The Weirdest Burial Ever

I buried my father today. I already knew it was going to be very bare bones and weird. I’m not sure I expected it to be as weird as it was.

It was graveside only. You would think that would mean graveside services but you would be wrong. We literally all drove to the cemetery where his casket was waiting, stood around for a couple of minutes, and that was it. There was no preacher. There was no service. This was apparently our chance to say our final goodbyes. Which was a little strange considering it was only family and almost everyone at the gravesite had been at the hospital.

My stepmom had texted me to let me know this was not going to be a fancy event. She wore sweatpants, snow boots, and an old work jacket. Now, it is Indiana in the winter so I can understand the snow boots. I wore my cute little boots, too, but I sure as hell wasn’t in sweats.

The older of my two younger brothers spoke up and asked for a moment of silence. We also stayed while they lowered the casket into the grave and secured it in the vault. Then the three of us took a shovel full of dirt and tossed it onto the casket.

As the oldest I went first. I didn’t realize the dirt was going to be so frozen so I ended up taking a clump that was aside from the rest of the mound. I tossed it into the ground. It hit the vault and made a ton of noise. My brothers put their foot on the shovel and managed to get a good shovelful and their dirt landed with much less aplomb. My nephew told me later that I had scared the shit out of him when the dirt hit it. He thought he was pounding to get out for a moment.

My brothers and I went to lunch along with their wives, almost all of our kids (only my daughter was missing) and the boyfriend and husband of the two nieces. My stepmom and aunt both declined to join us.

That was it.

We’re having a Celebration of Life on February 12th. My stepmom is not happy about it. She tried to stop us but the younger of my two brothers just said, “Let me rephrase this. We are doing this. You are free to participate or not.” I don’t think she’s happy about it. For whatever reason she’s afraid people will come and tell stories that paint him in a bad light.

This is really funny because she’s the other woman. She was the final nail in the coffin. I would just think that if you were perfectly comfortable fucking a married man that maybe you wouldn’t concern yourself so much with being proper and dignified. You left that behind a long time ago. Observing proper manners does not reduce the stench of infidelity. It’s ironic that someone like that would be so concerned with others thinking poorly of him or painting him in a bad light. I’m pretty sure they both did that when they fucked over my mom.

Also ironic is the fact that my mom is coming to the Celebration of Life. Huh- my mom may be there and my stepmom probably won’t be.

Just to show you what a classy lady my mother is she asked for my stepmom’s address so that she could send her a condolence card. I will never have that kind of grace.

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