Some days I feel sorry for Bob. Other days I just want to slap him. He continues to cling to this idea that there is something “deeper” going on with CF. Granted, the last time I spoke with him was back in January but I have heard a lot of, “That’s not the CF I knew,” “I’m worried about him,” and “He is obviously feeling a lot of emotional turmoil.”
No, no he’s not. He’s an asshole. He’s an entitled shithead with narcissistic tendencies who has always put himself first and thought he was so much better than everyone else. He was simply smart enough to realize that those characteristics wouldn’t get him very far so he pretended to be something different. He’s not having a mental breakdown. He isn’t in any emotional distress. He’s playing people. He’s doing what he’s always done and he’s playing the victim.
Even after CF threatened him Bob was still all, “My door is always open if he ever wants to talk.” He also said, “I don’t need an apology. I don’t even need an explanation. If he wants to talk, I’ll listen.” He followed that up with, “The human animal is complicated,” and “Everyone gets a pass if they need it.” Finally, “The ball is in CF’s court.”
The problem is he thinks CF is still that same kid in high school that he used to know. In many ways I’m sure he is. He didn’t become this person overnight. But I think he’s always worn a mask to cover up who he really is. Unfortunately for Bob, that guy he once knew is gone. He’s surrounded by adoring sycophants who tell him only what he wants to hear.
My sweet friend J can be the same way. She’s always thinking the best of everyone. She sincerely believes everyone can change. At one point over the past summer she told me that eventually my kids would forgive him and he would become a part of their lives once again. She thinks he will see the error of his ways and work to improve his relationship with his kids.
I don’t. I think he believes he is always the victim. It is not his fault his relationship with his kids is in the toilet. It’s mine. It’s theirs. It’s never his.
Honestly? I don’t think he even cares he doesn’t have a relationship with them. He’s got two perfectly good kids in his life right now that at least pretend to think he’s wonderful. Why does he need his own two ungrateful snots who keep pointing out his faults and holding his feet to the fire? Besides, the longer he goes without seeing them the more tragic his story is and he can mine it for pity.
I think at some point you just need to cut your losses. It’s hard, I know, to realize and accept that a person cannot change. We always want to believe that with the love of the right person that bad boy/bad girl can change into a wonderful human being that will love you more than anyone ever has. We want to believe that someone is just hurt. They’re scared. They don’t know how to communicate. They have deep issues.
Honey, get in line! We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all dealt with shit. No one gets through this life unscathed.
The reality is some people are just not good or safe people. The only wise thing to do is to cut them out of your life.