More Signs From the Universe That I Conveniently Ignored

May 2015

The whore’s newest picture (picture removed for now). Longer and darker.  Looks like I’ll continue to go short and blonde. I have to say I have been very surprised that my in-laws have not commented on or liked the picture.  Perhaps letting my MIL know she was sending naked pictures to Zack had something to do with that.

In other news it appears she’s now friends with Zack’s niece.  Oh, I just love seeing her gush over the new baby.  So, so glad we’re so entwined.  Even better I love the fact that Zack and I are sending money to pay her rent for 2 months while the whore does nothing.  If you love them so much why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and actually do something, Harley?

I am never going to get away from her, am I?  She’s everywhere.  My MIL thinks she can sympathize with what I’m going through because of what she went through, but the OW in her case didn’t hang around her family.  That’s the huge difference.  I’ve got everyone that we see when we go to Kentucky thinking she’s just the greatest thing ever.  People come into my home and then turn around and compliment that bitch.  And here’s the thing.  If they really think she’s that great and that what she did wasn’t that bad, then how can any of them say they’re rooting for me and Zack?  If she’s that wonderful, if they love her and think she’s fantastic, isn’t that just basically saying, “You know, Sam, we wouldn’t really be all that upset if Zack dumped you for Harley because we just love her so much.  She’s fantastic.  So losing you wouldn’t be a problem because we would gain our beloved Harley.”

Yes, I know I could bury my head in the sand and pretend she doesn’t exist. But you know my policy on that.  Just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.  I mean, if someone let a snake loose in my house even if I couldn’t see it I still wouldn’t feel comfortable until it was caught and removed.  I would never feel comfortable.  I’d always be wondering if I opened a cabinet or stepped down onto the floor if the snake would be there.  That’s just a fact.  I’d be a nervous wreck.  Blocking her on FB is like having an unseen snake roaming my house.  I’d rather know.  I’d rather see what was going on and be prepared.

In my defense, I do not stalk her page often.  I do sometimes wonder if it were someone different, someone everyone on Zack’s side of the family didn’t communicate with, if I wouldn’t stalk her page at all.  I kinda think I wouldn’t. I would have no need to.

The way I see it, Zack and I as a couple are fine.  I don’t think about her much in terms of what she almost did to our marriage.  Yes, I am still haunted a bit by the whole:  I know I don’t want to lose my kids and him telling Jezebel that Harley made him happy.  It bothers me because he does seem so miserable now and didn’t back then. Oh, logically I know it all has to do with the whole fantasy vs. reality thing.  She was new and exciting and promising to fulfill his every need.  It was all fantasy and no reality so she was the perfect woman, doing everything that needed to be done.  I get that.  It still bugs me at times.  Probably because he never sees the need to point that out to his sister when he talks to her and she talks to him and tells him how miserable he is.

And I can sometimes rationalize the FB thing by telling myself it’s no big deal; it doesn’t mean anything.  I’ve got “friends” that I rarely communicate with on FB. I have also been known to accept a friend request from someone I don’t know all that well. So, perhaps that is what has happened here with his niece.  It still bugs me, though.  I’m tired of seeing her wherever I look.  Funny how this becomes my cross to bear when I’m not the one who cheated!

Present Day Sam Says: Oh yeah, I think they were definitely fooling around at this point. He always said he loved my hair when it was longer and darker. I remember this picture of the whore. Someone commented on her weight loss, too. Another sign of an affair. Sign #3? Friending CF’s niece on Facebook. This was Pastor Fake’s granddaughter. Absolutely no reason for Harley to have any contact with her. In fact, she hadn’t up until this point.

I truly believe Harley is one of the most manipulative, fake phony people out there. She and Jezebel will get along wonderfully.

Oh, and this part?  <<<… here’s the thing.  If they really think she’s that great and that what she did wasn’t that bad, then how can any of them say they’re rooting for me and Zack?  If she’s that wonderful, if they love her and think she’s fantastic, isn’t that just basically saying, “You know, Sam, we wouldn’t really be all that upset if Zack dumped you for Harley because we just love her so much.  She’s fantastic.  So losing you wouldn’t be a problem because we would gain our beloved Harley.”>>> That was absolutely dead on accurate.

You cannot continue to interact with the whore and honestly say you are rooting for reconciliation between the married couple. They obviously didn’t think that what she, or he, had done was that bad and they obviously were rooting for the two of them to get together.

A Letter From An OW and Sam’s Reply Back To Her

Yes, this is a Blast From the Past but it’s a fun, snarky one, very similar to something I would write today.

May 2015

I’m finding Elle’s blog amazing and insightful.  It’s strange going back years and seeing all that’s been written.  Plus, I feel a kinship with her because her D-Day is my actual wedding anniversary.  Anyway, I copied a letter that an OW wrote in response to one of her posts.  It was about a letter Elle had written to the OW in her situation but never sent, and in fact, never planned to send. I’m pasting the OW’s letter and my response in bold italics next to it.

A letter from an OW.

You all want to paint the “Other Woman” with a tar brush. It’s all so much misplaced anger. If you want to be angry, look to the man who betrayed you. Ask him what lies and deceit he used to trap some woman into loving him and believing his lies and his bullshit. Chances are he is the one who conned both women. While the women bash it out, he’s probably off prepping his next victim with honeyed words and false promises. Hey dumbass, did you ever think that if you had simply refused to entertain his “lies and bullshit” that you wouldn’t be in this mess? You knew he was married.  Whatever he said, whatever he promised, whatever lies you chose to believe, none of that would have mattered if only you made it a rule to never screw married men. 

For me it doesn’t matter what a married man tells me. It didn’t matter when I was all of 21 and it doesn’t matter now.  I don’t care how unhappy he is.  I don’t care what a bitch his wife is. I don’t care if they rarely or never have sex.  I don’t need to know if she’s frigid, unloving, cold-hearted, considers him only a handyman and a paycheck. I don’t care if she’s psychotic, depressed, angry, hateful, or any other adjective.  I don’t care if she only focuses on the children and neglects him terribly. I don’t care if she’s gained weight or spends all of her time in the gym. I don’t care if she’s let herself go or if she’s so into herself that she doesn’t notice him anymore. The only thing I care about is the fact that HE IS MARRIED! I don’t even care if they supposedly have an “arrangement” or if they’re no longer in love or if their marriage is “dead”.  I don’t care if she’s screwing someone else.  I don’t care if she doesn’t love him or “see” him as he really is. I don’t care if they live like roommates.  I don’t care if he made a mistake all those years ago and never really loved her.  I don’t care if he is only staying for the children.  Again the only thing I care about is the fact that he is married. 

Here’s a little bit of advice that might help you next time:  Instead of justifying why it’s ok to sleep with another woman’s husband, just concentrate on the fact that he’s married.  Repeat this mantra:  You’re married, therefore, I’m not interested.  That way you don’t have to worry about whether or not this man who is cheating on and lying to his wife is lying to you.

And you don’t need to worry about where my anger is directed.  I’m free to be pissed at him for being a cheating liar and I can be pissed at you for being a manipulative whore.  You’re both culpable. Yes, he lied and betrayed me.  You fucked my husband; you’re not innocent.

My affair partner devastated me and robbed me of at least a year of my life.  He didn’t rob you of anything.  You were always aware of the fact that he was married and therefore unavailable. You fucked him anyway, thinking he would leave his wife for you.  Have you thought about how much of his wife’s life he would have robbed her of if he had left?  I had 19 years in with my husband, 18 1/2 of those married; his whore had 3 1/2 months.  If anyone was losing out it would have been me! He used me, although I begged him to tell me the truth time and again. Funny how that works with a cheater.  You really expected him to tell you the truth while he lied to his wife?  Did you honestly think you were special?  More special than the woman he actually took the time and effort to marry? And once again here’s a thought.  The only truth you needed was HE WAS MARRIED!  Then he left me alone to pick through the ruins without a second look back in my direction.  Yes, sweetie, that’s how it often happens in affairs.  The mistresses are fun for a while but when you have to look at them in the harsh daylight most men figure they’re not worth losing their wives over He discarded me like a piece of trash by the wayside.  You are a piece of trash. You’re willing to hurt anyone in order to get what you want, even when you know from the very beginning it’s not yours to begin with.

Him and his wife get to stay in their $200,000 home, with their “nice” kids in a leafy, middle class suburb. Change that to my $365,000 house and my nice kids, no quotes necessary, in an upper middle class neighborhood and you’ve got it just about right. You might also want to add: with her brand new car and her houseful of new furniture and her new $42,000 pool.  And why wouldn’t I get to stay there?  I’m the wife.  I’m entitled to it; you were not.  I’ve been with him since the beginning, when our combined incomes was a fifth of what he alone made last year. He was just slumming it with me for a while. The two of them get to go to PTO picnics and trivia nights together and come home to sleep in their “separate” beds (yeah right). Again, why wouldn’t I get to do that?  I’M THE FUCKING WIFE!  Do you not understand that you were the dirty whore that he had to keep a secret?  He couldn’t very well trot your slutty ass out to a PTA function for his kids, or take you to a company function. Whores are to be hidden and fucked.  Not taken outside and introduced to anyone. You have one function.  That’s to suck dick. They must look like such a great, sweet couple together. His life goes on … business as usual. He doesn’t suffer or hurt in any way because he is a narcissist with no concern for the suffering of any one or anything. Sounds like you’re better off without him then, huh?

The wives don’t suffer because ignorance is bliss. You would rather ignore all the warning signs instead of losing your safe, comfy lifestyle with your contented, chubby children. Listen, dumb ass, not all of us are living in ignorant bliss. Some of us know and we’re living in Hell and trying hard to rebuild. Yes, we’re actually trying to make our marriage work and thrive instead of just handing over our hard earned lives to you, the woman who came along and decided she was entitled to someone else’s husband. You weren’t there in the beginning.  You weren’t there when the money wasn’t plentiful and we were both working.  You weren’t the one moving across the country all the time so he could advance in his career. You didn’t go through one single trial with this man, and yet you act like you’re entitled to him.

And here’s a funny little thing about being married that you probably don’t know since you’re a whore that likes to fuck married men.  We’re not stupid because we trust our husbands.  We’re supposed to trust them.  Some of us suspected.  Some of us confronted.  Some of us truly had no idea. But for the love of God you stupid, ignorant slut, would you stop acting like WE have somehow victimized YOU?  YOU always knew the situation.  YOU always knew he was married and that you were the other woman.  The wife doesn’t have that luxury.  She doesn’t get to vote on whether or not her husband has an affair.

P.S. It takes a really low woman to take a swipe at someone’s kids.  Mine are fabulous, by the way.  And the best part is they don’t have a whore for a mother!

I hope they will both be very happy together and live a long life of bubbly marital bliss.  Me too! They deserve each other. I’m glad all of you get to feel so smug and superior about it. It has nothing to do with feeling smug and superior. But I’d rather feel smug and superior than be a whore.  What it comes down to, you poor pathetic person, is that our husbands made a giant mistake. When they were confronted with that mistake and it was go time in almost all of these situations they chose the wife.  So, yes, when someone crawls into your marriage and tries to destroy it and they are thwarted, there is a sense of satisfaction.  You tried as hard as you could but you just couldn’t seal the deal. Whether any of the wives want their husbands or not, they can bask in the satisfaction of knowing that when push came to shove the husbands didn’t want YOU!  You can now go and crow to all your pals about how awesome it is to be married to your douchey, cheating husbands.  And yet, for some reason you’re angry and upset that my douchey, cheating husband chose me instead of you… Hmmmm, that’s curious.  I wonder what you would think of him if he had left me for you…

That’s what I was thinking…

Yours truly,

The OW (AKA the dumb whore that thought sleeping with a married man was a good idea and that he of course would leave his wife for me because I’m so awesome!)

I know, it’s bitchy, but I had fun.

It got me thinking that I have never really had the urge to contact Harley.  I’ve never felt the urge to even write a letter I knew I wouldn’t send.  I mean, I’ve thought about what would happen if we ever came face to face, because let’s face, since she’s “family” that is a possibility. But I’ve never had a desire to write a letter to her.  I guess because like many have pointed out, what good would it do?  She’s not remorseful.  She doesn’t care.  She doesn’t care about me.  She doesn’t care about my kids.  The only person she cares about is herself. I mean, if Zack is to be believed then she was telling him she could envision a future with him days into their fling, and that’s probably being generous.  You reach out to a cousin on Facebook and a day or two after he’s telling you how fantastic you look you’re telling him you can envision a future with him?  That’s not a person who was swayed by romance, and it’s not a person who just fell deeper and deeper into it. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. She didn’t give a damn that he was married.  Didn’t even give a shit that he had told her he would never leave his kids.  She had a plan to work around that! No, she set her sights on my husband and that was that.

Nothing I say will ever make her feel bad and there is absolutely nothing I can do that will make her hurt as badly as she made me hurt. I could out her to everyone, but again, as many wise people have pointed out, those that love her, like her, are still going to love her and like her.  Not many, if any, will end their friendship because she’s a whore.  Hey, as long as it doesn’t touch them they’re all ok with her fucking other women’s husbands. Sad fact is, folks, just because it’s a friend’s husband or a relative’s husband doesn’t seem to mean much to Miss Whore. Yours could be next!

And in other news, my dear husband is off to Kentucky.  Staying in a hotel about 30 minutes from his whore. I seriously considered hiring a PI to trail him and make sure nothing went on. I’m also thinking about buying a voice activated recorder to put in his car.  I figure I may not be able to get pictures of him screwing the bitch if he is indeed meeting up with her this weekend, but if he is, he most certainly will be calling her and talking to her on his way to work once again.

I’m feeling a huge need to somehow sync his phone with an iPod or something so that I can read his text messages. I know it’s wrong but it’s just bubbling up in me like crazy, especially since he was so opposed to taking Picasso with him. I guess I could blow his mind and tell him that since Rock Star won’t be competing this weekend and she’d like to see her grandparents that we’re just going to head down there after the kids get out of school and see what he says.  If he tried to keep me from going down there then more than likely he’s meeting up with her. Or someone else.

Oh well, I’m off to sell After Prom tickets.  I’m not looking forward to this.

Present Day Sam Says: Here’s a little tip- when you’re at the point in your relationship that you are considering hiring a PI, buying a voice activated recorder and putting it in your spouse’s car, or synching iPods so that you can keep watch on text messages, your relationship is not worth saving. I read once somewhere that if you’re ready to hire a PI you already know the truth; you just want verification. That PI said he had never once been hired to check up on a suspected cheating spouse and found the spouse to be innocent.

 

Ke$ha Said It Best When She Sang, “Blah Blah Blah”

November 2014

My family is coming here for Thanksgiving. We’re going there for Christmas. Zack asked if we could drive to see his mom on our way back. He said we would only stay for a few hours and that he knew I didn’t want to go. I agreed to drive him. Again, I am a fucking saint.

November 2014

My MIL called today. I was in the bathroom when I heard the “Before He Cheats” ring tone. I knew it was someone I knew but couldn’t figure out who at first. Then I remembered. She wants to update me on Zack’s nephew’s condition. I figure she can just tell Zack. Better yet, she can update Harley.

November 2014

Isn’t this adorable? (Picture not shown because I don’t know how to block crap out. It was one of those: Leave a word that describes me and then repost bullshit posts.) Harley is first in line to comment with her insipid “I love you bunches!” Yes, she loves them so much she’s given them how much money over the years? Loves them so much she’s gotten her lazy ass in the car and driven to see them how many times over the last 20 years? Spent how many holidays with them? Done anything other than gushing on Facebook?

I still think my favorite part, though, is when she says, “You know how I’m no good with rules.” Tee hee hee. Yeah, we all know how you’re not good with rules, Harley. That’s why you’re called whore! You may have just as well said, “You of all people should know I’m no good with rules. After all I was screwing around with your son all summer long, betraying my husband and humiliating his wife. But the rules don’t apply to me. I wanted out of this life and when I saw my chance I just went for it. Fuck anybody that might have been hurt. I’m Harley; I take whatever I want and damn the consequences.”

November 2014

Look what I found in my house while going through pictures. It’s lovely when your husband fucks around with his whore of a cousin. She’s everywhere. In old pictures. Mentioned in our wedding book. Oh, don’t worry. I’ve added notes any time her name comes up. What a whore, whore, whore.

Ignoring the Elephant In the Room

September 2014

Wow! This so perfectly sums up my in-laws.

I think a lot of cheaters want to proceed in a way that’s “cordial” because it allows them the delusion that this wasn’t such a big deal. “See? We’re all friends…” rather than acknowledging just how devastating and long-reaching the consequences of betrayal are.

Obviously they’re not the cheaters but it does explain their reluctance to cut off the head of the snake. If they do that then they’re acknowledging what they both did was wrong. Now the fact that one is immediate family and one is not would lead naturally to them not ousting their immediate family. And if they did do anything wrong then that means the cheating partner needs to go. But, if everyone remains cordial, they buy fundraiser items from one another, they compliment each other and tell each other how much they love one another, if they just act like it’s no big deal then they never have to acknowledge that what the two of them did was wrong. They can ignore the fact that a marriage almost ended because of it, that my kids’ lives were almost thrown into turmoil. They can pretend it didn’t hurt me. They don’t have to acknowledge the deceit and humiliation these two put me through. They can ignore the fact he was telling everyone she made him happy and he wanted to marry her. They can ignore the fact they were planning on getting together the weekend of Jezebel’s wedding or that she was planning on getting a permanent fucking tattoo to symbolize their love. They can ignore the many ways she tried to tell me about their affair in the hopes we would divorce and he would be free to be with her. They can ignore her behavior towards her husband when he found out. Ah yes, what a lovely woman she is. I’m not going to do anything about the fact my husband knows I’m in love with you and planning to marry you. I don’t care!

If they can ignore all of that then they don’t have to acknowledge the seriousness of their affair. They don’t have to acknowledge the pain they caused or how fucking wrong it was.

Again, Zack is immediate family. They’ll keep him no matter what. But to keep her around it means they have to pretend nothing wrong happened, or they are all labeled sociopaths.

Present Day Sam Says: And then they do one better and call up the whore and suggest she call Pookie because he’s so sad. They didn’t refuse to cut off contact because “she’s family!” They didn’t cut off contact because they were hedging their bets. Will their marriage survive? If not we don’t want to get on his bad side and have him think we don’t support his relationship with the whore! I think they were all rooting for us to divorce and for the two of them to get together. They sure as shit weren’t supporting us!

Missing the Affair Partner

September 2014

This is what I was going to write about in my last entry before I got off on my tangent. These other blogs. Every now and then you’ll get comments from the cheating spouses and they talk about how much they miss their affair partner. I asked Zack once, around a month after he ended it, if he missed her. He said he did, but it was more that he missed talking about that side of the family. If he were still mooning over her I’d have left. I know by late October he was calling her a midlife crisis and said he should have bought a motorcycle. I have to say the one thing I am definitely proud of was my insistence that I deserved to be happy too; I deserved to be with someone who loved me. If that wasn’t him then he could leave and go be with his whore.

To all of you jackasses out there mooning over your whore go to her (or him). Get the fuck out and go be with your lying, cheating soul mate. Do you really think you’re doing your spouse a favor, wasting their time while you pine for someone else?

One of them was going on and on about his gorgeous 23 year old whore. She was half his age and the best sex he’d ever had. So go to her! Find out what living with her 24/7 is like. See if you think she’s so wonderful when her only job is no longer sucking your dick. See how eager she is to ride your dick all night long when she is expected to clean your house, cook your meals, do your laundry, run errands for you, look after you while you’re sick. How are you going to deal with it when all you want to do is bang your hot little girlfriend but your kids are over and they get sick in the middle of the night? And what happens if the baby whore doesn’t want to take care of you? She’s pretty. Everyone wants her. You may end up doing all those things your wife used to do for you. Sex goddesses don’t clean up after men. They don’t cook or do laundry. And they certainly don’t take a backseat to some other woman’s children. You may have to say goodbye to your children in order to hang on to your baby whore. But, hey, she’s young. She can pop out a few replacement babies for you. In the next few years. Won’t that be fantastic? You’ll be a 50 year father to a newborn. 72 when that kid graduates from college. Your friends are experiencing freedom because their children are teens or older and you need to get back home to your baby whore because you have an infant. Your friends aren’t quite so envious now, are they? You have to say no to weekends away and adult activities, and your sexy gorgeous baby whore is now tired, potentially fat, and focused on her newborn instead of sucking your dick and riding your penis all night long. Meanwhile, your kids that you ditched hate you and have nothing to do with you, and your ex… Well, she’s older, wiser, and now that her kids are older and more independent she and her new husband have plenty of time for weekend getaways, traveling, and couple time. Now that she’s in a relationship where she’s loved and cherished and isn’t constantly being compared to your baby whore she’s happy, healthy, and having lots of sex. She and her husband are the ones that watched or will watch your kids graduate from high school and college. They’re the ones going on vacation with them and sharing their lives with them. They are the ones your kids will turn to when they need help. You’ve lost everything and for what? It won’t be long until you’re looking for your new baby whore.

Present Day Sam Says: I know this is very similar to Just Go. Sorry.

It still amazes me how cheaters expect sympathy because they’re missing the whore. It still amazes me that so many of them think the whore is their soul mate.

No matter how many of them think they know what life will be like with their affair partner 24/7, no matter how many of them say, “It’s more than just sex. We have a connection!”, it’s still a fantasy.

I read on another website that an affair partner usually meets about 10% of the cheating spouse’s needs. 10%! The spouse fills the other 90%. What’s going to happen when the affair partner has to go from meeting 10% to 100% of the cheater’s needs?

I say it’s not real life because it isn’t. Affairs are dirty secrets. They’re hidden. They’re sneaky and furtive. People think they know how life will be because they think they’re working, taking care of kids, and doing the daily grind with the affair partner. Only they’re not. The spouse is generally there picking up all the slack while the two cheaters sneak away- free of all obligations except their yearning loins.

Seriously, cheaters, if you think the whore is your true love I’m begging you- leave your spouse and marry the whore! And then please blog about it. I would love to hear how everything is going one or two or five years down the line.  Please! Go fulfill your dreams!

Suspicion Rears Its Ugly Head

Blast From the Past 52

June 2014

I’m debating making this public. Right now I’m keeping it friends only, and I have no friends on this page so that makes this private. Maybe I’ll decide to make it public one day.

First, there is a part of me that wonders if they are fucking around again. I said in one of my entries that she wasn’t posting profiles of herself anymore. It was either a shot of her from an odd angle or it was a picture of her kids or pets. At the time I wondered if her habit of posting a new profile pic every two weeks or so was her little gift to Zack, a way of constantly being in his face. Look at me! Tell me I’m pretty! Now she is posting pictures of herself again. This last one, which is a picture of only her, was posted only after she restricted me. So, it makes me wonder if she’s fucking around with my husband again or if maybe she has a new victim. Ah, yes, St. Harley, the patron saint of whores. Cheating on her husband once again. Hey, maybe Zack wasn’t her first affair. She fucks around. Her husband, knowing she is his meal ticket, contacts the wife, gets the affair killed. Harley goes back to being a somewhat devoted, or at least appreciative, wife. Then the cycle starts again. It would not surprise me one bit.

Secondly, it always amazes me how utterly clueless everyone in Zack’s family is. Do they not realize she never said a word to them until I found out about the affair and Zack dumped her? Nada. I went back on the computer and looked. The only person she had any contact with during the affair was Jezebel. And I’m convinced the only reason she was in contact with her was because she knew that Jezebel knew, approved, supported, and encouraged it. Jezebel was in her corner, telling Zack that he should do whatever made him happy. At that time he thought Harley made him happy. So she was actively encouraging him to leave me and go be with her.

Pastor Fake, or perhaps it was Tammy Faye using Pastor Fake’s page, would comment on her profile pictures, like her pictures. Harley never replied in kind. Never commented.

I’m not even sure she was friends with Pastor Fake’s sister or niece before. But now she’s buying fundraising items from the niece’s kid and constantly commenting on her pictures. There was nothing before the affair and D – Day.

Folks, she’s playing you. She knows it’s painful for me to watch Zack’s family gush over his whore and so she does it. Maybe she’s so damn manipulative she figured she couldn’t hurt Zack directly so she’d do it indirectly by screwing up family relationships. That would hurt him because it would never be possible for him to be with his full family again. Maybe she even figured on hurting them to get to him. I think that one is more of a stretch. I think she just wanted to hurt me.

There’s a tiny part of me (like really tiny, the size of an atom maybe) that says don’t let her win. Get back in there and show that bitch you can’t be chased off. She can Facebook them all she wants but in the end you’ll be the one around them. You’ll be the one bringing the kids to them. You’ll be the one spending holidays with them. You’ll be the one actually spending time with them and creating memories. You will be the one to have a real life with them while she tries to jab at you from the sidelines of Facebook. You are reality and she is, once again, just fantasy.

I wish I could listen to that little atom but I can’t. Because none of those things matter. I was already the one that was there, bringing the kids to them, spending time with them, writing out checks for them, visiting in the hospital, spending holidays with them, driving great distances to be with them, making memories with them. Harley was already the fantasy. To my knowledge they haven’t seen her in over twenty years. She doesn’t visit. She doesn’t loan (give) them money. She’s not spending holidays with them or making memories. And yet his sister still encouraged my husband to leave me for that whore. His parents know he fucked around with her yet still continue to maintain a relationship with her. I don’t think I can forgive that. I need to distance myself for my own sanity.

He has already cheated on me once. What’s to stop him from doing it again? And then I watch as “my family” turns their backs on me once again and embraces the whore he has brought into their lives.

It’s truly not about revenge. It’s about me protecting myself from people who will never show me any loyalty despite everything I’ve done for them over the last twenty years. I am not a separate entity from Zack. I’m an extension of him and if he says I’m gone then I’m gone.
Added two days later: Her last profile picture, the one with her daughter, she posted on June 8th. So this new profile pic, one of her alone, was obviously posted soon after we bought the house. I’m not liking this. I find it highly suspicious. Way too much of a coincidence for my comfort, even if he is gushing over me.

Present Day Sam Says: Super Spy Sam on the job! I was so busy spackling I tossed aside any hints that all might not be right in my world. I was deaf, dumb, and blind. Because I wanted to be. Because it was convenient. Again, I have no idea if they were already up to their old tricks or not. I don’t care. I just look back on this and think, “Oh, Sam! You should have ran as fast as you could. This was never going to end well for you.”

Everything I knew about her came true. All my predictions… came true. Yep, discarded like yesterday’s trash by everyone once he tossed me aside. I need to go find a brick wall upon which I can bang my head!

Jezebel’s Pity Party For One & When Consequences Bite You In the Ass

Blast From the Past 47

June 2014
I went through Zack’s phone today while he was showering. Not something I do often but I did it today. His sister texted him. Said she didn’t know why he never contacted her and that she hated the feeling she had when she thought about never seeing her niece or nephew again. She can’t even keep up with them on Facebook! Oh the horrors! You know, you could always send your niece a friend request. You could also ask your brother for her phone number and text her. Hell, you could do the same with your nephew. But where’s the fun in that? I guess it’s more satisfying to whine about it. And she said she had heard that we bought a house.
For his part Zack told her he didn’t want to bother her with his problems since she had enough of her own and his were all self created. He told her he didn’t know if it would ever be normal again.
So now I’m wondering: What does that mean? Is he referring to the fact he doesn’t know if I’ll ever be close to his family again? Or, is he referring to us? Because I have to say I think we’re doing pretty damn well. I’ve dealt with his anxiety issues for the last few months but aside from that I think we’re doing great. I have no doubt if he was stupid enough to leave me or if he’d simply listened to his sister and left me he’d be miserable. I’m not sure he’d even be alive today.
But as far as me and his family goes that ship has sailed. His sister sat by the entire time he was carrying on his affair and supported him and the whore. She doesn’t get a do over when it doesn’t play out like she thought it would. She chose to hide behind: He’s my brother and I love him unconditionally. Well, keep on loving him. But don’t expect forgiveness from me. It’s kinda like marriage. You need to love him unconditionally in good times and in bad. Of course, she’s never been one to work through the bad times so there’s that. And she’s still friends with his whore on Facebook. So she’s obviously not THAT sorry.
And his mom and step dad? They may not have known while he was in the middle of it but once they did they didn’t do anything about it. They continue to be friendly towards her. There’s nothing I can do about that. But I don’t have to be a party to it. And if I can’t deal with it then I don’t need to deal with them. That’s the route I’ve chosen.
They may try to pin the blame on me and there’s nothing I can do to change their perception aside from kissing their asses and apologizing. Really? I’m supposed to apologize to them? I’m soooooo sorry I was so unreasonable, actually expecting you to think of me and put me before his whore. I’m soooooooooo sorry I didn’t immediately get behind the idea of you being best buddies with her and squeezing me in where you could, and of course, family/holiday dinners with her ugly ass right there. I’m soooo sorry I acted irrationally when I concluded we didn’t have an actual relationship; that every encounter we had was based upon the fact that I was the one your son had chosen to fuck. I shouldn’t have decided that just because I would be tossed out like yesterday’s trash if he ever decided to downgrade I would distance myself from HIS family. Because clearly you are not MY family. You only care about me because I’m attached to him.
Got a bit distracted with that little rant. Where was I? Yes, I can’t change their perception but I don’t have to fall victim to it either. I am NOT the problem. They have all made very bad choices which have caused me to distance myself. I am not to blame for that. I can’t control them but I can make decisions based on their behavior. I WILL NOT take responsibility for the fact they don’t like the consequences that have bitten them in the ass due to their piss poor choices.

Present Day Sam Says: The one thing I can say for certain is that I have absolutely no guilt about how I handled his relatives. Yes, towards the end I was caving. I figured if I was going to remain married to CF then I would have to get over it. But looking back on it I don’t regret what I did. Sure, it would have been easier on him and on them, but it wouldn’t have been easier on me. Unlike these postings where the guilt can creep up and I ask myself, “If you hadn’t had that other FB page don’t you think you’d still be married?” I never ask myself that question when it comes to refusing to forgive his family for their support of the whore.

When Your Horoscope Tells You To Cheat (Or Stop Cheating)

Blast From the Past 23

March 2014

This is what the whore posted not too long ago:

Aries (March 21-April 19)
The battles you’ve been waging these last ten months have been worthy of you. They’ve tested your mettle and grown your courage. But I suspect that your relationship with these battles is due for a shift. In the future they may not serve you as well as they have up until now. At the very least, you will need to alter your strategy and tactics. It’s also possible that now is the time to leave them behind entirely — to graduate from them and search for a new cause that will activate the next phase of your evolution as an enlightened warrior. What do you think?

She then says: I think it’s time to give them up entirely.

I immediately felt nauseous because I couldn’t help but feel she was talking about her affair with my husband. It leaves me wondering what is still going on. Is she still pining for him? Are they still in contact? Is this all a huge ruse to get me and the kids to our new state where he’ll then leave me for her? Or was she really that stupid that she thought he’d leave, so madly in love (BAER) that it’s still hard to imagine life without him, everything coming together so perfectly that she can’t give up on the fantasy?

I just find it fascinating that the horoscope speaks of her battles these last ten months and it’s been almost ten months exactly since they started up.

Editor’s Note: Well, she finally got him.  I wonder how she likes being his caretaker.  I wonder if his “PTSD” is as charming now as it was when she thought she would swoop in and rescue him.  I wonder if he is still her Prince Charming, her knight in shining armor, now that he’s unemployed and he’s going to be looking to her to help him pay the bills. If she truly does have a savior complex (and my mother doubts this) she is definitely getting her money’s worth. Did all those early battles prepare her for this?

Also, I should have filed this under Signs From the Universe and paid attention just a little more closely.  Who am I kidding?  I should have just kicked his worthless ass out!  She’s pining for him.  He was probably pining for her.  And still I agreed to move.