I was very nervous about my alternate Facebook page being brought up at trial. I thought maybe they would try to use that to portray me as a cold hearted bitch who treated him horribly. No! They used it to try to portray me as an extravagant spender. You know, because I used my husband like an ATM machine.
You would have been proud of me. His attorney lobbed the first shot by stating I said myself that I started the page to “stalk Harley.” I looked her right in the eye and said, “To keep an eye on her, yes.” Ha!
Then she proceeds to go down this list of things that I had purchased and shown on the other Facebook page, along with comments like, “I told you I was going to buy myself a ridiculously expensive purse and I did!”, or “I love my Clark’s. They’re expensive but so worth it!” and “I love this shirt! It was more than I would regularly pay and it wasn’t even on sale!”
The best part, which I forgot to bring up? All of this was purchased at a fucking outlet mall! My lawyer on cross examination asked me how much each of the following had cost.
“How much was your ridiculously expensive purse?’
“A hundred dollars.”
“And how much were your Clark shoes?”
“And how much was the expensive shirt that wasn’t on sale?”
“Twenty or thirty dollars.”
Honestly, I was a little surprised she didn’t bring up the Coach coin purse. It retailed for around $90 and I paid about $70 for it, I think. Now that was a ridiculous purchase!
The other best part was that the judge didn’t really seem to give a damn. As he pointed out to CF’s attorney, “Who knows why she wrote on Facebook. For whatever reason it made her feel better after her husband’s affair.”
His attorney also brought up the checks where I had written in the memo line. The first check was the one I received for back support. On it I had written: Thanks, guys! We’re going to Disney!
Honestly, I was really hoping they would see that. Sometimes you don’t see your checks after you write them. So score one for Sam. Glad it stuck in his craw.
The other two checks were the ones that were stopped for non-sufficient funds. Ironically, on both of those I had written “Ha ha ha ha ha,” because those were the checks he had written for $555.55. That was after someone helpful on this very blog had clued me in to what “55555” meant in Internet lingo.
My attorney cross examined me about the checks written for $555.55 so I got the chance to tell the judge what I had learned. I patiently explained that I couldn’t figure out why on earth he would write a check for $555.55. It wasn’t half or a quarter of what he was ordered to pay. I was flummoxed! And then someone told me that on the Internet 55555 meant ha ha ha ha ha. I wrote that on the checks, not to laugh at him or make fun of him, but to let him know I was onto him. I could hear him consulting with his attorney and vehemently denying anything of the sort.
Naturally, his attorney had to ask, “And what about the one where you wrote, ‘Thanks, guys! We’re going to Disney!’?”
Again, I looked her straight in the eye and replied, “I was just being mean.”
How’s that for honesty? You might want to give it a try, Cousinfucker; it feels great!