Evil Always Wins, Part 2

I want to thank all of you who have sent me good wishes throughout all of this. I appreciate those who believe that Cousinfucker has horrible things heading his way and that when I get my day in court he’ll have his ass handed to him by a judge. Unfortunately, as the title says, evil always wins and there was no ass handing. Only ass kissing, in my very humble opinion.

We had our court hearing for his failure to pay to spousal and child support. First of all, he didn’t even bother to show up. You would think that would have a very adverse effect on the court proceedings where he was concerned. You would be wrong.

Oh, we went ahead with the hearing. His attorney fell on the sword for him, citing a “miscommunication” over whether or not he needed to be there or if we could reach a settlement. She asked to have the hearing delayed or for him to appear by phone. She didn’t get either of those things but it didn’t matter. Evil still won.

I walked into the courtroom with him owing me over almost $53,000. I walked out with him owing me just under $29,000. Yes, folks, even with the shit eating chimp blowing off court he still got his support modified! All the way back to June. Only the spousal support. He still owes $2000/month for the child support, but my spousal support was slashed by more than 50%. More like 75%.

The judge did make reference to the fact that it probably seemed like he was being rewarded for his bad behavior but that this wouldn’t have any effect on the spousal support in the settlement hearing. Nonetheless, he deducted $3000 a month from his obligation because I was no longer having to pay the mortgage, the loan on the pool, or the credit cards. And he made it effective as of June 1st. Didn’t matter that I paid everything in June except the second half of the mortgage payment. Didn’t matter that I continued to pay one of the credit cards until I ran out of money. He still got his way even though the dumb fuck wasn’t there!

Take heart, cheaters! You can lie, cheat, steal marital funds, quit your job of many years, walk away from tens of thousands in unvested stocks, cash in your remaining stock and spend it on a  whore and her kids, leave the state you drug your family to for your happiness, essentially get fired from your new job, refuse to pay support of any kind, and NOT SHOW UP FOR THE DAMN HEARING and you will be rewarded handsomely.

About the job… I found out last month he was given the option of resigning or being fired due to showing up to work intoxicated. I found out later that not only had he been drinking but that he had already been warned. I found out the day of the hearing that he had been on probation twice for drinking and that this was actually the third time! He apparently had a glass of wine at lunch and then refused a breathalyzer upon returning, at which point he was given the option of resigning. And yet he still got away with everything.

Oh, the judge found him in contempt. I’m not clear as to whether he was in contempt of the settlement order or he was in contempt of court for not appearing. I do remember the judge telling his attorney that this had been an order to appear. So he was fined $10,000. Of course, if he pays his support obligation by our divorce hearing in May then the $10,000 fine will be forgiven. How very nice for him. I just love it when good things happen to horrible people.

Additionally, his lawyer is definitely trying to argue that he lost his job due to PTSD and not drinking, that the drinking was simply because of the PTSD. And, she implored the judge to consider the fact that there were material changes in circumstances, i.e. her client was not working an had no income, and I was working now and making approximately $30,000/year.

Of course, she seems to forget despite my testimony only moments earlier, that the only reason I’m making that amount of money is because I work 50-55 hours a week. It’s because, as I testified, I go into work at 4 am and work until 7 when I come home, take Rock Star to school and then return home to get ready for my second job. And then I work all day from 8:45 or 8:30 until 5:15. I also work 6 days out of seven, although to be fair Saturday is my easy day. I only work from 4 am until 9 or 9:30, or thereabouts.

Strangely, my attorney thought court went really well and sees it as a win. As she pointed out, “You’ll get $28,000 by May.” Well, yes, but I was supposed to get $52,000. And he continues to insist upon splitting the marital debt and paying it out of his 401k. While my attorney is dead set against that she does think I will be assigned 50% of the debt, including the loan for the pool that is in his name alone.

I have a few problems with this, all of them centering around the fact that I’m negotiating with a fucking liar. Let’s say I foolishly agree to pay off the marital debt with the 401k. Don’t worry. I won’t agree to it, although I suppose the judge could order it eventually. But let’s say I do agree. 1. He could easily lie about the amounts he’s paying. He could act as though he had to pay off the full amounts while actually negotiating a lower payoff amount. So, in theory he could say: Sam, we have $100,000 in the 401k. The marital debt is $25,000 so I’ll pay those off and we’ll split the $75,000- $32,500 each. Then he negotiates the marital debt down to $10,000, gives me $32,500 and takes $47,500. Now granted, this doesn’t take into consideration the huge taxes and penalties he would pay but it does give you an idea of what would probably happen. 2. He could just not pay it. Period. And file bankruptcy, leaving me holding the bag. Basically, any situation in which I’m relying upon him to do something he says he will do is fraught with potential pitfalls. Even if I agree to take half of the debt on and end up negotiating a settlement myself with the creditors, he could still refuse to take care of his obligations or file bankruptcy, and once again, I’m dealing with his irresponsibility. I get punished for doing the right thing and he gets rewarded for doing the wrong thing.

My take on this is if I got fucked up the ass as hard as I did at the hearing without him being there I don’t stand a chance in May when he does appear. Hell, maybe he’ll blow that off as well. Won’t matter. The judge who traded in his first wife for a newer model is still going to give him everything he wants while giving me nothing. My attorney did say that in an absolute worst case scenario I would be awarded spousal support for 10 years. Fantastic! How much? $1000? $500? Whatever it is it won’t be enough to allow me to stop working two jobs. I only get child support for another 3 1/2 years. It will already be slashed in a little over a year. Not that he’s paying it anyway. And will my daughter magically take over all financial responsibility for herself the minute she turns 18? I don’t think so.

If he gets his way, and I’m sure he will because the judge apparently sympathizes with cheating men who abandon their children and don’t pay support, then I will pretty much be left with absolutely nothing after twenty years of marriage. My reward for moving across the country countless times, leaving behind one life after another while he pursues his career, and putting all my trust and faith in him is being abandoned in middle age, forced to work 13+ days for the rest of my life while caring for our children with no help from him, and receiving maybe $5000 when it’s all said and done. He’s undoubtedly going to be off the hook for spousal support despite earning six figures the last fifteen years of our marriage. He runs off and gets a new life with his whore and her kids, his “stepchildren” as he calls them. She makes good money so his lifestyle doesn’t go down the toilet. They’re still going out to eat. They’re still going on vacation. Meanwhile, I’ve lost everything and have nothing to replace it with. And yet people still think I’m joking when I say I hope I die at an early age.

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18 thoughts on “Evil Always Wins, Part 2

  1. File Bankruptcy… it’s $1000, at most, and it won’t affect your credit as badly as you think, *especially* since it’s all already behind.

    If I was your real-life friend, I’d tell you, “Don’t.you.dare pay that asswipe’s bills.”

    It’s why lawyers get paid in advance; they advise BK… they just refuse to be included in it.

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    1. I probably will. I’m just not sure how that will affect the final settlement if he can cry that he’s being saddled with all the debt. They are marital debts and not just his, to be fair. But I can’t negotiate with a liar and I’m sure he’ll either file bankruptcy or not pay or some other such nonsense and I’ll be left holding the bag. So, no deal for him.

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      1. Don’t tell him about that AT ALL.

        It’s not part of a deal. It’s for YOU to start off without any debt. Look up what you’re allowed to keep and plan where that potential marital payout of YOURS will go. You’re going to get screwed, being the only one trying to do the right thing… he doesn’t care. The debtors don’t care. Set yourself up and strategically file.

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  2. UNREAL. I am sooo frustrated for you. I am so sorry. Does it surprise me? No. Those narcs know how to somehow win over everyone, even when they don’t even SHOW the hell up. Your story is very much like mine. I walked away thinking that it was a fair trade because I just wanted out and the more I look back at everything and struggle to get by while he goes on fancy vacations with his whore and my kids, buys new cars and houses, I am reminded that I really should have fought for more, including my kids custody (I gave him 50/50 because he wasn’t going to stop taking me to court until he got them 100%). Anyway I will stop complaining, but I get it. You are an amazing mother and human being. I think as hard as things have been, you will be the happy one. It’s clear he is miserable, he wouldn’t be drinking on the job if he wasn’t.

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  3. so is he claiming he can’t work due to PSTD? or is he working?

    do they offer bifurcation in your state? it’s not real popular I think with courts but it is a legitimate legal maneuver

    curious – are the laws where you guys moved to when you thought you were reconciling more on the nofault side or fault side? and what about the laws where you were living before you moved with him?
    I guess what I’m asking is do you think the might have also been motivated by friendlier divorce laws in the new state? http://abcnews.go.com/Business/best-worst-states-divorce/story?id=14934693

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    1. He is claiming he lost his job due to PTSD which contributed to the drinking which is why he really lost his job. He was also making up some cockamamie bullshit story about how he had to be released by the doctors to work and he was just released in November. Wow- right around the time I finally filed for a show-cause hearing. You don’t think that’s a little odd, do you???? So he’s looking for a job but isn’t working yet. I guess working at Target and stocking shelves isn’t good enough for him.

      I couldn’t read the article you linked. I read the first part, I believe but didn’t see the actual list. I don’t think he moved us there though for better laws. That state is actually supposed to be fairly friendly to moms. I think I just got a bad judge. What my lawyer says is he’s very fair- he doesn’t lean too far in either direction supposedly, although I certainly think he leaned towards CF. Both states award alimony. Both states are pretty mother friendly. Honestly, that isn’t even something I worry about seeing as how he took off and moved 6 hours away. I think they both split assets and debts the same way from what I’m hearing from my friends who are going through it in the other state.

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  4. Ugh. This is indeed extremely frustrating. I had this happen when my asshole ex took my kid. I was paying in a week what he paid in a month in child support and he literally made 10 times more than I did. Judges flip flop daily. It makes you want to scream. It seems that they never get what they deserve. It seems that they are always rewarded for their bad behaviours. Look at my ex. Wee Geek is paying off a student loan that his dad took out in his name. He is emotionally wrecked and has zero self esteem. I wonder daily if he will ever be able to pull himself together or get on some track that makes him feel as if he is a worthwhile human being. They never seem to get the end part that their relationship with their children should be above all else. In my case it seemed like the judge would constantly make rulings that forced me to maintain the relationship between Wee Geek and his dad. It never ceased to amaze me that no one seemed to get this but me. My ex gave a whole new meaning to the term scott-free. And my only consolation now is that Wee Geek has no relationship with his father at all. But because ScottFree is such an ass, he doesn’t even miss this relationship. Because he has already put it all on Wee Geek. And this is indeed history repeating itself because this is the same crap that he and his dad went through. Sigh. I totally empathize. I guess just know that in the end, he is the one missing out on his relationship with his children. Whether he cares about that or not is a totally different story.

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    1. I know you’ve been through it and fucked over even harder than me. At least in my case he doesn’t seem to want his kids.

      CF is very similar to ScottFree. I spent 20 years listening to him whine about his father and how he was never there for him. Only, his dad was always there financially for him. CF can’t even say that. I spent 20 years listening to him whine about changing schools every year, too. He never had to change high schools though and yet he thought nothing of forcing his daughter out of her high school midway through.

      I’m driving to New Orleans and getting myself a damn voodoo doll. I’m going to poke the shit out that damn thing!

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    1. It’s not over but the writing on the wall doesn’t seem to be very optimistic. I suppose if he continues to willfully not pay even a dime in support by the time we show up for the divorce hearing maybe the judge will be ready to throw the book at him.

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  5. That totally sucks, Sam. I think it’s probably even harder to deal with because you’re taking care of the children by yourself and exhausted from a demanding work schedule.

    I hope Cousinfucker has a forced reality check at the hearing in May. If not sooner. My prayer will be that in May you get a female judge who went back to school after her cheating husband left, got her degree and is out to right wrongs.

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