AliMONY BITCHES

He has a way with words, doesn’t he? The above title was what he wrote in his comments section upon finally paying me half of his court ordered spousal support this month.

I so badly wanted to comment back: Does Harley know you no longer think her pussy is worth $2800/month?

Follow up question: How does she feel about you no longer thinking she’s worth the money you pay out every month?

Finally: Do you realize you could buy a high priced call girl for less than what you’re paying for Harley?

The real question is did he ever think it was worth $2800/month or did he simply think he was going to ride off in the sunset with the whore cousin and pay whatever he decided was fair?

I think we have a winner there. Poor Harley. He must be such a joy to live with. I wonder (only momentarily) how she feels about his ongoing obsession with me?

Douche, I mean dude, you’re newly married! You should be much more focused on your brand new, only slightly dented wife. Stop focusing on the ex and start focusing on all the wonderful things you’ve gained- like a cheating whore and children who already have a dad.

Then again, so long as he’s bringing in a paycheck she probably doesn’t care.

Dealing with him three years later is interesting. I couldn’t really say in the beginning, “I never thought he could do this to me!” because obviously he could. He had done it two years prior. I was surprised though at the depths to which he sank- the ease with which he told his lies, the vicious deceptions, the financial abuse, the cowardly behavior, the abandonment of his children. Then I found Anne and soon realized there was a whole other layer I had yet to explore. Now, I’m amused at how childish and petty he is.

I mean, for God’s sake, the man moved us across the country to get closer to the semen demon. He lied right to my face. He did awful things. He blew through more than $30k in four months, wining and dining the whore and having the time of his life while I pinched pennies and had to repeatedly deny our kids things. He turned his back on his kids and then preceded to act like he was the victim. He used our home as an extended stay hotel during the week and took off to be with the whore on the weekends- every weekend- for six months after I found out what he was doing. February 2016 he walked out the door like it was any other day. Went to work and afterwards drove to Kentucky and moved in with Harley. Never said a word. I found out when my support payment wasn’t directly deposited into my account. After I contacted his boss, of course. He then ends up losing his new job and doesn’t send a dime my way for the next ten months. I worked two jobs while he worked none. Then when he finally gets another job he moves the cunt face cum dumpster and her kids into a new home while declining to pay his modified support, instead choosing to pay only a fraction of what he owed. In all that time he never once bothered to drive to see his kids. Oh no, because once again he was struggling with anxiety and PTSD. Yes, once reality began to settle in somewhat he put on the performance of a lifetime in order to try to get out of paying decent spousal and child support.

If anyone should be bitter and angry and prone to petty, angry outbursts it should be me! But no. I’m happy as a lark. Doing quite well, thank you. Taking his money is like a salve on my soul.

He is living back in his home state, a place where he was dying to get back to; he is married to the whore, the one who made him so “happy”. He has new pets and new kids- all of which undoubtedly appreciate him in a way his old pets and kids did not. He left behind the job in Virginia, the one he complained about endlessly, and now has another six figure job. Because his kids were 15 and 13 when he pulled his disappearing act he will only pay child support for six years total and he has already received a cut in that support because Rock Star has graduated. He’s living in a brand new 2800 square foot home with the whore and her kids. They go out to celebrate birthdays as a family. They take family vacations. They fly off to Vegas for tacky weddings. By all accounts he should be happier than a pig in shit. But he’s not.

Instead he’s lashing out at me. Horrible, horrible me who has done nothing to him. The man who has everything he has ever wanted is unhappy and whining because… consequences. Oh the injustice! Hey Cousinfucker, you want some cheese with that whine?

Cornhole For the Win!

I saw The. Most. amazing thing on television recently.

To begin my story I have to tell you I went to get my tire changed earlier in the day. The tire store was playing Mountain Men on the History Channel. I was shook, as the kids say. I had a slight trigger reaction to it but I pulled myself together. It was kind of nice to see that Eustace is still his crazy ass self, living off the grid as much as possible.

My mom and I decide to go out for lunch. She wants a chili cheese dog and I’ll take a breaded tenderloin. We go to what amounts to a college dive bar and sit at the bar. I look up and cannot believe my eyes. This was my face as I watched what was unfolding:

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Don’t get me wrong. I like cornhole. I will play. In fact the mobster and I teamed up against my friend sweet J and her boyfriend at Rock Star’s graduation party not too long ago. I’m not all that good (although we did win) but I play. I do not diss those who play.

This was amazing though! They have professional cornhole teams! This was a Professional Invitational! I was stunned.

They have logo shirts…

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They have sponsors! This one was sponsored by Johnsonville. If you didn’t already know you can’t spell sausage without U.S.A.

They had mascots! A bald eagle, Benjamin Franklin, Lady Liberty, and George Washington. Holy bratwurst, Batman!

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There were spectators in the stands and a guy with a very large beer belly baring his chest and swinging his shirt around.

They even have career stats!

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They have dual cameras so that you can watch the person throw and then see where the bag lands on the board (or in the hole). Amazing!

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They interview the winners.

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I was glad to see a woman breaking into professional cornhole. That gives me hope.

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Sadly, while I liked the fancy bean bags (I think it was supposed to be leopard print) I think they actually belonged to the two man team and not the woman’s team. They won, by the way. You go, girl!

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They run ads for the big matchup with the four mascots, labeling it the greatest corn hole match ever!

Then they actually let them play. “I bet those costumes are hot,” I tell my mom. I think it would suck the most to be the bald eagle. Who the hell wants to wear that giant head and try to play cornhole? It must be so hot in that thing.

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“And they probably can’t throw very well in them either.” I was correct. They were not very good.

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They did, however, have their own career statistics and who provided their bean bags.

Some days you are absolutely stunned by what you see on television. This was one of those days, but I had the greatest time capturing it. I am definitely a fan now.

P.S. Sorry the picture quality is bad. I was taking pictures of the TV.

To the Moon and Back… But Only Until 8:30!

O.M.G. I am over here dying. I literally laughed out loud upon seeing this.

As you may recall CF is in a little snit and is mad at me, calling me names, etc. Eh, I don’t care. As Rhianna would say, “Bitch better have my money.”

I’m looking at my Venmo transfer (because that’s how we do it now) and I am once again looking at his calculations for Rock Star’s prorated child support. I knew he calculated it through her graduation date, but what I didn’t realize until just now was that the cheap ass sonofabitch calculated it through 8:30 pm on the day of her graduation! Yep, the minute she graduated she was officially no longer his responsibility. Couldn’t even bear to pay for the entire day. What an ass. It really puts all that, “I love you to the moon and back,” bullshit in a different light.

The other bit of irony to this is an observation by the mobster after I told him about the prorated child support. He said that CF must have had ulterior motives in coming up for her graduation. Wanted to make sure she graduated so he could have more money in his pocket. At the time I didn’t think that was a possibility but seeing as how he calculated it out to the fucking half hour his daughter graduated, I think the mobster was on to something.

Hey, at least he rounded up instead of shorting me the penny. That’s something, right?

You can’t make this shit up!

Need a Laugh?

I came across these two on Facebook. Oh my goodness- they are hysterical and so cute together. This was her Valentine’s Day “gift” to her husband. I laughed until I cried. Seriously.

If you’re short on time you can skip to the 2:30 mark. That’s when it starts to get really good. Enjoy! I hope you love it as much as I did.

Meet Your Second Wife

SNL has this hilarious skit called, “Meet Your Second Wife”. It takes aim at the middle aged man who dumps his wife of 15-20+ years for the little schmoopie half his age. I saw it linked over on Chump Lady probably a good year ago and I laughed hysterically while I watched it. I later showed it to the mobster who also laughed hysterically right in the middle of the restaurant where we were eating.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Some days you’ve just got to lighten up. Picasso is always cracking me up so I thought I’d share this little ditty with you. Incidentally, this isn’t really a ditty. A ditty is a short song or jingle. There is no music to this but it is short and to the point.

Also, this is the last of my Blasts From the Past. 

January 2016

Picasso’s thought of the day:  The sun is being a dick!  Me:  Yep, that’s the sun alright.  It’s just a big ol’ dick.

He later tells me he hates Sundays because everything is closed.

Me:  What is closed?  Everything is open besides Chick-Fil-A and Hobby Lobby.  Are you jones-ing for a chicken sandwich while you go buy some craft supplies?  Oh, shit, I want to do some crafts today but Hobby Lobby is closed.  Now I have to go to Michael’s instead!

I’ve Got You Under My Skin

Apparently I am robbing him blind! I got another check from Cousinfucker. Hooray! Let’s see if this one goes through before we celebrate. Another check for the child support portion. Nothing for spousal support. I guess he has absolved himself of paying spousal support. He doesn’t wanna so he’s not gonna!

The best part is he wrote the check on our anniversary. Nothing like paying out almost a grand to celebrate. Happy Anniversary, Cousinfucker!

I was wondering if I would get another grinch on my envelope. If not a grinch, what other mischievous Christmas character? Oh, he hit it out of the ballpark this time. He completely went off script and decided to go with this:

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That’s right, everyone! I’m robbing him blind because he’s having to pay me child support! Table support instead of the bullshit $800 he wanted to pay. Again, he’s not paying spousal support! He has declined to pay. He’s paying roughly what he would have been paying had he actually sent his four checks of $555.55 or $575. Actually, he’s paying less! Child support, people! He resents having to pay support for his own children.

He is so childish. The part that really galls me, though, is the fact that his lawyer asked if he could pay bi-weekly since that is how he gets paid. I agreed to it. I don’t care when I get paid so long as I do get paid. He can pay me all of it on the 1st, half on the 1st and half on the 15th, 25% each week, or break the yearly payments into 26 payments and pay them out every other week. I truly don’t care and so I agreed to what he wanted. I cut that sonofabitch a break, despite the fact that he doesn’t deserve a damn thing from me. In return he and/or the whore-bitch spit in my face.

I probably sound more upset than I really am. Yes, I continue to be amazed at their level of childishness but he can put whatever he wants on the envelopes so long as he continues to send me my money. Next step, of course, will be sending me the correct amount of money. Congrats! You’ve paid child support this month. You’re still $2800 behind on your spousal support obligation.

Then to up the ante I got a text from him. First time he’s texted since Rock Star got hurt way back in July.

Your attorney just gave me permission to take money out of MY 401(k) to pay the arrearage. Figured I should tell you since you have such a watchful eye on MY money.

BAER.  That’s Big Ass Eye Roll. Can you see it? So many things I’d like to say in reply.

  1. Don’t flatter yourself.
  2. Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine.
  3. Tell it to the judge.
  4. So you’ll have the check in the mail by Monday?
  5. Can I be expecting the $25,000 you owe me in attorney fees as well when you get into that money?
  6. Terrific! Now your kids can have a decent Christmas. 6a. Or do you begrudge them that because it’s all supposed to go to your fake kids and your whore?
  7. I believe you meant to say MARITAL ASSETS. 7a. You’re welcome, btw. I moved all over the damn country and gave up countless lives to follow your unhappy little ass as you moved up the corporate ladder.
  8. Look, Jackass, it’s called discovery. I haven’t been keeping watch on anything except that which is rightfully mine. You’ve had the exact same access to my finances.
  9. I wouldn’t have to “keep an eye on your finances” if you did what you were supposed to do, i.e. paying your fucking support as ordered, and if you weren’t such a fucking liar and cheat. Have you forgotten the 401k you liquidated at the same time you were crying poverty? Bet you and Harley and her kids went someplace nice, bought something great, did something awesome. While your own kids suffered. Or the fact that you took out $50,000 instead of the $28,800 plus taxes you owed me? So yeah, I’m keeping an eye on you until I get what is legally and rightfully mine. Deal with it.
  10. You are not entitled to spend marital assets in any manner you wish, especially not on a whore and her kids. You are not entitled to list the whore as your beneficiary when you are still married to me. If this upsets you, deal with it, you big fucking crybaby. If you overspent when you shouldn’t have because you were in the middle of a legal proceeding then that is your problem. I didn’t do that to you. You did it to yourself.
  11. Cry me a fucking river.
  12. They’re called consequences. They are what happen when you dismantle a 20 year marriage for a whore.
  13. Did you really think the judge was going to buy your bullshit?
  14. I cry every day because you’re no longer in my life. I miss you sooooo much. Oh God, I can’t even type that out with a straight face. I burst out laughing.
  15. Awww… what’s the matter? Are you shocked that I no longer roll over and let you do whatever you want? As your wife I was pretty much, “Whatever you want, CF,” to keep the peace. I’m no longer your wife so I have no reason to placate you.
  16. Did you seriously think you were going to walk away with your finances intact? I’m thinking you’re not as smart as you think you are.
  17. You not happy? I thought Harley made you happy. Why don’t you go home, grab her, bend her over the couch and fuck her hard? Then while you’re driving into her balls deep you can scream out loud, “God, Harley, this pussy is sooooo worth $4600 a month! And my kids.” Yes, let’s not forget you tossed your kids aside for this whore. Hey, you got a couple of new ones, though, so it’s a wash.
  18. If you think you’re pissed off now just wait until you find out I’ve garnished your wages!
  19. No, everything you made up until this point is OURS. Everything you make from here on out is YOURS. Or Harley’s. Probably Harley’s. Good luck; you’re going to need it.
  20. I’m keeping an eye on you and your finances? I’m not the one hacking your Facebook page and sending nasty text messages to your whore. Who’s keeping an eye on who?
  21. Thanks!
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As the mobster likes to tell me: You are really getting under his skin.

You know what the funny part is? If he’d simply pay his court ordered support he’d never hear from me. Hell, he doesn’t hear from me anyway. I just email my lawyer and tell her he’s not paying and she begins filing for a show-cause hearing. He could go off with the new love of his life/soul mate and his brand new kids, living down in Kentucky right by his fucked up cheater sister and his witless mother both of whom set him and his cousin up and unintentionally set in motion his financial destruction.

I don’t want to communicate with him. I don’t care what he’s doing. Give me my damn money and you can do whatever the hell you want!

He’s the one that drags this out. He’s the one that continues to do whatever the hell he wants, despite what the judge has ordered.

If he was the one that hacked my Facebook page I wouldn’t be surprised to find out it set him off to find out that I wasn’t pining for him and wasn’t unhappy. I don’t know if he expected me to be by myself forever either because I was simply too hideous for anyone else to love or want, or if it just bruised his ego that I got over him and moved on with someone else. They were probably laughing it up, thinking that I was all alone and miserable and lo and behold! Oh shit! Sam’s happy! She’s got an amazing new man in her life. Where in the hell did this guy come from?

Then add to that the fact he got reamed by the judge in his ruling. I would like to think that things aren’t happy around the Cousinfucker/whore household right now. He’s pissed because he owes me a lot of money. She’s pissed because she thought he was going to be dropping a lot of money on her and her kids. Merry Christmas!

Oh it has been quite the journey but the payoff is definitely worth it. Now seriously, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being no big deal and 10 being his head explodes, how mad do you think he’s going to be when he finds out I’ve garnished his wages?

Oh, the Drama!

My, my, my! Post one little profile picture on Facebook and all the trolls come out to play!  I was hacked, my lovely readers. Hacked!

I’ve been fairly quiet on Facebook these past 2+ years. I’ve posted back to school pictures, funny things my kids have said, milestone pictures of my kids, and the occasional update. I haven’t said a word about my divorce, where I work, or my mobster. I’m not claiming no one would be able to figure two of those three things out, but I’m not going around volunteering the information.

My last profile picture was a plate of sushi. It’s been the same for several months now. I haven’t posted in almost 2 months. In other words, I’m fairly radio silent.

So… a few days ago I posted a new picture. It was an actual picture of me. I got a few comments from friends telling me how good I looked. I got a, “You look fabulous,” a few, “Very pretty,” comments, and I even got a, “Wow! You’ve always been pretty but you look especially beautiful! What have you done?” It was a nice ego boost although I didn’t post it for that reason.

The very next day I get a frantic text from my mother asking me if I’ve lost my damn mind. “What are you doing posting that you’re in a relationship?”

That was news to me. I had not posted any such thing. I was on the road, in fact. Yet there it was. I was in a relationship with the mobster. It listed him by name. If that wasn’t enough I apparently commented, “We should really just get married already.”

Adding to the excitement I was listed as being with him at that very moment. It wasn’t accurate but it wasn’t entirely inaccurate either.

Later, I learned that the correct pronunciation of my name is Bee-ach NAH-Klas, and that I’m an atheist.

Someone is upset! I’m not sure who, but someone definitely is.

I’ve been tying to be Zen about this. Who cares if everyone knows I’m in a relationship? The trial is over; I’m just awaiting the decision. I don’t think CF and his attorney can submit Facebook ramblings two weeks later, and even if they could it doesn’t prove anything. Once my divorce is final and those papers are signed I plan to scream it from the roof top.

I thought maybe it was my daughter being petulant at first. She’s in that tough transition time. You know the one. She’s never around and when she is her boyfriend is with her. But the minute she has some down time she expects me to be there with bells on. Waiting.

However, Rock Star would never refer to me as a classless bitch. Or Bitch No Class, if we’re going by my formal name. Never.

I thought maybe CF or Harley had received some news from the judge and this was all lashing out. I guess we could call the “we should really just get married already,” comment wishful thinking on his part. No class bitch is definitely something he or she might refer to me as, but that begs the question: How would he know about the mobster?

We’re Facebook friends but I’m friends with a lot of men on Facebook. We don’t comment on each other’s stuff. We might sometimes like a post or picture but we’re always one in a group of commenters.

The creepiest part is just having someone access my account. They were logged in as me. I don’t care about being labeled an atheist. That’s just stupid. Calling me Bitch No Class is just petty and childish. I don’t even care about people knowing I’m in a relationship. Like I said, I can hardly wait to go public for real.

Here’s the other creepy part. It listed him by name. It’s been a few years since I’ve done the “in a relationship” status but I remember when I was married. CF had to approve that. I could list I was married but it wouldn’t list me as married to him until he said so. Mine definitely said I was in a relationship with the mobster. Which makes it seem like someone was in both of our accounts.

My mom thinks it was the mobster’s STBX. So does my sweet friend J. They both think she doesn’t like the idea of him moving on and that she wants to cause trouble between us. The mobster doesn’t think she’s smart enough to pull something like this off.

Rock Star thinks it was her dad or Harley. She said the pettiness makes her think it would be Harley. When asked why on earth he would even bother she replied, “Because he can’t stand to see you happy. After everything he’s done to you you’re still happy and he hates that.”

Also on the weird side? “Bob”, the high school friend of CF’s who has been checking in on me throughout this ordeal told me CF unfriended him.

Why? He made an innocuous statement about Jezebel, calling her Rambo Barbie, but he’s called her that before. He’s called her that on her own page, in fact. So nothing horrible and earth shattering. Certainly not enough to unfriend someone you’ve been real life friends with since high school. He told me he sent him another friend request along with a message but CF declined the friend request and didn’t reply to his message.

Holy shit! Just had a thought as I was writing this.

The person who put all this stuff up was logged in as me. That means whoever it was had access to my Facebook messages. If you had access to my Facebook messages you could see that the mobster and I video chat constantly. There weren’t many conversations, thank goodness, because I don’t use that app for texting. He has sent me pictures through that app as well. It wouldn’t be difficult to tell we’re dating.

And there are conversations in there between me and Bob. They aren’t horrible conversations but he doesn’t mince words when it comes to Pastor Fake, Tammy Faye, Jezebel, Blockhead, or Harley. I think he’s been more than gracious towards CF but he hasn’t been as gracious towards those CF loves and turns to for guidance. It’s also apparent that he’s given me information over the course of this disaster. It hasn’t been huge amounts or anything incriminating but still… we all know how put out CF gets when he’s not being told he’s the most special boy in the whole wide world, or when someone dares to tell him he is not making the best choices. That would explain the sudden unfriending.

He’s also been known to call me a bitch and tell me I have no class. Because, you know, nothing oozes class like fucking your cousin. Or being arrested at least 3 times. Or abandoning your kids. Or cheating on your spouse. Or taking your whore to a funeral and showing her off to your entire family. Or being forced to resign because you keep drinking on the job.

Oh well! It appears one mystery has been solved. How either one of them hacked into my account is another mystery for another day.

Another Laugh

Okay, this probably isn’t really that funny but I found it humorous.

As I may have written our divorce hearing was scheduled for May 5th. Cousinfucker had until that date to pay me the arrears he owed or he would be fined an additional $10,000.

A few weeks ago we get notice of an expert witness who will testify for him at our divorce trial; therefore, my attorney asked for a continuance so that we could find an expert witness of our own and so that she could discover what all his expert witness would be testifying to.

In the correspondence between the two lawyers, and in the eventual motion that went before the judge, his lawyer tells mine that she doesn’t think her client will object to the continuance so long as we agree not to file another show-cause in the meantime.

Ha! He knows damn well he hasn’t paid a dime in support since May. He got his damn support lowered and still hasn’t paid a dime. He hasn’t paid his arrears and he hasn’t paid his current support obligations either. More than likely he will pay the arrears from June through January, but anything he owes me from February, March, and potentially April will be put on hold. Wonder when, if ever, I will get that?

Nevertheless, it still made me laugh. He knows he’s an ass. He knows I’ve got him by the short hairs and he’s doing his best to stay out of jail.

Um, I don’t care if we have a continuance, just please don’t put me in jail!!!!

My brother kept telling me I should file another show-cause to keep his ass in a sling. But no. As always, I waited and watched to see what would happen. One of these days I’m just going to act without thinking about it. It will probably be a disaster. Keep it up, asshole. I’ve got no sympathy left for you. It might not happen today, or even tomorrow, but I’m confident there is a jail cell with your name on it! You’re running out of chances.

Update: Obviously this was written before I received the check for 8 months worth of back support. Now he only owes me for February through April. Still wondering when, or if, I’ll see any of that, or if he’ll begin paying his court ordered support on a regular basis.