One Hot Karma Sundae Coming Up

Remember all of those shit sundaes I had to consume over the last 5 years? Well… it looks like someone is getting a big ol’ hot karma sundae right about now.

First, I want to point out that August 14th was my first D-Day. Pretty much. I mean, he confessed to “texting” Harley back on Mother’s Day weekend but then I was contacted by her husband that day, letting me know they were still talking. Jerry Lee’s first big payment is coming out of his paycheck on the 7th anniversary of me finding out. I do believe that’s what they call irony.

Second, Jerry Lee has been very… what’s the right word for it? I don’t want to say kind. He’s still very robotic and business-like in his communication. But he definitely has a new attitude to say the least. No more snark. No more condescension.

He contacted me again today to see if the direct deposit had hit my account. This was at 8 in the morning. It has not hit yet, in case anyone was wondering, but I can see it pending in some ACH warehouse. I wouldn’t be able to see it if I didn’t work at the bank.

All of this is just background information. It’s not where he gets the hot karma sundae. This is.

I just received notice from Mississippi that you are garnishing my check. You cannot garnish my check AND have direct deposit from my employer.

Are you kidding me? For months I haven’t been able to get anything done and now you’re telling me I’ve managed to not only take him to court and get him to directly deposit payments into my accounts but also I’ve got Mississippi garnishing him for the other half? Well hot damn!

Also, WTF Mississippi? Did my caseworker not tell me less than a week ago that Mississippi had closed the case because he no longer lived in the state?

I will admit I got a chuckle out of that. I can only imagine the look on his face when he read the notice. I really wish I were there when it happened. Maybe the imagination is so much better.

The fun had to stop eventually. I’m not a cat toying with a mouse. I wrote him back and let him know that Mississippi couldn’t garnish him and that they had dropped the case. I really wanted to add, “Don’t stress yourself,” like he did to me so often, but I didn’t.

He continued on.

I just received it today and it is dated 8/6/20. Do you have any documentation of when they dropped it? And did the direct deposit go to your account today? I want to make sure it didn’t go to the wrong bank?

Seriously, Jerry Lee?  You think I don’t know my routing number? I type it in all damn day. I think someone is getting a little anxious. Couldn’t get him to pay on time to save my life before. Now he thinks I’m getting it early.

So I replied that I didn’t have any documentation per se but that I did receive an email from the caseworker about a week ago telling me that they had closed the case. Again I assured him that they had no jurisdiction over him.

Now, normally at this point in the conversation he would be very snarky and condescending. He’d probably be making accusations and calling me all sorts of names. This time though he had a different response.

Would it be possible for you to send the email to me so that I can send to corporate to stop the garnishment?

Wow! That’s a lot different than: UFC! It’s almost like he’s got a suspended jail sentence hanging over his head. And like he’s not going to have any money from his paycheck unless I give him some back.

About 30 minutes later he texts again.

I called the DeSoto County DHS and the garnishment is valid. They will begin to garnish and have sent to my employer.

Huh. Well, that’s news to me. No one has told me a damn thing, aside from, “Hey, they’re closing the case.”

Can you believe this shit?  I couldn’t get anyone to do anything for me for months and now that I finally have a court order in place Mississippi suddenly gets its shit together and wants to start garnishing him.

The idea of him getting fucked twice pleases me immensely but I’m trying hard not to gloat. This could all go very badly for me.

He ended the conversation by letting me know he was going to contact his attorney to see if the garnishment could be stopped. He actually thanked me for my help (he actually said he appreciated my help on this). I don’t know if he was trying to appeal to my sympathy or what but at the very end he threw in this lovely tidbit:

As you are aware, I don’t even bring home enough to pay you $4880 direct deposit and $4900 in garnishment.

Sounds like someone needs to get a second job.

I’m a nice person. More importantly, I’m an honest person. I’ll give part of it back if it comes to that but still… Oh God, I laughed so hard. Every time I would think about it I would smile and giggle a little. Then I would say, “I shouldn’t laugh.” My mom was right there though and she said, “Of course you should! He’s put you through hell for the last 5 years!” When I mentioned the second job she said it was about damn time he had to work a second job. She reminded me of all the months I spent working two jobs when I was getting nothing from him, or how I donated plasma for months on end to make sure I had money for Christmas when he modified spousal support. It’s about damn time he sweats it for a little bit.

I think that was the funniest part. He gets to sweat it out for a while. It seems like he’s afraid of terminating the direct deposit which means if the state does come after him I’ll take his entire check. He’ll give me half and the state will come in and take the other half. How ‘bout that? I couldn’t get anyone to help me for months and now I’ve got more help than I need. I may have managed to commandeer his entire paycheck. I know. I’ve said that three times now. I’m still amazed. He will be at my mercy to get half of it back. Because I don’t think he’s going to stop those direct deposits. I do believe he’s afraid of our judge. It seems his lawyer made a believer out of him.

You’d be proud of me. While I did contact the caseworker (more on that in a minute) I stopped short of contacting my attorney. I figured why should I pay for answers? I’m not the one paying my entire paycheck to my ex. Seems to me he should be asking his lawyer those questions. Not me.

I am hoping that the caseworker gets back to me soon. I only work about 2 blocks from her office so if I have to I’ll make a trip down there tomorrow afternoon. The only reason I’m concerning myself with this is because I don’t need Mississippi coming in and garnishing him.

Let’s face it. I’m not really going to get his entire check. Even if it’s somehow sent to me I know I’m not entitled to the whole thing. Right now according to our agreement through the court system in Virginia he’s paying $1000 more per month than what he should be. I haven’t seen the orders from Mississippi so I have no idea how they came up with $4900 but I know they didn’t calculate child support at $2100 per month. Even using his imputed wages it’s not that much. At most I could probably get $400 more per month in child support from them; however, from what my attorney told me they would only be garnishing him as long as I was collecting child support. That $4900 figure he quoted must include some of the arrears. Plus, as it was explained to me when it comes to arrears child support is paid first, then spousal support, then legal fees. What does that mean and why is important?

It means that as soon as he’s paid his arrears in child support they will no longer be garnishing him. If child support arrears are paid first, he will never be garnished for the spousal support arrears. They won’t even touch the legal fees. That has to go through the courts. If Mississippi somehow has taken jurisdiction then I’m going to get screwed out of more than $35,000. THAT is why I’m contacting the caseworker tomorrow.

Despite the fact that I assured him Mississippi has no jurisdiction over him I really don’t know that. I’m regurgitating a bunch of stuff I’ve been told.

From the very beginning the caseworker has said that the home state (meaning his home state) needs to take jurisdiction from Virginia. I don’t know how they do that. I don’t know how many hands are in the pot or how easy it is to take a case from one state and give it to another. I don’t know what kind of checks and balances are in place so that if you have an open case in one state another state can’t take it over.

I know that Virginia had jurisdiction as of July 15th. We couldn’t have moved ahead with our court case if they no longer had jurisdiction. I also know our case is still on the docket for review in about 8 months. With that in mind I’m not sure how Mississippi could have taken jurisdiction.

I got an email from the caseworker last Friday letting me know Mississippi couldn’t find him; he was no longer residing in the state. They were closing the case. That is what they told her and she in turn told me.

When he moved from Kentucky and I wasn’t sure if he was living in Tennessee or Mississippi the caseworker was adamant that we had to bring the case to whichever state he resided in. Where he worked didn’t matter nearly as much as where he lived. If that’s true then I fail to see how the state of Mississippi can possibly try to garnish him when he’s living in Georgia.

From all of the above I find it difficult to believe that they will be able to garnish him. I don’t believe they have jurisdiction. I suppose by some small slim chance Mississippi could have suddenly snatched jurisdiction away from Virginia after our court hearing in July. Hell, maybe Virginia just flat out gave it to them.

Mississippi: Hey, can we have Jerry Lee and his child support case?

Virginia: Sure. Don’t see why not.

My specific county in Virginia: WTF? I had that taken care of!

Virginia: Oops!

Mississippi: It’s mine now!

But our case is still on the docket so I don’t see how that would be possible. And similarly, if Mississippi had taken jurisdiction (and could keep it even after he moved out of state) before July 15th I wouldn’t think the court in Virginia could have heard the case.

Plus, I have to factor in that Jerry Lee already had moved by early January. My guess is that by the time the county finally got around to filing their case he was gone. The state had until approximately December 26th. I’m pretty sure Jerry Lee started his new job the very beginning of January. Don’t know when they moved but I would assume they all moved together. If he never got served and he didn’t even live in the state I’m not sure how they could go ahead with the case.

I will admit I did enjoy the thought of him sweating it out, envisioning his entire paycheck being given to me. I can only imagine the conversation he and Harley had at the idea they may only be living on what she brings home. Ultimately though I want Mississippi to stay out of it. It is much more advantageous for me to have Virginia in control. I suppose in a worst case scenario Mississippi does somehow end up garnishing him so the direct deposit stops. Once child support is paid up then we would have to sign another agreement to get everything else paid up. And then I would be seeking direct deposits for spousal support. It’s a little stressful for me. I thought everything would finally be moving ahead smoothly with no need for any interaction with him. It’s okay though. It’s still a delightful hot karma sundae being dished up. Potentially his entire paycheck being handed over to me. Huh. Ain’t that a bitch?

Another Year Gone By

June 10th came and went yet again. It happens like clockwork, once a year.

It’s a funny day for me, June 10th. It used to be nothing special. Just an ordinary day. And then the year 2016 hit. June 10th became probably the worst day of my life. Even worse than DDay #1 and DDay #2. I can still picture myself in my car; I can still picture the road I was on. I received a text that would change the course of my life and the lives of my children.

I lost my job today. I won’t be sending you anymore money.

That was it. That was all the explanation needed in his opinion. He had upended our lives as we knew them but those two sentences had it covered.

With that he checked himself into an alcohol treatment program at the VA for three days, a fact I wouldn’t discover for another 6 months. I was only the discarded wife. I didn’t need to know what was going on. Harley, the fiancee, had it all covered. She was the important one. She was entitled to all the facts. I got conjecture. And stomach ulcers!

To this day I remember the awful feeling, knowing I needed to keep it together because Rock Star’s friend who had flown in from Utah for her birthday was still here and I didn’t want to ruin her visit. Rock Star was going away to camp for a week as well only a day or two after I got the news and I didn’t want to mar her experience. I remember her friends coming over and talking about how they had heard she was amazing at gymnastics and they really wanted to go to a few meets next year to watch her, and me knowing that she probably wouldn’t be here much longer. I remember emailing my lawyer, and her first emailing me back immediately, and then calling me. I remember getting the email from his attorney telling my attorney that he didn’t know how long he would be out of work and that he was attempting to qualify for disability. I knew then he wasn’t planning on going back to work any time soon.

After that, I remember breaking the news to Picasso, who took it pretty well. And I remember Rock Star coming home from camp, happy and excited to tell me all about her experiences, and me changing her life in an instant. I remember her crying and telling me, “I don’t want new friends! I want to stay here!”

I remember going through my house and deciding what I would take with me and what all I was going to try to sell. I remember days spent out in the sweltering heat having a garage sale to pad my bank account because I was living on savings at that point. And I remember packing up my few belongings and loading them up in a UHaul and driving 600 miles away from my home, leaving most of what I had ever owned behind.

It was tough for a very long time after that. The world was dark and gray. I felt no joy. I was resigned to my fate and waiting for death.

Finally, about 10 months later I began to feel better. The world began to look a little brighter. I had a tiny bit of hope. I could imagine a future. And then a mobster fell out of a tree onto my head and I’ve done my best not to look back.

June 10, 2017 was a Saturday and it was part of that first weekend I met the mobster in person. I wrote a post about it. We went up to Lake Michigan; I spent a lot of time sharing pictures of my family and friends with him. We had a delightful time; it was a much better day last year than in 2016.

This year June 10th was our one year anniversary of meeting and it was spent in Utah together with my kids. We flew in for a wedding and I happily showed my mobster off to my closest friends.

It is my hope that we will spend every June 10th together, although that may be a little more difficult next year when it falls on a Monday. Come hell or high water I will take that damn day back. I will never forget what happened that day in 2016 but I’m going to make sure that every June 10th from here on out is a marvelous day for me. Suck it, cheater!

Beyond the Grave & Other Exciting Tales

I had a weird thing happen to me last week. It was either the day of Tammy Faye’s funeral or the day after. I was going through my old voicemail messages. I had something like 40 of them I hadn’t listened to so I figured I should clear some of them out. I came across a number I didn’t recognize. Curious, I played the message.

It was Tammy Faye. It was from February 16th, less than a month before she died. It was a pretty brief message: Sam, your number popped up on my phone. I was calling to see if everything was okay.

She sounded sick and frail.

Here’s the weird thing. I don’t have Tammy Faye’s number in my phone. I deleted it. Months, if not years, ago. There is no way I could have accidentally air dialed her. Believe me- my phone has a mind of its own! That is a very distinct possibility. My kids couldn’t have used my phone to call her unless they had her actual number. I even checked the call log to see if perhaps one of them did plug in her number on my phone for some reason. Nothing.

Ultimately it doesn’t really matter why my number popped up. I’m more freaked out about the fact she still had my number in her phone. Why?

Bob messaged me to let me know CF saw his condolence message but didn’t reply. What a surprise. He told me he hoped that some good could come of this some day. I don’t believe in fairy tales and am getting a little tired of his excuses for CF so I was a bit feisty when I replied:

What good could come of it? I’ve been left in poverty, depending on his support payments which he makes when he wants and just bounced a check. I live with my mom and sleep on the couch. My kids have lost their dad. They’ve lost having a mom who is home and available for them. Rock Star is screwed when it comes to paying for college. She missed out on graduating with her class from her original high school She hates it here and suffers from anxiety. Picasso seems to be okay but who knows. The only people prospering are Harley and her kids.

#truth

His response was that the only good that could come of it is that one day CF and the kids would once again have a familial relationship.

Bob, I love ya; I appreciate the support you’ve given me since this shit storm began, and I realize you consider CF a friend (even if he no longer considers you one), but you’re stupid. In what world can a father abandon his children, play Daddy of the Decade to kids who aren’t his, and the great equalizer will be him reconciling with his kids so that they, too, can eat his special blend of shit sundae?

I don’t think it has ever occurred to him that maybe reconciling with their deadbeat dad is NOT in their best interest. He hasn’t done a single thing to try to make things right with them. He continues to ask Rock Star to pass along messages to her brother because he doesn’t have his number. Hmmmm…. if only there was a way he could get that number. If only he knew someone that might actually have that number. This is his genius at work, ladies and gentlemen. Stymied by not having his son’s phone number which has never changed, and forced to ask his daughter to pass along the message.

He continues to begin every message with: I know you hate me but… Can the man be any more of a victim?

Maybe she needs to begin replying to these messages with: I know you’ve already replaced me with your whore’s kids but… Or, maybe: I know your whore will always be more important than me but…

I’m kidding, folks. Don’t bombard me with messages about how no contact is the best tactic. I know that. She doesn’t generally respond.

A few days later Bob contacted me again to ask if the kids had heard from CF since the funeral. Nope. I did tell him, however, about my message from beyond the grave. He told me it was too bad I didn’t get the message earlier because maybe I could have reached out and we could have cleared the air. In turn, I told him that honestly, even if I had received the message the day I got it I wouldn’t have called her because I had nothing to say to her.

Death brings out the sap in most people and I’m trying hard not to get sucked in. She chose her son and his whore and her four kids over her own flesh and blood. The twenty years I spent as part of her family meant nothing. I was quickly tossed aside and discarded. She was happily skipping off to funerals with her precious baby boy and his cunt face cum dumpster. She couldn’t gush over her enough. So, she got exactly what she wanted. Her son and his whore were there at her funeral. I’m sure the whore’s kids made an appearance as well. Have to keep up the image.

Rock Star and I had an interesting conversation about this as we drove to her latest cheer competition. She pretty much admitted that if they had ever apologized or tried to make things right with her she probably would have reconciled with them. They never did. There was never an apology, never an acknowledgement that any wrongdoing had taken place. Tammy Faye could post comments to her on Facebook but she couldn’t take the time to text her or call her and have an honest, one-on-one conversation with her.

She never bothered to call her or text her when Rock Star first found out about her dad and I getting a divorce, finding out her dad was having an affair. Rock Star had called her dad and demanded her grandmother be put on the phone because she didn’t believe him when he told her he was with his mom. Once Tammy Faye got on the phone she said she didn’t want to do this anymore and threw the phone down, hanging up on them. Not a word.

That was her chance to tell Rock Star she was sorry about what had happened, sorry for her part in it. That was her chance to act like she actually gave a shit about what was happening to her and her brother.

Where was she when we were forced out of our home? Where was she when Rock Star and Picasso were forced to leave behind their school and their friends yet again, thanks to their father? Where was she when Rock Star found out she couldn’t get her license and would have to have yet another learner’s permit for 6 more months? Where was she all those months when Rock Star was hating life and feeling like a nobody thanks to the move forced upon her by her dad? Where was she when Rock Star was dealing with anxiety?

I’ll tell you where she was. She was up her son’s ass, gazing at him adoringly, and gushing over his whore, telling her how pretty she was.

My mother looked up her obituary. Curiosity meets the cat. It said she had four kids. Understandable, I suppose. They included her two stepsons whom she had helped raise. CF and Harley were listed together. Naturally. And then it listed her as having 18 grandchildren.

I have no idea where they came up with that number. Jezebel has two kids plus her two step kids. That makes 4. Her oldest stepson has 5 kids; the youngest has 2. That brings the total up to 11 and leaves only her son. He has 2 children which brings the number up to 13. Even counting Harley’s kids that only brings it up to 17. Maybe somebody has a kid that I’m not aware of. Nonetheless I find it appalling that those idiots could actually list Harley the Whore’s four kids as her grandkids. She’s been “granny” to them for a whole whopping two years and almost all of that time has been while he was married to me. At the very least take my two kids off the list. She chose Harley’s brood over my two.

I know. I can’t control what goes in her obituary. It’s also over and done with now. Plus, the very wise advice: No contact is the path to enlightenment. So very true.

It just goes to show you what a dog and pony show death and funerals are. Everyone is celebrating her as this wonderful person who loved everybody and was so sweet. The reality is she had no problem with her daughter cheating on her husband. Either of them. She had no problem with her son cheating on his wife of 20 years; in fact, she encouraged it. I guess she just didn’t correctly anticipate the reaction of my children. Unfortunately for her our memories are long and are not softened by death.

A Conversation With Picasso

So often I feel like Picasso is my forgotten child. Rock Star came out like an explosion of fireworks- loud, screaming, demanding. Picasso was calm, serene, go with the flow. Rock Star has always liked to go, go, go! Picasso is more of a stay at home and play video games kinda kid. Rock Star is outgoing and a standout in so much of what she does; Picasso is much more behind the scenes and has a much harder time finding things he is passionate about. Rock Star is always wanting; she’s always asking for time, money, experiences, attention. Picasso exists in his own little world and it’s very easy to overlook him because his needs and wants are generally so small.

Anyway, I took him out to dinner one night while Rock Star was off doing whatever it was she was doing. I wondered if he had any idea that Tammy Faye had been in the hospital, or that she was back in the hospital. I wasn’t sure if Rock Star had passed along that message or not. Apparently, he was not in the know. His response upon finding out? Is it mean if I say that’s karma?

Each time I ask a child why they hold such animosity towards Tammy Faye (after all, she’s not the one that cheated on me or abandoned them) both of them point out that she fully supports CF and what has done and is doing. They are appalled by that. They realize, at their young ages, that she does not care that her son has wrought incredible pain and change into their lives. She has chosen her son over her grandchildren. So be it. Let the decision stand.

They aren’t even influenced by the fact she put this whole ball into motion when she urged the whore to call her precious boy, knowing their incestuous history. No, they are more upset by the fact that she knows and is okay with what he’s doing.

He also went on to say, “It’s okay, Mom; I always liked your side of the family better.” I thought that was kinda humorous but I was also interested in learning why. Honestly, I figured it would be the other way around.

He told me it was because whenever they were at my mom’s people came over and saw us; we went out and did things. People seemed interested in his life and they were eager to see us. When we were at Tammy Faye’s no one really went out of their way to see us and we basically sat around and did nothing.

To be fair Jezebel did always make it a point to come see us whenever we were in town. Usually  the visit either consisted of her coming over to her mom’s house, or having us over for dinner at her house. So it’s not that she never came over. Plus, a huge part of the reason we didn’t do much was because Tammy Faye was always sickly. She has had two hip replacement surgeries and has COPD. She’s been getting around on a scooter for probably the last ten years or so. That tends to limit where you can go.

My mom seemed incredulous. When we would visit her we would regularly take trips to Chicago, go to the beach, tour museums, go to the park. Hell, when she came out to visit us in Utah with my nephew, and my niece was already out there, we would go on vacation together. And definitely we would make it to the movies, to the amusement park, the water park, hiking, and all over.

The truth is we rarely did anything aside from going out to eat with CF’s side of the family. I remember Jezebel and I taking the kids to a movie once. We went to King’s Island together twice, and we went to a museum once. Jezebel did have us over to her apartment once or twice so the kids could go swimming. But mainly it was visiting at one of the houses, or going out to eat.

He once again pointed out that no one on his dad’s side really knows him, aside from his one aunt (the one who has made his dad’s enemies list). They don’t know what he’s into and what he likes and they don’t really care to go out of their way to find out.

Shockingly he told me he felt more at home and more comfortable with the mobster’s family when we saw them. He pointed out that they talked to him, took an interest in him, and asked him questions.

I thought that was quite insightful. I also think it’s probably very true. The mobster takes an interest in Picasso and what he’s doing. He tells him hello and asks him what he’s up to. He asks his opinion. He wants to know what Picasso is into. Now, this could be because he’s trying to impress me, but I don’t think so.

I’ve said before that none of them try to contact the kids. They do most of their communication on Facebook and Instagram so they can show everyone how wonderful they are. No one on his side of the family has picked up a phone and called either kid. None of them have even really texted either kid, until Tammy Faye was in the hospital and Rock Star got the guilt text. No, they are pretty much out of sight, out of mind. Tammy Faye did write a nice Christmas card to both of them where she told them how much she missed them and wished she could see them.

How does this conversation end? Honestly, I don’t remember. Picasso said what he wanted to say; I listened, and then we went back to eating our food. Tell me again how affairs are private matters between two people only. Sure doesn’t look like it from where I’m sitting.

His Vengeance Will Be Felt By All!

I have been very bad at writing regularly. Truthfully I am always tired. I don’t have seasonal affect disease or whatever they call it, where you get all depressed during the winter months due to lack of sunshine. I do, however, have an uncanny ability to sleep the minute it gets dark. Seriously, it could be 2:30 in the afternoon and if you turned all the lights down and put me in a dark room I would probably fall asleep. So the winter with it’s shorter days is not a good time for me. I come home, it’s dark, I have to cook dinner. It doesn’t help that I’ve been scheduled to close a lot lately, so I don’t get off until 5:45 (6:15 on Fridays if I’m closing). I even had one day where I got called to close one of our in store branches which doesn’t close until 7. My weekends have been kind of busy so I sometimes end up grocery shopping after work some days which means I’m home even later. By the time I’m done with dinner it’s dark and I’m ready to relax. For some reason whenever I start to read or write I feel my eyes getting heavy and I’m ready to sleep. Then the mobster calls and I’m up for a few hours. Maybe I should start writing posts while I’m on the phone with him.

Remember the text heard ‘round the world a few weeks ago? It was the one to his sister where he pretty much threatened her for nothing other than remaining in my life, and that of his kids. She didn’t badmouth him. I think she might have said Harley deserved whatever crap came her way. Aside from that there was nothing bad in what we wrote.

Remember Bob? Remember how he unfriended Bob and sent him a strongly worded message? Bob would not tell me what he said under the guise of, “I’ve never told him what we’ve said so I can’t betray his confidence and tell you what he told me.” Alrighty. I won’t point out that CF doesn’t need to be told what we’ve said because he hacked into my Facebook and therefore can see everything we’ve said. Go ahead and try to be fair to all.

Remember CF’s cousin? The one who reached out to me to tell me she was sorry for opening a can of worms? The one who did nothing aside from offer support? The one who said CF was family and it wasn’t her business what happened between us? Let’s call her Jane.

Bob contacted me a few weeks ago, probably right around the time CF threatened his sister, to let me know that CF had unfriended Jane.

I finally asked Bob if CF had threatened him after sharing with him what had been said to CF’s sister. Bob admitted that CF had issued a veiled threat. No threat was issued to Jane. In fact, she had had no idea CF had unfriended her until Bob told her about the things that had transpired between him and CF.

Even better? Harley unfriended Jane, too! She and Jane are cousins as well. What was Jane’s sin? I guess it was not hating me. She offered me sympathy for all I had been through. She never once said a bad thing about CF or Harley. She simply commiserated with me and gave me an open invitation to visit her whenever. She gave me advice on my kids and how they were coping, and offered me advice on post divorce life. She did tell CF once that divorce ended our relationship but it didn’t end his relationship with his kids.

Apparently, not only is the enemies list a very exclusive list but also the list of friends is very exclusive. It also comes with many conditions. The first one being: You must always acknowledge Sam is an absolutely terrible, no good, horrible person who must be maligned and destroyed!

I am back to the conclusion once again that he is simply batshit crazy. He’s a miserable person at his core. Now he no longer has me as an excuse for his misery; I’m no longer holding him back. Yet, he’s still miserable. That’s his default setting. It’s the only place he feels comfortable. So now the things I’m doing post divorce must be the cause of all his problems. It’s always me, folks! Never him. Never his behavior.

Have fun stalking me and banishing everyone who doesn’t hate me. Glad I can give your life purpose once again. That must be one fragile house you’ve built if you can’t stand to have anyone around who doesn’t completely agree with you 100% in every aspect.

Once a Cheater…

December 2015

I got the most delightful news last night.  Well, I got some not so delightful news, too, but the good news put me in a wonderful mood.

The Saint contacted me to tell me that he overheard Harley talking to one of Zack’s friends about how he had shown her naked pictures of me.  Nice!  What kind of sick fuck shows naked pictures of his wife to his affair partner?  And what kind of sick fuck wants to see them?  That was the not so delightful news.  I did march into his room and demand that he delete them.  He supposedly did but we’ll see.  If I hear of anymore I’ll be contacting my lawyer.

But the delightful part was what he told me later on.  THEY ARE STILL HAVING SEX!  Oh, the glorious karma bus is headed straight towards those two fucktards!  Later that evening he said he overheard her on the phone with CF, denying she had slept with her husband.  But he claims to have text messages.  He says they’ve only had sex a couple of times and a couple more times he wouldn’t.  One time was right after CF left.  He also said that the neighbor she was sending naked pictures to was mad at her after finding out about Zack but now they’re friends again.  Which probably means she’s sending him naked pictures again.

I find this to be hilarious!  Oh, definitely sad for Cousinfucker but who gives a fuck about him?  He threw away a 20+ year marriage, has destroyed his relationship with his kids, and is going to be paying for this for the rest of his life all for a whore who is already cheating on him and her four kids who use him for what he’ll buy them and then talk shit about him behind his back.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he tells his mommy and his sister how she’s cheating on him.  Great job, Tammy Faye!  You encouraged a predator to call your son.  They both ended up destroying his home and even your relationship with your grandkids and how does she repay you for your “tip” to her?  She destroys your son.  Oh, and Jezebel, you with your, “You should do whatever makes you happy.  You deserve so much better than Sam.  I’m sorry she makes you so miserable.”  Hey, bitch, at least I never cheated on him.  I didn’t make him give up everything for me only to spread my legs for yet another guy.  She’s cheating on him not even 6 months into it!  He’s being Jolly Zack right now!  He’s spending money on her and giving her everything she wants.  He’s always in a good mood for her.  And she’s still cheating!  Just wait until she gets the real Zack- the one who is moody and weepy and who turns every minor problem into a major event.  The one who sits upstairs in his bedroom, watching tv all weekend while leaving her to deal with her kids.  Good Lord, she’ll have to put one of those revolving doors in her house to deal with her various lovers.

I’m not sure why he was questioning her fidelity.  While I did ask The Saint if I could tell him that they were having sex I didn’t.  I know it wouldn’t do any good.  He has way too much invested in this to believe me.  Although, a text message where they are discussing it would definitely be proof!

Nah, I hope the dumb sonofabitch moves to be closer, gets another job where he’s miserable, can’t afford anything after he pays his spousal and child support, marries the whore and THEN finds out about all of her transgressions.

I haven’t felt this good in ages!

 

Present Day Sam Says: I’m not sure he knows to this day that good ol’ Harley was still sleeping with her husband. I know she denied it but I’m not sure if he ever figured out she was lying. Don’t know if he ever realized she was sending “inappropriate” pictures to her neighbor either. He’s in way too deep now for him to extricate himself. He needs that cunt face cum dumpster. Oh karma, you can be a bitch…

Affairytale

Oh, how I wish I could take credit for that term. Unfortunately, I stole it from one of Chump Lady’s many commenters. It was what that particular commenter calls her ex-husband’s relationship with his whore.

If the “relationship” between the two cheaters is called affairytale, then what word might describe a marriage between two cheaters?

A farce registered at Macy’s. Fine. That’s more than one word. Yet, that is how Chump Lady describes the marriage between the cheater and the affair partner. How better to tell the world that this wasn’t some tawdry affair than to pledge to love, honor and cherish your affair partner. Sure, you sold that same pack of lies about love and commitment and forsaking all others to your ex but hey, this time you really mean it! This is your soul mate, after all. There will be no pesky problems that permeate real life.  Or as Chump Lady wrote:

I think you’re pretty clear on their motivations- to show the world, with hand-engraved invitations and pastel sugared almonds- that they aren’t fuck ups.  No, their treachery had PURPOSE!  This is what soul mates DO- they marry.  You were just an obstacle to their happiness, and so now they can be together for eternity!

…what does marriage mean to two people who have already shat all over monogamy?  What does commitment mean to people who don’t honor commitments?  What does honor mean to dishonorable people?  It’s a farce registered at Macy’s.

People who cheat have crappy life skills… They tend to be narcissists… Narcissism and crappy life skills are not good qualities in a partner.  Perhaps you suffer from the common chump delusion that with the affair partner they will be different!  Well yeah, their surroundings are different.  Their wedding china is different.  But they are still the same crappy people they were before, only now with more baggage and life complications.  His dick doesn’t have magic transformative properties that turn her into a good woman. [And her pussy doesn’t have magic transformative properties that turn him into a good man.]

If you’re feeling particularly vengeful, the best you can hope for is that they stay stuck with each other for many years to come, as the shiny quickly wears off.  Someone is bound to cheat and check out.  Gaslight.  Blameshift.  Do less and expect the other to pull more weight.  A long, miserable life together trying to prove everyone wrong- hey, it was so worth fucking up everyone else’s life to have this… banal, shitty existence together.

So how do marriages that begin with an affair fare? Not too well, according to everything I can find. Someone once went to the trouble of compiling this list of “statistics”. I put it in quotes because a lot of it was extrapolation.

  1. Depending on the sources only 1-10% of married men leave their spouses and marry their whores.  I think that’s a pretty wide range but I’m also fairly certain I’ve heard anywhere from 2-3% all the way up to 10%.
  2. Over 75% who marry affair partners eventually divorce.  Color me shocked.  What, you mean two cheaters couldn’t make it work?  What is the world coming to these days?
  3. 80% of those who divorce during an affair regret their decision.  Yeah, it must really suck when reality intrudes on fantasy and the cheater discovers exactly who he or she is stuck with now.
  4. To sum up, for every 100 people who have an affair anywhere from 1-10 of them marry their affair partner.  Of those, statistics say that 75% will divorce within 5 years.  (I wonder what the overall statistics are.  Jezebel and Husband #2 lasted 10 years post marriage.)  Ultimately, MAYBE 1-3 out of 100 live “happily ever after”.

Put another way…

*Chances of affair ending in marriage: 10% or 1 in 10.

Chances of affair marriage divorce: 80% (1 in 5 affair marriages will survive).

Chances of “Happily Ever After” marriage to AP: 2% or 1 in 50 (1 in 10 multiplied by 1 in 5 = 1 in 50 or 2/100 (2%)).

Sure, there are cases where two cheaters end up together. Hell, I’ve said many times people do indeed win the lottery; doesn’t mean you should stake your retirement on those odds. I also realize that pretty much everyone who is engaged in an affair believe that they are special. This affair is different; it’s true love. They are soul mates. The sex is phenomenal and the AP understands the poor cheating spouse like no one else ever could. It is fate, destiny. Okay. Sure. You are different. This really is true love. You are soul mates. It’s destiny. Let’s examine some of these examples of fate and destiny, otherwise known as marriages that resulted from an affair…

I again point to Jezebel and Husband #2. She left her first husband, the father of her children, for her pastor. He was her very best friend. The whole problem between her and her first husband was lack of communication. And the fact that their sex life was nonexistent. When she married Husband #2 people told her she had never looked happier.

But alas… reality set in. Life got real. She decided she had daddy issues which set her up to marry Husband #2, who happened to be 20 years older than her. She re-used the exact same script. New affair partner was now her very best friend. She was wild about him. He made her happy. In fact, people told her they had never seen her looking happier. Imagine that!

Husband #2 was convinced she was worth giving up everything for. And give up everything he did. He lost his church. They struggled financially for many years. He had to get a regular job.

Yet, in the midst of it they were madly in love. They were very best friends. Until life got real and he couldn’t keep up with giving her all the attention (and material goods) that she demanded. Until she found someone else. Now Husband #3 is the love of her life as the clock ticks on his shelf life.

On the bright side for any cheaters out there willing to risk it all for someone with poor morals and lousy character… they did manage to remain married for approximately 10 years. They were together for 14 years, although she was cheating by year 13. So if it blows up it doesn’t always blow up immediately…. unlike the next set of star crossed lovers.

Bonnie and Clyde remain one of my favorite “success” stories. He left his long term marriage for a woman who ended up embezzling from her employer to fund their extravagant lifestyle. I’m not sure what part he played in all of that but I do know he joined her in prison after they were busted. Joined her is not exactly correct. He was sent to the men’s prison while she went to the women’s prison and then onto a halfway house where she met her next husband. Their marriage lasted less than five years and they caused a hell of a lot of destruction during that time.

While I don’t know this next person personally I’ve read her story for many years now. She married her best friend, a man she had dated for 10 years. They had two children. She quit her job to be a stay at home mom at his urging. Then when their youngest was 4 he got another woman pregnant. On purpose. He never did marry his affair partner, but he did eventually move in with her and their shared child. Now he’s cheating on the first other woman and she is appalled that he could do such a thing to her. That bitch actually emailed the ex-wife to complain about it! It was understandable when he was cheating with her on his wife, but now that she was the main course she was stunned he was still looking for a side dish. I’m your destiny!

I was once a part of a large group of friends. Eventually one of the men left his wife for one of her good friends. The story was they just fell in love. My friend ended up putting their house on the market and it sold in less than 24 hours. She sold off all her possessions and moved into an apartment. Their life together was obliterated while he sought out happiness with a woman my friend considered to be one of her best friends. But the two cheaters had so much in common. I believe “so much in common” boiled down to they both liked to golf. At one point the two lovebirds wore matching clothes. Awww… isn’t that sweet? It was another marriage that didn’t last. She’s now married to a man she used to know years ago. He’s just the best husband in the world, according to her Facebook page. Again, a huge amount of damage left behind in the wake of their short-lived fateful marriage.

I have a friend whose sister had a many year affair with a married man. They are now married. His kids refuse to have anything to do with her. It’s still a relatively new marriage. I think they’ve been married around 5 years so we’ll see how it pans out in the long run.

There is another website I used to visit frequently, back in my reconciliation days. I think it’s called Healing From An Emotional Affair. The couple dealt with his emotional affair with a co-worker. During the course of the time they’ve had this blog the wife’s brother had an affair, left his wife and married his mistress. His children have very little to do with him and nothing to do with his wife. And this is years later. Their mother recently died from cancer. Their father paid for the funeral and was in attendance. His wife flew on back home. I won’t say it’s not a happy life because he never speaks about it. It’s always tales from his sister or brother-in-law. It is apparent, though, that the man now has to live two separate lives- one with his kids and one with his wife. That sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

Another friend that I work with had a cheating husband as well. We were comparing stories one day. He cheated on her with his best friend’s wife. Long story short- they divorced their spouses and married each other. They even had twins. Then she cheated on him. Hell, maybe she cheated on him before the twins. Doesn’t matter. She cheated. They divorced. She died. That karma sure is a bitch, huh?

I’m also struck by the number of people who write blogs because they’re either in the midst of a divorce, or have recently divorced.  After reading for a while you suddenly discover that they were the other woman. In one case it’s a man who left his wife for his narcissistic affair partner. It didn’t end well. It usually doesn’t. It’s yet another case of people thinking they are getting this wonderful prize, that they deserved it and the spouse was in their way. Take what you want because you deserve it. And then WHAM! It turns out the shiny, sparkling prize was nothing but a sparkly turd. They are SHOCKED! You would think that most people would be able to connect the dots… if you are with a person who thinks it’s perfectly okay to cheat… you are not with a very good person…. that person has crappy character.  If you are willing to cheat then you, too, have crappy character.

Then there was the woman who left her husband for her affair partner. They got married and shortly thereafter, the new husband killed her. Nothing says true love like murder, right? It’s not quite Romeo and Juliet but it’s so close!

There was also the man who divorced his wife for his mistress. Friends and the ex-wife said she was a gold digger. She denied it, of course. Everything was picture perfect for a while. She eventually befriended his kids and gave birth to two more children for him. They lived a lavish lifestyle, filled with parties, cars, vacations, and big houses. Then the real estate bubble burst and he lost all his money. She soon filed for divorce and eventually had him killed. Yes, I did see that one on ID TV; that does not negate the fact that a man left his wife for his mistress and ended up being killed by her.

I’m sure Stacy Peterson thought she was special and unique when she was having an affair with Drew Peterson. He’s now in prison for her murder. Well, I suppose she was unique in that unlike the ex-wives her body has never been found.

Then there are those who remain married but miserable. As has been pointed out before it’s a farce registered at Macy’s. You destroy a family, you toss away kids, you lose the respect of many close to you so it had all damn well better be worth it.

I’ll never forget the story from a commenter on Chump Lady. Her in-laws married after an affair. She said they were both miserable. MIL got pregnant and FIL left his wife and 3 children for the pregnant mistress.  By all outward appearances they have it all and they look like an amazing couple- multiple homes, flashy cars, lots of outward displays to demonstrate their happy life together.  But it is all a sham, according to the daughter-in-law.  Their lifestyle is supported by charity and handouts.  The FIL is depressed over the fact his 3 previous children have nothing to do with him.  His wife is a functioning alcoholic who is on antidepressants and needs sleep aids to sleep.  They have nothing to do with one another but they can say they’ve been married for 34 years and whenever an anniversary comes along they will celebrate the shit out of it to put on a good face to the crowds.  They have to keep this facade up because otherwise their “great love story” isn’t so great.  It’s just another tawdry affair that devastated lives.

I know; I know. There are undoubtably some cheaters out there who are thinking, “Yes, but none of those people are exactly like me. I need statistics on men who are left-handed, make between $80,000 & $110,000, like to restore vintage record players, went to school in the South, and dislike baseball. Furthermore, my affair partner is a vet tech who excels in math and science and who loves chocolate.”

Sorry. I’m not able to be more precise. I’ve given you story after story where things have not worked out well for the cheaters. The Internet is filled with stories of people who thought they had found a sparkling diamond only to find out it was glitter covered turd. You know what divorce lawyers call affair partners who get married? Repeat business.

I’ll admit sometimes it does work out. It’s rare but it happens. Just like I’m sure that sometimes the hooker with the heart of gold really does wind up getting married to the millionaire like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I wouldn’t start working the streets with that in mind but if someone wants to try it, be my guest. Let me know how it works out for you. By all accounts it’s a disaster.

As for the faithful spouse, the one who was betrayed and left behind here is some uplifting information. I hope it makes you smile. I’m not sure where I found it, but it was written by a marriage and sex therapist who sees this kind of thing all the time.

Overwhelmed by a potent mixture of anger, guilt, and wounded narcissism, they’re often kept afloat by the solace and support of caring friends. The faithful spouse is perceived as the more disadvantaged, almost without fail. After all, the other partner is now comfortably ensconced in a new relationship.

As a sex and marital therapist, I’ve seen lots of marriages dissolve in this pattern, and it has changed how I focus my efforts to help both partners. For all the emotional turmoil monogamous spouses endure, I’ve also known them to emerge from this situation in better emotional shape than they’ve ever enjoyed before. Not so for the spouse who “found someone new” before separating from their current partner, all the while lying about it.

While the pain of the monogamous spouse is immediate and apparent, the fallout for the adulterous spouse is usually longer in coming and less predictable–until you understand what’s going on.

Some people become richer, fuller, happier human beings by staying in their marriages; others accomplish this by getting divorced. But I’ve never seen growth occur when someone continues an extramarital affair while ending their marriage.

“I’ve outgrown you”–sugar-coated as “We’ve grown apart”–is often the stated reason for the split. They may look like they’re standing on their own two feet, or even standing up to their spouse, but when there’s an extramarital affair going on, it only seems that way. Such behavior is a charade of independence, integrity and personal growth, not the real thing. The departing spouse isn’t just holding onto a “new” partner while they let go of the other; more often, they’re leaning on the new partner because they can’t or won’t stand up–or hold onto–themselves.

Life Rollercoaster

Is this about over? I swear, every time I start to be a little more optimistic I get knocked on my ass. I was just thinking about how working two jobs has allowed me to have a tiny little bit of breathing room, that maybe I’m not so completely poor and that maybe I can provide just a tiny bit for my kids.

Then life comes along and says, “Not so fast!” I’m not sure what it is I’ve done to deserve all this hell being heaped upon me. I don’t sleep with married men. I don’t steal. I don’t beat my kids. I’m generally a very kind, giving person. I like to think I have a good sense of humor and am a good friend.

“What happened?” you may be wondering. Let me tell you. First, I open the letter from my attorney (who needs another 3 grand, btw). Jackass has got an expert witness lined up to testify that he’s unable to work because of his supposed PTSD. Great! An expert witness who will tell the judge that poor little sweetie pie can’t work because he’s suffering from the trauma of war.

You wanna know who should have a fucking PTSD diagnosis? Me! I was moved 2000 miles away from my entire life to make him happy only to find out he would never be happy. I put him and his happiness above me and my kids and our happiness only to be shit on repeatedly. I trusted that cousin fucking piece of shit and he turned around and spent an entire summer looking me right in the face and lying.

I’ve gone from being in the top 2-3% of the socioeconomic population to the bottom 5-10%. I’ve lost my home. I was forced to move out of the state. I was forced to move in with my mom or be homeless. I had to get rid of almost all of my possessions. I had to tell my kids we had to move. I had to rip their lives apart again. I’ve gone from being a stay at home mom who lives for her kids and does everything for them, to being a person who works 2 jobs, 55 hours a week, 6 days out of seven, who farms almost everything out for my kids and who dreads having to go to another event when I’m already so damn tired and my days are already so fucking long. I hate my life. I have absolutely no joy in it. I pray every day that I will die early so that I don’t have to do this shit anymore. But you don’t see me getting a fucking expert witness to testify that I’m just way too fucking fragile to work.

You know what I do? I scream and cry and cuss that sonofabitch out all the way to work. And then I pull myself together, dry my tears and go to work. Why? Because unlike Cousinfucker I don’t have a fucking choice! I don’t get to ignore my kids and pretend they don’t have needs because hey, out of sight, out of mind!

I’ve been doing this all along, with no one by my side telling me how wonderful I am and how horrible he was. I get up and I GO  every single fucking day. Every morning I wake up at 3:20 in the fucking morning. While the rest of the world sleeps I’m up and getting ready to go to my first job and stock shelves and toss boxes around. It’s not glamourous. It’s not easy. It’s not fun. And it pays for shit.

Then I come home, get ready for my second job, and I go to work and I smile and I joke with customers and I’m all happy and cheerful while my life is spiraling down the drain and I continue to go through this divorce from hell.

That’s what I do. Meanwhile, Cousinfucker finds himself an expert witness to testify that he can’t possibly work.

But that’s not all. Because Cousinfucker refuses to work and pay support I have been forced to work two jobs so that I can pay the bills and feed the kids. My second job doesn’t pay for a boat. It isn’t paying for a luxury vacation or three or four. It doesn’t allow us to go out and go on shopping sprees. No, my second job means I can buy food. If either of my kids needs something for school I can probably buy it. It means I’m not down to $1 by the time pay day rolls around.

My daughter works as well. She works so that she can buy a car because her dad decided he’d rather go fuck his cousin instead of sticking around and helping to raise his kids. She works so that she can buy the clothes that I can no longer buy her. She works so that she can help to pay her car insurance because I’m not sure I can take another $100/month hit. She works so that she can go out with friends, buy make-up, grab something to eat, and just have spending money in general because her father refuses to pay support, which in turn means I can’t do any of those things for her. Or her brother.

Guess what it also means?

It means between the two of us we now make too much for me or my kids to qualify for Medicaid. Yes, I got that lovely bit of news as well. The program that I was once embarrassed to need I am now crying over. No doubt due to the fact that I will now need to get a third job to pay for the medical insurance I will have to purchase through work. It’s $185 every two weeks and it’s a high deductible plan. I have to pay out $2600/person before it kicks in a dime. Isn’t that wonderful? Or I take the tax penalty come next April. Awesome! And with my luck if I don’t carry insurance on them then some catastrophe will hit one of them. Then again, I’m broke anyway so who cares if I have to declare bankruptcy because of medical bills?

If I quit my second job then my kids don’t eat and there are no tiny extras, like Easter baskets or money for school sports. Or, my retired mother has to shoulder even more of the burden of the three of us. If I don’t quit my second job then I need to get a third job. I guess I’ll find something where I can work Saturday and Sunday. I’ll work 14 hour days on Saturday and Sunday will be my light day where I only work 8 1/2 hours. I’ll get two of those a week and those will be my official “days off”. Doesn’t that sound fair? I work three jobs and Cousinfucker works none. I never show up for anything for my kids. I’m never around for my kids. All so that I can support them. Because Cousinfucker won’t pay child or spousal support. And because he’s very busy playing Daddy of the Year to the whore’s four kids.

I’ve been going through old entries, mainly because I deleted a bunch of pictures and realized when I did that I lost my images on the posts. Duh! But as I was reading I realized I kept saying that maybe in six months things would look better. Maybe in a year things would look better. Maybe I was wrong and I would get an amazing job and my kids would do wonderfully here. Maybe this and maybe that. But you know what? None of it is any better. Picasso and Rock Star both are doing well but I’m not. I work two shit jobs for shit pay and that’s cost us our free health care. Their father is doing everything he can to get out of having to pay. I have no new and better life. I have, like, three friends here and I rarely go out with any of them. They all have lives of their own and very little time for me. I have no life outside of work. I’m too fucking tired to do much of anything after I’ve spent 13 hours at work. I have days where I fall asleep sitting up in a chair around 7:30 because I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. I feel horrible even admitting this but I dread the days I have to go to something for either of the kids because it means that I no longer get my 2 hours of down time. And then I feel bad if I don’t go; I feel bad that I don’t want to go. Because I have always wanted to go and support them. I have a life that I am desperately hoping ends sooner rather than later. I try and I try and I try some more. I work my ass off. I desert my kids. I try to be positive and I try to look on the good side of things and it comes around and kicks my ass. Every. Goddamn. Fucking. Single. Time!

You know what’s funny? No one believes me! I mention I hope I die of a massive heart attack and people think I’m joking. Someone once said to me, “I hear you work a second job.” I told her that, yes, I do indeed work a second job. I work from 4-7 am most days before I come into Job #2. She told me she didn’t know how I did it and how I managed and I replied, “Well, I cry every day.” Her response? “You’re so funny!” No, seriously, I cry pretty much every day. No one believes me. They think I’m hysterical. The funny kind, not the crazy kind. And lest anyone gets all worried I’m not suicidal. I wouldn’t kill myself but I’m not looking forward to staying alive most days either.

I really don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m so over all of this shit. I’m so tired of getting knocked down. I’m so tired of feeling just a tiny bit of hope only to have it slapped down hard. So many days I just want to tell him, “Fine! Take it all! I’ll take all the debt. I’ll pay you support. You keep your 401k. You keep your pension. I’ll pay you back for every goddamn thing you think I owe you and you pay me back nothing because everything you took was absolutely positively yours and yours alone. Hell, I’ll pay you half for my goddamn car so that I can still drive it even though you haven’t made a single payment on it in almost 2 years and have never paid the fucking property tax on it!” It still wouldn’t be enough for him. I hate him. I hope he dies. I hope it’s painful. I hope someone videotapes it and sends it to me so that I can watch it every night as a sweet bedtime story as I fall asleep. It might be a nice change from ID TV.

P.S. I know I said earlier I was generally a kind and loving person. I am. Unless I hate you. Then I hope you die. Painfully.

Are the Screws Tightening?

When I first left court earlier this month I felt like it was an unmitigated disaster. One thing that did make me pause though was his lawyer’s insistence that her client wanted this divorce as soon as possible. Why?

If I were a betting woman I would have laid odds that he was going to wait for me to file and get the ball rolling. He’s lazy and expects me to take care of everything. The fact he’s pushing for the divorce means my interest has been piqued.

I begin to wonder why. Is she pregnant? Granted, she’s in her 40s but I wouldn’t put anything past that whore. It would ensure she has her hooks in him for the next 18 years and he will, at least legally, be a source of income for her. But I dismiss that idea because let’s face it: If she didn’t give a shit about fucking a married man, then she’s probably not going to get a case of the vapors at the thought of giving birth to a child out of wedlock.

He seemed very eager to get his hands on his 401k. His lawyer even clarified whether or not the order meant that he could now access the funds. The judge was very clear that no, those funds were to stay locked up tight. No touchy until the divorce settlement! This makes me wonder if they are feeling the financial screws. Hey, welcome to my world, CF and Harley!

On one hand she does make decent money and she had a stay at home husband for eleven years. It’s not like she’s never supported a man before. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that she likes that dynamic because it gives her the power in the relationship. Kinda like how CF felt like he was the boss of me because he made all the money.

On the other hand I know he liked making money. He liked being a big shot. And I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it kills him to be at her mercy.

Plus, he was promising her this new and better life. Sure, she can make ends meet on what she makes. But Prince Charming was promising her double that.

I’ll buy your daughter a car. You can buy all the sporting equipment you want for your sons. I’ll pay your phone bill. We’ll go on great vacations. You can buy all the Vera Bradley crap you want. You can spend thousands on your kids- Ulta, Francesca, American Eagle, Hollister, Dick’s Sporting Goods. Of course your precious daughter should have a $300+ dress! Take them out to eat whenever you want. I’ll install DirecTV for you. I’ll pay for your divorce. I’ll pay for your utilities. The sky’s the limit! I’m going to make all of your dreams come true!

And then *CRASH*! It all came tumbling down. I look at it the same way I look at my situation when we were first getting married.

His mom and stepdad had lived on his mom’s salary for pretty much the entirety of their marriage. Pastor Fake would have occasional jobs but they never lasted long so Tammy Faye basically supported the family. Then he got a job where he excelled. He kept it up. All of a sudden they had this windfall. They went from living on one salary to living on two. His money was all “fun” money. They gave us around $13,000 in cash and gifts between May and December. She bought his car from him to give to her stepson. She paid off my engagement ring. They bought us bedroom furniture and a refrigerator. They bought us tons of gifts for Christmas and then turned around and gave us $400 each on top of that. She gave me $200 to help out with the wedding costs and then gave us another $300 the day of the wedding. It was amazing! I had never had anyone give me so much for no reason before. I was thinking, “Wow- this is incredible. I could definitely get used to this.” Of course, that, too, came crashing down. And we spent the entire marriage rescuing them.

I know how I felt when it happened to me and I didn’t even expect that kind of treatment. It was just a really nice perk. But Harley was expecting that lifestyle. She was expecting to have an extra five grand in her checking account each month. She was expecting to be able to do whatever the hell she wanted to do. It wasn’t a benevolent relative giving her this money (well, okay, it kinda was); it was her married lover/soul mate/fiance making these promises. It was a man who had made good money pretty much all of his life. She was getting to trade in the stay at home dad that she had to support for the guy making six figures who would help support her and her kids. Until that was no longer the case. Until their fun nights of drinking led to him losing his damn job!

So I’m left to wonder if he’s feeling the financial strain. If he wants to be able to be the big shot again and spend his money wildly. I wonder if she’s bitching at him, telling him that she can’t go on like this much longer, that he promised her he would give her a new and fantastic life, that he needs to help support “this family”. I wonder if she’s pressuring him to get his hands on his 401k so that he can pay for something expensive that she wants. Remember, she has been arrested for her piss poor financial management and Spring Break is coming up. Must be tough to go from being able to spend thousands each month on crap, never telling your kids no, to now having to live within your means once again. Yeah, I’m trying to feel for you, Harley, but the fact of the matter is so much worse has been done to me and my kids that I’m not feeling a shred of sympathy for you.

I’ve already talked about his settlement offer. So generous. He’s willing to pay spousal support. WHEN he gets a job. He’s willing to pay child support. WHEN he gets a job. And he’ll split the 401k AFTER we’ve paid off the marital debt with it. I’m pretty sure that was the extent of the offer. Wow!

That also leads me to wonder why he’s so dead set against filing bankruptcy. Is he hoping to be able to buy a house with the whore and he doesn’t think he can if he files bankruptcy? Are they hoping to invest in a business (oh, nice side perk would be being able to hide income from me!) and bankruptcy would prevent that? The man has nothing! He let our damn house go into foreclosure. He managed to get his American Express card closed down on him. I guess that’s what happens when you spend wildly on whores and their children and then don’t bother to pay the bill. I just can’t see any reason why he would be against bankruptcy when his back is up against the wall. Unless of course it’s to fuck with me. Let’s split this marital debt and after we do I’ll file bankruptcy and screw you over once again, Sam! Yep, that seems about right.

Maybe it’s as simple as him no longer having the money to pay his lawyer. They like to be paid upfront. They don’t work on contingency plans. Realistically, Harley may be able to pay his bills for him but his bills are very simple- his car insurance and his cell phone. She’s not willing to do without in order to pay his American Express card bill, or his spousal and child support. That bitch and her kids won’t do without, period!

Or, maybe he’s got a job offer on the horizon and he wants to get this settlement signed before he gets a job so his support will be lower. Then it will be up to me to drag his sorry ass back to court which will cost me money and time. In the meantime, he’s potentially earning good money once again and spending it all on the whore and her kids while paying a pittance in spousal and child support. That may be the winner. As long as he can cry poverty and PTSD he undoubtedly thinks his support will be much lower than if he actually gets a damn job and has actual earnings to report, especially if those earnings are decent.

Regardless, I look at it this way. May is going to get here eventually and our divorce will be finalized and a settlement will be reached. Period. That’s on my end only. On his end May will get here and he will have to go back into the courtroom and explain why not only has he not paid the back support he was ordered to pay me but also why he hasn’t made any attempt to pay his additional lowered support. He will also incur a $10,000 fine that will be directed my way. Hopefully, the judge will not be swayed by his sob story and will see it as yet another contempt of court that he hasn’t even attempted to pay me what he owes. My hope is that this will incite him to order CF to split the 401k, with me getting my half and him being required to pay me what is owed out of his half. If I’m really lucky he’ll put a deadline on the payment date with the consequence of failing to pay being immediate incarceration. May is a hell of a lot closer for him because he’s got deadlines. Me? I’ve got no deadlines. I’ve got all the time in the world.

Evil’s Victory May Be a Little Premature

By now you must know that I’m a pessimist at heart. I have to be in order to get through everything that’s been done to me and my kids these last 18 months. I did, however, just recently get the papers back from court with the judge’s ruling.

Remember how I said that I wasn’t sure if he was fined because he didn’t show up for court or because he was found to be willfully not paying support and therefore in contempt of the court order? Turns out he was found to be willfully not paying support and therefore in contempt of the court order. And, that $10,000 fine is payable to me. Thank you very much!

Furthermore, the judge noted that CF left his job in Whoreville to take another job making $50,000 less and that he was discharged due to his own bad behavior. He also noted that part of the reason temporary spousal support was awarded was so that I could pay the mortgage and marital debt. Once CF stopped paying me those bills stopped being paid. So in essence the judge did continue to impute his wages for purposes of child support but he cut spousal support due to the fact that the household bills were no longer being paid by me. While I am obviously not happy about spousal support being slashed, or that CF got a break, ultimately the judge did recognize that his job loss was due to his own fault and he would not impute his wages at a lower earning rate.

It was also reiterated that while temporary support was reduced it was without prejudice and should not affect permanent spousal or child support.

The best part though, to me, is the fact that he was indeed held in contempt for not paying his support AND his wages were imputed. If Harley is taking on all of his bills then the bitch better start writing me a goddamn check. Maybe her kids need to suffer some consequences for their mother being a whore.

Sorry, kids. We can’t… go out to eat… buy you your fancy dress… go shopping… go on Spring Break… buy hundreds of dollars worth of sporting equipment… because I need to pay CF’s wife her support. That’s what happens when you fuck around with a married man.  Yes, kids, your “stepdad” is still married to his wife. I’m just a common whore. And now since I wanted him so badly I get to pay all of his bills, including his support payments. Sorry there won’t be any extras for you and your siblings, but you don’t want him to go to jail, do you? Who would make you pancakes and go to show and tell with you?

Personally, I think if you get involved with a married person you should have to assume their liabilities. You want him/her? Then you get to help that person pay their bills. ALL of them. Congratulations! While I know that will never come to pass I would like to think that the karma bus is slowly catching up to them.