. Until his involvement with another woman, he was able to find a way to be successful with his employment, working around any mental health issues he had.

In the end the judge ruled that him being intoxicated at work was an intentional act that he had control over and was not due to PTSD or other untreated mental illness. He pointed out that it was treatable in advance and, as my expert said, he chose not to seek help for it.

Thank you, Your Honor! That is the difference between taking his actual wages versus imputing at a higher rate.

Later in the ruling he pointed out that I had tried many times to get him help but I could never get him to stick to long term treatment. So much for being a cold-hearted she-beast who only stayed for the money! In another section he took note of the fact that I made his psychiatrist appointment for him after his release from the psych ward after he wouldn’t do it himself, that I went with him once, and that I found a therapist for him and went with him to all of those appointments.

Also of note was the fact that we were acquiring a substantial nest egg until he walked away from his job and continued his downward spiral. I am glad he recognized that.

The judge believed that I was working to the fullest of my ability and that I was at my maximum earning potential. He tossed aside the idea that I should be working a second job, pointing out that I was taking care of our two teenage children. Then he added that CF could be earning more money. I’m sure that’s not what CF and his attorney wanted to hear.

Finally, right before he announced what he would be ordering CF to pay he really handed his ass to him, noting that the industry he is in by his own words is a family like industry where you move up by being flexible and relocating. He wrote:  This is how Husband moved up in the industry, being transferred from place to place, with each stop an opportunity to run a bigger and better plant, and make more money. This is exactly what he did. Now, Husband insists on staying in Kentucky, where he can only produce half of the $200,000 annual salary he was able to earn elsewhere for himself and his family. Accordingly, his insistence on staying in Kentucky keeps him from making approximately $200,000 per year, which he is perfectly capable of doing. He has had other employers call and put out feelers but he refuses to discuss employment outside of Kentucky. He agrees that his salary is all he can earn in Kentucky at this small plant, and he would have to relocate to earn more money.

He admits he was in a relationship with Harley when he resigned his job to go to Kentucky. He admits he went there and moved in with her. He admits that for months he had been driving to Kentucky to spend weekends with her. He admits he rents a nice home with a pool, club house, and four bedrooms, with Harley and her two children.

Husband clearly can earn more salary if he is willing to relocate, which is a norm in his industry, and under the facts of this case, finding the girlfriend to be a major reason for staying in Kentucky, the court will impute income to him of $170,000.00 per year.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when that decision was handed down. Hey, Harley, look! You’ve got a starring role in your married fiancé’s divorce ruling. Aren’t you special? You are why your fiancé is expected to make more money. You are why the court isn’t feeling especially sympathetic to his plight and his need to remain in Kentucky. You have been found to be a major reason why he’s not meeting his court ordered obligations. Don’t you feel special? I sure hope CF thinks you’re still worth it. On the bright side you can now brag your pussy is worth at least $4600/month.

Ultimately he found him in contempt once again for not paying his court ordered support. He has 45 days to pay me the arrears or he incurs an additional $10,000 fine. He did not find his explanation for the stopped checks credible. In fact, he even said that CF had hurt his credibility with his story of stopping the checks because too much time had gone by and he was afraid they had been lost or stolen. It was such a bullshit story anyway. It didn’t help when I could pull out my log and tell the judge exactly when the checks were written and when they were deposited. In one case only four or five days has elapsed and I had to get the damn check through the mail. He went on to tell him that he thought he stopped payment to be “mean spirited” to me and that if he truly thought something had happened to the checks that was preventing me from depositing them he could have called me and yet he chose not to.

Nothing juicy was written about him paying my legal fees. It was noted that my legal fees came to $26,799.78 and I was asking for him to pay because of our income discrepancy, the fact that his behavior resulted in the divorce, and his income potential. I left out the part about paying for his whore’s divorce. My attorney had cautioned me that he probably wouldn’t give me all of my attorney fees but he would more than likely give me something. Yes, well, it turns out he ordered him to pay me $25,000. He does have a year from the date the decree is signed but he owes me.

The best part though? I wasn’t dinged at any point in this opinion. There was no: She’s obviously a frivolous spender who is asking for way more than she needs. She is fabricating her expenses. Her poor housekeeping skills prevent me from awarding her anything more than a $10/week allowance. She wasn’t credible. She contributed to the decline of her marriage. It was obvious she was there for the money alone and never acted as a wife to him. Nope. My lawyer told me I came across as very honest and very credible. She must have been right because aside from the fact that we asked for $4000/month in spousal support and got $2800 the judgement couldn’t have gone any better!

He now has been ordered to pay me $1000 more per month than he has been paying (or ordered to pay; let’s be real here.). It’s also $600 more than what my lawyer originally suggested as a settlement offer if I wanted to try to settle. He is paying about $100 less than what he was told he would have to pay me when he first visited an attorney way back in August or September of 2015, and $2000 less than he paid in temporary support (at least for 5 months) so I would count that as almost a win for him. I’ll let him have that seeing as how I got everything else.

P.S. He was also ordered to pay 71% of out-of-pocket medical expenses for the kids. That’s going to hurt seeing as I have a high deductible plan. Oh well! That’s what happens when you leave your high paying job with great insurance to be with a whore.

More Courtroom Shenanigans

I was very nervous about my alternate Facebook page being brought up at trial. I thought maybe they would try to use that to portray me as a cold hearted bitch who treated him horribly. No! They used it to try to portray me as an extravagant spender. You know, because I used my husband like an ATM machine.

You would have been proud of me. His attorney lobbed the first shot by stating I said myself that I started the page to “stalk Harley.” I looked her right in the eye and said, “To keep an eye on her, yes.” Ha!

Then she proceeds to go down this list of things that I had purchased and shown on the other Facebook page, along with comments like, “I told you I was going to buy myself a ridiculously expensive purse and I did!”, or “I love my Clark’s. They’re expensive but so worth it!” and “I love this shirt! It was more than I would regularly pay and it wasn’t even on sale!”

The best part, which I forgot to bring up? All of this was purchased at a fucking outlet mall! My lawyer on cross examination asked me how much each of the following had cost.

“How much was your ridiculously expensive purse?’

“A hundred dollars.”

“And how much were your Clark shoes?”

“Probably $30-$40.”

“And how much was the expensive shirt that wasn’t on sale?”

“Twenty or thirty dollars.”

Honestly, I was a little surprised she didn’t bring up the Coach coin purse. It retailed for around $90 and I paid about $70 for it, I think. Now that was a ridiculous purchase!

The other best part was that the judge didn’t really seem to give a damn. As he pointed out to CF’s attorney, “Who knows why she wrote on Facebook. For whatever reason it made her feel better after her husband’s affair.”

His attorney also brought up the checks where I had written in the memo line. The first check was the one I received for back support. On it I had written: Thanks, guys! We’re going to Disney!

Honestly, I was really hoping they would see that. Sometimes you don’t see your checks after you write them. So score one for Sam. Glad it stuck in his craw.

The other two checks were the ones that were stopped for non-sufficient funds. Ironically, on both of those I had written “Ha ha ha ha ha,” because those were the checks he had written for $555.55. That was after someone helpful on this very blog had clued me in to what “55555” meant in Internet lingo.

My attorney cross examined me about the checks written for $555.55 so I got the chance to tell the judge what I had learned. I patiently explained that I couldn’t figure out why on earth he would write a check for $555.55. It wasn’t half or a quarter of what he was ordered to pay. I was flummoxed! And then someone told me that on the Internet 55555 meant ha ha ha ha ha. I wrote that on the checks, not to laugh at him or make fun of him, but to let him know I was onto him. I could hear him consulting with his attorney and vehemently denying anything of the sort.

Naturally, his attorney had to ask, “And what about the one where you wrote, ‘Thanks, guys! We’re going to Disney!’?”

Again, I looked her straight in the eye and replied, “I was just being mean.”

How’s that for honesty? You might want to give it a try, Cousinfucker; it feels great!

I Have Affected His Credit Score

The verdict is in so I can post this now. Hooray!

As I mentioned earlier we came to an agreement on the property settlement. All we were trying on November 3rd was spousal and child support and legal fees with a show-cause hearing thrown in for good measure. Nine and a half hours later and this is what I’ve learned:

  1. I was a very poor housekeeper. Obviously he was within his rights to cheat on me because of that, and obviously I don’t deserve spousal support. Only immaculate housekeepers are worthy of spousal support.
  2. Apparently his and his lawyer’s whole strategy to avoid paying sufficient spousal support was to paint me as a horrible housekeeper who never slept in the same bed with him, spent all his money, refused to work, lived separate lives, and knew he was mentally unbalanced since the beginning of our relationship. Nothing like having to detail your sex life in court with your mother there in the audience. Or trying to account for the percentage of time I slept in our bed versus in the couch. Oh yes, that was fun!  Or hearing him describe your housekeeping as “very poor” and being told he was “embarrassed to have people over to see how we lived.” I also found out that I just left dog feces and urine on the floors. Walked right by and never bothered to wipe any of it up. Yep, that’s me. Of course, when my lawyer asked him, “So what did you do about any of that? What did you do to help?” he was forced to answer, “Nothing.” That’s right, jackass. You did nothing except complain and criticize. And thankfully I did get a chance to mention how I ate upstairs with the kids because he wanted to watch TV in silence. I’m such a bitch for giving him what he wanted.
  3. Oh, bless her heart. She did her best to make it seem as though I had known he was mentally unstable our entire marriage. Sorry, but telling me he’s uncomfortable when first meeting people but once he gets to know them he will warm up to them, doesn’t exactly scream, “Mental illness!” It’s pretty fucking normal, actually. Not to mention he did meet my family and my friends and no one questioned his sanity. No one was coming up to me saying, “Gosh Sam, he just seemed really uncomfortable.” I didn’t get a chance to blurt out that I was the one who diagnosed him with social anxiety. It wasn’t him. And we never sought treatment because he couldn’t work. We sought treatment so he would be more sociable with me and my friends.
  4. Another stellar moment for his attorney was when she pointed out that all of our moves resulted in him making more money which benefitted me. Well d’oh! We were a partnership. He made the money and I took care of the kids, pets, and house. Yes, if he made more money that would benefit me and his children. That doesn’t mean that it was no big deal to leave behind my friends and my life I had created. I certainly never prodded him to take another job. I didn’t urge him to leave his company and jump over to another company where he could probably make a lot more money. I never complained about the amount of money he made or told him he needed to make more. I’m not sure what her point was other than, “A-ha! You benefitted every time you moved. Admit it!” Okay, B, I admit it. I benefitted. So did he. Now what?
  5. I blackmailed him into putting in a pool. I’m not sure his attorney actually uttered the word “blackmail” but she did ask me if it was true that I would only agree to move if he would put in a pool. Ummm….. no. Where exactly was she going with this line of questioning? If I blackmailed him into buying me a pool does that negate him moving us to Virginia and then leaving us there? Did I somehow get what I deserved if I demanded a pool and refused to move without it?
  6. I bought clothes rather than do laundry. False! Once or twice there may have been a package of underwear or undershirts bought by me or CF but as a general rule, no, I did not buy new clothes so I didn’t have to do laundry. Again, what is the point?  Your Honor, obviously she was a horrible housekeeper, never made dinner (oh yes, I had to account for percentages of that as well), and refused to do laundry so she shouldn’t receive spousal support. Let her live on $11.50/hour. If she wanted support maybe she should have thought about that before she let the house go, she ran to McDonald’s for breakfast and she picked up that package of underwear at Target!
  7. Despite having a genius level IQ CF does not know what the word “begrudge” means. My lawyer asked him if he begrudged us the trips we took without him and his response was he didn’t know what that word meant. In case anyone was sitting there in suspense once the word was explained to him he said he did not begrudge us those trips. This prompts me to ask, “Then why did your lawyer bring up the fact we took trips without you?” Oh wait! It was to prove how we lived separate lives. Yes, he couldn’t be bothered to take vacation days for us but he could regularly take vacation days when he was fucking his cousin.
  8. I should continue to work two jobs and six days a week while being the only parent to our two teenagers so that he doesn’t have to pay as much in support. He and his lawyer believe that requiring him to move so that he can make more money (like what he did prior to Harley) is hypocritical in light of me not wanting to work 2 jobs. Yes, they actually tried to have my wages imputed with what I made at Target. Assholes!
  9. His lawyer does not know the difference between being court ordered to do something versus being given a choice. She kept trying to get me to say that I forced him out of the house because, you know, that’s the only reason he moved out of the damn state and in with his whore. She actually asked me to refer back to Exhibit #10 which was the temporary support orders. I, on the other hand, kept stressing the word OR. He had to move out OR pay rent in the amount of $750.  Isn’t it true that he was court ordered to leave? No, he had a choice. And he certainly wasn’t court ordered to leave the state. He desperately wants to be the victim in that scenario, doesn’t he? Your Honor, I was forced to move out of my very own home! My wife wouldn’t let me continue to use our home as an extended stay hotel during the week and saunter off to fuck my cousin on the weekends. Isn’t that outrageous? Isn’t she horrible?
  10. Apparently the only reason he went to Picasso’s hockey games and not Rock Star’s gymnastics meets (aside from the fact that gymnastics is dangerous and it scared him) was because it was easier to defend himself from a potential knife attack at the hockey rink as opposed to the gym. I’m not completely sure how cheerleading competitions rank up there. I would think they are quite crowded as well and yet he managed to go to the whore’s daughter’s competition while never attending his own child’s. I suppose that the classroom was also much safer which explains why he was able to go to show and tell with the whore’s son and yet was supposedly an anxious mess when dropping off his own son.
  11. His monthly expenses are outrageous! $185 for 1/4 of the monthly phone bill. I wonder if they have service to the moon? His water bill is somewhere in the range of $165/month, according to him. Their rent is $1895/month. Their electric bill is $400, which is amazing because our electric bill was $400/month only in the hottest and coldest months and our house was over 1000 sq. ft. bigger. Their food bill is $1300/month and I don’t think that includes eating out. I think it’s fabulous that he has the money to help support such an expensive household. Who cares if he takes care of his first children? As long as he’s happy, right?
  12. When my lawyer pointed out that he had cashed in his 401k despite a court order prohibiting him from doing so, and didn’t bother to pay a dime in support to his wife and kids, his excuse was he needed it to pay bills and to pay his stepfather back. I believe he was referring to Pastor Fake. Now where on earth Pastor Fake got $8000 to loan him is beyond me. They haven’t had a pot to piss in since Tammy Faye decided to go into business with the embezzler over 20 years ago.
  13. I discovered he is not current on his legal fees. I didn’t know lawyers would work for free! He is now paying his lawyer $50/week after not paying for months. How do I get that deal? I’ve had to pay upfront in $3000 increments!
  14. He can’t leave Kentucky because his support system is there and his mother is dying. About that support system- I’m pretty sure it consists of Harley sucking his dick and all of his siblings that he has now demoted to step siblings as opposed to half siblings. You know, because his dad isn’t really his dad. It’s that other guy. As far as his poor sick mother who only has about a year to live? Yeah, I’ve been hearing that line for about 10 years now. Maybe longer. That woman can sure stretch out a year!
  15. You can plead the Fifth Amendment in divorce court! Granted, he was lying when he said he knew it was a misdemeanor and could result in a fine, but you can do it. He did cop to starting the affair “somewhere between April and May” of 2015 (which was my timeline). When asked if he had sexual relations with Harley the Whore in Virginia he replied that he did not. When asked if he had sexual relations with Harley the Whore in Kentucky he pleaded the Fifth. Funny little side story… when my lawyer asked the judge if she could ask the question again if they found out he wouldn’t be penalized in Kentucky the judge replied, “I think we all know what’s going on here.”
  16. It turns out that when your lawyer asks you how your husband knows his mistress and you reply, “She’s his cousin,” the judge’s head will spin around and he will ask you to repeat your answer. I think it was my favorite moment of the trial.  Furthermore, while CF may not know what “begrudge” means he was quick to point out the difference between genetically related and legally related. Yeah, so legally he’s my brother, but genetically speaking… Sweet baby Jesus! To further clarify for those who’ve asked… they are second cousins. Legally. Not genetically. Because that would be gross.
  17. It also turns out that even though you know the narrative your husband is spreading it is still a little soul shattering when you hear his lawyer describe you as a person who treated him like an ATM, who was perfectly happy doing her own thing as long as he made money, and who wildly spent to the point of putting us in severe debt.
  18. Finally, on cross examination my lawyer pointed out that his life hadn’t really changed that much. He lived in a four bedroom/2 bathroom home before (3 1/2 baths, but why quibble?); he lives in a four bedroom, 2 bathroom home now. Oh, and his new home has a community pool and clubhouse while his old house only had a pool. He had someone to cook and clean for him before. He has someone to cook and clean for him now. I’m sure she does his laundry, too and she’s undoubtedly much better at it than I was. He lived with two kids before. He lives with two kids now. She made sure to throw in that they weren’t his kids, of course, but he was living with two kids still.

His reply was that his life was completely different. His children won’t speak to him and his credit rating is in the toilet. He’s driving a car that’s falling apart and he can’t get a new one because no one will give him a loan.

Wow! I was forced to move out of my home and sell or leave behind most of what I’ve ever owned in my life. I live with my mother. My kids had to transfer schools and start all over yet again. I sleep on the couch so that my kids have bedrooms to themselves. I’ve worked sixteen hour days to try to provide for my kids. I worked two jobs while he worked none. I began a job that paid me $11/hour to start with while he found a job paying him $100,000/year. While he lives with someone who makes almost as much as he does. But folks, take note! His credit rating is not good and he can’t buy a new car. His life has changed so much.

I WON!

I found out after work that the judge’s opinion was back. It was all good news. For me.

I’ll write more later and just give you the basics. CF’s wages are going to be imputed. He’s going to be owing me just over $4600 a month from December onward. My spousal support will last for 16 years, so until age 64, almost 65. He was found in contempt once again and once again was fined $10,000 with the ability to purge the fine if he pays within 45 days. I was awarded ALL of my legal fees. He has an entire year to pay the $25,000.

That’s it in a nutshell. I’ll write more tonight. I wanted to share the news ASAP.

Custody

As expected he agreed to give me full physical and legal custody of Rock Star and Picasso. Visitation is at their discretion.

This is what an absolute peach he is. After agreeing to this, voluntarily, his attorney asks mine if she has any objections to putting in a clause that states I won’t interfere in any way with his ability to contact them or his relationship with them. I just rolled my damn eyes. Are you fucking serious?

Let me tell you how big this is. When I first began divorce proceedings, more than two years ago, I talked to two separate attorneys who both told me that judges do not like to take away legal custody from the other parent. Both of them thought I would have a very hard time getting full legal custody. By the time negotiations were under way this time around my lawyer was the one to tell me we would ask for full legal and physical custody. There wasn’t a question.

Now, I suppose he could have asked to retain joint legal custody even after all that he’s done. A week long stay in a psych ward, moving away from his kids without saying a word, inpatient treatment for alcohol abuse, not bothering to see his kids one time since February of 2016… If judges are loathe to take it away there’s a possibility that our judge would have given him that at least. But he didn’t even fight for it.

He has basically given up all rights to his children, while retaining the responsibility of providing financially for them. He won’t but… He can’t take them to the doctor’s without my permission. He can’t gain access to their school records. He can’t take them out of school without my permission. Not that he would but… For all intents and purposes he has terminated his parental rights without a peep of resistance.

And then his lawyer wants to put something in the order which would legally prevent me from interfering with his relationship with them. I’m no legal scholar but I’m fairly certain he would have to make an attempt first before I could interfere. Not that he will but….

The Property Settlement

This one is signed, sealed, and delivered (so to speak) so I’m okay talking about this agreement.

I wrote a little bit about the property settlement. Thank God we came to an agreement or the trial would have lasted two days, my attorney tells me.

So here goes…. after switching lawyers because my first lawyer told me it would be a wash with what I took from our bank account and what he spent on the whore… it turns out it was pretty much a wash.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I was with this attorney throughout all this bullshit; my previous attorney would have been an absolute disaster. But she was clearly outraged at the idea of me needing to compensate him when I spent that money on the household and he spent his money on a whore.

In the end it happened exactly that way. Originally what they were going to do is take everything he spent on the whore until I found out about him, the difference between what he should have been paying and what he actually was paying from September-December, and the 401k he cashed in and then take the total amount of what I took from our joint account plus my proceeds from the garage sale/sale of the furniture. Yes, folks, he and his attorney were that fucking petty. He still owed me about $5000. Then, they took our marital debt. Cousinfucker offered to take all of it on and then I would have to reimburse him 50%, so he wasn’t taking anything on. When that was done I ended up owing him, which they would take out of the 401k.

Let’s just say that sweet little Sam came slightly unhinged.

Basically what you’re telling me is that CF gets away with cutting us off and spending thousands on his mistress and her kids and I am punished for being the responsible one. I’m doing my best to pay on the pool that he allowed to be built while he was having an affair, feeding my kids, and taking care of everything while he blows through $30,000, cashes in stock, takes out a loan for $5000 and cashes in his 401k, perhaps illegally.

One of the reasons I switched was because my first attorney was telling me it would be a wash with everything CF spent on Harley and what I took from the joint account. You were the one that told me they were not the same. I was using that money on actual household expenses. I was buying groceries. I was buying pet food and household goods. I wasn’t handing out money to some other guy’s kids or going on shopping extravaganzas. Now I’m being told, “Nope, it’s the same.” I wish I had known that; I would have taken my kids on a Disney cruise instead of paying bills and being frugal with what money I had. Kinda like he did.

Oh yeah, that’s an actual excerpt from my email.

She realized as she was writing to me the first time that she hadn’t factored in the money I paid towards the pool so she was set to deduct that from what I owed. I also told her I wanted credit for the payments I made on one of the credit cards through October, credit for the bills I paid in June, credit for his final car payment, and credit for his car insurance that I paid until June. I also pointed out that I had asked her if I could have that garage sale and sell furniture; she had told me I could and that as long as I spent the money on moving expenses I wouldn’t owe him, or I could deduct that from the total. I asked for the moving expenses to be deducted and I actually got the proceeds completely taken out of the computation. Hooray for me!

I pointed out once again that there was no way he was actually going to pay off all of that credit card debt but I agreed to take on one of the smaller credit cards.

After it was all written up I will be receiving 40% of the 401k as of August, plus or minus any gains or losses. I think it kinda sucks that he cheats and I end up with 40% of the 401k, but as my lawyer pointed out if I took everything he would have no way to pay me his current arrears. Sure, I could have tried to take more of the 401k but I couldn’t touch it for another 15 or more years. I’ve got kids who need things NOW.

Technically, I will be receiving more than 50% of the 401k. My share is calculated before his original withdrawal to pay his support arrears, and it’s also calculated before he took out his $5000 loan. So, knowing it will allow him to pay me my arrears once again I was okay with the agreement we reached. It’s not the best deal but my lawyer told me she thought that was probably how the judge would rule anyway so why spend a couple thousand dollars on a trial if the judge wouldn’t give me anymore anyway?

The best part? I no longer have to save receipts! I’m going to use my last TWO YEARS worth of receipts for a damn bonfire in the fire pit I bought myself for Father’s Day this year.

The One Where My Husband Got Engaged and Harley Posts On Facebook

 

Still waiting on the judgement so I’m still posting Blasts From the Past. This one is about the time I found out CF and Harley were engaged and my daughter saw Harley posting on Facebook about “missing the comfort she had grown accustomed to.” Yeah, that comfort is another woman’s husband, bitch!

September 2015

These past 2 days have been exhausting.  I think I cried more in these last 2 days than I have in the previous 28.  I know I have because other than when I told the kids I haven’t cried at all.

So in the latest installment of “My Husband is a Giant Lying Douchebag” I find out Harley is wearing a diamond ring.  So nice they’re engaged before he’s even divorced.  He’s put a deposit down on a Great Dane puppy.  He’s interviewing for a job in Indianapolis.  And according to the whore, the last time he was discovered he didn’t have enough time to liquidate his assets to get out.  Oh, his “business trip” for Mars?  Not a business trip according to my source.  She had to go to Nashville, he said, for work and Zack went with her.  Apparently there is another trip in the works this coming weekend.  I think it’s fantastic how his PTSD and anxiety have magically disappeared!

Then there was the drama.  Whore posts on Facebook last week after her long Labor Day weekend with another woman’s husband:  Sleepless night.  I miss the comfort I’ve grown so accustomed to.  My daughter sees this.  My daughter is furious.  She sends her “father” a text, telling him it is distressing to see his mistress posting all over social media about sleeping with him.  She goes on to tell him that she knows he doesn’t give a shit about her mother but she thought he at least cared about her and Picasso but apparently not since he leaves every weekend.  She follows it up with how she gets that the whore is sleeping with him while he’s still married but maybe she shouldn’t be posting that all over social media. She signed it your daughter Rock Star X (soon to be Awesome) in case you forgot. His reply is epic:

Rock Star, I love you with all of my heart.  You and your brother will not speak to me and I know that is all my fault.  I don’t know if you will ever speak to me again but you will never be able to say that I don’t love you completely.  You ARE my daughter.  You will always be my daughter and I will always be there for anything you need.

I leave on the weekend because I am not welcome there.  I am paying for everything and I am not welcome at all.  Everyone eats and I starve even though I paid for it.  The doors are locked every time I walk out the door.  And there are now bells on it for some reason.

There is nothing on social media at all.  I don’t know who told you that or what you saw, but it was nothing that was posted by her.  I love you so much and I wish we could talk.  If you want to change your name that is your decision.  But I will always be your father.

Outstanding!  I don’t know why I continue to be amazed at his ability to make himself out to be the victim.  That was truly amazing though.  I did not see that twist coming.  He only leaves every weekend because he’s not welcome here.  It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s fucking his cousin.  If only I would cook him dinner and bring him a plate, do his laundry and let him know how happy I am that he’s having an affair and deserting us he’d stick around!  Do you KNOW these kids, asshole?

The part about the bells makes me laugh every time I read it.  Like, genuinely laugh.  And there are bells on the door now!  The inhumanity!  Can you believe it?  My brother told me if that sets him off I should put bells everywhere!

I love how on one hand he tells her he’ll always be there for her knowing that on the other hand he’s actively trying to move outside the state.  His daughter tells him she’s changing her name to my maiden name and his response is it’s her choice but he’ll always be her father?????  Hey, asshole, take a minute to get your dick out of your whore’s pussy and look around!  Your daughter is begging you to fight for her but you’re so damn busy impressing people that you shouldn’t be that you can’t see what’s right in front of your face!

My daughter is a rockstar though.  She turns right around and tells him:  First of all you’re not paying for everything and yes she is posting shit so don’t you dare try and lie to me about that.  She goes on to send him a screenshot of his little whore’s post.  Then adds:  And also nobody’s eating because everybody is so stressed about everything.  I will not eat because I have no appetite because I am so stressed.

And then once again he plays the poor hapless victim:  I didn’t see that post.  I wasn’t trying to lie to you.  And you need to eat or you are going to get sick.  But you’re never going to listen to anything I say ever again.

Eat shit and die, motherfucker!  Excuse me, I meant cousinfucker!

At the same time this is going on my mother discovers that Pastor Fake has liked this particular post.  Now, it could be Tammy Faye using his page but nonetheless, my mother saw red.  And she private messaged him.  Told him that if it wasn’t bad enough that she saw it because her granddaughter found it and pointed it out to her, she then sees where he has liked the post.  She goes on to tell him that she is amazed that he actually likes a post where this person is talking about how much she misses having Zack, Rock Star’s father and her daughter’s husband, in her bed.  You’re supposed to be a man of God, she tells him.  What is your version of the 10 Commandments?  Well done, my mother.

Best part is that all of this was done without me!  My mom saw the post, pointed out to her by Rock Star, and was furious.  Rock Star was pissed off as well.  These are called consequences, folks!  Oh, but I know it’s all my fault.

I hate him so fucking much.  Today I should have a little over $2300 put into our joint account.  It’s what he thinks he’s going to pay me in spousal and child support.  So today when he comes home for lunch I think I’m going to tell him his share of the bills so far is xxxx and he needs to pony up or he can move out.  I’m done being nice.  I tried being civil and living with him but he continues to smack me in the face.  He’s putting just enough in to cover the bills (well, it won’t cover them this pay period) and I’m left pulling money out of savings to buy groceries and anything the kids might need.  Yes, those kids he loves so much and promised that they would never go without anything!  Meanwhile, he has plenty of money to blow on his whore and her kids- diamonds and puppies and cars, oh my!  Why?  Because he takes all of his money and spends it on whatever he wants.  The money I get is spent on bills.  I’m hoping he doesn’t realize I can’t legally force him out of the house.

I’ve been working on the conversation and it goes something like this:  Your share of the household bills comes to xxxx.  He of course will be appalled that I would suggest he pay because he’s already paid in his mind.  So I say:  We’re still married, which means I’m legally entitled to half of your paycheck.  That means that you get $2400 and I get $2400.  I live here in this house and you still live here in this house.  I don’t know why on earth you think my entire $2400 should go towards paying all of the household bills while your $2400 goes towards your whore and her kids.  This is your half of the household bills so far.  I’ll let you know what the electric bill comes to when it comes in.  You can pay half or you can go live in a hotel room.  I would suggest getting your own apartment but I know you’re interviewing for jobs outside of the state so I’m sure you don’t want to get sucked into a one year lease.  I’m done living on savings to buy groceries and whatever your kids need while you live it up like a single bachelor without a care in the world.

And then if he tells me he’ll stop the money coming in to me I’ll tell him fine.  I’ll have the mortgage payments stopped.  It won’t affect my credit but it might make trying to buy a house later on more difficult for him.  You do what you gotta do and I’ll do what I need to do.  You let me know how you think you’re going to look in court when you go before a judge and try to explain why you abruptly cut off your wife of almost 21 years, leaving her, a stay at home wife and mother for over 15 years, with nothing.

Still Married

I know I promised a juicy update but unfortunately I’m still married. Because CF had Harley listed as the beneficiary he didn’t want to issue a divorce decree; if something happened to him before he could change it back the kids and I wouldn’t be protected.

Speaking of the whore she did NOT make an appearance at our trial. I guess his lawyer let him know bringing a date to your divorce trial was not a good move.

Now I wait. The judge is supposed to render his decision in about a week. The only thing he ruled on from the bench was the beneficiary status of the 401k. He told CF he wanted that done immediately.