Let’s Try This Gain a Life Thing Again

My sweet friend J called me Saturday morning, late, wanting to know if I’d like to go to lunch with her. I had just got home around 10:30. Of course because I was hoping for a low key day the truck on Saturday was huge and I ended up staying until almost 10. I picked up carpet shampoo and things for breakfast and dinner. Picasso asked for breakfast burritos so I obliged.

Anyway, despite being tired and planning on taking a nap before I tackled cleaning the house, I said sure. I had to drop Rock Star off at a restaurant to meet a friend to work on a paper (Whew! That was a mouthful!) so we decided to go to lunch at the same place. Afterwards we drove over to where Rock Star works and took a walk. Then we went for ice cream! I was going to treat her since she bought lunch but she wouldn’t hear of it and insisted on paying for mine. Finally, we went to Kohl’s since I had some Kohl’s cash to spend. I got Rock Star a shirt she had liked and a cute little necklace that was on clearance and I got Picasso two t-shirts.  This one is my favorite:

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Sunday my dad and stepmom came up to see the dogs and take us out to lunch. Yes, they really do travel to see my dogs. I’m not sure what will happen when the dogs die off. I’ll probably never see them again. Okay, it’s not that bad. They do drive up for the kids’ events as well. I think they just love driving because they’ll drive two hours, spend an hour and then return. My dad once traveled over 20 hours out my way and spent a single night. Granted he was already on a trip and I was simply a layover, but still. I drive but I stay for a while, too.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m always going to be tired. I even agreed to come in on Wednesday at Target so I’ll be working there six straight days this week. But I need the money so I guess I will try to look at it as, “Thankfully I’m able to make more money this week.”

Tired is my new default mode. I figure if I accept it and stop bitching about it maybe it will seem okay. So even when I’m tired I’ll force myself to go to games, attend conferences, go out with friends, make an attempt at creating a new life for myself. I’m sure Cousinfucker would love to hear that my life is total misery. Some days I say, “Who gives a fuck?” but today, for at least a little bit, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. For today, at least for a little bit, I won’t lay down and die. Today, I won’t let him break me or win. At least for a little bit. I may change my mind tomorrow.

This is the cute little bracelet I bought for myself (thank you Kohl’s credit card) on Saturday. It is a reminder to me to try to brighten my attitude.

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It’s not just cheaters that need to be reminded that their happiness is their own responsibility. I need to remind myself of that as well.

I won’t lie. It’s hard most times. My life has done a complete 180 compared to what it has been. But as I’ve written about before if I drop the rope and accept that the old life is completely gone then maybe I can find some good in this new one. Like, being able to pick up shirts for my kids. It’s not the shopping sprees I was able to go on but it’s something. Or, making breakfast burritos for my kids because that was what one of them had requested. Maybe Saturday morning breakfast will become a thing for us. I can go to work at 4 am, come home, make breakfast and we can spend some time together before Rock Star is off doing something. It’s not what I ever would have asked for but it’s what I have so I may as well try to embrace it. Maybe instead of dreading Christmas once again this year we can come up with some inexpensive traditions to make the holidays merry and bright. Perhaps I’ll become very good at doing things on the cheap and my kids will still have some fantastic memories instead of dwelling on all the things we no longer have.

Here’s to “bee”-ing happy despite everything.

 

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11 thoughts on “Let’s Try This Gain a Life Thing Again

    1. Awww, thank you! I’m an excellent actress. That’s probably what you’re picking up on. 😉 Hey, no point in letting CF win. It’s not like he’ll be all remorseful. He’s an ass. I’ve got to pull myself out of this funk somehow. It’s been 8 months of misery.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Have you ever thought of creating a Patreon page to support your writing here? Your blog is exceptional and the time you invest to share your story in a way that speaks to others is obvious. I switched off Facebook a year ago, dropped my newspaper subscriptions and frankly try to stay away from “fake news” and mindless social media content. I use the newly found time to read great blogs and view Youtube content that I enjoy. For several of them I am a Patreon supporter of to help keep them creating. Anyway – have a great day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have never even heard of a Patreon page. Thank you for the info. How does it work? Would people then have to pay to read my blog or is it more like a donation button where they can give if they choose?

      Thank you for the compliments about my blog. It is slowly coming along. It’s nice to know others read it and like it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So it is a website where patrons – your audience – may make a periodic donation like say $10/month or whatever levels you set or you can do per special event. There are many options. For instance I am a patron of someone buying and refurbishing a sailboat to go to the Bahamas. I want to do that when I retire in a decade. I donate $10/month to access video content that doesn’t make the Youtube channel. That’s just one example. Some patrons support publishing fan fiction in the Walking Dead universe. I’ve supported things like that too. It’s a little like Go Fund Me but not with all the heartbreaking cancer stories. There are serious issues that get patron support but it is more “help me create with your donations, than “pay for my medical bills.”

        Nobody has to give anything and you could keep your blog as is and just allow people who want to support content do so. The Patreon page has many examples. You can be low profile or high profile.

        Like

  2. Exactly! Right on girl. I keep coming up with traditions that the kids and I can look forward to every year. A few years ago, I started taking them to a cheap hotel for Mother’s Day where we can go and swim and watch movies in the room with take out. My kids look forward to that every year.. that’s the stuff they will remember… xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

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