Another Take On Graduation Weekend

Obviously this was written before she went on her texting spree. I’m finding it hard to muster any sympathy for her now. I’ll write tomorrow about the second text she sent, soon after she sent the first text.

I wrote earlier about the mobster’s ex crying at the party. I don’t know anything about it except what I was told, and that’s not a lot. I never saw her crying. I’m also fully aware that the woman, much like CF, is a professional victim so I take her tears with a grain of salt.

I suppose that the mobster and I had a chance to switch places this weekend. Last year it was him feeling somewhat sorry for my ex because it shouldn’t have been that way. He shouldn’t have been sitting by himself, away from the rest of the family. We should have been together as husband and wife, celebrating with our extended family the graduation of our smart, beautiful, talented daughter. At least according to the mobster.

I get it. CF shouldn’t necessarily be pitied because he chose this, but the situation is sad. It shouldn’t have been like that. It’s a situation that should never have occurred. But because he made really bad choices there were consequences; the fact he made those bad choices is sad. The fallout to his kids is sad.

I think, too, that for most of the population who has a heart it can be hard to see a person suffer, even if they are suffering due to consequences levied because of their own behavior. I’m not a heartless person. The mobster is not a heartless person. Therefore, when we see a person suffering it is difficult to rejoice even when that person has brought the suffering upon themselves.

I don’t generally feel sorry for the mobster’s ex. She chose to drink. She chose to ignore the help offered at every turn. She chose to cheat. She chose to lie. She chose to walk out on the mobster and their kids. She helped turn their lives upside down in every way imaginable.

Yet I understand what the mobster felt when he attended Rock Star’s graduation. It’s a sad situation. It never had to be like that.

For all of the snarky, condescending things I could have said to her what I think I really would have said, given the chance would be this:

How could you give all this up? He loved you. He adored you. He never would have given up on you. I never would have been here if you had done what you were supposed to.

Do you have any idea how many times I have felt like I couldn’t compete with the memories the two of you made together? You were a family.

He did so many things for you. He bought you a new stove when you got out of rehab because you loved to cook. He bought you roses and painted cityscapes on snow banks.

He worshiped you. He didn’t want a divorce. He wanted you to get better and to be the woman he married so long ago. If you hadn’t made the boneheaded choices you made along the way there would have been no room for me. He defended you at all costs. He was willing to separate himself from his family for you. You always took precedence. He even valued your well-being over that of your children. You were always the first priority. He was a man who absolutely believed that you leave your family and become one with your spouse. He absolutely believed his wife came before anything. He lived that and you didn’t appreciate it one little bit. You took it for granted.

You had a beautiful home back in New Hampshire. You had a pool. You had four amazing kids that loved you. Your husband worked hard to support you and those kids so that you could stay at home and take care of them and homeschool them. Do you have any idea what a gift that was? Yet you threw it all away- first with the drinking, and then with the cheating. He even forgave you but you continued with both.

The ex in my situation provided for us financially but that’s about all I can say for him. He didn’t run around doing sweet, romantic things for me. He didn’t want to participate in family life. He had no interest in doing things with me as a couple. It was like pulling teeth to get him to do things with us. Surprise me with a new stove? Hell, show up unexpectedly with flowers? Never in a million years. He bought me some nice Christmas presents but he never went that extra mile, like the mobster did for you. I could barely get him to participate in date night.

If I had had your life I never would have messed it up the way you did. I would have been so grateful to have a man who loved me, who spoiled me, who put me first, and who wanted to be a partner and a family man. You had all of that and you threw it away like it was nothing.

I don’t hate you; I pity you. You had everything and you didn’t appreciate a bit of it. Now you’re finding out the grass isn’t greener and that must really suck. But I didn’t do that to you. You did it to yourself.

It should have been a happy day. T shouldn’t have had to deal with her mom showing up to her graduation drunk. She shouldn’t have to worry about conflict between her mom and her dad’s girlfriend. She shouldn’t have to hear her friends make jokes about me being the good mom because the reality is I’m not the mom. No matter how much she may come to love me, no matter how big of a role I may end up playing in her life, I am not her mom and that is a loss she will always feel. That beautiful young woman deserves a mother who is fully present and can participate in her life with her, not show up on the outskirts of it.

Her sons shouldn’t dread having to go outside to talk to her. For the most part they stayed away from her. Their girlfriends or wives shouldn’t dread seeing her, or completely dislike her because of her odious behavior. Yet that is a reality. She has failed all of them in astounding ways.

And you know what? It makes me sad. It makes the mobster sad. He never wanted any of this. He wanted to raise his kids in a two parent family and grow old with the woman he married. It’s the difference between what should have been and what is. He tells me he is so much happier and he should have divorced her sooner; yet, he wishes it didn’t have to be that way. In a perfect world both of our spouses would have done right by us, and right by our children. We’d be happily married to the people we chose over twenty years ago. Unfortunately, that’s not our reality.

The mobster’s reality is that his wife walked out and she walked away from her kids and any responsibility she might have had. On one hand she was bawling and carrying on; on the other hand she was walking around the place like she owned it. She was in many respects an outcast at her own daughter’s party while I was busy setting up and preparing food. Yet, she felt entitled to bring her boyfriend, the man she was fucking behind her husband’s back, to the party the mobster was throwing and paying for. Her kids reluctantly went outside to talk to her. His family awkwardly made conversation with her. The day of the breakfast she sat outside with no one unless her sister was with her. She had to deal with seeing me walking around her old home, fixing myself a cup of coffee and playing hostess. She had to deal with the knowledge that her sister and brother-in-law were spending the night in the same house as the mobster and I were. None of this would have been palatable to me if the roles were reversed. So I have a bit of sympathy for her in that regard. However, I also know she was sending the mobster messages telling him she hoped he went to hell the night before the party. I know she loves to play the victim, just like my ex. I know she’s manipulative and lies. Quite honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if none of this bothers her. Oh, I can believe it bothers her she’s not the center of attention, and that her kids aren’t fawning over her. But I don’t think she really cares about everything she lost. If the mobster were still mourning her and begging her to come back… if her kids were still begging her for attention… if everyone had made all over her and acted like they were so happy to see her… she wouldn’t have shed a tear. She wouldn’t have given a single thought to everything she discarded.

If I’m completely honest I’m pissed that she threw this all away so easily. Perhaps she simply figured that he would always be there. He would endure endless amounts of her shit to keep her in his life. I don’t know. What I do know is she got to live the life I always wanted. She got the four kids I wanted and was denied. She had someone who loved her, who put her first, and who always defended her no matter what. CF didn’t do that. He threw me under the bus every chance he got. She had someone who wanted to do things with her and do things as a family. Again, CF didn’t do that. It was rare. The mobster gave up a seven figure profit sharing plan and a lot of money in order to be there for his kids. To this day they are his pride and joy and he doesn’t regret giving that up one little bit (although he does say it would be nice to have that profit sharing right about now).

I also know she brought all this on herself when she walked out. In the end, I guess I don’t feel all that bad for her. I mean, I do when I think about it from my perspective. Her kids want nothing to do with her. She’s lost the most amazing man. But then I remind myself she doesn’t think the way I think. What’s important to me or to the mobster, isn’t what’s important to her. She made her choices and she gets to live with them. As Justin Timberlake would say, “Cry me a river.”

AliMONY BITCHES

He has a way with words, doesn’t he? The above title was what he wrote in his comments section upon finally paying me half of his court ordered spousal support this month.

I so badly wanted to comment back: Does Harley know you no longer think her pussy is worth $2800/month?

Follow up question: How does she feel about you no longer thinking she’s worth the money you pay out every month?

Finally: Do you realize you could buy a high priced call girl for less than what you’re paying for Harley?

The real question is did he ever think it was worth $2800/month or did he simply think he was going to ride off in the sunset with the whore cousin and pay whatever he decided was fair?

I think we have a winner there. Poor Harley. He must be such a joy to live with. I wonder (only momentarily) how she feels about his ongoing obsession with me?

Douche, I mean dude, you’re newly married! You should be much more focused on your brand new, only slightly dented wife. Stop focusing on the ex and start focusing on all the wonderful things you’ve gained- like a cheating whore and children who already have a dad.

Then again, so long as he’s bringing in a paycheck she probably doesn’t care.

Dealing with him three years later is interesting. I couldn’t really say in the beginning, “I never thought he could do this to me!” because obviously he could. He had done it two years prior. I was surprised though at the depths to which he sank- the ease with which he told his lies, the vicious deceptions, the financial abuse, the cowardly behavior, the abandonment of his children. Then I found Anne and soon realized there was a whole other layer I had yet to explore. Now, I’m amused at how childish and petty he is.

I mean, for God’s sake, the man moved us across the country to get closer to the semen demon. He lied right to my face. He did awful things. He blew through more than $30k in four months, wining and dining the whore and having the time of his life while I pinched pennies and had to repeatedly deny our kids things. He turned his back on his kids and then preceded to act like he was the victim. He used our home as an extended stay hotel during the week and took off to be with the whore on the weekends- every weekend- for six months after I found out what he was doing. February 2016 he walked out the door like it was any other day. Went to work and afterwards drove to Kentucky and moved in with Harley. Never said a word. I found out when my support payment wasn’t directly deposited into my account. After I contacted his boss, of course. He then ends up losing his new job and doesn’t send a dime my way for the next ten months. I worked two jobs while he worked none. Then when he finally gets another job he moves the cunt face cum dumpster and her kids into a new home while declining to pay his modified support, instead choosing to pay only a fraction of what he owed. In all that time he never once bothered to drive to see his kids. Oh no, because once again he was struggling with anxiety and PTSD. Yes, once reality began to settle in somewhat he put on the performance of a lifetime in order to try to get out of paying decent spousal and child support.

If anyone should be bitter and angry and prone to petty, angry outbursts it should be me! But no. I’m happy as a lark. Doing quite well, thank you. Taking his money is like a salve on my soul.

He is living back in his home state, a place where he was dying to get back to; he is married to the whore, the one who made him so “happy”. He has new pets and new kids- all of which undoubtedly appreciate him in a way his old pets and kids did not. He left behind the job in Virginia, the one he complained about endlessly, and now has another six figure job. Because his kids were 15 and 13 when he pulled his disappearing act he will only pay child support for six years total and he has already received a cut in that support because Rock Star has graduated. He’s living in a brand new 2800 square foot home with the whore and her kids. They go out to celebrate birthdays as a family. They take family vacations. They fly off to Vegas for tacky weddings. By all accounts he should be happier than a pig in shit. But he’s not.

Instead he’s lashing out at me. Horrible, horrible me who has done nothing to him. The man who has everything he has ever wanted is unhappy and whining because… consequences. Oh the injustice! Hey Cousinfucker, you want some cheese with that whine?

His Vengeance Will Be Felt By All!

I have been very bad at writing regularly. Truthfully I am always tired. I don’t have seasonal affect disease or whatever they call it, where you get all depressed during the winter months due to lack of sunshine. I do, however, have an uncanny ability to sleep the minute it gets dark. Seriously, it could be 2:30 in the afternoon and if you turned all the lights down and put me in a dark room I would probably fall asleep. So the winter with it’s shorter days is not a good time for me. I come home, it’s dark, I have to cook dinner. It doesn’t help that I’ve been scheduled to close a lot lately, so I don’t get off until 5:45 (6:15 on Fridays if I’m closing). I even had one day where I got called to close one of our in store branches which doesn’t close until 7. My weekends have been kind of busy so I sometimes end up grocery shopping after work some days which means I’m home even later. By the time I’m done with dinner it’s dark and I’m ready to relax. For some reason whenever I start to read or write I feel my eyes getting heavy and I’m ready to sleep. Then the mobster calls and I’m up for a few hours. Maybe I should start writing posts while I’m on the phone with him.

Remember the text heard ‘round the world a few weeks ago? It was the one to his sister where he pretty much threatened her for nothing other than remaining in my life, and that of his kids. She didn’t badmouth him. I think she might have said Harley deserved whatever crap came her way. Aside from that there was nothing bad in what we wrote.

Remember Bob? Remember how he unfriended Bob and sent him a strongly worded message? Bob would not tell me what he said under the guise of, “I’ve never told him what we’ve said so I can’t betray his confidence and tell you what he told me.” Alrighty. I won’t point out that CF doesn’t need to be told what we’ve said because he hacked into my Facebook and therefore can see everything we’ve said. Go ahead and try to be fair to all.

Remember CF’s cousin? The one who reached out to me to tell me she was sorry for opening a can of worms? The one who did nothing aside from offer support? The one who said CF was family and it wasn’t her business what happened between us? Let’s call her Jane.

Bob contacted me a few weeks ago, probably right around the time CF threatened his sister, to let me know that CF had unfriended Jane.

I finally asked Bob if CF had threatened him after sharing with him what had been said to CF’s sister. Bob admitted that CF had issued a veiled threat. No threat was issued to Jane. In fact, she had had no idea CF had unfriended her until Bob told her about the things that had transpired between him and CF.

Even better? Harley unfriended Jane, too! She and Jane are cousins as well. What was Jane’s sin? I guess it was not hating me. She offered me sympathy for all I had been through. She never once said a bad thing about CF or Harley. She simply commiserated with me and gave me an open invitation to visit her whenever. She gave me advice on my kids and how they were coping, and offered me advice on post divorce life. She did tell CF once that divorce ended our relationship but it didn’t end his relationship with his kids.

Apparently, not only is the enemies list a very exclusive list but also the list of friends is very exclusive. It also comes with many conditions. The first one being: You must always acknowledge Sam is an absolutely terrible, no good, horrible person who must be maligned and destroyed!

I am back to the conclusion once again that he is simply batshit crazy. He’s a miserable person at his core. Now he no longer has me as an excuse for his misery; I’m no longer holding him back. Yet, he’s still miserable. That’s his default setting. It’s the only place he feels comfortable. So now the things I’m doing post divorce must be the cause of all his problems. It’s always me, folks! Never him. Never his behavior.

Have fun stalking me and banishing everyone who doesn’t hate me. Glad I can give your life purpose once again. That must be one fragile house you’ve built if you can’t stand to have anyone around who doesn’t completely agree with you 100% in every aspect.

Which Woman Do You Want To Be?

Through reading various blogs and their comments I came across an other woman’s blog. Nothing unique or special about it. She did say something though that had me shaking my head. I’m going to paraphrase but it was basically: If I had to choose between being the other woman or being the deceived, bitter wife I would choose to be the other woman every time. I get to move on with my life, while the betrayed wife is stuck working it out with a cheater.

That’s funny because I thought to myself I would much rather be the duped and betrayed wife every time. Yes, what my kids and I went through was absolutely horrible. I don’t ever want to go through that again. But unlike that fine, upstanding OW, I would never want to inflict that kind of damage on another person’s life. Ever. I would take being cheated on any day over being the entitled, narcissistic sociopath that would choose to purposefully hurt another woman and her family.

I was also struck by her generalization that the OW gets to move on with her life, no hassles at all, while the wife is stuck working it out with the cheating husband, always wondering if he was at it again or pining for his mistress.

Does she not realize sometimes the OW wins “the prize”? She’s then stuck with a cheater herself. It’s that old adage: When a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy.

Oh, I’m sure plenty of the mistresses who end up with the sparkly turd whole-heartedly believe he will never do that to her; they are super duper special and their vaginas have magical powers. He will never cheat on her, he will never complain about her, and he will never find her lacking in any way! No, she is definitely completely different from that ex-wife he lied to and cheated on; she is special in ways that the ex-wife could only dream about.

Of course, there are those mistresses who do realize their precious prize is a cheater, and while they’ll never admit it they definitely keep him on a very short leash. That sounds exhausting.

My favorite stories involve situations where the cheaters stay together, unhappily ever after. They know they’ve fucked up but they also know they’ve got an image to maintain. If they divorce it will only prove they ruined a family or two for nothing more than a few romps in the hay. It’s image management, baby! They will stay together come Hell or high water. Bring on the anti-depressants and the drinking problem! This is love, dammit!

Sometimes the wife (or husband- I’m using wife because it was an OW writing this, not an OM) doesn’t stick around and put up with his shit. Sometimes she kicks his ass to the curb and creates a new life for herself. Prime example? Chump Lady herself.

It took her a couple of attempts, but she finally did it. Now she’s married to a fabulous man, has a successful blog, a published book, another book coming, and a possible movie. The OW? She’s an alcoholic waiting on this guy who has strung her along over 20 years and at least 3 marriages to finally promote her from side piece to wife. Yep, sounds like she’s the winner in that triangle.

Look at my own situation. I forgave him the first time. I didn’t make that mistake again. I hightailed it down to a lawyer’s within two days of finding out he was cheating again.

Harley was riding high for a while. It was like winning the lottery in the beginning. All that money handed to her without hesitation. Her standard of living increasing 100%. Then he lost his job because of the drinking and she was forced to support him. For ten months. Finally he gets another job, and once again it seems like things are going great. He moves the new family into a swanky little subdivision. It was probably the nicest house she had ever lived in. Unfortunately,  he’s making a whole lot less, and the two nitwits made all their financial decisions without a final ruling in the divorce case. Now he has to pay his ex-wife approximately 2/3 of his paycheck and they’re stuck with a very expensive rent payment. It looks like once again Harley is going to have to bear the brunt of the financial struggle.

These two financial wizards blow through money like it grows on trees so I doubt either one has given much thought to the future and what retirement will bring. He’s lost half his pension. When it’s all said and done my guess is he will have given me around 70% or more of his 401k; he had to pay out almost $55,000 in arrears alone and that all comes out of his share.

I have a new life with a fabulous man that treats me wonderfully. We have amazing adventures together and I’m deliriously happy with him. Meanwhile, according to his own testimony Harley has to drive CF around, he’s unable to cope with being out in public or going to crowded places, and his attention isn’t focused on Harley and all her wonderfulness; he’s much too concerned with spying on and harassing me and those who are in contact with me. As my friend K told her ex’s wife one day after repeated trips to court, “I’m sorry things are going so badly at home between you two.” When the new wife indignantly replied that things were just peachy K smiled sweetly and told her, “Really? Because if my husband spent as much time trying to fuck his ex as your husband spends trying to fuck me there would definitely be a problem!”

There you go, Harley! There’s your prize. A raging, lying, cheating sociopath who is descending into madness. He’s so caught up in me and my life I bet he doesn’t even sit around the dinner table day dreaming about what the future holds for the two of you. Is he back to secluding himself in the bedroom, watching TV all of the time? Lucky you! You won!

No, I definitely would not choose to be the other woman. I have a soul. I know right from wrong. Unlike the author of the blog I perused I also realize there is no winning when you are the other woman. You’re either lied to and used as his convenient side piece and your heart is broken, or you end up with a man who lies to and cheats on his wife. No thank you.

More Musings On His Delusional Text

I’m not going to dwell on this too much because it doesn’t deserve anymore of my time. There were a few things I wanted to touch on though, and I know the original post was getting quite long. I thought it would be much easier to break it up into at least two posts.

The mobster was losing his shit when I first told him about this. He was all set to call him and tell him to knock it off. He wanted me to march down to the police department and file a restraining order as well. He even thought about filing one.

I explained that none of that would make a difference. If anything it would either a. inflame the situation even further, or b. just give him a huge amount of kibbles. He’s not central in my life. Why let him think he is?

My brother was a lot more restrained and I think that helped to reign in the mobster. Document, document, document. Oh, he did tell me I need to get my license to carry and buy a gun and start going to the range. That’s on my To Do list for the weekend. It looks like this:

  1. Put my clothes away
  2. Do laundry (yes, those really are two separate things and I can stand to put clothes away before I actually do laundry)
  3. Get my liquor license so I can bartend on weekends
  4. Pick up the house
  5. Write a couple blog posts
  6. Do something with my kids
  7. Get my license to carry
  8. Buy a gun
  9. Respond to blog comments and FB messages

Fun stuff, huh?

Maybe I’m stupid or sticking my head in the sand, but I’m really not that worried. He hasn’t seen his kids in almost 2 years. He supposedly can’t drive once again, according to his court testimony. He can only drive 6 hours for pussy and murder? I doubt it. Pussy? Obviously. Murder? He’s too lazy to make the effort.

My sister-in-law did talk to a retired police officer she knows about the situation and I’ve been told I can file a report for the harassment he’s been doing, and then seek a no contact order through the courts. I was a little surprised because the rant was to his sister, not me. He didn’t seem overly concerned or think that I was in imminent danger.

My brother has said pretty much the same thing. As long as he’s with Harley I should be safe. If Harley dumps him once the money runs out he thinks I might want to keep a closer watch over my shoulder.

I’ve always thought that if he was going to try to kill me (yes, it has crossed my mind- I used to watch a lot of ID TV) that he would either shoot me from a distance, or he would hire someone. I remember him telling me stories of how he had shot people in Iraq from quite some distance, and much like he’s practically a Ranger, he’s also practically a trained sniper. And a hired hit man? Well, it certainly keeps his hands clean. He is the smartest man you’ll ever come across so he undoubtedly would believe that would be a fail proof plan. My brother, however, doesn’t think CF would try to shoot me from some distance away; nor does he think he would hire someone. If it ever comes to that he believes it will be up close and personal. He’ll either shoot me or potentially stab me. Either way it will be face to face. Or so he believes. Which is why I’m supposed to get a gun and carry it with me at all times. And spend plenty of time at the range.

I also contacted my lawyer to let her know what was going on and to get her opinion. I let her know I had proof he was the one who hacked my account. I told her about the email lists I’m pretty sure he’s signing me up for. I told her about the message to his sister and read a few key parts. She asked me if I was afraid for my life and I told her I wasn’t. She said she could send an email to his attorney and tell her I was going to file a police report if he didn’t knock it off, but that I would be tipping my hand. He probably wouldn’t stop; he would just go further underground and not contact anyone he knew I was communicating with. If he really was going to come after me it would be best if he was doing everything in the open, none the wiser, and I could keep an eye on him somewhat, at least through other people.

Having spent a good many years watching Criminal Minds, and reading books about killers, I am also well aware that people can become unhinged after a stressor in their life. With Tammy Faye being sick and almost dying I do sometimes worry that the loss of his mother will send him around the bend. It’s not an overwhelming fear, but the thought is there. I will be vigilant if it happens.

I know he’s concocted this alternate reality where I’m the villain and he’s the victim. I’m a money hungry, parental alienating monster that emotionally abused him, dismissed his mental health issues, treated him like an ATM machine, and never loved him or took care of him. I pretty much drove him into Harley’s arms. And now I’m destroying another woman’s happy home, causing their children endless amounts of pain because I’ve decided to steal their father for my very own.

Most of it I shrug off. I know the truth. I also know that trying to defend myself against his wild, delusional accusations will all be for naught. He is always the victim. He’s done nothing wrong.

I know that his sister did not help me. We had maybe four or five conversations throughout the entire divorce. I clearly remember the first one because it was right after she sent me the message telling me she would always consider me family, and her saying that all he had told her was that I had filed for divorce and he didn’t know why. You can bet your ass I called her up and set the record straight. Oh hell no! He was not going to get to act like the victim.

I remember talking to her at least one other time where she told me he had told her I had thrown all of his things away and I refused to let him take anything from the house.

Aside from that it was a random, “Happy New Year” or “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Mother’s Day” text. Hardly earth shattering and ultimate betrayal type stuff. Certainly not bad enough to be put on a very exclusive enemies list!

She told him from the beginning that he was going to pay a very steep price for leaving me after twenty years of marriage and me being a stay at home mom who had followed him all over the country. I already knew that; it was certainly nothing she clued me in to. I had talked to a lawyer two days after finding out what he was up to. I knew what I was entitled to. He’s the one that didn’t believe her. He’s the one that didn’t do his homework and then lied to his attorney so he wasn’t given the full picture of what he would be paying.

I don’t regret my relationship with the mobster at all. I do regret the fact that I gave Cousinfucker even a tiny little opening to assuage his guilt, if it can even be called that. Sociopaths don’t have guilt.

He can use the fact that two years after he’s caught cheating on me I am finally with someone who treats me the way he should have all those years, and try to twist it as though I’m doing the exact same thing he did. Between him and Batshit Crazy they can convince themselves that I’m a man stealing home wrecker. He can try to sell this idea that I deserved every shitty thing he did to me because I’m a home wrecking whore, not some innocent victim.

It bothers me a little bit. Because I have a conscience! But overall, I’m good. I know the truth. I know that both of us were living separately from our cheating spouses who were living with their affair partners. I know that both of us were already into the divorce process before we met.

Unlike CF and Harley I never posted about me and the mobster on social media. I never talked about our relationship to anyone who knew CF. I was perfectly content for the mobster to be a secret from CF forever. Let him think I was miserable and alone. He found out about it when he hacked my Facebook page. Sadly, short of me refusing to entertain the thought of any contact with another male for the almost 2 1/2 years it took for my divorce to be final, there was nothing I could have done. When we started texting I never planned for it to turn into what it did; I had no intentions of this turning into a relationship. I figured we would text a few times and that would be it. It would be platonic and probably short lived, seeing as how all it was was texting. I suppose that’s what CF thought I deserved- to be alone forever, pining for him and mourning the loss of my old life.

Believe me- I did pine. Never for him because I was done with him after he cheated again. I did mourn the loss of my old life. I mourned what happened to my children. I freaked out over my financial situation, especially considering Mr. Genius didn’t think paying support was a necessity. In the end though I did as Winston Churchill advised: I found myself in Hell and I just kept going. He can’t stand the fact that I didn’t fall apart, that he wasn’t able to destroy me. I think he’s really pissed that I have found someone else and that I’m happy. I think he wanted me to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. Now that he realizes that’s not going to happen he’s enraged. I’m sure the fact that I won’t keep my mouth shut doesn’t help matters either.

Yes, I’ve poked the bear a bit. You know what? I’m going to keep poking when I feel like it. I’m going to keep posting my happy pictures of me and the mobster. CF and Harley got to do it for two years while I was living a nightmare. They were told constantly how happy they looked and how they deserved it. Happiness looks good on you! Love you both! You deserve happiness. Those were all comments I got to see, made to the two people who were engaged and living together, having demolished my life and the lives of my kids. Now it’s my turn. Suck it, buttercup! If you don’t want to see the happy couple then stay off my Facebook page.

I’m also going to text him next Wednesday if I don’t have a check by then. If he gets shitty with me? He’s going to get a text very similar to this:

Your behavior has caused me to repeatedly have to take legal action in order to get you to do the right thing. I would think what with you being a genius and all that you would be able to foresee the consequences of your poor behavior. 

I realize you don’t see it this way but I have been a dream ex-wife. I didn’t publicly out you or toss you out of the house. I don’t harass you. I don’t contact you. I have left you alone to live out your ultimate fantasy- living with your soul mate/cousin who brings you so much happiness, at one point working side by side with your best friend, and residing in Kentucky near your mommy and your sister so you can see them anytime you want. 

You wanted to pay bi-weekly instead of in a monthly lump sum; I agreed even though I didn’t need to. I have never demanded payment on the due date, or even harangued you for payment. And yet you continue to try to play games. You continue to try to mess with me, and by extension, your children. Very well. I can see that I will once again have to be the adult and put an end to this silliness. When your employer contacts you to let you know that you have a garnishment order against you, remember you brought this upon yourself.

That’s really what this all comes down to, doesn’t it? He’s pissed that he has to pay me sufficient support instead of that $1500/month bullshit he wanted.

So why am I not surprised that you support a disgusting whore and aided her in getting the maximum money possible from me.

Why do I not get the full credit for having made sure he paid the maximum money possible? And, not to pick but I do feel the need to make a point of clarification: I did not get the maximum amount possible. We asked for $4000 in spousal support alone; I got $2800. The judge could have imputed his wages at $236,000; he ignored the bonus and stock options and imputed at $170,000.

She never helped me with anything! Certainly not in obtaining “the maximum money possible”! She didn’t act as a character witness for me. She didn’t feed me incriminating information. She didn’t disown him. She simply remained in my life because she loves my kids.

No, he’s just mad because the judge didn’t buy his bullshit. He’s angry because he and Harley might feel the pinch finally, and the party is over. How dare I let him feel the impact of this divorce? How dare anyone hold him accountable for his shitty decisions and poor choices?

You know the really sad part? He did all of this because he deserved to be happy. In the end I’m the happy one. I had accepted that he might get away with financial rape. I had sadly accepted the fact that my lifestyle has taken a huge hit. As the mobster would ask, “Are we going to be happy?” The answer was a resounding, “Yes!” We’re going to live in that cardboard box and we’re going to beg on the streets and go for coffee later and we’re still going to be happy, because we’re together.

Compare that to CF and Harley. Together they bring home over $11,000 plus whatever she gets for child support. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that they have around $12,000/month to call their own. Once he pays me they still have at least $6700 left over (and I’m not counting her child support which she will get for at least another 8 years; I’m also not counting the times he gets paid three times a month). He still bitches and whines. Yes, he has to pay me a very large chunk of his salary. For now.

Why not look at it like this? First of all, he will get a “pay raise” in June and he will have anywhere from $400-$800 more to call his own. Conversely I will have $400-$800 LESS to call my own. In another three years he will be completely finished with child support and will be paying only $2800/month, or $1292.31 every other week. Meanwhile, I’m sure good ol’ Harley will get annual increases in salary. CF will get annual increases in salary, if he doesn’t flat out get another job. Sure, I can get an annual increase as well but seeing as how I make a fifth of what he makes and around a fourth of what she makes, it stands to reason my salary isn’t going to increase as quickly. Regardless, even if everything stayed the same, in a little over three years they would be living on approximately $8400/month while I live on less than $3600/month. Which one of us should be whining about money? I’m pretty sure it should be me but I’m not. He should be doing the happy dance but he’s not.

Second of all, does the genius not realize he can go out and get another job making up to $170,000 and it won’t affect his support at all? He was imputed at that income! If he were willing to move he could easily make anywhere from $1000-$3000 more per month and that would all go in his pocket. Or at least the family coffers.

The fact he made poor financial decisions throughout this entire process is not my problem. I guess he thought he would take it all and I would be left with nothing. Hey, according to him I wasn’t smart enough to figure out where the vast majority of the money was so he should be happy, right?

Joke’s on you, Cousinfucker; I don’t care if you squirreled money away. You’re still a miserable human being who will never be satisfied. You blew up an entire family for your happiness and you’re still unhappy. I’m living a whole different life and living on a whole lot less money but I’m the one who is happy. I’ve got my kids, my family and friends, my mobster, and my freedom. I’m good. No, I’m great. Suck it, you evil bastard.

 

Oh No He Didn’t! Oh, Yes He Did!

Gather round, folks. I’ve got some rather juicy gossip to share. Mr. Bullshit is at it again and in rare form. What else is new, right?

I’m going to start with the biggest news first. I don’t know if I mentioned this before or not but CF had two different 401k plans. My attorney had the larger one frozen when he stopped working and we filed for a show-cause hearing. The smaller one I thought was valued at around $5000 but it turns out it was actually valued at over $10,000. Great news, right?

Wrong. It seems the judge was not clear enough. When he froze the larger 401k the shit eating chimp apparently believed he still had carte blanche to dip into any other marital assets not specifically named. Which he did. He emptied the entire 401k. He had a payout of just over $8000.

The best part? He did this in January, approximately two weeks before our show-cause hearing where his lawyer fell upon her sword for her client who chose not to attend, and pleaded for his support to be modified because her client wasn’t working, had no money and was completely supported by his girlfriend.

I was working two jobs, getting up at 3:20 am, taking care of two kids, working 6 days a week, and running myself ragged while that selfish bastard had eight grand in his fucking bank account. No doubt he had to pay for some lavish vacation or some fun item the whore or her kids wanted.

In other news, as expected he is claiming that I have kept the kids away from him. I have “severely restricted” his access and he has the sadz because of this.

That lying sonofabitch! Why would you even tell a lie that can be so easily disproven? Here’s a follow up question. In order to keep them away from him wouldn’t he have actually have had to try to see them? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Rock Star hangs up on his mother after confronting her dad upon learning of the affair and impending divorce. She’s crying. Neither of them call or text her to check up on her. Six months living in the same house as them and he doesn’t have a conversation with either of them aside from letting his son know we drifted apart after having kids. Not one damn invitation to dinner, lunch, breakfast, a movie, a walk around the block. His daughter confronts him on his whore posting about missing him from her bed and when finally realizing the dumb bitch has done exactly that he doesn’t offer up apologies. Oh hell no! Instead he whines about how he feels like a piece of furniture in our house and no one will talk to him. He starves while we all eat! Asshole walks right by his daughter, out the door and off to work and then off to a brand new life in a brand new state. He drives 12 hours round trip every weekend for six months to go fuck a whore but he can’t be bothered to drive one weekend to see his kids in more than 18 months. They are out of sight, out of mind. He doesn’t call or visit and rarely texts. When he does it’s generally about himself. But by all means let’s blame the deteriorated relationship on me.

Even better was his claim that we separated in part, not due to his affair with his cousin, but because I was mentally abusive, manipulative, and dismissive of his worsening symptoms of PTSD. I don’t even know where to begin with that bullshit.

Yes, I do. Let’s start with the obvious. I am the one that tried for years to get him help. I begged him to see someone and to get medicated for his social anxiety. After a health care provider that we both really liked swore by EMDR therapy I found a therapist who specialized in that. In fact, I’m pretty sure we used the same therapist. If not the exact one then the same practice. He went twice and then quit. I sat in an empty ER room with him for hours while waiting for him to be admitted to a psych ward when he said he was feeling suicidal, a claim he now refutes. I visited every single day during visiting hours. My mother and brother both drove hundreds of miles to come be with him. When he refused to make his follow up appointment with a psychiatrist I was the one who assured him the doctor wouldn’t commit him again. I went with him to the appointment. I’m the one who found another EMDR therapist. He wouldn’t go at first. When he finally decided to get help I was the one who called and made the appointment. Again, I went with him to every appointment. When I was no longer there to accompany him (because the kids and I were out visiting friends and family- a trip I told him I would cancel and had specifically asked the therapist if I should cancel) he canceled the appointments. Eventually he decided to stop counseling altogether saying he preferred to just be medicated. Yep, that’s the cold hearted bitch I am.

And manipulative? Oh my God! I was the one who was manipulated!

“Oh, honey, btw, if you see some wire transfers pay no attention to them. I’ve been giving my mom money for groceries. And that $500 charge was so they could fix their van in order to sell it.”

“I was thinking of getting Mom and Pastor Fake cell phones for her birthday. They’ve got pay as you go phones and I want them to have something nice and dependable.”

“I don’t write a check to Mom because this app on my phone makes it so convenient to just wire the funds to her.” Uh-huh. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I would be able to see who the money was really going to if you wrote out a check.

“Why don’t you add your mom and stepdad onto my phone? I can put up to seven lines on it. I’ve got plenty.”  And then he replies that he gets a discount through work.

“I don’t know why there is a charge at Walmart in Whore Town. I gave my mom my card number so she could buy a tire for her van.”

Hell, we moved 2000 miles across the country, away from our lives, because he manipulated the situation from his first affair. He put those wheels in motion from the moment they began messing around.

Can I remind everyone again about the time he told me he was visiting Blockhead and my mom trailed him to the whore’s house? It was on that trip that he was trying to get me to send him naked pictures. Nice!

Oh, and surprise, surprise! He’s having problems driving once again! Wow! He could drive in the rain, on a train, in a box and with a fox when he was using our home as an extended stay hotel and going to fuck his whore cousin. I still remember texting him around 3, asking him if he was on his way home and he replied that he was going to wait until around 8 pm because he wanted to “challenge” himself.

My mom, of course, thinks he’s laying the groundwork for not being able to show up for court. Fine by me!

This next tidbit is nothing but pure gossip. He is reportedly living with his fiancé, Harley the whore, and her two children.

Two? I thought she had four? Apparently, she has lost two of them. I’m assuming one of them is living with The Saint. Her daughter just graduated so she may be off to college, out on her own, or, like her younger sibling, living with dad.

All I can say is I started off at the beginning of this affair and discard with two children. I still have them both.

Finally, he reportedly needs help with the aforementioned driving, dining out, visiting friends and family, and yard work. Oh, Harley, I guess you won’t need to worry your little whore head about bringing your big strong man a cool drink while he mows the lawn. Looks like you’re going to be the one mowing the yard. Hey, maybe he’ll bring you a Pepsi.

He also claims to be unable to go to entertainment or amusement facilities.

Wow- what a dreamboat! Do you all see what I am missing out on? I’ll be honest. I think probably a good 99% of what he’s claiming is total bullshit but imagine if you will that it’s all true. Harley really hit the jackpot, didn’t she? She got him and I’m stuck with a guy that wants to go kayaking with me, wants to take me to a professional baseball game, to concerts, to the beach, to wineries and to see his home state and visit all his favorite places there.

Oh, I almost forgot. His list of stressors include engaging in an affair, separation/divorce, financial problems, starting a new job, and an engagement.

Is it me or does it seem tacky to be engaged before you’re divorced?

And can I just point out that I was accused of spending every penny he had while we were married. He had nothing to show for all the money he made. Nothing, I say! Yet his bills were paid, his house wasn’t foreclosed on, and his children had everything they needed and most of what they wanted. Now he and the whore bring home $1000 more per month than he was bringing home individually. He’s no longer paying over $1000 in joint marital debt. So how in the hell are they struggling financially? How is that possible when I was the source of everything that was wrong in his life? I’m flummoxed! Hey, at least he’s got that eight grand from the 401k, plus the additional money he withdrew from the larger 401k, right?

Harley, you wanted him. Now you’ve got him- all of him and all of his problems- financial, mental, and physical. Live it up! Tell us again how you’re so happy and you are so blessed. Enjoy those trips and shopping sprees while you can because he’s almost out of funds.

It sure sounds like the bloom is off the rose. Now the question is will they even make it down the rose petal covered aisle? Or will they marry and then divorce? So many pools to start…

When The Mistresses Call the Wives Entitled

February 2015

I was reading a blog the other day. It was taking about other blogs written by mistresses. There were comments about how they all sound alike and they talk of the wives being lazy, spoiled, willing to turn a blind eye for status and security, and acting entitled to their husband’s money. I thought about that and this is what I have to say.

Sweetie, I’m not acting entitled. I AM entitled. I’m his wife. All that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you. Those were the vows we made. He married me 20 years ago in a church, in front of God and our friends and families. I’m not some side piece he screws and keeps hidden. Everyone in his life knows about me. How many know about you? I’m the mother of his children. I was with him in the beginning when he was making almost 7 times less than what he makes now. I’ve been with him through all the moves, through all the anxiety, all the hard times. Your only job was to promise him sex and take care of his libido. You could sit there and listen and stroke his ego because he was your only concern. You didn’t have to concern yourself with raising those pesky children that refused to take care of themselves. No, I was busy doing that. Just like I was busy doing his laundry, cooking his dinner, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, etc. I am the MRS. and you are the MISTAKE.

Affairytale

Oh, how I wish I could take credit for that term. Unfortunately, I stole it from one of Chump Lady’s many commenters. It was what that particular commenter calls her ex-husband’s relationship with his whore.

If the “relationship” between the two cheaters is called affairytale, then what word might describe a marriage between two cheaters?

A farce registered at Macy’s. Fine. That’s more than one word. Yet, that is how Chump Lady describes the marriage between the cheater and the affair partner. How better to tell the world that this wasn’t some tawdry affair than to pledge to love, honor and cherish your affair partner. Sure, you sold that same pack of lies about love and commitment and forsaking all others to your ex but hey, this time you really mean it! This is your soul mate, after all. There will be no pesky problems that permeate real life.  Or as Chump Lady wrote:

I think you’re pretty clear on their motivations- to show the world, with hand-engraved invitations and pastel sugared almonds- that they aren’t fuck ups.  No, their treachery had PURPOSE!  This is what soul mates DO- they marry.  You were just an obstacle to their happiness, and so now they can be together for eternity!

…what does marriage mean to two people who have already shat all over monogamy?  What does commitment mean to people who don’t honor commitments?  What does honor mean to dishonorable people?  It’s a farce registered at Macy’s.

People who cheat have crappy life skills… They tend to be narcissists… Narcissism and crappy life skills are not good qualities in a partner.  Perhaps you suffer from the common chump delusion that with the affair partner they will be different!  Well yeah, their surroundings are different.  Their wedding china is different.  But they are still the same crappy people they were before, only now with more baggage and life complications.  His dick doesn’t have magic transformative properties that turn her into a good woman. [And her pussy doesn’t have magic transformative properties that turn him into a good man.]

If you’re feeling particularly vengeful, the best you can hope for is that they stay stuck with each other for many years to come, as the shiny quickly wears off.  Someone is bound to cheat and check out.  Gaslight.  Blameshift.  Do less and expect the other to pull more weight.  A long, miserable life together trying to prove everyone wrong- hey, it was so worth fucking up everyone else’s life to have this… banal, shitty existence together.

So how do marriages that begin with an affair fare? Not too well, according to everything I can find. Someone once went to the trouble of compiling this list of “statistics”. I put it in quotes because a lot of it was extrapolation.

  1. Depending on the sources only 1-10% of married men leave their spouses and marry their whores.  I think that’s a pretty wide range but I’m also fairly certain I’ve heard anywhere from 2-3% all the way up to 10%.
  2. Over 75% who marry affair partners eventually divorce.  Color me shocked.  What, you mean two cheaters couldn’t make it work?  What is the world coming to these days?
  3. 80% of those who divorce during an affair regret their decision.  Yeah, it must really suck when reality intrudes on fantasy and the cheater discovers exactly who he or she is stuck with now.
  4. To sum up, for every 100 people who have an affair anywhere from 1-10 of them marry their affair partner.  Of those, statistics say that 75% will divorce within 5 years.  (I wonder what the overall statistics are.  Jezebel and Husband #2 lasted 10 years post marriage.)  Ultimately, MAYBE 1-3 out of 100 live “happily ever after”.

Put another way…

*Chances of affair ending in marriage: 10% or 1 in 10.

Chances of affair marriage divorce: 80% (1 in 5 affair marriages will survive).

Chances of “Happily Ever After” marriage to AP: 2% or 1 in 50 (1 in 10 multiplied by 1 in 5 = 1 in 50 or 2/100 (2%)).

Sure, there are cases where two cheaters end up together. Hell, I’ve said many times people do indeed win the lottery; doesn’t mean you should stake your retirement on those odds. I also realize that pretty much everyone who is engaged in an affair believe that they are special. This affair is different; it’s true love. They are soul mates. The sex is phenomenal and the AP understands the poor cheating spouse like no one else ever could. It is fate, destiny. Okay. Sure. You are different. This really is true love. You are soul mates. It’s destiny. Let’s examine some of these examples of fate and destiny, otherwise known as marriages that resulted from an affair…

I again point to Jezebel and Husband #2. She left her first husband, the father of her children, for her pastor. He was her very best friend. The whole problem between her and her first husband was lack of communication. And the fact that their sex life was nonexistent. When she married Husband #2 people told her she had never looked happier.

But alas… reality set in. Life got real. She decided she had daddy issues which set her up to marry Husband #2, who happened to be 20 years older than her. She re-used the exact same script. New affair partner was now her very best friend. She was wild about him. He made her happy. In fact, people told her they had never seen her looking happier. Imagine that!

Husband #2 was convinced she was worth giving up everything for. And give up everything he did. He lost his church. They struggled financially for many years. He had to get a regular job.

Yet, in the midst of it they were madly in love. They were very best friends. Until life got real and he couldn’t keep up with giving her all the attention (and material goods) that she demanded. Until she found someone else. Now Husband #3 is the love of her life as the clock ticks on his shelf life.

On the bright side for any cheaters out there willing to risk it all for someone with poor morals and lousy character… they did manage to remain married for approximately 10 years. They were together for 14 years, although she was cheating by year 13. So if it blows up it doesn’t always blow up immediately…. unlike the next set of star crossed lovers.

Bonnie and Clyde remain one of my favorite “success” stories. He left his long term marriage for a woman who ended up embezzling from her employer to fund their extravagant lifestyle. I’m not sure what part he played in all of that but I do know he joined her in prison after they were busted. Joined her is not exactly correct. He was sent to the men’s prison while she went to the women’s prison and then onto a halfway house where she met her next husband. Their marriage lasted less than five years and they caused a hell of a lot of destruction during that time.

While I don’t know this next person personally I’ve read her story for many years now. She married her best friend, a man she had dated for 10 years. They had two children. She quit her job to be a stay at home mom at his urging. Then when their youngest was 4 he got another woman pregnant. On purpose. He never did marry his affair partner, but he did eventually move in with her and their shared child. Now he’s cheating on the first other woman and she is appalled that he could do such a thing to her. That bitch actually emailed the ex-wife to complain about it! It was understandable when he was cheating with her on his wife, but now that she was the main course she was stunned he was still looking for a side dish. I’m your destiny!

I was once a part of a large group of friends. Eventually one of the men left his wife for one of her good friends. The story was they just fell in love. My friend ended up putting their house on the market and it sold in less than 24 hours. She sold off all her possessions and moved into an apartment. Their life together was obliterated while he sought out happiness with a woman my friend considered to be one of her best friends. But the two cheaters had so much in common. I believe “so much in common” boiled down to they both liked to golf. At one point the two lovebirds wore matching clothes. Awww… isn’t that sweet? It was another marriage that didn’t last. She’s now married to a man she used to know years ago. He’s just the best husband in the world, according to her Facebook page. Again, a huge amount of damage left behind in the wake of their short-lived fateful marriage.

I have a friend whose sister had a many year affair with a married man. They are now married. His kids refuse to have anything to do with her. It’s still a relatively new marriage. I think they’ve been married around 5 years so we’ll see how it pans out in the long run.

There is another website I used to visit frequently, back in my reconciliation days. I think it’s called Healing From An Emotional Affair. The couple dealt with his emotional affair with a co-worker. During the course of the time they’ve had this blog the wife’s brother had an affair, left his wife and married his mistress. His children have very little to do with him and nothing to do with his wife. And this is years later. Their mother recently died from cancer. Their father paid for the funeral and was in attendance. His wife flew on back home. I won’t say it’s not a happy life because he never speaks about it. It’s always tales from his sister or brother-in-law. It is apparent, though, that the man now has to live two separate lives- one with his kids and one with his wife. That sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

Another friend that I work with had a cheating husband as well. We were comparing stories one day. He cheated on her with his best friend’s wife. Long story short- they divorced their spouses and married each other. They even had twins. Then she cheated on him. Hell, maybe she cheated on him before the twins. Doesn’t matter. She cheated. They divorced. She died. That karma sure is a bitch, huh?

I’m also struck by the number of people who write blogs because they’re either in the midst of a divorce, or have recently divorced.  After reading for a while you suddenly discover that they were the other woman. In one case it’s a man who left his wife for his narcissistic affair partner. It didn’t end well. It usually doesn’t. It’s yet another case of people thinking they are getting this wonderful prize, that they deserved it and the spouse was in their way. Take what you want because you deserve it. And then WHAM! It turns out the shiny, sparkling prize was nothing but a sparkly turd. They are SHOCKED! You would think that most people would be able to connect the dots… if you are with a person who thinks it’s perfectly okay to cheat… you are not with a very good person…. that person has crappy character.  If you are willing to cheat then you, too, have crappy character.

Then there was the woman who left her husband for her affair partner. They got married and shortly thereafter, the new husband killed her. Nothing says true love like murder, right? It’s not quite Romeo and Juliet but it’s so close!

There was also the man who divorced his wife for his mistress. Friends and the ex-wife said she was a gold digger. She denied it, of course. Everything was picture perfect for a while. She eventually befriended his kids and gave birth to two more children for him. They lived a lavish lifestyle, filled with parties, cars, vacations, and big houses. Then the real estate bubble burst and he lost all his money. She soon filed for divorce and eventually had him killed. Yes, I did see that one on ID TV; that does not negate the fact that a man left his wife for his mistress and ended up being killed by her.

I’m sure Stacy Peterson thought she was special and unique when she was having an affair with Drew Peterson. He’s now in prison for her murder. Well, I suppose she was unique in that unlike the ex-wives her body has never been found.

Then there are those who remain married but miserable. As has been pointed out before it’s a farce registered at Macy’s. You destroy a family, you toss away kids, you lose the respect of many close to you so it had all damn well better be worth it.

I’ll never forget the story from a commenter on Chump Lady. Her in-laws married after an affair. She said they were both miserable. MIL got pregnant and FIL left his wife and 3 children for the pregnant mistress.  By all outward appearances they have it all and they look like an amazing couple- multiple homes, flashy cars, lots of outward displays to demonstrate their happy life together.  But it is all a sham, according to the daughter-in-law.  Their lifestyle is supported by charity and handouts.  The FIL is depressed over the fact his 3 previous children have nothing to do with him.  His wife is a functioning alcoholic who is on antidepressants and needs sleep aids to sleep.  They have nothing to do with one another but they can say they’ve been married for 34 years and whenever an anniversary comes along they will celebrate the shit out of it to put on a good face to the crowds.  They have to keep this facade up because otherwise their “great love story” isn’t so great.  It’s just another tawdry affair that devastated lives.

I know; I know. There are undoubtably some cheaters out there who are thinking, “Yes, but none of those people are exactly like me. I need statistics on men who are left-handed, make between $80,000 & $110,000, like to restore vintage record players, went to school in the South, and dislike baseball. Furthermore, my affair partner is a vet tech who excels in math and science and who loves chocolate.”

Sorry. I’m not able to be more precise. I’ve given you story after story where things have not worked out well for the cheaters. The Internet is filled with stories of people who thought they had found a sparkling diamond only to find out it was glitter covered turd. You know what divorce lawyers call affair partners who get married? Repeat business.

I’ll admit sometimes it does work out. It’s rare but it happens. Just like I’m sure that sometimes the hooker with the heart of gold really does wind up getting married to the millionaire like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I wouldn’t start working the streets with that in mind but if someone wants to try it, be my guest. Let me know how it works out for you. By all accounts it’s a disaster.

As for the faithful spouse, the one who was betrayed and left behind here is some uplifting information. I hope it makes you smile. I’m not sure where I found it, but it was written by a marriage and sex therapist who sees this kind of thing all the time.

Overwhelmed by a potent mixture of anger, guilt, and wounded narcissism, they’re often kept afloat by the solace and support of caring friends. The faithful spouse is perceived as the more disadvantaged, almost without fail. After all, the other partner is now comfortably ensconced in a new relationship.

As a sex and marital therapist, I’ve seen lots of marriages dissolve in this pattern, and it has changed how I focus my efforts to help both partners. For all the emotional turmoil monogamous spouses endure, I’ve also known them to emerge from this situation in better emotional shape than they’ve ever enjoyed before. Not so for the spouse who “found someone new” before separating from their current partner, all the while lying about it.

While the pain of the monogamous spouse is immediate and apparent, the fallout for the adulterous spouse is usually longer in coming and less predictable–until you understand what’s going on.

Some people become richer, fuller, happier human beings by staying in their marriages; others accomplish this by getting divorced. But I’ve never seen growth occur when someone continues an extramarital affair while ending their marriage.

“I’ve outgrown you”–sugar-coated as “We’ve grown apart”–is often the stated reason for the split. They may look like they’re standing on their own two feet, or even standing up to their spouse, but when there’s an extramarital affair going on, it only seems that way. Such behavior is a charade of independence, integrity and personal growth, not the real thing. The departing spouse isn’t just holding onto a “new” partner while they let go of the other; more often, they’re leaning on the new partner because they can’t or won’t stand up–or hold onto–themselves.

Another Laugh

Okay, this probably isn’t really that funny but I found it humorous.

As I may have written our divorce hearing was scheduled for May 5th. Cousinfucker had until that date to pay me the arrears he owed or he would be fined an additional $10,000.

A few weeks ago we get notice of an expert witness who will testify for him at our divorce trial; therefore, my attorney asked for a continuance so that we could find an expert witness of our own and so that she could discover what all his expert witness would be testifying to.

In the correspondence between the two lawyers, and in the eventual motion that went before the judge, his lawyer tells mine that she doesn’t think her client will object to the continuance so long as we agree not to file another show-cause in the meantime.

Ha! He knows damn well he hasn’t paid a dime in support since May. He got his damn support lowered and still hasn’t paid a dime. He hasn’t paid his arrears and he hasn’t paid his current support obligations either. More than likely he will pay the arrears from June through January, but anything he owes me from February, March, and potentially April will be put on hold. Wonder when, if ever, I will get that?

Nevertheless, it still made me laugh. He knows he’s an ass. He knows I’ve got him by the short hairs and he’s doing his best to stay out of jail.

Um, I don’t care if we have a continuance, just please don’t put me in jail!!!!

My brother kept telling me I should file another show-cause to keep his ass in a sling. But no. As always, I waited and watched to see what would happen. One of these days I’m just going to act without thinking about it. It will probably be a disaster. Keep it up, asshole. I’ve got no sympathy left for you. It might not happen today, or even tomorrow, but I’m confident there is a jail cell with your name on it! You’re running out of chances.

Update: Obviously this was written before I received the check for 8 months worth of back support. Now he only owes me for February through April. Still wondering when, or if, I’ll see any of that, or if he’ll begin paying his court ordered support on a regular basis.

Holy Crap!

Gather round, readers! I’ve got a juicy one for you today.

What to tell first? Should we talk about expert witnesses and whether or not I should retain one?  My attorney has one hell of an expert witness that she would like to retain. He actually costs more than she does, but he’s able to get up on the stand and say that alcoholism and PTSD don’t necessarily prevent a person from working.

That, along with the fact that finally someone is listening when I point out that he didn’t have PTSD for twenty years until he had to pay more support than he wanted to, brightened my spirits somewhat when I discovered that tidbit.

There is also the possibility of a continuance seeing as how Asshat has retained an expert witness, hence why I need to retain one. His attorney will be on maternity leave shortly so if we don’t finalize this sucker in May as planned it will probably not be resolved until August. Hooray! I had to laugh though when his lawyer told mine that she didn’t think CF would object to the continuance as long as we didn’t file another show-cause hearing because of his non-payment. That’s right, folks. I have received $0.00 since our court date back in February.

That’s not nearly juicy enough, is it? Okay, how about if I share with you that somehow CF is getting an order to allow him to withdraw enough to pay his arrears? That’s pretty fucking fantastic, isn’t it? We’ll see how soon he pays it. I don’t believe anything from him. He’ll probably take the amount out and blow it on Spring Break on his “step-children” and his whore. Kudos to my attorney though for making sure it’s written that he’s taking that money from his share and that we won’t be divvying up the money after he’s done paying me.

How about this? When his attorney contacted him to discuss settlement he let her know he had just accepted a job. Wow-za! Was he making the paltry $30,000 he estimated he would make from here on out? Oh no! He accepted a job offer for $100,000. Less than half of what he was making but  definitely better than $30,000. Bonus points (not really): He made sure to text Rock Star to let her know that he got a job and that he was going to pay what he owed. Yeah, not really, Cousinfucker. You’re paying your modified support.

Now that is definitely something. I’m not sure I would classify it as great news because he’s a disordered nitwit and having a court order doesn’t mean shit to him. He might pay. He might not. He might pay on time. He might pay whenever it suits him. On the plus side, though: If he doesn’t pay me a dime until our next court appearance he is going to look very bad. Or at least he should.

No, I think my favorite part of everything I’ve been treated to these past few days is finding out that he has replaced me as his beneficiary on his 401k. He has Harley listed. And not just as Harley Assface-Buttwipe, whoring mistress, but as Harley Cousinfucker’s Last Name, spouse. Can you believe that shit? The man is delusional. You are not married to your cousin, you shit eating chimp! She is not your wife. I am. Unfortunately. I wrote my attorney back and asked her how in the hell he could be listing her as his spouse when he’s still married to me? I’m pretty sure that shit is illegal. All of it- replacing me as beneficiary when we’re still married, and lying about the whore’s relationship to him. And that’s not even touching the fact that if he died tomorrow my kids and I would be left with absolutely nothing while that gold digging whore was awarded everything. At the very least I’d have to fight her through the courts. It’s always fun with Cousinfucker!