I know this is a shitty thing to admit but I’m not crazy about my new house. It’s ok. I don’t hate it. And we paid a shit ton of money for it. But I hate the master bathroom. HATE IT! It has this awful shower/jetted tub combo that looks like something you’d find in a cheap motel. It looks no different than your regular tub/shower combo except it’s got a button on the side that turns the jets on. I don’t recall if there is carpet in there or just cheap linoleum. Either option is disgusting. The double sink is small and is outside the actual bathroom. The area behind the door consists of the tub/shower combo and the toilet. It’s small. Smaller than our current master bath. So there’s no hope of even remodeling it. And there is carpet throughout the entire house with the exception of the kitchen and dining room. I HATE carpet. There is no place to eat in the kitchen. There is a small island that will seat two and that’s it. The appliances are old. And when you get down to it the kitchen is not that big. We’ve been talking about getting a sectional and I don’t see that happening. There are too many things I would rather put downstairs so no sectional down there, and the family room upstairs is too small for one unless you want to chop rooms up. I’m just hoping all of our bedroom furniture fits inside the master bedroom. Overall it’s not a bad house but the problems I have with it are glaring and not easily fixed. I loved the other house we looked at. It was gorgeous and I loved all the decks. But, there was no place to put a pool and Zack didn’t know how we could ever fence it and was worried an underground fence wouldn’t work. Plus, it was listed at $429,000. It’s since been reduced to $399,000. And we found out shortly after buying the house we were due almost another $20,000 that we could have used for a down payment. I’d better have a damn pool next summer. If I gave up my dream house in order to have a pool and I’m stuck with not the dream house and no pool I am going to be pissed.
Present Day Sam Says: Again, if he read this I’m sure it sent him right over the edge! How dare I not be grateful for everything he does?
Honestly, in hindsight I did grow to love the house. I don’t know if any of you have ever had to buy a house in 2 or 3 days before, but that was our situation. Like I wrote previously, I had had my eye on several different homes, most of them selling before I could look at them. There was one left and it looked amazing in the pictures, although I did have a few questions. Seeing it was just a huge disappointment and in many ways it felt like we were starting from scratch. Then we went to see one in town. It wasn’t in the right school district and it was more money than we wanted to pay, but with so few choices we went ahead and looked at it. It was amazing! If it had had the right backyard and was in the school district we wanted that’s the one we would have bought. After a few jam packed days of looking at numerous houses I was spent. And pouting.
But, he never allowed for that. He was the only one entitled to have a bad day or go off the rails.
We (the kids and I) have created a bucket list of things we want to do before we leave. With the Boy leaving in less than two weeks to spend the month of July in Florida, and the Girl leaving 4 days later for camp we need to get all this done! Our first week of summer vacation was spent in Virginia looking for a new house. I created the list on Wednesday, just four days after we got back and said, “Holy crap! That’s a lot of stuff to get through!” So far we’ve been to the new aquarium, the zoo, The Cheesecake Factory, and Lani’s. Today we are off to the reservoir. I’m still hoping to cram in a short trip to the Grand Canyon and Four Corners. It will be a busy summer until it’s not.
I’ll have a nice break from the 6th until the 14th when my niece flies in. The movers will come pack us up the 16th and 17th. I pick up the Girl on the 17th and on the 18th the movers will load the truck and take off while my daughter is spending one last day at her gym. We’ll take off on the 19th more than likely, unless I take a very long nap that afternoon and can drive all night.
I’m not sure when they will deliver our stuff but we’re only there until August 1st and then we’re off to Florida for about a week. From there we’ll head to Indiana for my cousin’s wedding and then my mom, my niece, and my nephew will all follow us back to our new home for a week. On Tuesday the kids will start school.
And that’s how I spent my summer vacation.
Present Day Sam Says: I know. This is disturbing stuff, huh? My wife and kids were doing fun things??? My wife is planning for the future??? She sounds hideous!
I’d like to try to say something about “new” relationships. They say once you’ve dealt with infidelity your old marriage is dead and a new one will form out of the ashes. That was a bit of dramatic license on my part.
You may very well interact differently afterwards, and it’s not always a bad thing. Here’s my take on a few tangents off of this idea.
First, I sometimes think this new relationship can be exhausting. People are not meant to sustain the high of falling in love. I read somewhere your body would actually give out and die if you attempted to keep the excitement levels that high. I’m not advocating going back to our old ways where we barely had a conversation but I often feel as though I’m on high alert all the time. Keep texting, keep flirting, be attentive at all times, don’t let more than two or three days go by without having sex, stay by his side, never do anything apart from him. I swear I start to feel guilty if he’s in the bedroom watching a show I don’t like and I go into the living room to do something I’d rather do. High alert. Exhausting. I felt guilty Wednesday because I didn’t have much of a chance to text him. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off and I just didn’t have time. We’re still showing the house after thinking we no longer had to do so so I was busy putting the house back together.
I do try to do things I know he’ll like. He likes it when I call him my love and tell him I love him truly, madly, deeply. So I try to do that. I text him. I tell him he looks sexy. I do all sorts of things to make him feel loved.
And that brings me to my next thought. Learned helplessness versus independence. I think there’s a fine line between those two things. I’ve spent twenty years trying to show him I can do things on my own and he gets taken in by the damsel in distress routine. I’ve watched people, women, who act helpless and let the men do everything for them. It seems to work for them. The men eat it up and the women seem to do well. They use them up until they get bored and then move onto the next lucky guy. With that said I do realize my husband likes to feel needed so I’ve tried to let him help me. Unfortunately he’s one of those that quickly gets into the woe is me mindset and can’t seem to differentiate between: Oh my goodness, I’m so helpless. I need you to do everything for me because I just can’t figure it out. That means I love you and I need you. As opposed to: I can do this on my own but you definitely make my life easier and I like it when you take care of me. So I try to balance it. I try to step back and let him help me instead of showing him that I can take care of it on my own, that I don’t need him. It seems to be helping.
Present Day Sam Says: God, he was such a whiny, needy bitch ass baby man! He was more demanding than a hormonal female teenager madly in love for the first time!
They are once again really locked down right. Both of them. I don’t think her state is an at fault state so the only thing I can think of is that she doesn’t want to give The Saint any ammo he can use against her with the kids. It’s so nice to know my husband was planning on leaving me for this narcissistic whore. I guess he wasn’t as special as he thought he was. She’ll fuck just about anything.
Added a few days later: It’s difficult to tell since both have their pages locked down but I don’t necessarily think she’s messing around with this guy. Another woman called him baby and his status is widowed. They did joke about that, though… I suppose I should take a drink and just come right out and ask Zack. If he’s hurt I could even think he’d do something like that too bad. You cheated, you revealed the master plan for you two sick fucks, and now, pretty much simultaneously we buy a house in the master location and she looks like she’s getting a divorce. Explain.